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A lot of people have this idea of the things that they are interested in and looking for in a woman but you can't have everything and sometimes that checklist is actually getting in the way.
It sounds like both of you have a wonderful and beautiful relationship together and that things are working out just great!
And it also sounds like both of you are currently able to fulfill all of the needs in the relationship as they are right now, just fine. So it sounds to me like worrying about the future is just extra worry.
I think that it would help you personally to think about perhaps a self-help book that would help you feel better about you personally, your self-confidence, and yourself image. If you are struggling with your weight loss goals, you might consider support in the specific area of mental health, something like noom for example, which focus is on Mental Health rather than diet alone.
I know that what I said was basically to ignore his Kinks and for you to reach reach your goals of the person that you want to be and place that you want to be. And really I think that's the best thing for you, personally.
If his sex kinks are so important for him that he is willing to throw away a lovely relationship just to be with someone of a certain weight, then that is his business. But I don't see that happening here, it hasn't happened so far, and everything seems fine.
Have fun and break up.
I love that line.?
Just a few prerequisite classes atm (writing, indigenous studies and anthropology) I’m mainly going to school for microbiology though!
…. 35 year olds.
Boundaries.
Don't see it as you're taking it out on the wrong person. Don't see this as you're over reacting.
He really wants you to go to dinner and you really want to sleep. He can't take away your sleep and still have you there at dinner. You going to the dinner is for him. If you and him weren't together would you still be going there? I doubt it, so, you're going for him and because of him. He can't have his cake and eat it too (loud music and you going dinner)
He has been very inconsiderate and his behaviour is way out of line. If you don't do good work tomorrow because he's kept you up it could cost you your job. HE is affecting your work, the work you need to pay him rent and look after yourself. He is jeopardising it.
You need to make boundaries and explain this behaviour is unacceptable and would not be tolerated. If he ever does something like this again he can find a gf who is willing to put up with an AH. As for the dinner, he can explain to his mum why you aren't going (message her and let her know you can't come).
Actions have consequences and if you're not hard and firm he could do this again in the future. Don't put up with disrespect and someone jeopardising your work.
Thanks I kinda thought the same my previous ex’s all had a break that ended things after the month ahah I guess my naive ass still believes in the hope of it still working but it is what it is
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Currently he lives in the same town as them and we see them maybe once every other month or so. We do plan on moving in about a year and a half. He’s willing to talk to them but he doesn’t think it will change anything.
My GF is liberal and I am republican. We love each other. Respect each other. And have friendly debates.
Politics is not life. Neither is religion.
It can work as long as you understand love is above all those things.
Damn, there’s absolutely nothing this woman can do to get you to leave her…
You think there’s a possibility that you can rebuild trust with her, you’re insane. You actually think she will stop cheating on you? Bullshit. All she has to do is cry hard enough and you’ll rationalize staying with her to keep the appearance of a cushy life.
Why would you stay with your wife and show your child this fucked up cesspool of a marriage is normalcy to her? You do realize that you’re choosing to model an extremely unhealthy relationship for your child. What kind of message are you sending to your kid that your wife can treat you like the lowest piece of shit, lie to you, treat you like she fucking hates you, and you’ll stay with her.
By the way, she will never fuck you the way she fucked her affair partners. Never. You think you can lie next to her and not think about how much more enthusiasm she had for her affair partner than she had for you next time she says “not tonight.” You think you’ll not be able to seethe with anger any time she rejects your sexual advances and suggestions, knowing she didn’t turn down her AP? And it’ll eat you up for the entire remainder of your crumbling marriage, and your resentment for her will show in ways you won’t even be thinking about, and you’ll be modeling that as what a marriage looks like for your child, a mom who spends money and time she really doesn’t have to cheat on her father who’s too spineless to stand up for himself. Shit, your wife even got you stuck with kid-watching duty so she could go cheat on you. You were nuking chicken nuggets while your wife was giving up her asshole to other men after she told you “nuh uhh” to you…. Think about that next time you’re doing dinner alone with your daughter, you think you can do that and stay sane knowing the last time it happened was when she was out cheating on you?
Ok
In my personal experience, there are 3 things that you never openly joke about in a relationship.
1.) Children (as in “dead baby jokes”) 2.) Political/religious beliefs 3.) Sexual acts/violence
Sex is a very big one for me. It's a very intimate and emotionally vulnerable place to want to have sex in the first place. It takes a lot of trust and communication to get what you both have to give and get from the act. He was insinuating rape, and then tried to shake it off as “oh oops that was a joke” to make it light and funny?? Uh, somethings really funny about you thinking that such a vulnerable act would be as fun as rape.
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I think you may be overreacting to this. I really don’t think this is a big deal and he didn’t tell you because he just doesn’t think about it. a they went out two times weren’t a fit at all so they went back to being friends. no big deal. They didn’t even tell any of the others in the group because it was nothing. You need to let this go before you mess up your relationship over something that was nothing.
Here's how it goes “darling, I'm sorry. Sorry you're an indecisive dimwit”. Then tell her to calm down. You'll be fine.
I think your wife is looking for a way out of this marriage. You have just given her one and she will take it
It's a trip to see family. If she introduces you to all her family then you immediately break it off she'll probably just feel humiliated. Just break up now and let her enjoy the trip on her own. Kind of a shitty move to wait til the last minute, but at this point waiting longer will not make it better.
Find a husband who's not a controlling, insecure, narcissistic asshole.
What is the fucking alternative? Not giving out a number making them angry? So they will then start to follow her grab or touch her? Because that can happen regardless of if she is giving them her number. Giving out a fake number keeping them happy leaving and never seeing them again is way safer than bruising their ego.
Thank you for the brutal honesty. Unfortunately this is also my line of thinking and it is very painful.
Yes we've tried this, but she still can't. it seems to be because there's someone else there that she can't no matter how close she gets. We've tried blindfolds and earplugs so she feels alone which definitely helps but isn't enough
It might not be BUT he may well need to grieve (as might OP). They may stay together but it is a loss that he will need time to process so things will change for sure.
You do some, neighbors do some… then With video evidence in hand show the Apt. Mgmt. & police. Definitely contact the “parent church” … you have proof.
he tries to, but im always so exhausted to really acknowledge, because im always running around at work, i come home and always have so much to do which he doesn’t really take into consideration, until i told him that i need some kind of help, because we leave the house at the same time for work, and i get back 2-3 hours later than he does, but he works in construction so i already know his job is more physically demanding. he’s been doing more, but i already know it’s gonna lead to (if i were to ask him) that he already shows he cares about me because he goes to work every day to continue building a life for us and claims that’s all it should take ?
You told her. Wow.
I’m all for compromise, but the way you talk about her has a flavor of contempt and saying you told her rather than you had a discussion and mutually agreed to a compromise is concerning.
Just gonna put it out there, I’ve decorated my house that I share with my partner with fandom stuff. My craft room is pretty intense with it, but the rest of the house is a bit more subtle, like more with color palates and styles than actual branded merch. But I have a colleague whose house looks like a shop from Disney and her partner sighs about it, but it supportive just like she’s supportive of things he loves.
You’ll be the bad guy in his mind. But he’s toxic and ton don’t like him anymore, so who cares?
Breaking up is hard and it really sucks and people get hurt. That’s how it goes
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm
It’s not about ready.
If she was the right one you would know and feel excited.
Also the right one is also the right fit. This one is too ldr. Not that it would fix it. Even local, she would be worse.
Maybe that would help you end it sooner?
Or bro
Is it possible for you to officially rent your own place close to your fiancé's place? This way you could live! with him but your parents would save the face by saying you online alone. Of course it will cost money but less than a wedding plus a divorce (because I agree with your fiancé, it is very important to test your compatibility before getting married).
I think it's because consent and boundaries are forefront. The guys on there arnt trying to manipulate because they can be upfront about what they really want.
Just make sure he's not some wanna be….consent, boundaries, after-care, all all things he should be open to talk about. Don't let him push you into things.
Tell him your suspicions & ask him again to look you in the eyes and promise you you are not his misstress.
“Maybe I’ll see you there”
Aaah, “insecure”, the modern male-shaming word. Literally has nothing to do with insecurity and everything to do with cheating. She openly told him “i'm going to a place where the only goal is to find hookups” then that's a reason to not trust a person.
We co-steward it. Protocols are different here.
Your boyfriend is misogynistic and gross.
Who will be paying for their college? Doesn't your wife demand her kids give you some respect?
What?
usually i’d advise leaving a “fiancé” who did just one of the following: – unilaterally demand a wedding, monopolizing guest list – not helping to plan whatsoever, foisting every bit of labor off on the other person – criticizing your work thus far, especially at the direction of his family
i’m almost impressed that your fiancé has done all three. like, that’s incredible. the only question that remains is why you would be with this person, let alone marrying them? i wouldn’t let the king treat me this way, let alone my partner. insane.
Should get a pre-nup.
This! 100% you need a plan with your family and do not at any point be alone with him from the moment you plan to tell him, he has proven he is violent and also may try to gaslight you into staying in the the relationship and statistics are not great from that point of staying after confronting a partner that you are leaving them. Also look into laws in your state, he may have to be evicted to force him out of your home as he may refuse entirely and you may need to take yourself and your dogs and anything that you care about to your parents during that time. Take photos &video of the house so that if he decides to break anything or do anything you have before and after photos you can later take to court after he is safely out of your home and away from you. Be safe.
She’s hiding something and projecting onto you.
What did you do to him? I feel like that's an important part of the story.
I agree with you and I don't plan to lie about it, just unfortunate
Break up.
I guess, I was to hopeful for a different answer. Thanks for the honesty.
Thank you for being the only person who listened to what I was asking and actually gave me advice. ❤️ I really appreciate you.
Hard truths – #1 he doesn't love you. #2 He has no plans to marry you. #3 He will dump you as soon as you have sex with him. #4 He is abusive. #5 He is going to hurt you the longer you interact with him. #5 He's going back home when his military orders transfer him. #6 He has no plans to take you with him.
PLEASE break up with him before he hurts you.
Break up.
You want him to be so crushed out on you that being rejected by you devastates him for some unspecified period (two weeks not being long enough) — while also having no interest in him yourself, for months.
Frankly? What the hell is wrong with you?
Sounds like you are holding her old actions against her and are not ready to move on. It won't work if you don't forgive and move on.
You could let her know how it makes you feel and maybe come up with different pet names to call each other instead.
DUDE BAIL. This is not a relationship or a marriage. You want someone you can count on and someone that can support you ; not just financially but in all aspects of life. The scales have tipped over here. There is no balance. She is either completely oblivious to the severity of the situation which is ridiculous or she is using you.
You think I should? I’ve been thinking about it but figured it wasn’t my place.
I think you should propose. She sounds like a real keeper
You've been together for a month so you aren't in a serious relationship and you definitely don't love her
In that time she has cheated on you and got pregnant, quite possibly with another man's baby
She wants to get an abortion. Let her. Leave her and go and find someone who respects you
Police for a restraining order and change your number. Limit who you give the number to because I’ve had the new one given out before.
Break up before resentment grows.
This won't get better on its own and she doesn't sound interested in doing anything about it.
You say they try to blame your partner for wanting a space in their lives. Tell them it’s not your partner, it’s you. It’s what YOU want.
Although, it sounds like you shouldn’t even want that either. If they’re so bigoted against you and your partner, then there’s no space for either of you in their lives. Why beg to be mistreated?
I would make one last appeal to them. You two are a package deal. They can grow up and treat you and your partner like you deserve, or they can let their regressive ideas break up their family.
we definately have some other issues, especially with the possibility of me moving for college…I just think i may be overthinking this because we had a really big fight the other day. thank you for your response:)
You're still at an age when you're figuring shit out about yourself so don't beat yourself up too much. People grow up and grow apart, it happens. The shitty thing to do would be stringing him along while carrying these feelings. If you hate the dude, he's not the one for you for now. You never know, maybe after some life experiences for the both of you, there's the chance you guys could reconnect.
Yeah in that situation it would be hard to feel like more than just the next one in line.
Tough
I’m pretty old and I definitely know some people who swing, but I can honestly say I’ve never known a couple who had an open relationship where it lasted more than a year once it was opened. I’m sure there are tons of examples where these people in open marriages are just happily f*ing whoever they want and neither partner minds, but I don’t know any of them.
You’re welcome. But keep this in mind: riding the wind of your feelings isn’t something anybody is born knowing how to do.
Infants can’t do it. Badly-raised adults can’t do it.
Like sailing, it has to be learned and practiced.
Being in love is pretty advanced, like learning to sail in a squall.
But you’re growing. You’re figuring this out. Quitting isn’t your answer. Frustration and pain is part of the process, so don’t throw yourself overboard because it’s hard. Things will change: nobody can say how or when. But when it’s over, you’ll be a stronger person.