when reddit stops arguing and starts violently agreeing…
One bit of your phrasing left the one question in my mind – was he planning to move both of you, or was he clearly looking to on-line with his friend? (alone?) Ive seen so so many fights start with the opposite assumption. But, if he isnt trying to do something nice and surprise you, gtfo.
a) ask him.
b) separate your feelings of betrayal. conflicted implies you want to make a horrible situation work, if its horrible, your effort could make something that isnt already horrible, pretty damn good. start with not horrible. there is a very kind, shy guy out there for someone that is so quick to forgive. that guy wouldnt take it for granted or use it against you. find a person like that.
Guys sitting alone at school are there because they want someone to talk to them or they'd be sitting alone somewhere else. If you see a cute guy (like aww cute) sitting on the side of a big open area, that's your guy. You can be really sneaky and wait for something altruistic – like the guy that tells a cute girl that she dropped something but is too shy to start the conversation. THAT'S your guy.
Possibly but when and if i do Tell her whats wrong, again if there even is anything wrong, the answer is never good enough. For some strange reason the idea of me crying angers her and i cant figure it out. She uses words like spoiled. Selfish,ridiculous. To her its a sign that im immature. She even once referred to my tears as a “tantrum” it’s incredibly upsetting to be talked down to just for crying.
And I said in my post i agreed OP was wrong. I was replying specifically to the part in your post where you said you've seen this statement before. I was telling you that I do not think that statement usually means each person is required to clean and cook for themselves.
Differences in sexual drive don’t often make drastic changes over time. If his response to your need for more intimacy is “find someone better” or silence, then he is telling you what you need to know.
If physical intimacy is important to you but it isn’t to him, this relationship will only get worse as you begin to resent him because you want more, and he begins to resent you because he doesn’t want it.
You can either dump her, or work it out. She may have a sex addiction and not know it. This is especially common with those with BPD, Bipolar and depression. If you’re willing to work it out see if you can get into couples counseling. There’s something missing chemically, physically or emotionally which is why she’s cheating. A “great sex life” isn’t an indicator that all is good in a relationship.
Mad because you don’t want to partake in sexual acts is abuse.
You were 18 when you got with him and allowed this behavior and you have the Right to stop it as well.
Do not do anything you don’t want in order to please him. That is not what a husband should want. They shouldn’t be angry because you don’t want to do things that hurt you or make you feel bad.
He also told me to never share our private matters with anyone.
I think think this is worth thinking about a bit further. Having trusted people who are SAFE for talking things through (good & bad) is very important. If you only have your romantic partner, that can set you up for some toxic dynamics, isolation, resentment & repression. But the people you share private intimate things with need to be really carefully chosen, not everyone can be trusted to listen to you and give good objective feedback with your best interests truly in mind. A lot of people, even if they mean well, just project their own feelings about their own similar experiences.
For example, if a friend has a string of bad relationships, and you try and talk about a fight you're having with your partner, the friend will likely start talking badly about your partner and warning you about how abusive they are etc. Even if the objective situation is you and your partner are just not communicating well about something and otherwise your relationship is fine.
I would recommend if it's possible that you two get a couples therapist, because there's some serious risk here of some bad foundation being laid for the future of your relationship to be built on.
I think seeing him look at me in that way made me feel sad and reminice again..
when reddit stops arguing and starts violently agreeing…
One bit of your phrasing left the one question in my mind – was he planning to move both of you, or was he clearly looking to on-line with his friend? (alone?) Ive seen so so many fights start with the opposite assumption. But, if he isnt trying to do something nice and surprise you, gtfo.
a) ask him.
b) separate your feelings of betrayal. conflicted implies you want to make a horrible situation work, if its horrible, your effort could make something that isnt already horrible, pretty damn good. start with not horrible. there is a very kind, shy guy out there for someone that is so quick to forgive. that guy wouldnt take it for granted or use it against you. find a person like that.
Guys sitting alone at school are there because they want someone to talk to them or they'd be sitting alone somewhere else. If you see a cute guy (like aww cute) sitting on the side of a big open area, that's your guy. You can be really sneaky and wait for something altruistic – like the guy that tells a cute girl that she dropped something but is too shy to start the conversation. THAT'S your guy.
Bingo!
Exactly, if I was the bf and I saw this I would be out like, wth?
Possibly but when and if i do Tell her whats wrong, again if there even is anything wrong, the answer is never good enough. For some strange reason the idea of me crying angers her and i cant figure it out. She uses words like spoiled. Selfish,ridiculous. To her its a sign that im immature. She even once referred to my tears as a “tantrum” it’s incredibly upsetting to be talked down to just for crying.
And I said in my post i agreed OP was wrong. I was replying specifically to the part in your post where you said you've seen this statement before. I was telling you that I do not think that statement usually means each person is required to clean and cook for themselves.
Differences in sexual drive don’t often make drastic changes over time. If his response to your need for more intimacy is “find someone better” or silence, then he is telling you what you need to know.
If physical intimacy is important to you but it isn’t to him, this relationship will only get worse as you begin to resent him because you want more, and he begins to resent you because he doesn’t want it.
Time to go.
You can either dump her, or work it out. She may have a sex addiction and not know it. This is especially common with those with BPD, Bipolar and depression. If you’re willing to work it out see if you can get into couples counseling. There’s something missing chemically, physically or emotionally which is why she’s cheating. A “great sex life” isn’t an indicator that all is good in a relationship.
Mad because you don’t want to partake in sexual acts is abuse.
You were 18 when you got with him and allowed this behavior and you have the Right to stop it as well.
Do not do anything you don’t want in order to please him. That is not what a husband should want. They shouldn’t be angry because you don’t want to do things that hurt you or make you feel bad.
Please get a good therapist and unpack this all.
You already have a future together ! Sounds like a great relationship and no major issues . Let go and let God 😉
“I’m sorry to do this over text but unfortunately this relationship isn’t working out for me. Good luck in your future endeavors.”
Also to add to this, a lot of guys are pressured to last longer because they don't wanna be known as 1 minute Darren. Talk to him.
That sounds like a terrible idea – you are clearly being used.
My guy what are you doing? You know the two of you don't belong together. Work on yourself and you'll find someone that's right for you.
He also told me to never share our private matters with anyone.
I think think this is worth thinking about a bit further. Having trusted people who are SAFE for talking things through (good & bad) is very important. If you only have your romantic partner, that can set you up for some toxic dynamics, isolation, resentment & repression. But the people you share private intimate things with need to be really carefully chosen, not everyone can be trusted to listen to you and give good objective feedback with your best interests truly in mind. A lot of people, even if they mean well, just project their own feelings about their own similar experiences.
For example, if a friend has a string of bad relationships, and you try and talk about a fight you're having with your partner, the friend will likely start talking badly about your partner and warning you about how abusive they are etc. Even if the objective situation is you and your partner are just not communicating well about something and otherwise your relationship is fine.
I would recommend if it's possible that you two get a couples therapist, because there's some serious risk here of some bad foundation being laid for the future of your relationship to be built on.
Good luck.