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You would think so, but I’ve seen a living example recently how a couple separated, the guy had an affair with their best friend, and that somehow got them back together by “teaming” together and betraying the friendship with her Bestie. It probably didn’t help that he was her pot dealer but still, life is full of surprises
Hmm. There used to be something called a Speaking or Hearing Trumpet. I’m not suggesting you use one of those! But maybe there’s a way to shelter your head from the car noise while directing the sound of their voices…actually?
This happens with almost every car unless they are pretty new and/or well made, to boot. We all have to lean forward in the back seat.
I suggest you and your friend either take some Dramamine or some other motion sickness aid and then switch off seats during the carpool trip.
Now you are married adults.
I wouldn't be so sure….
tell her boyfriend or gtfo youre hurting an innocent guy for no reason
why do you keep posting the exact same text without answering to the reaction you seem to get:
Do you know what changed? What made your parents change their mind?
What reaction are you waiting for?
Virtually never. Just as you look for reasons to not want guys, the guys who only want to be friends with you have found enough reasons to not want you as a girlfriend or wife.
So I have a partner and we share kinks, but I still watch porn and enjoy adult content, and so does he. It has literally nothing to do with my feelings for him, it's just private fun. If you've never communicated that it would bother you to him though, he genuinely may not see it as a problem. Is he hiding it, or just didn't say, “hey look at this fetish content I like!”? There's a difference between hidden and private. I'd never show my partner my preferred porn videos and stuff just cuz it would be uncomfortable and might make him insecure because all the body types don't look like him, but that doesn't mean I'm not attracted to him, or that I no longer have the right to enjoy what I enjoy.
Are there other areas of insecurity in your relationship? If he gives you what you need out of the relationship and is still attracted to you and the sex and everything is still good, I personally don't get the issue. But if it bothers you, talk to him about it. I wouldn't expect him to stop, but it sounds like for you, that's a boundary. You're allowed to communicate those and come up with compromise.
You know “snowflakes” originally was what conservatives called liberals, correct? Because you melt whenever anyone pressures you. Y'all are so sad you can't even come up with good insults. Must be fun being a puppet for a party that doesn't give a shit about you, otherwise I can't see how anyone would willingly support them lmao
He needs reassurance that you aren't going to use that baby to break his heart. So e women are evil and many men got stuck in a web because they had children with the wrong person and he is scared
How comes you didn't discuss this BEFORE moving in together?
Not sure what is being asked here. The dog was discussed in depth before moving in. I thought we were on the same page about the dog being OURS after I moved in but he's thrown it in my face twice now that the dog is honestly mine because “If we were to break up, who would keep him?” and I don't really know what to say to that.
I'm just trying to explain the situation to get more views.
I have OCD and may be a bit of an overthinker. But anyway, we both put down our cards, but I locked mine. She wasn't smart enough to do that, that's not my problem.
The fact that she dropped me just for TRYING (god forbid) trying to form an equal partnership and share my views is proof she's a gold digger.
I even offered to talk about things and listen to her thoughts in her driveway, but she told me to leave and refused to come outside and talka bout it.
We could have had a constructive conversation and she failed to see how awesome I was. Also she didn't ask me to pay her back so I think she probably got a slice of humble pie
Also if I ask women upfront about going halves they ghost me. This woman for instance ghosted me when I asked if guys were expected to pay on dates, and only agreed to go out with me after I replied to her Insta story and asked her if she would let me take her out to dinner. I literally had to track her down on another platform and do something I didn't want to do just to get her to give me the time of day. Do you see how messed up that is for guys?
I would like to see this girl again and tell her that I didn't see not paying as undervaluing her at all, how can I get her to believe me?
Sounds like your partner is sketchy. If you can’t have a conversation with them, they aren’t right for you.
doing nothing religious is not an active tradition that he is doing. he's not doing anything extra to keep religion AWAY from them, they are free to pursue it on their own.
it is nobody's entitlement to take care of someone who is being violent or destructive. I grew up with a family of bi-polar and I'll never talk to them again. I know its hot but they need help and you can still have empathy for them and give support but protect yourself as well.
With the info we have, the sister is straight up rewarding this behavior, whether she means to or not. If I was married and had these talks with my wife and we were at the final line of mental defense as she says he is, I'd run too, probably straight to a lawyer, sign my copy and then skip town. People with this severe of an addiction and mental instability can destroy lives other than their own quickly.
They need help and support, not a playground to create more chaos and that is what the sister is i'm assuming has unintentionally created.
Maybe he is gay and doesn’t know how to deal with it only thing I could come up with given that it took so long to get seggs out of him and then missionary involves being eye to eye intimate where as if you were you can close your eyes type of deal and the no oral thing is a big red flag I dunno just my opinion
Would you be okay if your girlfriend cuddles with your best friend and hold hands with him?
Recently she has. Even though I’m am Genuinely happy with my job and what I do, which I told her that, she still thinks it’s not enough. But everyone around her and around me thinks otherwise. Again her dad is the hardest person on everyone and told me, “If you can support by putting food on the table and a rough over both of your heads, that’s all you need in life. You can figure out the rest.” But that wasn’t her take. She does mention me finding another job and different a lot recently and it puts me down
Ewwww just no dude. I cannot imagine being interest/with a 17-18 yr old when I was 27. I won’t even read more than that – ?????????
He should've broke it off the 1st yall went behind his back. Tell him him to move on, minimize contact with B and to date someone who's NOT a mutual friend.
I hope so, too. To be completely honest, no, she's not a monster. Abusers aren't monsters. They're human. Humans who are dangerous to the people around them. I've heard so, so many women say that their abusive husband is “perfect, except for” and then they describe horrific scenes of abuse that only happen behind closed doors, and they blame it on something they did or said that made them angry or jealous. The truth is that abusers are the only ones to blame for their behavior, and you can't separate the charming, sweet person from the person who pins you down and sexually assaults you, while causing you pain. It's the same person. You have to remember that when you're talking to her. She hurts you over and over, and will continue unless you stay resolute in your decision.
Major breach of trust. I would start to question our entire relationship at this point and look at how we are communicating and if there are any other red flags. I would want to meet them both together and see how they interact.
This.
This is a power and control move. He’s “negging” you so he can call the shots. If he truly cared about you more than his desire for control, he would be reassuring and complimentary of your physique. You should dump him for someone who is actually able to appreciate you.
Woah this is so inappropriate – I can’t think of any woman who would be comfortable with this…
He's not going give you what you want; a committed relationship, so you're just prolonging your own misfortune by staying in contact with him. He's being selfish and stringing you along by saying he doesn't see you romantically but then treating you romantically when you are together. Walk away while you still have your dignity
No it’s not illegal, your a minor as wel
Something you need to remember is that all the shit she did when you visited and after isn't her caring for you or her showing affection. It's just her doing whatever she feels like to make herself feel good/better. Don't let it get to you, it's either selfishness, manipulation, or both.
I mean. Thats the original comment was stating. Its a pretty commonly hated word though.
OP I know you deleted this but if you’re still reading these comments: I know none of this was what you wanted to hear and we confirmed what you feared.. but you’re still so young, don’t let this discourage you. Take everything you’ve learned from this relationship and the growth you’ve made as a person and apply it going forward. Maybe it’s the timing or maybe she just isn’t the person you’re meant to be with. You’re going to meet so many more people and will likely be in a few more relationships before you find the girl you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with.
Risk taking iirc is not an promiscuity response in survivors, and this feels somewhat similar. Idk why, and I'm not any kind of expert, but this feels like a dangerous way for her to channel her emotions about what happens.
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Hold up. Did you really just admit to incest ?
I feel like something may be missing…. Like maybe you invited yourself and she reluctantly agreed. She didn’t compliment you on your attire? Really? She didn’t stand to greet you? All of this screams you think a lot of yourself. My husband would never expect me to stand to greet him or compliment his clothes because he dressed appropriately for the event.
Typical of the girl to blame herself for her “man's” misgivings.
I don't think you can bring this up without breaking her heart.
But, is it already broke? Her dream job sucks. sucks the joy from her life and yours. Probably feels guilty about being a liability.
She chose poorly. It happens. Perhaps she should look at careers that are vet adjacent (she might know what that means, I don't).
I don't really have good advice, but one of you could sell a kidney to pay off the debt and then she could be happy working as a pet therapist or something?
Leave immediately.
First off, he has shown signs and a past of violence. He will be abusive at some point outside the bedroom, he has accidentally warned you of that multiple times now. The choking was one thing, but to humilate you in front of your friends with threats of violence, that isn't normal although he thinks it is.
Second, he is already pushing you out the door. He has done everything in his power to avoid spending time with you, help him out and walk through that door.
If you stay, you will likely get hurt both emotionally and physically. Get out before it's too late.
He is showing you who he is. He does not have compassion for your younger self in a very tough position making a difficult decision. He doesn't have compassion for the person you are now, either. There is nothing you can do to change the past and it is really clear that he holds it against you – and that is unlikely to change.
4 months is a short relationship. He is showing the red flags. He sees you are damaged, flawed, and questionable. This is not a solid foundation for a relationship.
Tell him if he wants to go raw get a vasectomy that can’t be reversed.
That makes sense. I just never thought of him as immature until I found out he did that. I was flabbergasted because there were no other signs of immaturity til last night
I would put money on him crying because he feels like his life is falling apart, not because he is not getting his way. Really unfortunate situation all around. But also why you don't start dating a 22 year old when you are 30 and have 2 kids. Bad choices on his end. Bummer for the OP.
If only we knew this bit of information prior. You made a whole post about how you are conflicted about her cheating, YET you did this as well. She did it in retaliation to you. You both deserve each other.
You have been a shitty father for 2 years because
He chose to put his wife before his child. No matter how shitty/manipulative/jealous the wife is (and she's absolutely terrible), a good father would not let that stop him from parenting his own daughter.
He'd either shut it down or leave. But no, OP would rather leave his daughter wondering what she did so wrong that her dad doesn't even care about her birthday anymore.
Cards are cheap and he didn't even give her one of those.
And his wife should never be a stepparent to anyone's child. She shouldn't even be around children if she's this callous.
I’m sorry but if you don’t want a vanilla marriage why did you marry this guy? He’s never gotten you off and you decided that he was good enough to marry as is. Did you expect him to magically start caring at some point? Why did you say yes to a proposal from someone that’s never gotten you off? Why did you say yes at the wedding? You say you don’t want this but the time to get serious about this was long ago. There’s lots and lots of advice I could give but this guy doesn’t care, if he doesn’t care my advice doesn’t matter.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have fundamentally different values that are incompatible.
Also, him believing that you dressed the way that you do in order to get attention from other men is toxic AF, ?.
I would not disregard the fact that you have expressed that this makes you uncomfortable and he has found a way to shift the blame, and is trying to make this your fault. ?
You do realize that if he fires her for being young and female like you want him to do, then she can and should sue for both harassment and discrimination.
‘Don’t punish an innocent professional because of your poor romantic decisions.
Yeah you are being petty and stupid. AND proving her point that you are mean to her when she has done nothing to you.
I can't say I blame you for leaving. Screaming and insulting is bad enough, doing it over something so trivial makes it worse but true point thats irredeemable to me is that he doesn't even have the balls to admit to what he said and lie that he didn't even say it. That's just pathetic.
I'm sorry this didn't happen sooner so you wouldn't have married the AH but atleast you don't have to worry about it for much longer. Make sure you record any conversation going forward and save all his rude texts and voice mails. Oh and check on the legality of recording him without his knowledge. People who think they can lie about what they said to the person they said it to aren't the type to accept blame so he will likely talk shit to everyone you know and blame the divorce on you. Good luck OP
If you want more advice with the legalities of this, Look into whether any of the law schools nearby will offer you pro-bono (free) legal consultation.
I think you should do it to put your mind at rest whenever he says things like he’ll bring you to court. It’s not that easy and you’ll probably feel safer when you know what you’re actually up against.
You think I'm a misandrist because I can view people as adults without automatically viewing them as sexual objects. The Dictionary is free.
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The world needs sex workers but nobody has to accept them. He now has a dirty dick. You still want that?? Is it that good?? ?
He’s 37 my goodness he will be doing this at 73 as well. He uses these excuses now, that means he’s used them before and will do it in the future to someone else or you again if you stay.
How pathetic. People will stay after cheating but leave after money problems ?
You are both exhausting. Nagging because of a random app, what did you think she wanted to download, Grindr? She was literally talking to you about some random shit she did on the phone that stopped being relevant immediately, and you made it into an issue.
I'm sure if she wanted to download tinder she wouldn't announce it to you, jfc.
You sound wildly insecure. You are literally fabricating intoxication on a daydream/fantasy and using that to be upset. You may not be mature enough for a relationship
This is abuse. Listen to everyone screaming this from a woman who had to learn the hot way that i should have listened to the others who were screaming at me that my relationship was abusive.
This is the type that will coerce you into motherhood to trap you and keep you down. You need to RUN.
That’s great! But unfortunately I think the assumption is that most arrangements aren’t. I can’t speak to OP’s situation, but I do think awareness and consent is more common in these situations than people who haven’t been involved in something similar tend to think.
So he's a selfish lover. That's what you just said, and let me tell you. Life is too short for mediocre sex with a selfish lover.
DIVORCE. He will not change. He doesn't care how you feel.
The therapists I've had advise against it every time my mom DEMANDS we go to therapy. I've been told it's because the abuser uses things said in those sessions to manipulate you and derail your progress.
Heavy disagree. It’s not a red flag to want a kind partner and I refuse to be expected to tolerate disrespect in the name of boundaries
You should also buy his and her beds. And his and her apartments to you them in separately.
Vip treatment. jeez Things will change because you have a child and thats hot. Maybe after the baby is born you should offer to look after the kid and let her cook instead and see how much of a vip YOU feel.
Yup! Idgaf what anyone has it say, it is cruel genital mutilation.
And agreed, I moved somewhere later in my life where circumcision is only for medical purposes, but even when I was growing up, it wasn't common to mock someone for not being circumcised.
Sir, I’m gonna be very blunt with you…your wife did not get assaulted by her boss. She was a willing participant in a work place affair, both emotionally and physically. She fell for her boss and wanted to have her cake and eat it too. The realistic and appropriate thing to have done in this situation (other than not doing it), would have been to leave you to pursue him if that’s where her heart lied and that’s what she wanted to do. However, she lied and had an affair for 10 months.
She shaved for this man. Made herself readily available for this man. Deleted her text messages. Opened up to this man. Etc. You get the picture.
If things were different she would have been with him? Okay, yeah right. She wanted to be with him then and I would put money on the fact he didn’t want to be with her. That’s why she stayed with you. You’re her second choice and her ol reliable. Had this man told her he’d take care of her and love her, she’d have packed her things I promise you. She loved the attention and excitement.
Then she found out he was also having an office affair with another lady. She is no longer special to him and all fantasies of what they could be are off. She feels betrayed. What does she do? She calls it what it’s not, abuse, and runs to HR. Now she wants to change the narrative and have you on her side, her ol reliable.
She cheated. Either you can go to counseling and work past this with open communication or you leave your wife.
Deep down you know she chose this. Good luck.
Her behaviour is really suspect.
Ok
your comments are not ADVICE. my advice is to not take that commenters advice.
Gained good brownie point for the posh restaurants. Threw them all away over a cheap subway. Wouldn't say it's a hill worth dying on
Oh I’m thinking so
The amount of extreme focus on food and weight and the derision of “fat” is a glowing red warning sign complete with sirens.
I was born 1999 so I missed the 00’s herion chic but it was not much better. I vividly remember throwing out my lunches at school (home made – sorrt mum!)and lying in bed at night running my hands over my hip bones hoping that I could feel them more.
I have never been overweight nor had a full blown eating disorder (ADHD led to zero self control so I loved my snacks and I never tried other methods of controlling food intake)
Sadly with this new health kick the world is going through lately – hyper focus on health is seen as a good thing. But when it starts to interfere with your life (eg banning your mother in law from meeting your baby) then it’s a serious proboem
OK, what's happening is that your boyfriend is enjoying the attention, 100%. He doesn't want to shut it down because he likes it.
He's using “nice” as an excuse. There's nothing “nice” about letting your girlfriend be disrespected, in fact that's a very unkind thing to do. If he truly cared about niceness, he'd set appropriate boundaries. But he doesn't, because he doesn't want to lose the ego boost of the attention.
Always a state of shock when it happens. But it was like that when we were trying for the first one. I couldn’t imagine not having the kids I have now. Which makes this situation really tough. But it just seemed like sooner or later you have to close the chapter and move on. Ours was a little later and it’s off to a rocky start.
He saved money by accepting a free drink
He isn’t “addicted” to his ex, he is still in love with her and isn’t with her. Relationships are hot to not get invested in. You are two months in…? From across the internet I can see this isn’t going to last. Move on.
What are the issues you're having with therapists that are making you move between them? Are there specifics each one is getting wrong that you can point to?
I wouldn't worry too much on the flowers, chocolates etc… relationships don't really work on a points system. Knowing each other, working through things together and being comfortable with where you're at are much better. If there are known issues that you have, then you can mitigate any time you go off the deep end to an extent. Whether she chooses to stay around for that is a different question but you can only work on being better today than you were yesterday.
I'd also say stay skeptical when it comes to emotional intelligence. General thinking is that there is such a thing as understanding, regulating and responding to emtions, but the specifics of measuring it are kind not really there. So any “EQ” test is questionable at best.
Yeah so basically OP picked exactly what she doesn’t want for her daughter.
No, the dude is being shit on by everyone when he's done nothing wrong. If i feel the need to defend him on the internet and waste my time, that's my prerogative.
You're not my mom.
Ignore my responses if you don't like them, come up with a thoughtful response, or better yet give the OP advice instead of giving me dumb unsolicited opinions.
Your reply here is the equivalent of talking because you like the sound of your voice.
Sweet. Stealing!
So…your husband doesn't have a healthy relationship with your and he doesn't respect you. This is not how normal adults talk to eachother. He's bored of you and testing to see how you react to him cheating and trying to either get you jealous or get some reaction he sees as a greenlight so he can blame you when he knocks up another teenager.
He doesn't want a young woman or a mother to his children- he wants a virgin he can plant his seed in and once he can't keep knocking you up he's going to find greener pastures. You aren't a person to him: you're his cum dumpster.
Listen: my sex drive isn't as good as it was at the beginning if my relationship. Things happened so what have we done? Communicated how to improve my experience so ib want it more and he's tried to lighten my work load so I have more energy. When I'm too tired he's disappointed but not angry. When my guy gets too blunt about being horny or expecting sex I'll be like,,”bro, slow down. Ya gotta warm.me up. Don't be gross.” And he Listens. Because that's how adults who respect eachother work. Your guy doesn't respect you- and I doubt he ever will. From what we can infer he's not a nice person and I'd question if you really want the relationship you have be what your children grow up seeing as normal.
I tend to take these with a grain of salt. We only ever hear one side of the story. Just imo
I have been asking my girl to sell feet pic lol
Have you talked to him, telling him your frustrations?
As a side note: Does he work? What is contributing to the household, either financially or physically (cooking, cleaning, running errands, etc)?
It sounds to me like he treats you like his Mom. He has a sweet deal, but you do not. I'm sorry :(.
Don't forget what you deserve. It's not this.
he ABSOLUTELY sucks but definitely seems like you came off strong imo, especially trying to reach out to him on multiple socials after he blocked you
Op I beg of you to read this.
That was a key lesson here…..thanks
I’m sorry but that fight is silly and immature. You shouldn’t be monitoring his messages, and he should be acting approximately without being asked. Your relationship is just very toxic.
I get that she’s your wife but you can’t help people who don’t want to be helped this is gonna blow up soon. You’re gonna have to decide if you want to be in the blast radius
Please do update us. Sending you the strength to make positive changes in your life for yourself, and when you waver, please re-read this post.
Strike three, he's out. That would be an irreparable trust violation for me.
I think the problem is you're relaying this back to your boyfriend in a confrontational way. If most of the stuff she tells you he says is funny, you don't need to pick apart a single comment and throw it in his face. You're just telling him he's under a microscope–He's probably talking about his mom. But now his friend told his girlfriend about it, his girlfriend is picking a fight, and he has to either stop hanging out with his friend or always feel like he has to watch what he says around her.
Best solution here is for both of you to stay friends with her, but ask her not to tell you so much about what he says. Stick to like, funny quotes within a more general story. If she won't stop then she's stirring up drama and is making herself the problem, but based only on what you wrote, I think you're overreacting.
Just communicate with him. Asking him what his definitions of slow are. Talk about both your boundaries, expectations. There’s no shortcut for doing things the right way.
My mom and I are super close, but I never tell her anything that could negatively impact her impression of my fiancé. She doesn’t see him as often as me and has much less to judge him off of. That kind of stuff leads people to question your relationship. Respect the privacy in your relationship he asks for. He probably cares about you and doesn’t want your family to think badly of him/not approve of him.
I would probably pick a new boyfriend, this sounds awkward and he sounds iffy.
A 44 year old man with a 23 year old ……. Need I say more?
But in case you didn't get it….
FUCK NO. HOMIE IS A WHOLE WEIRDO.
But she did not discuss anything, she just assumed. That's the difference.
If a boy is not attracted to a woman's body that has stretch marks then he would know that before getting a person pregnant, I would think. A man can be attracted to whoever/whatever he wants but he should clearly communicate to his partner that he's actively working on having a baby with that he will not find the gestating and post-baby body attractive before the impregnation happens, right?
You need to get out.
Dude, she's telling you right there that you made the right decision. There isn't anything she can say. Like wtf how can you even go back from this.
How do you proceed? You get a lawyer and you divorce her. You know for a fact you can't trust her. What she wants and what you want aren't the same but she's going to lie to you to cover that up. You can't start a family with this woman since you won't even know if the children will be yours without a DNA test. Take screenshots of the phone conversation, send them to yourself, get STD tested, get a lawyer and move on to find somebody who you can trust and will love you as much as you love them.
Dude, been through this but it was only a dating situation, after a few years I couldnt take it anymore. In the end I had to realize no matter what I felt about her, she was not the person for me. Best of luck.
Not your problem anymore. Dump her abusive ass
Telling your high school gf “I love you”. SoOoOo mature ?
Is it gaslighting? Absolutely not.
He was mad and said something dumb. Just give him an opportunity to apologize and move on. Sounds like you guys might need a vacation from each other for a little bit.
I felt that feeling for sure. At 16. And again at 19. And again at 23. And then again with my now husband years later lol you will fall in love many times in your life, over and over, but you stay in love with someone who trusts you.
Yeah, in actuality the key to anorexia recovery is to stop monitoring ANYTHING. No calorie counting, no exercise minutes, no miles, no BMI. Nothing. Eat when you’re hungry, drink when you’re thirsty, no physical exertion until a doctor ok’s it. No scales. No numbers.
And finally, a trusted person right next to you as often as possible to make sure you aren’t seeking out the info needed to continue harming yourself. Which is why many people with EDs end up needing inpatient, because most people cannot realistically do this for a struggling loved one.
I think the concern is: what if he thinks that she is cheating on him—especially if she isn’t? It is damn hot to prove a negative, and when he is triggered to be so angry when it is just a tv show what would happen if he thought it was happening to him again? I doubt he would be able to listen to reason as she tried to prove her innocence. In her shoes I would fear for my life.
This sounds like one of them Facebook story ads
Don’t it will destroy a family. Pick somebody else out of 7 billion people. I’m sure you can find one. Cheating doesn’t hurt just peoples feelings it destroys people. Read some of these poster horrible. Some women thought it was really cute to flirt and say, I mean think about her husband and he canceled her. I got attorneys took her child. She’s mentally unstable now and kicked out with no money. Be careful what you do. It will come back on your somehow.
I was newer to Reddit at the time and was trying to be more discreet about it and wanted simple advice. 188 days ago is when it initially somewhat started.
There’s no weird fantasy, if you don’t like the post, sorry.
Yeah I don’t want to make her do anything, especially therapy, as she’ll go into it pessimistically if she doesn’t agree that it could help and be fully willing to do it. Thank you.
I won’t go with the “well maybe let’s just try to have sex more” route because I again want her to fully choose on her own that she is ready. The way it’s been happening is that she lets her barriers down just enough to kiss intimately and if we’re totally alone at the time it has historically escalated from there every time. That perfect storm just doesn’t come around much. I think we have hope, I just felt like it’s been a while without much progress since the half year post-cheating mark.
somewhat recently to take up photography.
The hecc, is he or is he not a real photographer? I'll be honest, I'm also uncomfortable reading this.
I can't believe she's that…trusting or naïve…or…something else.
I wouldn't like it for a friend of my husband and I to see me in the hot. How much does she pay him? Did she sign waiver letting him use her images?
Omg…the implication of the whole situation just leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth….
The fact that people I have dated in the past still like me as a friend should be seen as a positive thing. If I was a cheater and a lier they would have defenitely cut me off.
Sounds messy, but will heal in time. Give her the space she obviously needs, I'm sure you'll be able to talk it through at some point, but it probably too soon at the moment.
You married an unstable maniac, you think Reddit can fix that?
Is he irresponsible or detrimental otherwise?
Does he cook and/or clean?
Maybe just run. As fast as you can.
I dated one of those. It aint worth it.
Id rather you be mad at me that i want an hour or 2 after work with my friends than have to spend 5 hours watching unfunny shit like tosh.0 and the kardashians.
Like I said just leave your fiancé simple then you can chase his friend like you wanted
The most cringe for me was the guy who thought he was talking to Katy Perry; he had an heirloom emerald turned into an extravagant engagement ring, I think. Nev and Max took his dumbass all the way to the UK to meet his catfish who was a regular, normal girl. And the WHOLE time this guy is waiting for the real Katy Perry to jump out of the bushes and surprise him. It was really sad and honestly frightening commentary about the kind of obsessive fans celebrities and their circles deal with.
Can almost guarantee it started before she was 18
This is why im against threesomes when you are in a relationship.
I have friends who will support me and will have the police involved during the breakup because I know she won’t take it lightly and cause a scene. They want to make sure I’m safe and not accused of anything
Legal doesn’t mean moral or ethical.
I’m in no way stuck, I have a decent job at the moment (working part time) and did go to university. I know I could support myself and my child if we separate and wouldn’t need to depend on family. I also don’t regret getting married that young, I feel it was the right thing for me personally. And to clarify, we met when I was 18, got engaged (religiously married) when I was 19 and moved in to online with each other when I was 20. It wasn’t as creepy or weird as you’ve mentioned
We have not spoken directly to the friend. My nephew has been doing the back and forth communicating and I let him know that I'm not looking to get him into trouble, I just want to talk.
Yes, I had only written that first but then just gave an update as I felt it would be good to let him know I'm ok.
but to see if there's still a chance. I would really examine that within yourself, and not explore it with your ex.
No, not at all. I am very happy in my current relationship!
So you ask him a question who occurs in i time when he hadn't met you and where he was still happy with his ex and you don't like it when he answer honestly and you also blame him for hurting you while being honest.
I suggest you don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to!
Op
You really want to get married and be a married woman don't you?.
You need to start valuing yourself and get up and walk away from this nightmare of a life you are in.. You'd have a better life ahead of you if you saved up went to Vegas and married your drinking partner you met that day. That's how shit your relationship and your life is right now.
You want to get married, ffs go to Vegas and marry the first stranger you have a laugh with.
That's her problem not mine that she likes big dicks. I am wishing her good luck with her beloved big ds?
Why would you need to share this info with him? You aren’t even in a relationship with him. You don’t even know if he feels the same thing for you. I think you’re being some what delusional OP. It’s nice that your friends but leave him alone.
Those poor women. The waxer and your wife. I know a woman who works in the beauty industry. She doesn’t work on men anymore for exactly this reason. I love that you say she “smiled casually”. Keep telling yourself that dude.
And why you felt the need to tell your wife that another woman turned you on so much you had to jack off in a public restroom is beyond me. They all knew what you were doing by the way.
I how the salon cuts you as a client and your wife leaves.
Not a troll post at all. We have a healthy relationship lastings several years and we've never had any issue like this.
She told me she won't do this as I said no, but what bothers me is that she sees no harm in it.
Someone that makes the headache worse instead of easier lol like bro what
Yeah honestly. I just think all the thoughts are just scrambled in my head. Like I switch between being angry, sad, remorseful and forgiving. I'm sorry if my comment above came of as rude against everyone giving me advice. That was really not my intention. The fact that everyone cares so much has honestly helped me get through the day, and kinda stopped me from blaming myself.
Couples therapy. And show her your changes in actions not words.
Where are the contradictions? I'll be happy to clear anything up!
To masturbate to?
He would rather sleep than do those parenting classes
I probably won’t
Playing with man's feelings. Oh yeah, that seems a lot of fun … come on
Thank you, you're clear and concise
Who cares what he thinks, he's an ex, you do what you want and can do
just tell her that her friend tripped, fell and landed in your lap. No problem. She'll understand.
You want some sort of trophy for going 8 months without cheating on your spouse? Looool.
He swears up and down he hasn't cheated or been with anyone but me. We have been together for 9 years.
He had on the same sweater he was wearing all day so I don’t know why I should have thought he changed his bottoms and I wouldn’t like it and would ask him not to put himself in that situation again but if he said nothing more happened I would believe him
That's my point, you're the one who was arguing absolutes
Wow he’s almost 40 years old denying his child. I’m so sorry.
And him accusing you of cheating is very concerning on HIS part, this whole situation seems very odd. And I would just ask, do you know him well. I know you said you really like him and such but is there a possibility he has some parts of life he’s maybe hiding from you? Just seems very odd that someone would do any of that for no reason.
I’m on the fence, but leaning more towards you shouldn’t have just assumed everything was going well and that he wouldn’t still contemplate other options. I would’ve made it clear from the beginning that I don’t casually date ??♀️
But since you’re at this point now, I would just tell him the truth that you’re disappointed and that you believed things were becoming exclusive and leave it at that
Please update us when you tell his parents and he finally tells your creepy ass to leave him and his family tf alone.
There were only 2 married couples, according to the post. OP's and one other.
Women don’t like nicey nice
You don't need to convince him. You don't need to say a word to him. You can leave with zero explanation, not even a text. I don't think you're an idiot but all these reasons you're giving why you can't leave? They're an illusion. They're true in your head coz you believe them. But they're not real. You can just go.
Sounds like she is a walking mess. Maybe start pointing out the mess that is being left behind instead of picking up after her.
Op, the truth is always a simple, direct, and easy to answer. You don’t have to say much to get the point across.
A lie is always complicated, over explained, over done. A person who lies will tell you something that doesn’t make sense cause it doesn’t since lies never do.
I think you know deep down this guy was trying to sell you snake oil in a can with this woman he’s been with.
I personally never would of told him and just asked her to meet me for coffee. Reason is a cheater, I’ve had four out of my two ex’s cheat in me, are telling lies to make you seem crazy.
When in reality neither you or her are crazy, the guy is.
So it’s wise to never tell the Chester you know he’s cheating but reach out to the one person and ask them to meet up for coffee in public so you two can exchange details, info, and facts.
I did this with one woman when my significant other dumped me for her after nearly 3yrs. My ex wasn’t a bad guy either but for nearly a month was cheating on me with her. She had no clue and instead of blaming me, she reached out, we met up. I showed her the text messages he sent me and found out the day he dumped me by text he was in the car with her for her 21st birthday going to Atlantic City while she had a broken leg!!! Next level asshole move towards both her & I.
Oh and yes, she did dump him after we both confront him together so he couldn’t weasel his way out of it.
Op, never intervene unless you are ABSOLUTELY certain she will meet up with you and not try to fight you, block you, or destroy you for it.
So make sure!
Let it go my man. It was a bad joke and completely untrue. Don’t allow it to take up any more of your mental load.
Masturbating is totally fine but I can see how you’re hurt by asking him to initiate it and wake up to this.
Maybe separate the things; just because you want that release doesn’t mean you have the emotional energy to connect and have sex. Those are two vastly different interactions (solo vs intimate, hopefully?) despite the parallelism with actual sex, which again, requires intimacy.
Sex is the full course meal of that most intimate relationship. Masturbating is like a quick snack. We need both in our lives and don’t always have it in us for both ( And it’s naked to online on snacks alone).
One thought, deep down he might fear getting rejected or he may need you to initiate it for him to “feel invited” and get the physiological response to get all the cogs connected and going.
It’s a complex machine and I’m not qualified to help you but as a guy I would advise you just to help him (if you want, offer it as you like, knowing that helps him and in turn increases the intimacy.)
Irrespective of him taking care of himself, work with him directly on initiating it sex. Role play where maybe you take turns for a while on who initiates (draw straws to see who goes first and make it fun?) or if he comes across as “how can I help you this week” then say “favor pretty please: initiate this week at a time you’re in the mood” or something like that.
Just some thoughts but I’d let the masturbating go- totally normal and needed on occasion
He's not my ex, but my best friend and I have strong mutual feelings for one another, and similarly we cannot be together because he doesn't think his parents would approve. We're “friends” but the way we interact with each other is not how friends act. I've said to him also that our friendship has an expiration date too, and when he starts dating someone else, he and I will have to step away from one another.
The difference in your situation is that you two were dating, and even though you're “broken up”, you're still acting like you're together. Neither of you are processing the end of the relationship, because you haven't actually ended. It's possible the two of you could continue your friendship, but you need to end all on-platonic interactions asap, and perhaps spend a period of time no-contact with one another to give your feelings time to reset.
Yes.
You need to hire a lawyer and set up a custody and support arrangement.
Also, you should probably stop the counseling unless the therapist agrees to focus your sessions on co-parenting.
He also thinks, that this way I will lead to a life which has no purpose. And the wish of having heavy bikes is boyish and traveling the world is not a life…
Just don't reply.
This is a person who chose to take a disagreement over the direction a story was going, and turn it into a real life hate campaign where she contacted real life people and made some very serious allegations.
It would be absolutely insanity to invite that into your life again.
Can she verify this with them?
These double standards will only increase over time. Especially if you marry him, he will have different standards for “as a wife” versus “as a husband” or one day “as a mother” versus “as a father”. That kind of language is a huge red flag for later on extremely sexist behavior.
Fucking nasty.
Sometimes I get sad about being single, and then I come onto Reddit and realize this is what’s out there
Generally people, men especially, don’t really want a woman coming in to “fix” them. Grow together sure, but you’re treating him like a project.
I think you’re looking for problems where there isn’t any.
I don’t disagree with that one iota. My kids were all vaxxed on all that stuff, albeit on a slightly delayed schedule and with the guidance of our tradition albeit slightly forward thinking pediatrician. Honestly, the post was a little long and I probably should have read it deeper. Traditional vaccines are an entirely different matter.
My strong advice would be to dump him.
This sub is auch a cesspool. Any relationship dispute -> DUMP HER/HIS ASS. It's just pure reaction.
Why do you think strangers on the internet would know why someone chooses to block someone?
This is a very sweeping and very interesting incorrect statement.
It’s kind of alarming you went straight to telling OP she’s being abusive but didn’t comment on the fact that her bf is as well. Him kicking her out every time they fight and then begging her to come back is abuse too. They just need to go their separate ways. This isn’t healthy all the way around
If you end up going the adoption route you have nothing to apologize for. Nothing wrong with giving a child a better opp
Thank you so much for this comment. She is definitely a super baddie.. got in my feelings but I’m good now, thanks for the reality check ?? I truly appreciate it
Oh good. You don’t online together very easy to move on. Do you want this person raising your daughter? No? Well then you should leave. I feel like when we women say we “don’t know what to think” is us trying to ignore what we know to do what is easy or comfortable. It is easier to stay in a toxic relationship than it is to leave. You know what to think. You know how you feel. Do not settle for less or over complicate your decision with feeling sorry for him. Birds of a feather block together and he is clearly an ass.
The title alone: “I’m dreading it”
Girl then don’t do it!
Or wife, don`t close her options.
Your boyfriend is an idiot who should never have the privilege of touching a woman again. He should be more upset that his dirty dick was more than likely what gave you the damn UTI in the first place. He needs to take a hot look in the mirror… and the soap aisle. Moron.
I hear a lot about the separation of physical/emotional/romantical aspects of a relationship. You could be emotionally and romantically exclusive, but physically non-exclusive. It seems physical is usually the first to go, but it's pretty mind boggling how people want and agree on different kinds of exclusivity
Right? OP seems to think she's presenting herself as the girl that would never bait and switch when she's actually showing him that exactly who she very well might be.