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You just made it worse.
take this man back. you have a child, and you have a man who not only loves you, but is putting in the work to deserve a place in your life and in your home. don’t throw that away. relationships take work, but you already have all you need to make it work, you’ve just got to keep at it to be the best versions of yourselves. you’re luckier than most.
So he might be using drugs and abusing his kids, but that's fine on her book because she doesn't want to get the courts involved?
And you think that getting in the middle of that is a good idea?
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I’ve never been more proud of a downvote then this. ? thank you Reddit ?
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What on earth??? Your man sounds like an asshole.
So then why even bother posting here?
Right I’m just confused not even mad but would like to understand wtf is going on lol
Break up. Gather your things when he isn't there. He sounds unhinged.
Join a women's volley ball league and start changing in the “teams locker room”… then watch her jump through hoops trying to explain why “tHIs is DIffEreNt, iT'S noT tHe saME thINg”.
There is a separate women’s locker room. Most places don’t have 3. She’s a creep
Sounds like ego stroke for him. The fact that he didn't shut it down immediately speaks volumes.
He didn't say they have money issues. OP clarified they just need to find new housing, not that they're homeless.
You need to talk about it with her or you are going to blow up your relationship if you haven't already
More info needed…. It could be he looked at a girl walking down the street or he impregnated your best friend. The information is needed to give actual advice here
What are you doubting and why?
Context is important.
I agree with all of this except, the problem at the party might not have happened If bf had agreed to confront roommates about the issues in their home.
Uhmmm… if she's lied to not get in trouble before, she probably lied again. Trust your gut.
See, this is what I feel like the plain and simple answer is, if you can look in with a non-involved perspective.
I think it is really just the time and love I have and have put into the person. It is difficult to accept the reality. But it is also easy to be fully convinced you're the victim, when it is mutual, or you are just having really different perspectives on the situation.
The ultimate crusher for me, though, is that I try to vocalize and acknowledge these problems and my needs and they're ignored. That just seems absolutely wrong for any partner to treat their lover. In other words, ignoring them when they acknowledge needs they have that are not be being satisfied.
I mean, if you're looking for casual that's even more reason to stay away. A full adult, y'know 25+, is going to be able to compartmentalise and manage emotions related to sex much more effectively and appropriately than a 21yo. I think it would be morally worse for you to use her for sex with that age gap than it would be if you were considering a serious monogamous relationship.
Yes ??? you’re the first person to understand this
And what was your plan if she didn’t change her mind?
If you paid for the trip exclusively take someone else. If she paid for her portion keep quiet, treat it like a weeklong one night stand and break up.
She cheated, lied, and showed no remorse. She’ll do it again.
I would text him hell no and then block him.
It sounds like you’re being too nice, to be honest. He needs to know to take this seriously. I made the mistake of being nice about everything and not really truly putting my foot down and eventually I just had enough and divorced him. If I could do one thing differently, I would have been more adamant from the beginning about sharing the burdens of life. That’s what marriage and partnership is for – not so one person can shoulder most of the burden so the other person can sit and play video games.
Yikes. That’s a very slippery slope. Are you implying every drunk person who’s had sex has been assaulted?
Drunk girls can’t cheat?
ED aside, if my wife I weren't able to bond over food, or if she were particularly picky, we wouldn't have worked. I am big on food. Religion was less of a problem than her being overly picky would have been. With an actual ED, which is does seems she has in my unprofessional opinion, I would care for her and be concerned, but it'd probably lead to being a deal breaker. If you saw the post about the guy whose GF was 250k in debt, I think it's along the same lines. It's going to be a problem seriously affecting your life for years.
Also if Alex got upset about your remark and told her kids and grandkid about it and THEY got upset, she's kind of an AH for doing that, don't you think?
Yes, the sister, who was clearly willing as she's a really sexual person, which absolutely never happens as a response to being molested as a child. OP and brother are really reaching by tying this to her sex drive.
How did you find this out, and how did you come to read her messages? Like, were you snooping and got the intel – or was this a case of her openly showing you her communication because you felt insecure about this guy?
I know this is quite a leap, but tenure at his age.. the guy is very very clever. He may have very strong feelings / thoughts about his field, to such a strength he may not be able to control, or talk about it rationally (does he show any signs of autism?) But get the discussion back on the table calmly and hear him out, get him to talk
Ops partner should seek therapy could be a trauma response and should get her teeth and throat looked at
Or a “K”
Not really.
One is a simple order that requires minimal effort. You don't even need to go anywhere for it, if you don't want to.
The other is a sex act that requires effort.
I agree with this, without knowing what the traumatic event was it's hard to say perhaps what should or shouldn't be done on his side of things, but holing yourself up in the house and just disappearing for a month isn't a healthy way to deal with anything.
Thinking of like, the worst things imaginable, (death of a child, or something like that) I would probably do exactly that, but I sure as hell would not have the emotional maturity needed for a relationship during that time, or for a long time after.
OP, it's good of you to want to be there for this man and help him through whatever he's going through, but you can't do that unless he lets you, and from the sounds of it, he isn't.
Why did you apologize at all?
If the dude was interested, he would act interested. Don’t start things up again with him.
I think if it’s safe for you you should end the relationship. Nothings worth being in a relationship where your partner gets that angry at you and controls everything you do
Luckily we do not have any joint accounts. What really sets me back is rent, its almost $2000 per month, and then her health insurance which is another $500.
That goes more than half of my salary there.
God I'm so sorry to hear you went through all of this. People who lie about abusers are just as bad as abusers, in fact lying about abuse is abuse to the person wronged. She maliciously ruined your life bc she wanted to, that's so messed up. You deserved better, and I'm sorry she did that to you.
A girl lied to me about being assaulted, and I thought she was being honest at the time, so I warned others who knew the guy. When I realized she lied about it, it was too late. I will always feel guilty for blindly believing her and spreading that about a perfectly nice guy.
If I could give you a hug I would. I'm sorry your ex was garbage.
Have the two of you gotten physical? Have you gone on dates? Have you discussed what each of you are looking for?
I agree, a conversation outlining exactly how OP feels and that she's just been through earth-shattering trauma and spelling out that if hubby wants kids he's got to be a mature partner and put his family first, which includes OP, she's not just a bangmaid/vessel for his future children.
My partner has said some weird stuff in the past and I've addressed it each time by talking with him. He used to make fun of stuff that I did that was important to me, I told him not to, he stopped. Nobody's perfect and communication is important. Some people really need things spelled out to them.
Similarly my partner wanted our daughter to study science while she was drawn to the arts. Once I'd explained what would happen if he put his foot down, he understood and has been very supportive of her career choices ever since.
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Me and my friend have sex with each other, mostly just to relieve tension. We don’t have a specific arrangement, it’s just something that’s been going on for a couple months. We’re not in a gay relationship, but I do love him a lot and I’ve known him for years. I had a lot of trouble with the whole gay thing at first, and sometimes I still do, but it’s not as bad as before.
The first time we had sex, he initiated it, so I figured he was into guys and that I was just doing it to feel good, but he said he wasn’t gay and I ended up realizing I might be into guys.
The problem is that sometimes when we have sex, I catch him crying afterwards. I asked him about it once cause I was worried I hurt him but he said he was fine and that I didn’t. And whenever we do anything I ask him if he’s alright and make sure I never hurt him, especially when I’m the one fucking him. I hate when he cries and I don’t want to be the reason for it. We were kissing and kind of touching last night and he wouldn’t even look at me afterwards and he apologized like he had done something wrong. I don’t know what to do because end at of the day he’s my best friend and I just want him to be happy.
TL;DR- My friend sometimes cries when we kiss or have sex and I don’t know what to do to make him feel better
No you cut all contact with her. She doesnt respect you or your relationship. She chooses to keep people around that joke/want for your relationship to fail.
Cuddling with her old ex's (“it's just friendly” “we're friends more than ex's”) vs she's known them for ages and nothing has or will happen any way. This is a contradiction and a lie because they are exes.
What was your mistake?
Words without actions are meaningless. Ignore what he's said for a minute. What conclusions can you draw from his actions alone?
He has no interest in changing to prevent hurting you.
He doesn't care about your health and won't take responsibility for the harm he caused you.
He doesn't have any interest in keeping in touch with you when he's away.
I'd say try to work towards finding a solution to your sexual incompatibility. There are many ways to have sex and there ought to be some that work for both of you. Perhaps there is some kind of couples therapist who can help you with this. If you truly find yourself against an impassible wall then you can consider breaking up.
If she's allowed to do it, then you should do it too. Talk to other girls and snap with them.
Nah, there's a clear difference between being unable to have sex and being unwilling. It would be a dick move if she's unable to, but not a dick move if she's unwilling. It's okay to break up for having mismatched libidos.
To be honest, I was like this.. I didn’t even realize it. I have a history of major depressive disorder and PTSD. Whenever my boyfriend and I were together for a few months, I got VERY comfortable with him. With this comfort brought me loading him down with all of my issues and eventually he snapped and told me I was negative all the time. I felt very confused by this because around my friends and coworkers, I am called positive on a daily basis. I didn’t realize I was venting all my frustrations onto him like he was my therapist. It’s been around a year since then and we don’t have this issue anymore. Everyone is saying leave them and that they won’t change but that’s not necessarily true. However, your feelings are completely valid and you can only take so much.. Best of luck!