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It's really not about whether he loves you. He is getting a steady dose of dopamine from a video game that is specifically designed to give him a steady dose of dopamine.
He is depressed about being unemployed, and any time he thinks about doing something about it, he gets overwhelmed and his brain starts looking for that dopamine source again. He is right that his adhd is at play here, but he hasn't accepted that its reached the point of addiction and it is keeping him from seeing what he is doing to you and to his marriage.
I don't know whether he loves you. But nothing about this says that he doesn't. He needs medical intervention, counselling, whatever he can get. The guy you married is still there, he's just trapped.
Good luck.
Damn, I'm a little bit sad for you that for some reason you felt it was okay to settle for her:( I think it's clear you guys do not belong together, and it's not because your dick isn't big enough. She lacks empathy and care for you, something that should come naturally to anyone. You deserve to have a partner that doesn't intentionally make your insecurities worse.
I am a girl and I have really small boobs, it's always been an insecurity of mine but they're my boobs and they're the only boobs I've got, and they're good boobs nonetheless so I've made peace with their size. I assume this is how you felt about your dick before your GF. If my BF had told me at any point that he would change the size of my boobs if he could, I'd vomit on the spot (metaphorically but also I'm an anxious puker so who knows…) Why stay with someone who sees no problem with putting you down in this way?
He is the one that doesn’t sound ready. His anger and manipulative behaviour are pretty concerning and if I were him I would want to get that in check.
While your insecurities are a big challenge, at least you acknowledge them and are working on them. Once you have explained this it is his job to decide if he wants to work with you to improve, which isn’t done by being angry and just silencing you so you bottle it up. Where is the love and compassion? Now, I also think it would be fair for him to step away from the relationship while you are dealing with the insecurities… but that’s not what he is doing, he is making it more difficult for you to work through things.
Let me guess, all these fights you have are him having angry out bursts?
Your
If other peoples advice doesn’t help just start saying your exs trained you good too. Fire head? Wasn’t always like that. Good cook? Ex was a REALLY good teacher.
Don’t waste your time on a guy like that, he’s a walking red flag.
Your anecdotal evidence means more than ours? Y’all are just as prejudiced as straight people and pretend not to be ? Shoo
You don’t deserve her. Hope the ignoring turns into breaking up with you.
You need to work on yourself and grow.
Lol I wonder why your sister who is only one year younger doesn't hear that sentiment. It is not even comparable to your situation. I don't really think and age gap is a big deal when you are an older fully developed adult like 30 and 35 or even 45 and 60. It is only weird if someone who is way more developed purposely aims and takes advantage of underdeveloped adults because they are easy targets and naive.
Speaking from experience, I do not think you will ever be able to move past what he said even if you wanted to. Personally, I don’t think you should. As the original commenter said, believe people when they tell you who they are and what they think. However, I also think that you will hear those words in your head every time you look at him or every time you try to be intimate with him in the future. What he said cuts to the core of what a good relationship needs to have a solid foundation. He just took a jackhammer to that foundation. It hurts and it’s embarrassing to have to admit what feels like having chosen a spouse poorly, but it’s a lot less painful than the abuse he seems intent on visiting you. 8 months is still within the honeymoon phase for most couples and he couldn’t even pretend to be kind and caring for that long? RUN GIRL. You deserve happiness and respect. It may be worth talking to his children’s mother about any behavior he exhibited with her in the past that might concern you. Plan your exit quietly and safely and don’t be afraid to use your support system. Good luck.
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Not saying it cant work. But also not saying its the best idea.
Political parties are just stand ins for worldview. If you have two different worldviews than you may run into issues over things from time to time.
Like, do you have a career or take care of yhe kids? (Just one example)
This relationship would be over so fast for me. Just… so fast.
I think i threw up a little in my mouth.
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The low standard section.
tell her “proof or take it to the courts and prove it there. until such a time as you provide proof a child even exists that could remotely actually be his, do not contact again.”
create a throw away gmail account. provide that account to the ex GF. inform her that she will be blocked on ALL other forms of communication. once proof is provided (if it is) then arrange to meet IN PUBLIC to get a DNA sample of the child's to compare to your SO.
proof likely won't be sent, but at least there is an avenue in the event she isn't lying about the child.
likely she is, because why didn't she go after support?
I was a little too quick to post what was going on in my life, I should've added all the details yes
That’s the thing. The amount of times I have actually addressed this issue and fought with him. I feel so bad right now.
I hate to be going through this. ?
Her reaction would make me uncomfortable to ever be affectionate again. I get why you would dip out of the relationship.
Nah he needs to sleep on the couch, sleep deprivation is extremely harmful, specially if you're pregnant. It doesn't matter if he does it on purpose or not, he needs to let you sleep so the best option is to sleep separately
Exactly!!
So you want a mediocre sex life for years? This during your best time to ensure it’s not a problem?
Your insecurities won’t go anywhere because you haven’t resolved that issue. Forget that you don’t get past feeling made worthless.
You’re so welcome! I wish you and your friend the best. You’re a good egg for looking out for her ❤️
As I’ve said, I accept that the situation is my fault. But to say I don’t give a fuck about my sister is completely over the line, false and way out of bounds. Assuming that I’m trying to punish her in some way, or somehow orchestrated this whole thing to have this result is baffling.
I do. We talk about it a lot. She wants the right treatment but she also makes a lot of comments about how she needs to be the one to change, no one is going to ultimately change her but herself
Do you know where he works at? Just call them. You can also text him that to “scare” him into a response for some closure. “Hey im going to call you job to see if youre ok because this is concerning me”
How about you grow up and stop throwing a tantrum over this
If you don’t want to eat food you don’t like then don’t if you don’t want to watch a movie genre you don’t enjoy then don’t it’s really that simple
I had forgiven her
No you didn’t.
So models are prostitutes?
I would just stop dwelling on it, if you want to get over it. Yeah, it's easier said than done. But if you want to stay with her and keep dating her, then you have to push it down (the comparison, the jealousy, etc).
I mean, I've had moments when I realized how much my partner has done for his ex in the past and how it was so dramatic to the point, I thought that he could never reach that extent to love me…but I always push down that jealousy and comparison. They're thieves of joy, imo. I have a good partner who is loyal, and good to me and we've been happily married, so what that he never does dramatic action for me. We've had accumulation of great things together, he's been very good to me and we love each other.
And also, don't bring up things like that if you can, in the future. If I were asked to be honest 100% about it, my wildest sex …was with my ex. The same ex whom I dumped (he cheated on me and stole from me) and disliked wholeheartedly now. My partner compared to my ex was not adventurous, but y'know what, I'm 10000% satisfied with our sex life, every single time, multiple orgasms. If I have to choose, heck 100% my partner is my best sex partner although yeah, I have to admit I've had wild/crazy/adventurous sex with my ex.
Why can’t you walk and care for the dog? If you are feeling low going for a walk with the dog is a great mood booster. If the dog will pee outside and barks to come back in then it is house trained. If you don’t let it out it will piss in the house. Same as you if you weren’t allowed to use the loo, eventually you’d piss on the floor.
If you can’t be bothered to walk the dog or clean up after the rabbit you should rehome both and explain to your child why you are incapable of being a responsible adult. Better to give them the heads up now rather than they discover it by the time they are a teenager.
Ugh. Get rid of him. I hat a headache.
Why exactly does she want to keep it?
If you don't want to have a kid right now (and I doubt you are in a financial position to have one), you should tell her that even if it is your kid, you are not ready to have one and are not planning to help take care of a baby because you have other things to focus on. She can take you to court for child support if it happens to be yours, but you are also not planning to make a lot of money at 20 years old. She might get 200 to 400 dollars, unfortunately for her.
The reason why I think you should be harsh, even if you plan to help and be there if it turns out to be your son, is because she might have some deluded idea that now she gets to play happy family and run away from her problems. It might kick her into gear to think about whether she actually can take care of a baby or if she prefers an abortion.
And like others said, you can do a blood test, it costs between 800 to 1000 dollars. But honestly, I wouldn't do it until she is over 5 months. She needs to make if she is going to have the baby and if you come out as the father, it will give her false hopes.
Thanks. This is great advice.
Why exactly does she want to keep it?
If you don't want to have a kid right now (and I doubt you are in a financial position to have one), you should tell her that even if it is your kid, you are not ready to have one and are not planning to help take care of a baby because you have other things to focus on. She can take you to court for child support if it happens to be yours, but you are also not planning to make a lot of money at 20 years old. She might get 200 to 400 dollars, unfortunately for her.
The reason why I think you should be harsh, even if you plan to help and be there if it turns out to be your son, is because she might have some deluded idea that now she gets to play happy family and run away from her problems. It might kick her into gear to think about whether she actually can take care of a baby or if she prefers an abortion.
And like others said, you can do a blood test, it costs between 800 to 1000 dollars. But honestly, I wouldn't do it until she is over 5 months. She needs to think if she is going to have the baby and if you come out as the father, it will give her false hopes.
This isn’t just sexual assault, it’s violent sexual assault.
I completely disagree with your warped perspective, but you’re still deep in the toxic relationship & won’t see clearly until you get help.
But putting that aside – you love him? You want the best for him? That’s not with you. In this relationship he ends up in jail on more than one occasion. If you want to insist this is true love then do what’s best for him & put an end to this cycle now.
How much do you want this to work? Who's idea was it to be poly, yours or his? It seems like the reality of your relationship is finally settling in. I can't speak for everyone, but I've seen plenty of poly relationships that started out fine until one or more realized its not exactly what they wanted but was afraid to admit it.
Well all you can really do is apologize and reassure him that moving forward this is something you wont do. Also, you may have to start reevaluating your friendship with this woman. After all, if she knows your boudaries and is constantly pushing them, that says a lot about her character.
Things to think about.
Indiana
I'd be happy to tell me best friends that I WILL turn on y'all if you guys cheat. Fuck that shit lol. Fortunately my friends are all on the same page.
You all came out of this better than when you started. Now she can find friends that aren't garbage.
Perhaps you could start off vague with something like “hey I just want you to know that I will always love you no matter whatever happened in our lives before we met each other. I am committed to this relationship and want us to be as honest as possible with each other”.
Then maybe give her space in the moment to respond.
Do you really want to be attached to this person? This is the attitude and it's only a couple of months in. This woman will be his advocate for everything concerning your relationship and potential child.
Have a good think.
You are despicable. Cheating destroys peoples lives. It doesn’t just hurt their feelings. And most men lie about what is wrong or going on anyway so you don’t even have honesty to work from.
People that are cheated on don’t recover well sometimes they never love again and they’re usually the innocent on the sideline. Were you are part of the perpetrators so stop dating a married man women have committed suicide it destroys children’s lives, and families lives you were doing nothing for your romantic life either because pushed that man would probably stay with his wife and dump you in a heartbeat .
Even if you were lucky enough to get the booby prize, you’ve gotten a cheater so he will cheat again. There’s so many avenues now on the Internet, he doesn’t even have to actually do very much and you can have the attention of tons of women that would do anything for him. You’re despicable in your behavior have no respect for you whatsoever.
I had a friend in this situation, whose wife was still really close to her ex like this. She ended up divorcing my friend & marrying her ex.
The sort of familiarity & closeness that you are describing is inappropriate if you are supposed to be with someone else
Just tell them straight up “Im going to cheat on her, are you sure about this?” if they want it still after that then they made their choice. ??♀️
Just tell them straight up “Im going to cheat on her, are you sure about this?” if they want it still after that then they made their choice. ??♀️
You sound like you have an axe to grind. Im not a blade sharping stone. You can be as aggressive as you wish. I find it funny. Glad you don't loathe her. There are better uses for emotional energy. You seem to have alot of it though. Everyone has issues. Thank you for not airing hers to strangers. Im very proud of her because i know quite a few women who become step mums while knowing they never wanted kids. They hate their lives now and struggle alot. i am glad she didn't stay to resent a choice. I hope she enjoys her life. What am I projecting?
Two years ago you were a 23M. Now you e transitioned and lost a year in age? If you’re going to make up stories be consistent at least. SMH
Yes it is
I wouldn’t want to go if I were him, either. There really aren’t any exceptions to the uniform rule? What if he needs to go to a formal event? Are there exceptions across county lines?
My thoughts exactly!
So weird, why is he so fixated on his parents when his marriage just got ruined?
I mean further down in the comments he is all like “how my parents will find out my wife cheated”, dude she cheated on you, not your parents. If you need financial support from them, or you will be moving back home right after the confrontation with your wife, than sure, tell them first.
But in any other case, shouldn't this be a conversation between you and your wife without your parents? Or maybe this played a fair part in why she cheated?
She wants to know how to make it work with the man thats abusive because they are incredibly good together..
You have too many loose ends to tie up before you go. Plus the wedding.
They way he’s responding shows there’s nothing innocent on his end. Having friends is fine. But your response should have been no he can’t text girls behind his wife’s back because it looks like he is trying to initiate an affair. He should still be able to communicate to his wife about his friends when they’re normal friendships. Cheating is a deal breaker in this marriage. He doesn’t want to talk because he can’t think of a lie to tell you what he’s really up to and he surely can admit to it either.
He could carve some time out from his 10 hour video game marathons…
Why are you still married to her?