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1. I told my husband that we needed to use less sarcasm towards each other and speak nicely. I told him that we need to check in on jokes because sometimes they’re hurtful.

   So now we tell each other “we use nice words” when we say jokes that offend each other. This triggers an apology and a conversation about why it hurt feelings.

   It’s been very hot, and we aren’t perfect with it but it has helped us better communicate as a married couple.

   I hope you can grow from this experience. What happened essentially is you went into fight/flight mode and acted in that way of thinking. Next time, try to notice when you are in fight/flight. Maybe write out that note, but then leave it and come back 30 minutes later. I think you’ll find your note was horrible and you don’t want to send it!

   Learning this now will help you in so many aspects of life. Work, friendships, all relationships will benefit from you understanding your fight/flight response and appropriately reacting to your natural human instincts (that are wrong sometimes!)

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2. You'd rather he lost his wife? (wait, I'm sure your answer is probably yes, actually).

   He did something wrong. He is dealing with the consequences like an adult. You are meddling in something that's none of your concern out of selfishness and arrogance.

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3. Yeah man, you’re tripping

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4. Thanks for your reply ❤ and yeah I probably should have left years ago, pre kids, but he has redeeming qualities in that he is gentle and quiet and a fairly hands on dad despite what I said in OP (he will do things with them, I just get pissed off for eg when I'm totally overwhelmed and he won't get them out of my hair and to the park so I can breathe). The thing that really gets me is the not talking to me about feelings, or ever suggesting I take a little time to myself. I just feel so underapreciated. Plus I have literally nowhere to go

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