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yes, they essentially asked their child to fill the shoes of their partner… so gross
Really? You think they went overboard because a 45 year old man sent a 13 year old child pornography?
Not everything is fixable. Lesson learned. You can unblock and hope she reaches back out but beyond that what's done is done. If she noticed the blocks you probably dug an even deeper hole cause it would come off even more like you wanted more out of the relationship and threw a fit when it was declined. At this point any reaching out by you will come off badly so don't do it. If she does reach back out in the future I suggest not rehashing this situation especially if she doesn't bring it up.
It doesn’t sound like she’s “making” you feel any type of way though. This reads like you interpret perfectly normal behavior extremely negatively and then act childish about it, which in turn makes your partner feel she’s done something wrong when she hasn’t.
Can you give an example of something she’s done wrong? Because in this interaction, you appear to be the problem. And that’s putting it mildly. Some would argue this behavior meets the criteria for emotional abuse.
And that proclamation of his was called projection. 🙂
Let that shit go. At this point, you know you're more than that. He didn't want to deal with his family interrogating him about you. It was obviously a self-preservation reaction, as well as shielding you a little bit from whatever drama might occur.
Unless you're maybe looking for a reason to break up, you should laugh this off. Make it an inside joke between you two.
There's a good chance that she was just making excuses for the breakup. I wouldn't overthink it.
Lol how it is it misinformation? I clearly said that yes, it is considered child porn. I pointed out that there are a number of states that have made laws concerning the topic, but it is better to just not have it at all to be safe.
Do you disagree with that?
Clearly you’re not interested in having sex and he’s pretty much forcing himself on you. He’s showing you who he is! Fuck that, girl. Next!
What’s wrong? I’m just trying to get advice please don’t take it out on me
Thank you. I don't hold any resentment towards her, but I can see why my declaration of lovebombing makes it seem that way.
I can't be annoyed because I respect her decisions, people are complex and I understand opinions change constantly.
I think part of me just wanted to get a response about what happened, my friends haven't offered much in the way of talking about it.
No part of me wanted to think it was lovebombing. And I know what I felt for her was genuine. I will admit I wish I had taken it slower but I don't regret any of it, she made me happy.
Thanks for your response it helped me process it better.
Trying to see both sides here. Depending on how long the two of you have been together, she may have hoped to be close to you at a moment like this. It’s understandable that your family would prefer to keep things smaller for your mom’s sake, but your gf may have seen herself as a partner who could offer you love and support. She may be feeling rejected or not wanted/needed by you. Is that fair right now? Not entirely. You’re dealing with heavy anticipatory grief, and the needs of you and your family come first. But her feelings are understandable, if this is where her disappointment is coming from.
If I were you: first, go easy on yourself. Be present with your family. You won’t get this time back. Tell your gf that you’re sorry about how things ended up for her right now, but let go of any feelings of guilt. She made her own decisions.
Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things you will ever experience. Sometimes it can bring things into perspective, including relationships. How is she speaking to you about her feelings right now? Is she complaining and telling you it’s your fault her Christmas sucks as you’re with your ailing mother? Because that would definitely change things…
Updateme!
You need to leave this relationship asap. Nothing about him Or this relationship is normal. You deserve better
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I'm glad that I can make you laugh. I also like to introduce myself if you don't mind. It's nice to meet you.
Tell him you’re not ready to do that.
Yeah this sounds like the usual “people hate me just because I'm beautiful” story. That's never the full story.
OP you might want to head over to r/BDSMcommunity to get a perspective from people who are in the lifestyle. Your fears and feelings are valid, and it seems like you might need help figuring out how to communicate your feelings and boundaries to your husband or even help understanding what boundaries you would like to set. They can help you with that, without judgment.
They can also go over the finer points of some of the vocabulary you used here.
Yeah, right?
Or, maybe, his own self.
Sweet. Stealing!
What’s the point of helping if the person themselves aren’t willing to help themself?
Clearly OP knows they’re are being emotionally abused, called domestic abuse hotline. So the clear option is to make a plan to leave.
And how u know that the ex didn’t exaggerate or fabricate things?
If you have to beg someone for an apology, it’s not a real apology. You need to break up before he really hurts you!!
Hi OP, I'm happy to see your end sentence about having a chat with your wife about her actions. It's all well and good to be supportive of your wife because of her mental health but clearly she was abit over the top in this case. I suggest you have a good think about if there's anything else you try to smooth over or firefight for her because long term, this could be bad for your own happiness and wellbeing if you let it continue and keep walking on eggshells. Just because your wife has depression and anxiety does not mean everything has to be to her liking. It's your house too.
The only thing I disagree with here is that she shouldn’t leave him. She absolutely should. He deserves to know his partner feels stuck with him and is using him for financial support so he can be single and stop supporting someone who views him like this. It will be painful but better than him continuing to pay more than his fair share of their bills while she is still working less hours and complaining about him “not doing enough” to support her to strangers live!.
In your opinion.
Reddit is going to take you to task because people on here REALLY get triggered by polyamory. So be ready for that lol.
Ultimately he knew your boundaries are he crossed them regardless. I would consider closing the relationship for awhile OP and focusing on each other. This might be a sign that you guys aren't cut out for a poly relationship.
Agreed, that's an ADA violation
You sound unhappy and you should probably break up with her.
That said, it takes more effort for women to have an orgasm than it does for men. If you’re having an orgasm from penetrative sex, but she is not (which is likely), you can’t say she isn’t doing anything for you.
Because if this happens with something as simple as a hobby, what happens with things later in life? If this isn’t addressed, it will get a lot worse.
I think getting comfortable with getting yourself off is really key. And you can get used to “feeling sexy” that way too, sometimes I'll shave for myself, put on some lingerie and really take my time working up to touching intimate areas. That could help you start being more comfortable with your body and sexuality.
What does he want you to do regarding him? Did you ask?
(You must know he wants you to end the friendship(?) )
I sometimes throw up when I get really anxious. I don’t usually do it in front of anyone and it’s been going on since I was a teenager (I threw up on the first day of school all four years of high school).
So she emotionally cheats, and has absolutely no contrition or guilt? OP, you have to consider if she is committed to you…… tell her what your expectations are of her, and then hold her accountable for her behavior.
I tend to be against ultimatums because they put you between a rock and a very hot place…. If they break your rule you have to walk away or lose all respect for you.
I personally would have asked her to avoid all contact with this person immediately no questions asked…..
If she chooses his friendship over your peace at home, then you know where you stand on her priority list….. them its time to make a decisions where you are willing and able to stand in this priority list.
Best of luck to you buddy
Yes, we’re all extremely evil and all women do is lie. You should stay away from all of us forever just to be safe. We do this regularly, after all.
Keep your self-respect and break up with her….let her go after the guy she actually wants
First it’s asking you to block someone you haven’t even spoken to in how many years, next it’s going through your phone because she has to be “sure”. Where does it end? She needs therapy, not controlling you to regulate her own emotions. I hope you’re upfront and candid about that and stick to your boundaries. Because if you give in to this one request, it’s a slippery slope and you’ll be wishing she would’ve just left you. Though honestly her threat is extremely manipulative anyway.
I find ambition an attractive quality. I wouldn’t want somebody who wants to do nothing with their life.
That’s not necessarily true. Your friends can betray you and leave you just like an SO can. My cousin for example, all her friends betrayed her and left but her bf stayed by her side and defended her. And even then, a romantic relationship is completely different from a friendship though. Even if you do want to put your friends at a higher priority, all she asked about was a nickname on his phone. She never asked for him to cut her off. That’s not something to act defensive about. Usually people act defensive if there’s something going on.
This. OP needs to run like the wind and its important she does not confront him.
So what's the line for you?
How many times do you have to catch her?
Do you honestly believe she has only lied to you twice and you've caught her both times?
I appreciates everyone's insight. After a talk with my ex, it turns out he views people in a pyramid scheme with him on the top and under him those he cares about, his example and only example was “they can do favors for me and I do favors for them granted we have time to”. And it's a sliding scale that he has no problem pushing someone down a level below someone else in terms of who's important in his in life based on my understanding, what he gets from the relationship of the person.
He just wasted seven years of your life. You should move on. Let him spend time with his mommy and sister barf
He just wasted seven years of your life. You should move on. Let him spend time with his mommy and sister barf
UpdateMe!
I’m 35 and if my husband did that, I would pack my stuff and be out by Saturday morning. But that’s because we have a house full of stuff and I’m in no hurry. If I was 25, I’d pack a suitcase and be out by 5pm today, and at the club “dippin it and doin it” (as Wendy Williams would say) by 10 pm. Lmao just kidding, I never was a clubber. But yeah at 25 years old….. lmao I wish a ninja would.
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate it so much. You’ve worded it so kindly and thoughtfully. I’ve been dealing with a lot of recent traumatic and unexpected change in my life and I guess this situation has hit me especially very hot for those reasons.
Your advice is great and much-needed – perhaps I will plan something else with my group of friends. Thank you again!