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You don't have a job i'm confused?
you must’ve glazed over the part where OPs girlfriend is unemployed. it should be her job to take care of the house
I think all these are small green signals. Just ask him for a drink after work or to an activity you’d both enjoy. See how he acts there one on one, you’d get a more clear idea if he’s just being friendly or if there is something more. Good luck 🙂
Tell her privately. Really be considerate in how you speak, try to keep it concise and to the point, and send atleast one or two pieces of clear proof from the get-go if you have texts or a picture of you two together. You can leave the chat open for a day or two, but I really think you should block them both asap. It's not healthy to remain emotionally invested in it. I have friends that have been disappointed when they thought they were helping out another girl and she did absolutely nothing. This is all just to say this may not bring the closure you hope for what she does is her choice, but you also need to continue healing and focus on yourself.
Noooo you’re not being a bitch, just be straight up & direct
You have absolutely 0 empathy
Hopefully your dude doesn’t end up at a bachelor party. I can’t imagine being at one where the best man has surprise strippers and when they show up I go “I have to leave my wife has a rule”
OP is seriously gross.
I (31M) saw my ex after 4 years on Facebook, and noticed she lost a ton of weight, had 2 kids, and got married. So I just messaged her to see how she was doing, because I was proud of her. We didn't break up on bad terms. There was no other intentions behind it besides that. I don't think it's that weird for him to wanna catch up after no contact for 2 years.
He’s her mom’s cousin and started grooming her at 16
Ask her next time you get an invitation just the two of you. “Is this just an activity as friends or is this a date?”
He was manipulated by an adult that he met when he was a teenager in hs?
Thank you so much! This is such good advice ?
He says the sex has been dwindling for years, though. Maybe one more try at recommitting to each other and trying to be better partners.
The point is practice makes perfect. Having lots of sex is not a bad thing, it's certainly not considered bad for men to do it. You'll spend all that time searching for your pure virgin only to find the sex is underwhelming because shock they have no experience.
Also a failed hookup is one where sex doesn't happen so that seems like a weird thing to say.
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Therapy, that's what it is for.
I won't be happy at all if I were in that situation, periodth, and it's my husband kissing another woman. I mean, unless the recipient of the peck is his mother, I won't stand for it. Sorry not sorry 🙂 But that's just me thou.
What would she think if you told her, you know what, I'm going to kiss A (mutual girl friend you have) for NYE on the mouth, but just a peck.
Would she be happy with it?
Use the inheritance for family therapy instead
Dude just divorce your wife. You sound awful tbh
That’s because you and your husband have turned him into a spoiled little bastard.
Sounds like he's hiding something. There's nothing wrong with asking.
Is this because you want the bf for yourself? This was none of your business. You made a point to go to the house when your sister wasn’t there. Timing seems fishy to me.
I 100% agree with this. This is a huge life altering event for her on top of what she was already preparing for. I think she’s entitled to take her time to process it all.
She cheated and brought home an STd. I won’t ask. Keep getting yourself tested. There may be more and if the infection is recent you need to keep getting tested because there is a possibility that there is a long incubation period. So wait and don’t breath easy yet.
DON’T HAVE SEX WITH ANYONE. including your girlfriend. You may be asymptomatic but still can transmit the disease.
Swim away.
He doesn’t make the plan for childcare that isn’t you, you don’t go. I second this, when exactly is he building this house? With what money? That will take quite sometime, this isn’t a pack the truck and go thing.
I get your POV but at the same time, this whole situationship has felt like it’s about me always caring for him. I don’t want to be a “garbage human being” as you said but I also don’t want to drop everything to help him. I want to make sure that he is safe but in a way that a friend can be, not romantic and completely not coddling and consoling like he wants me to be. Again, I’m not his girlfriend. That’s why I’m trying to find a way to balance, if I’m an asshole I wouldn’t even have answered him and deserted him.
This is true for sure. I'm just going to talk to her like I'm myself without trying to cushion anything. It has to be done no matter what.
What's there to be furious about? Are you jackin police?
I'm not sure what part of that is funny.
You have a problem guest. He is there far too long and is taking up too much space and making too much noise.
However your roommate/boyfriend has some right to entertain guests so it needs to be discussed as a household.
Whether or not you want a boyfriend who loves to host guests who insult you and make you cry is quite another matter – frankly that is one for your therapist. I can't guess why you're making that choice but it is not healthy.
Then leave him. Find a different sugar daddy.
Pretty simple solution.
Or just admit that he basically bought you, and don't expect him to see you a strong, independent and powerful figure when your entire relationship was built on you reaping monetary benefit for just being a woman. Lol
I second this
You sure you aren’t really dating him for utility and stability?
Once you have resources your resources met then you actually focus on what you want from a relationship. Which are these issues.
It shouldn’t be start out rough. That’s a reflection of problems.
How you get them is how you lose them. I bet his ex wife would have a very different story on why their marriage ended.
Disregarding most details in the post, just look at the disgusting shit he is saying to you. Why do you want this man so badly? He is trash through and through.
Ugh, these fake names and the unnecessary detail. Clearly OP things this is a fascinating drama but… it’s nothing.
You need a new therapist, this was an incredibly stupid hill to die on.
I know a guy who took his wife’s last name when he married her, as he had no family and his own name meant nothing to him. They got divorced and he kept the name. Now he’s remarried and his second wife took his name. … That he got from his first wife.
While you’re both basking in the afterglow
You have made some of the most ridiculous arguments. ‘If she coerced him’ did she a hold a gun to his head?? If the ultimatum is ‘then we break up’ how on EARTH is that coercion. No one could break up with anyone if that’s coercion. That’s called a boundary my friend and it’s alarming you can’t see that.
Well considering her birthday this break will end in May the latest.
Btw what are your prospects of living together indefinietely? Is there even a timeline for this? If not, perhaps it's high time to establish one in May.
just allowing you to consider all sides bro. when she starts telling you to give her a massage while you put your nude dog between her buns, youll know i was right
Yes I do that but oftentimes it gets annoying after a certain point because now none of is talking. She resonates to thinking she’s not good enough and feels shitty and I tell her i’m here and we’ll get through this.. what more can you do?
That’s not love. Look into your Attachment Style and work on yourself. Break the childhood traumas that you’ve buried inside. (We all have them actually) Leave this loser and live! your life. When you love yourself and don’t settle for this garbage you will attract someone on your healed level.
Yes, you can break up with him for trying to rape you! Who gave you the idea that you couldn't?
I mean same, I feel like if anything, all acid does is reveal intentions. It doesn’t inherently make someone cruel, unless they have it in them.
I’ve tripped balls a bunch, I’ve never mistaken two people (even twins). Acid makes me hyper aware of people’s vibe, I feel like I’d just instantly be able to tell it wasn’t my wife
They mentioned the child shouldn’t be raised or around someone who does those things. Hence why I said it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
How to be better lovers, as in, how they could address some issues in a better way, if they have misunderstood their lover, how to help her when she has cramps, etc. Most of them are still dating their partners after years (they usually started dating in their teenage years). Some has broken up but there were no cheatings involved. Usually a mutual break-up from differences in goals and values, and on good terms. They usually would ask me after they have tried communicating with their partner but doesn't seem to work due to the differences in communication styles or they're just clueless about females in general. Sometimes their lovers aren't very communicative either, so they ask me for a different perspective and for clarity since I'm brutally honest and straightforward to them, while their partners might not want to hurt their feelings or just refuse to communicate.
While there are not so genuine friendships out there, there are still lots of friendships that are purely plantonic and genuine.
I do agree with your last sentence. That should definitely be the first thing to do.
Nah. I’m British and have been living in the US for ten years and still pronounce things the British way. My wife feels no need to ‘correct’ me because she’s not an arse and understands that I, being British, will say things with the particular British accent and pronunciation I was raised with. There’s no communication barrier – if people struggled to understand me, I’d start saying things the American way to jake things easier, but that’s never been the case. Do you also think people should speak English in America and look down on those who converse publicly in other languages? Because your ‘when in Rome’ comment is bordering on xenophobic.
Run, don’t walk.
Sounds like he doesn’t see you as a person as much as he sees you as a body. Very gross
Physical intimacy is not owed and never to be forcefully taken. Wtf is wrong with you?
Ah well at least this is fake, well I hope to the gods it is anyway (idk I'm an Atheists, but if any of em are real pls)
Like missing ur sons birthday dinner so you can hook up with his friend.. like the actual fuck.
I'd take having an abusive parent than you as a mother any day. If this is real I hope he sees this and realises he doesn't need closure from you or anything else from you as you will bring him nothing but harm.
Do what you feel you need to do. You have to do what's best for your kids. What if he got high and neglected the children and they got hurt ? What if he drops a pill and the kids find it ? What if he gets arrested for doing something stupid and you have CPS come ? Or worse ? I hate what if-isms but with addicts/users, it's completely plausable any of these things can happen.
If you think his parents will help, then reach out to them. Your BF needs help, but unless he wants it, things will never change for the better.
Do you have any support systems ? Friends, family, anyone that you can go to for help ? Do you get along with his parents ?
It IS weird, and honestly manipulative
He was not manipulating me. He has apologized for his actions. We have moved on from that. This situation is my fault. I wanna know how to make up for this
Jesus Christ man you’re crying over cookies, of course you need therapy.
Lots of complex emotions and they’ll always be there but letting your GF know she’ll always be second is a horrible thing to say.
Get some help and enjoy those who love you and that you love. This isn’t fair to Claire at all.
So you messaged him out of the blue six years after never dating him to tell him it wasn't his fault that you two didn't date? And you wonder why he blocked you?
His wife was an international student so I feel they married quicker than usual because her visa would be running out?
What a strange thing to assume.
How you “feel better” is to move on. Stop obsessing over him. Focus on your work, your hobbies, your actual relationships. Maybe talk to a therapist about your choices and feelings around this. Leave him alone.
Darling.
He doesn't respect you.
Move on. ❤️
Clorox wipes on SKIN???? OoooOoOooOoo how are you not hunched over in a bit of pain?
?? that is funny
He's being emotionally manipulative. Do you want to stay married? Because that will affect the advice you get.
What I will tell you for now is that he's using the most used excuse ever. I was drunk.
If he was actually this drunk why was he driving? If he was drunk why did he give someone a ride home? Do you not have Uber? Could he have called you for a ride?
Did they sleep in her bed?
He made a series of poor decisions not just one.
He cuts this friend off right this second. If he wants to save the marriage he should be all for it.
Couples therapy asap.
And he needs to be aware that breaking your trust can take years for you to heal from if ever.
I also wouldn't trust that nothing more happened because remember he was drunk. Or just a liar.
I would go ahead and talk to a divorce lawyer so you know what it would look like for you and you can make an informed decision about what you want to do.
There’s nothing wrong with going locally. I did the same thing and had a great time and made great friends. Going off to school is overrated as shit. My advice is to get in and get out as fast as you can with a piece of paper that can get you big dollars. Two hours away really isn’t that far but having your parents minutes is a lot better than two hours when some shit goes south and some times it does in school.
Yeah I didn’t finish reading past the 1. …. They can get way the fuck out
You don't know what his friends had to go through to help him after your breakup. It may have been amicable on the surface but maybe there are things you do not know.
In any case, you should let this one go. Let him have the sendoff with his friends, he will have an intimate one with you anyway and since you will join him, he's probably only accommodating his friends. Having a party is all about everyone being happy and celebrating and maybe he feels it can't be that if you are there.
It's his going-away, let him enjoy, be the great partner that you are and let him have his way.
? My ex told me the same & my reason was exactly what you said! If I didn’t do something, then nothing was going to get done. So many men want to be leaders without the slightest idea how.
For your question: how can you support the ask if he can’t put in the effort?
You don’t. Unless you want to compromise your standard of living or what makes you feel safe and stable, you do nothing or you leave him. You can’t teach him to be a leader because he’s a misogynist and doesn’t want to hear it from you. You just keep handling life and either he picks up on it and figures it out, or you get tired of it and leave.
I went through something similar, and early on I thought all the same things as you, but it’s not true. You can spend a lot of time with someone and not fight. What matters is how you handle talking to each other. Arguments are rooted in discontent and my problems stemmed from the fact we couldn’t communicate effectively. One side would explain why they are feeling one way, while another would just get defensive and argumentative, which leads to a fight and the problem not getting resolved but getting bigger and buried. If one side can’t communicate effectively, the effort from the other will just turn to discontent and the fighting will get worse.
My advice is to find what is causing these arguments. Is it jealousy from a break of trust? Is a partner anxious and wants to act out occasionally? Talk about it and draw boundaries on how you expect a response.
My other advice is to break-up if you can’t figure out what the real issue is.
Don't pressure him.
I won’t lie, being a single mum is so hot. It’s rewarding, but it’s hot to appreciate that when you’re pulled from every direction and have very little time for self love.
Will you share custody? Do you have family and friends for support? If you do, lean into them as much as you can. If someone offers you help, don’t be too proud to take it.
I didn’t think anyone would want me either, but I found a wonderful man who loves me and my kids and is everything my previous partner wasn’t and more. There is hope, just make sure you love yourself first.
Agreed! If allowed where you are OP, go for alimony. It can go towards making yours and your children's life more comfortable.
Is it that she wants to do more things outside the house or that she wants you to spend more money on her?
Inexpensive dates/vacations: Does your library have passes to museums and other places where you can plan dates without spending a ton of money? Depending on where you on-line, consider a national parks pass and then do trips to all the parks in driving distance.
If she just wants to spend lots of money you don’t have, well, you’re not financially compatible. Don’t pursue a serious relationship with a person who doesn’t share your values.
This has to be a troll post. I mea,. c'mon now…
We broke up. As much as I think he would have done the work if it meant staying together with me I could not look at him the same way and trust that he would be able to respect me and my friends. It is what it is at this point. Nonetheless I am very sad. Thanks for all the advice. I think I needed the push to listen to my gut and end things.
Little notes are something I could definitely ramp up! I do them occasionally & know they mean a lot to him. As for me, I’m doing fine but do struggle with him struggling. It’s been a pretty on/off 4 year battle for him. In the good parts, it’s great! But when he starts to dip back down, I can feel my anxiety starting to rise. He says he isn’t suicidal, but it’s hot to know if that’s the truth
Im sure that was so difficult having your wife working in healthcare during that time! It was so scary & overwhelming!
If yall actually had codependency issues, it’s smart of her to break it off. block her – it’s probably over for good:
If she broke up just bc she wanted to go be with other people, don’t be a backup. Block her – it’s over for good.
This would be for GI & sounds like shes already been seeing them. My guy went for a gi thing, wasnt much they could do. He just deals with it.
?♀️ ? ???????
yeah i know, it’s self sabotage i should’ve known this would happen tbh. I’m more angry over the fact that I missed it because I chose to wait for him, I would’ve been completely over it if he didn’t make me wait for him, then it wouldn’t have been so much of a waste because i really wanted to see it. I wish he would’ve just texted me “hey i’m not gonna make it in time” I would’ve went by myself, but he was ignoring my texts and making me wait.