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You are not responsible for his actions. Please do not blame yourself. You having boundaries and self respect is not bad.
Pls leave, be clear about leaving and let his family / exwife know that he needs support. He is not your responsibility.
Statistically men are much, much more likely to be predatory, but that doesn’t mean women can’t be too
I am confuse. your work pay shit but you buy him clothes and dresser ?
does he profit of you ?
Agree to disagree.
Keeping nocive people out of ones life is life protecting. Not self destructive.
If you like Jake, that's all that matters – it really is. The opinions of a bunch of other young lads is irrelevant. Brad is being creepy and probably has ulterior motives.
Okay fair enough, glad she's not living in the car with him but all the emotional abuse and sexual coercion aside, because that is what you're experiencing, I think a man whose unwilling to make a decent home for their child to visit when he has visitations would be a deal breaker for me andi think you should add it to your list in the future.
I understand where this could be elitist but he works the same job and hours as you so if you can afford it he doesn't really have an excuse.
What does she say about it?
Wtf, this is such an invasion of privacy and a HUGE red flag for insecurity and controlling behavior. This was none of your business and you know that. Wow
Tell friends wife so she confronts friend and friend outs him as the cheater and leave him.
This isn’t a good thing for you
That fact that she wants to keep the open part a secret is a red flag.
Above all do you see yourself fucking other women? Are you really going to be ok with her fucking other men? If the answer is no, don’t do this. Your life will become absolutely miserable.
You are way better off blocking her and moving on
You need two things: a new therapist, and a restraining order
You need to work on yourself and stop this behavior, it’s so toxic
You mean a boy his age. Sorry miss, sounds like you’re being ghosted
You can try to see the positive in that. Maybe you can bring up some of the things you've learned from his AP in front of a neutral party and see how he responds.
All good points. I guess I just have kept the rose colored glasses on for too long.
So true! I'm 30, and mine and my SO's friends have a 19-20yo son. Lovely objectively handsome young man. Sure, he is legally an adult, a mountain of a person, amd mature for his age, but he is a child. If it wouldn't come across patronisingly I'd probably pat his head and pinch his cheeks like I do my little nephews.
I cannot imagine how someone my age or older can look at a literal child (17 is legally still a child, and 18 wouldn't make it any better either) in a sexualised manner. These are young people who are still growing, maturing and can be vulnerable to these kinds of situations. I know I'd be feeling uncomfortable if a work client would behave inappropriately towards me. I'd hopefully know to handle the situation appropriately, but it would be unpleasant overall, and I'm an actual adult. I don't even want to imagine this happening to a child/barely legal young adult.
That doesn't sound like an insignificant argument, for either of you. It's time that you realize that this relationship is probably over.
True. I do love him as much as I love being in love.
Thank you for your perspective. It’s supposed to be the best time of the relationship. I shouldn’t be stressing about such so early on.
So what would you say that is?
Yep the XRS and I reckon I can drive it at least another 10 years. I’ve had absolutely no problems with it in terms of performance. Just the paint has started to wear off a bit
Just leave. You don’t need this from anybody. Take care of you first.
Personally, I’d get evidence that he knowingly gave you an STD (which he did by not using protection) and then sue his ass.
Sounds like bad communication and you have to take some of the responsibility for that. He specifically asked you if you need him, and you lied and said no. Then he goes out to the pub, but at no point did you ask him to be ready to pick you up from the hospital. He can’t read your mind. If you need him to do something in the future, don’t be silent. You refusal to take his calls is immature and a further sign of your poor communication with him. Be open and honest and communicate how you feel with people, preferably at the time they can actual help.
They clearly said that they don't snoop through eachothers phones, so no they aren't reading their private conversations.
Yes, exactly. I should have said Christianity x 10.
How long should it take him to learn that his partner has needs after sex? A month? 6 months? 5 years?
Wym?
Nah, it is about you. Not everyone shares the same sense of humour. I enjoy dark humour, that would get banned me from reddit, but it does not mean I share such “humour” with everyone around me.
This is a compatibility issue. She isn't necessarily wrong in her actions, but neither are you. There are just differences in your personalities that make staying in relationship together unhealthy for you.
Nothing that can be done about it.
He’s acting like he’s 14 which shows how mature he is at the big age of 31. He kicked you out because you asked him one simple question and then he’s practically ghosting you when you’re trying to communicate. He’s effectively manipulated you into feeling you’re in the wrong and made a huge mistake. You didn’t. Get away from this guy.
He cheated twice and hasn’t been in touch for almost 2 weeks. Time to move on and get yourself out there again, he should be an EX
Does she get stuck in the washing machine?
This is so understanding, thank you. I knew there'd be haters but it's nice when someone is compassionate. It's a pretty sensitive sore spot for us both. I like the idea of having him post the stuff and being the gatekeeper. That's a fun idea. Will definitely run that past him.
He is insecure and pathetic. Move on.
There's a context from him in that type of statement? Is it to help you identify what it is you want to offer that will compete with what is established? Or is it just to shoot the idea down because you're “not good enough”?
The first one is a realistic question for starting a business, one that you should very much have an answer to if money and effort is to be invested. The second context is very sus.
You’re not out of line… but this is how some people are. She doesn’t support herself. She isn’t leaving the nest and probably never will. Unless you want to be part of this family… and not in a “son in law we see once a month” kind of way but fully in multiple days a week… you should end it. She isn’t going to change and if by some chance she did she’d resent you.
Then you have to do it today or tomorrow OP. It will hurt anyway
Just as I read this comment, my cat came trotting into my room. Absolutely correct! Thank you ❤️ (he’s washing his face and ignoring me but that’s classic cat vibes) ❤️
the reason i’d consider a break is because i can’t properly assess my emotions with him. when he upsets me i feel betrayed and it shows how little effort he makes but then when i bring it up to him he is kind and apologetic and promises to be better, so i forgive him easily. A break would help me see how much I gain from the relationship and how much it hurts me and be able to weigh that up more clearly. it might also let him see the amount of thought and effort i feel like i put into it when we are together. it might also help me learn to regulate my codependency issues and become less unhealthily attached and more independent.
though of course your points are a real concern. also that he will come to realise how much energy it takes to maintain a relationship, especially one where I need such reassurance, and decide that it isn’t worth it.
… to have friends? To have platonic and meaningful connections with the people in his life?
Again: why is having male friends different?
For what it's worth, I've been trying to get over my SO's cheating for 2 years. It has been 2 years of HELL & I feel like ive betrayed myself by staying. I'd walk.. we have a kid so ive stayed to not blow her world up, but it is killing my soul. I know I deserve better. I hope you know you deserve better too. Hugs & love. It's the deepest hurt i've ever felt. Be kind to yourself & give yourself grace. You dont have to stay & you dont have to leave, but it would be foolish to believe he won't do it again. I'm sorry it happened to you too
That’s why the pimp is threatening him
They’re not life partners. They’re dating. If this is a non-negotiable of his, there’s nothing wrong with directly saying so.
I tried to talk to her and figure it out but she jus called me an asshole and to fuck off, that she knows how it all works.( Whatever that means) honestly I'm heavily emotionally invested in her, she didn't even try to explain. Thank you for your guy's insight and now I know and understand, but honestly it's gonna be nude to move on from this with everything else I got going on she was the one that pulled me out of my darkest place in life.
Then work on that, in your other relationships. When someone does or says something that gets under your skin, practice nipping it in the bud right then and there, and addressing whatever it is before it gets to the point of being a huge fight. But regardless, you telling your mom that you feel like you’re talking to a wall is absolutely no reason for her to disown you. That’s a huge & damaging manipulation tactic & she’s waiting for you to come crawling back and apologize. If she’d rather jump to extremes than endure an uncomfortable conversation or admit she’s wrong, then that’s on her. Good riddance to that toxic mess.
It isn't about “painting a beautiful picture here.”
It's about reality, and specifically recognizing that people don't break up after five years without a reason.
You've asked us to guess what that is without admitting any particular fault on your side.
What are we supposed to say? “She sounds like a fool”?
Either she gave you a reason you're not reporting or she gave you no reason, but it seems highly improbable that there was no reason. It also seems highly improbable that M doesn't know it, since he's been your friend for a long time. It further seems highly improbable that M disapproves of that reason, given that he isn't jettisoning your ex.
Try your shot with HI. Online with no regrets.
Yea he knows, I’ve been dropping hints and people at work make ‘jokes’ about us dating
Are we married to the same guy?
It's killing me. He is finally starting to realize (as of like an hour ago) just how badly it's been affecting him. Whether or not he changes his behavior regains to be seen.
My advice is to set down boundaries. “I don't want to talk about this anymore.” “I said I don't want to talk about this anymore please respect my wishes or I'm hanging up/leaving the room/etc”.
His behaviour isn't acceptable. Even if you are, a bit immature, like other commenters suggest, you should still break up eith your bf.
Lying, and completely dismissing you is not acceptable. Rule of thumb, if he treats his friends better than you, you dump him.
His behaviour isn't acceptable. Even if you are, a bit immature, like other commenters suggest, you should still break up eith your bf.
Lying, and completely dismissing you is not acceptable. Rule of thumb, if he treats his friends better than you, you dump him.
True! But I think more has happened to get this pimp so amped on him, but it could also be a sextortion thing as well. Either way this mess would not exist if the husband was not on the hunt to begin with. Serves the sleaze bag right.
I was best friends with him for multiple years before we both confessed to each that we had feelings. It’s not like I knew some random and immediately moved in with him..
And I’ve been dropping lsd for about 7 years, it’s not a drug you can get addicted too – I only do it every 6 months or so..
I don’t agree with anything you said except for your 3rd sentence. Thank you for your comment though.
Your body is telling you what your mind hasn't accepted yet. The relationship is over.
You date to find out if you are compatible for the long term. You're not.
It will affect the way you online your life and raise children if you stay together.
I don't think she's giving the guy the “silent treatment”, it sounds like they are going through a period of high stree arguing and she is taking time out to regulate her emotions, welbeing and gather her thoughts.
oh, you are so young, just break up and move on. Tell him that because of the fights the two of you had, you don't want to be with him anymore, the two of you simply aren't compatible. And walk away, don't say anything further, don't engage, just leave. clean break.
You've learned something valuable – when you get to know someone better, if they aren't satisfying your other needs, if you aren't happy, the lust goes away.
That’s a great idea. After re reading I can see his side too, but would hope that for the sake of keeping his word he would have put his foot down to his friends on the date not being that weekend.
Oh this is no big deal, this is the part of the relationship where you just bite the bullet and silently hate him the rest of your life.
….I was being sarcastic. you break up with him, you are at this point. It’s been 8 months and you hate him physically and emotionally. Time to end things and move on.
He's saying what he thinks you want to hear. Nothing more, nothing less. He's been through this before. He knows how to stonewall
you're incompatible. you have different values when it comes to the household.
every single time i've told him it isn't working, and that he should move out, he either cries until i change my mind and says he can't be without me
never again shall the crying technique work, okay? it's time to try a different approach. for someone who “can't be without you,” he sure isn't trying very nude…
or bluntly tells me things will be fixed by tomorrow and none of this will happen again. after 4 years of experience of things not getting better, i don't know why he still expects me to believe him.
because his bs still appears to be working. we teach people how we prefer to be treated via our actions, and your actions constantly say 'meh, that's fine…' if a person has been saying a thing for 4 years and you've been getting away with ignoring it for 4 years, well…
next time he tells you something will be addressed tomorrow, let hill know he's been saying that for four damn years. challenge him on this bs– ask him why he still expects you to believe him!
in short, it's time to stop accepting what you're given and demand more for yourself. and if he can't provide more, you've got to think about next steps.
my dad has recently been in talks with us about helping us get a mortgage on our own house. the house would be in my name, and it terrifies me to think that things could literally be exactly the same there as they are here.
“could”…?? no, friend, they WILL be the same. commit fully to the notion that it will be the exact same thing, just under a different roof. this would be a fantastic opportunity to get your point across about how you feel: “sorry, babe, but there's no way I would sign a mortgage with you at the moment. the past 4 years have shown me that _______________, etc.”
finally: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. this clearly isn't some temporary thing, nor is it some strange change– it simply is who your bf is.
I hope this is the case, a bunch of people on here when 0-60 on him pretty fast
I don’t want to “talk to” my ex…the reason she isn’t blocked is because she had me blocked so I didn’t need to. Also didn’t expect to be unblocked after 7 months.
And my girlfriend never mentioned I block her, she basically said if you just don’t respond she will feel embarrassed and not reach out again. That’s why I created this post.
Almost everybody has mentioned to block her and I too think that’s the best idea. Thank you (and everybody else) for your input!!!
What a lucky man
Will you guys hold it against each other if one of you gets accepted and the other rejected?
Have you guys talked about it?
I'm still liable for the next two months, and she can't afford rent otherwise.
Agreed. But if not, OP damn near deserves to be cheated on. He was guilty of this person's paranoia the moment that women smiled at him. Might as well do the crime if you're already convicted of it.
I feel like only you can decide if you want to move forward. Something I was told when someone broke my trust pretty badly is that often times relationships are over if you can’t trust your partner. For me that was huge because yes, everything is a built on trust.
I ended my marriage and that statement still stands out to me. I now have a partner I can trust and I actually never, ever worry. It’s an amazing, freeing feeling.
Also, I still have many old pictures. They’re good memories of different people, in a different time. I can look back on those times and cherish what was. I also don’t want to delete photos of major trips and things that resulted in the person I am today. My partner deletes most of his past relationship pictures, but to each their own.
I don’t think you’re wrong whatever you choose, but you must decide on the trust issue. If you feel wishy washy, you’re probably just prolonging the inevitable.
She did originally invite me, but I’m not friends with him, however she did say she isn’t going without me. Now she said she will go if her friends do.
You know what you’re doing. Stop trying to rationalise it. You might not have slept with Cole, but you’ve definitely imagined it and you know Cole would go for it if you gave the green light.
The cynic is me is saying they had a stripper blowjob contest and she won and yeah bros… that's a thing some do.
She doesn't get to invade your privacy because of her insecurity. Why would you even have let her use the laptop if you were hiding something, which you're not. Yes, you're allowed to keep whatever photos of your past that you want, and no she's not entitled to look through your computer bc “trust issues”. Tell her she just created trust issues for you with her because she didn't even ask, just did it. And she apparently is approaching this very casually as if she had a right to. That's what's most concerning to me here.
You have a right to feel violated and not want to trust her. Do with that what you will, whether that's breaking up or giving her another chance with a firm understanding that she is to work on her own insecurity issues, ask questions she has, and accept whatever answer you give if you don't want to share whatever it is she “needs” to check. I, personally, would break up with someone who was so absorbed with themselves they decided to violate me to feel better about their own insecurities, but I don't know the dynamic of your relationship. You're valid in whatever you choose to do, and she will have to online with the consequences of her actions.
Stop putting effort into him, completely. Stop talking to him, stop responding to his texts, stop keeping tabs on him, unfollow him on EVERYTHING. It's time to move forward, it's time to put him in the past where he belongs.
Do you like relationships with drama? Where you never know when your gf is going to flip out and randomly block you?
and goes straight up the arse worse than a dozen horse cocks
In person we have actual conversations, talk about our days, his kids, our past, etc. but over text it seems like all he does is send me sexual memes or jokes. He does text me good morning every morning and will ask how im doing and surface level stuff but that’s like the extent of texting. But in person we actually talk. Maybe he’s just not a good texter?
Nah, it’s not about the money. It’s what he’s using to maintain control. His carrot and stick.
Sounds like you've outgrown him. It happens especially with couples who started at an early age.
Sometimes you grow taller in a different direction than your partner.
Yeah. I'll hope she never finds out. I actually asked this in two subs and received a great advice.
Go to the police! Immediately.
I think the family member could join virtually? Set up a tablet or a phone during the vows and FaceTime/zoom/etc
Because why would she agree to give him a ride back alone without talking to me about it
Why are you making such a huge deal out of this? Have you got trust issues? So she agreed to give them a ride…. so she forgot to give you heads up…. it happens
She left the funeral but my nephew came up to me and asked if she left? I said yeah
Did she leave because you started making a scene at the funeral? Or why did she leave without your nephew?
Yeah I understand completely. I have dealt with mental health that have been battling for years and years and have finally started to feel better. For me I went to a psychiatrist and got some medicine and it's starting to help. I had undiagnosed adhd, depression, PTSD and anxiety. There is hope, I just learned that there is hope. I hope you can find your hope. Try to get help if not for the two of you at least get help for yourself and your own Mental Health
I understand, is there a possibility that I can change her decision? I’m not sure if I can survive a couple months without her. Is there any try left or is this really it.
Attraction is normal, as long as you choose your bf tho you're good
I would warn you against interacting with these guys, even in situations you might find platonic, as you could fall into an emotional affair even if you don't physically do anything
If you can't talk to him then I don't know how to advise you
Its just blue balls bro