147 thoughts on “Emma ellis live webcams for YOU!”
Why are you making this weird? He's like what, five,? Six? In a new place, new country, away from his bed and toys, and you don't understand why his actual parent who knows her child thinks it's a good idea that he sleeps in the same bed as two adults who should care that he's comfortable and safe?
Do this woman and child a favor and leave. It sounds like you are in it for the mom and barely do the bare minimum to tolerate the child. Because I promise you she notices and will hit a limit to how much crap she tolerates from you. The kid is going to notice, too. And he's going to get resentful and start acting out and then you are really in trouble.
The hot truth is that it's more than likely wishful thinking. I could just issue a blanket statement that it's impossible to have a friendship after a relationship, but quite frankly that wouldn't be true.
It is, however, very difficult. The reason for this is that you can't have a truly platonic friendship if there are any residual romantic feelings. Let's even assume you don't or won't have any. You likely know that she will. As such, your “friendship” will consist of her staying close just hoping you'll “wake up” and want to get back together with her.
So you can certainly suggest it, but make sure you pay attention to reality, and that's assuming she even says yes. Good luck.
Engaging in sexual activity with someone else outside a monogamous relationship is considered cheating to most people.
Engaging with sex workers while in a monogamous relationship is also considered cheating to most people.
He had “no idea what he was doing” but somehow managed to figure out how to talk dirty and give them his CC info?
He either knows exactly what he's doing and thinks you're an idiot or he's the stupidest person on earth; In which case, would you even want to be dating someone that dumb?
I have tried watching movies and distracting myself with work. It doesn’t work. I’m telling you it’s not working.
Okay, well you got your advice from people, and your response once again is, “no, can't do that, won't work”.
So you're on your own then. None of the advice people have works for you for all the reasons you respond with.
My honest advice is to look into cheap/free therapy you can attend live and start building up your self-worth and confidence again so you don't get treated like this. Because you're right, you DO deserve better. You deserve to be happy.
But you will respond saying “no, that will never work because __________ and _______”
After that, what else are people supposed to say then? Other than, “alright, whatever OP, good luck then?”
If you're paying for her therapy she should treat her tharpist as a well, therapist. Not you. She is going to become dependant on you which is really bad for both of your mental healths. I agree with other commenters, talk to her about it first and be very clear about your boundaries and how it made you feel. If she cannot treat you like a romantic partner break up with her and distance yourself while you get over her. If you want to stay friends to support her that's great but she may try to continue a relationship with you after breaking up which is unhealthy.
You two are not in financial agreement. The things that break up a marriage is sexual and financial incompatibility.
If you give in on this she will continue to make financial irresponsible decisions. As far as down-payment on a car when you are both in so much debt is already incredibly irresponsible.
You two need to sit down and discuss how you see your future together and how you are both going to fund it. Even if she is a SAHM that is contributing to the household and isn't insignificant. But if she is what else will she be doing? As in how else will she be spending money for that, some moms need a deep cleaning of the house once a week or every two weeks (after a c-section she shouldn't be worried about getting on her hands and knees to scrub the bathrooms) maybe she needs yoga or gym membership to get out of the house and feel human. Whatever it might be for the both of you.
If she isn't willing to do this and if at the end of it your pictures look nothing alike. You two either need couples counseling (not to be a b1tch but it sounds like she is super spoiled for an ultimatum like that and needs therapy herself) before you continue or you'll end up paying far more for a contentious divorce when you have had enough of the issues you two didn't settle before you got married.
I’m a 31F single mom head over heals in love with a 35M dad vibe type of guy. He says he loves me so much all the time and wants to take care of me, and spends hours of his time making me feel better. Our emotional bond is very strong. We support each other and see each other as equals. When I don’t feel well he says “It makes me sad to see you feel this pain” and holds me till I feel safe again. He’s not entirely like you because he is a bit more afraid of commitment than I am and you seem. Not sure why maybe a combination of things. He has been ghosted twice before meeting me that’s never a fun experience, and wants to think things through until the end of time. But I believe, as you do, in the power of loyalty and stability. I am not letting this guy go, he means so much to me and is so good to me.
The reason I love him so much for his goodness is I come from a few very problematic relationships, always spending too much time and energy, mind space and effort into the relationship. In some relationships I felt more as a presence or furniture, ignored, and some relationships were really toxic with emotional abuse. I left them but felt the same as you do now. What do I do wrong? Until I gave a different type of guy, a dad type of guy a chance.
I wish you could meet someone who fully appreciates you for whatever it is that you bring, all the emotional stability, the strong bond, the goodness, the safety net. I’m sure there is someone out there as enthusiastic about dad vibes as I am, and willing to never let you go.
It's not that you are insecure, it's just that you know guys and what they want.. And you have bounderies.. If she can't respect them then don't be spineless and stay in the relationship.. Leave her
This isn't new , it's been on there for years . You can even turn the read report of as well . So the ticks don't go blue when you've read it .
Although I don't think you should have to do this , just so your gf doesn't moan if you've been live . It's little weird that's she going onto you name to see if you've been live! or not . How about hey it's good to talk ,how are you sounds like you've had bit of a rough day ??♀️. Think she's done you a favour . Bet she's wanting you to suck up to her and beg her back saying your sorry you want do it again…. don't do that or you'll be setting yourself up for behaviour like this all the time with her .
Girl you need to sort THIS out before you date anyone, take some time to think and build yourself up a bit. It can be dangerous to be too vulnerable, there are people out there who will take advantage of you. It’s okay to just be by yourself- a boyfriend is a lovely addition, but shouldn’t be necessary for your life to be complete.
It’s normal to be a bit lonely sometimes, but desperation attracts bad people and you shouldn’t be really lonely all the time, you have to work on enjoying time with yourself and with other people in your life
We went Christmas shopping, and then we went out for hibachi. We live together, so it's not like we're spending no time together, but we just ran some errands today. We have no plans tomorrow, but I think he'll want to stay home and rest. I told him I'd be fine with just watching a movie, and cooking a meal together, so we'll see.
You were a dick for insulting someone behind their back
I doubt your friend is actually that dumb, he knew what he was doing.
I liked another commenters suggestion and just get her a gift and apologize and just faintly put the blame on your friend for telling her. It’s Christmas time so it would make you look OG.
Generally speaking, never wake a sleeping mother! They are exhausted and, particularly with a newborn or toddler, they are on all the time and have trouble falling back asleep. If you are getting into bed late and disrupting her sleep then just sleep somewhere else. She needs her sleep.
I personally don't see what's wrong with the ex husband adopting the children. It's a nice gesture considering their dad is gone, and he is married to their mom after all. I feel like your wife and her kids need to get over it, put bluntly.
Thanks I kinda thought the same my previous ex’s all had a break that ended things after the month ahah I guess my naive ass still believes in the hope of it still working but it is what it is
I'm glad you're starting to try to take care of yourself. Obviously this so called boyfriend has no interest in taking care of you and I hope you dump him! Remember, a good partner is an actual partner. You two should be a team in life.
I'm worried about how bad your health got. Mental health, but also physical! Do you have a primary care doctor, one that you see for yearly check ups? If not, I think you should find one. You need to have one established that you can call when you're having health problems. It's a lot easier to get simple prescriptions for things like nausea when you already have a doctor you go to regularly. You shouldn't have to suffer so much!
I also think you should see a doctor and tell them about your experience and your current mental state. Primary care doctors do depression evaluations all the time. You understandably can't talk to your family about this, but you still need to reach out for help. A doctor- not the clinic doctor, but a primary care doctor- can get you started getting that help. What you're going through is absolutely understandable, but you can't do this alone!
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He's said alarming things in the past that I let slide as well.
Do you want to keep letting things slide until you can't anymore?
I'm not sure anyone can answer why. People think all kinds of bizarre things even if they have some good traits. I would guess he has some issues and maladaptive thinking.
Just a different thought than a lot of these responses: maybe he's mentally not well (e.g. Depression). It sounds a lot like he made stuff up in his mind and is incapable of talking to you about it.
Maybe it's possible for you to go over to his home (please don't go alone) to check on him.
He’s a grown adult telling you how he feels about you. Why does it have to be a lie? He’s obviously already in a relationship with you so he doesn’t need to lie to you. I’d be happy he finds you so attractive. His feelings for you may also truly make you the most beautiful woman in the world to him. Good luck.
If this was that kind of situation, he would tell her that she is his girlfriend and just do whatever he wants anyhow.
This is a guy being explicit and upfront about his desire to not jump from a failed relationship into another relationship too quickly. Advice that people get given here all the time.
I'm leaning that way as well, but I've just moved half way round the world and uprooted my life to be with her and things were going great. Oh well…such is life.
I'm a keeper too, all the special cards and little mementoes. I do sift through them every now and then, and chuck what I’m okay without, but I get it.
If this thing is important to you, tuck it away. You two are going to attach memories to different things, and for her, for this, the photo is enough. Tuck it in your nightstand. Maybe someday she'll be glad you kept it.
you're allowed to initiate, but can I ask what made you two agree that you aren't allowed to masturbate? I don't personally understand ppl who don't let their couples watch porn but I guess to each their own on that, but no masturbation? to what end?
If it wasnt an issue no one would be pushing for a cowardly option of deceit.
No one is property or claimed but it is a matter of compassion and respect. Information not permission. Two months ago you told him you wanted to live the single life and now you are looking to start something with the guy you were clearly into beforehand, a close friend of his while he is still mourning the relationship. No one is buying that it came from nowhere. Own your grimy behaviour and stop trying to make yourself look better. Its going to really hurt him and blow up friendships.
The guy that is hiding you knows he fucked up multiple friendships to sleep with you and doesnt seem too keen to let others know. Enjoy.
I am not diagnosed ADHD but am easily distracted when bored. It is the extra information for me. I didn’t want to be mean to OP but just his sentence example got to me. He says a whole sentence length phrase and doesn’t get to the true point. The zoo. He starts with info she probably already knows- kids on Saturday wanna do fun things. Why hide the punch line?
My husband has learned that when telling me a story about anything , I don’t need the details about the third grade teacher he and the person shared or the sister. He has gotten better but sometimes I let him ramble on. At least I know there is no quiz at the end.
Right? I work out almost every day, so sweat, gotta be washed off. I wash my hair every day too. My hair just isn’t right unless it’s washed, I have thick hair so it holds up. I know women with super fine hair who can’t wash more than once or twice a week but they use dry shampoo, which helps with the smell. She might have no clue about her smell. Be gentle OP.
He doesn't involve me. He got a new job and I never saw the contract just told me he accepted it. When he got a new car I pointed at ones I liked for him but ultimately he chose the one he wanted after umming about the same one for 3 days. It's like why bother asking for my opinion if he's just going to choose something else that was his idea. I don't get it
I don't think it's weird. It's frozen, app is removed but if things don't work out then it saves her creating a whole new account.
That doesn't mean she's expecting things to not work out or has one foot out of the door. It's just not necessarily necessary to delete the whole thing.
This could be the relationship the lasts, or you could have several more. Deleting the full account each time you meet someone is just an unnecessary step and one more chore to do a new one, especially if you think you nailed your profile the first time (she got you after all.)
It’s all only come about super recently so whilst it may seem like a crutch it also came about quite soon around the breakup so it’s come at me like a train to have both at the same time. I’m doing the best I can to remain myself but It’s bloody hot!
It’s counselling as I’m on a low income but it’s not really helping. It’s not been long though so I don’t know if I need to give it more time or whether I should be seeking specialist trauma based therapy/somatic body work and ptsd help. I hope I’m able to get insurance. I’m in the UK so I don’t know how all of that works.
Regular birth control pills (which you need prescribed) can lessen your periods. Plan B is not the same, and it gave me the worst cramps of my life. Literally no girl would get Plan B for cramps. Sorry man 🙁
Or is someone trying to ruin him or thinks this is a funny prank? Do you have a relative that might have used your house for sex while your husband was at work and you were gone?
I'm sorry but you are absolutely being immature. He's realizing that you can't 100% say you'd get an abortion (ok, fine) but that he 100% doesn't want a kid right now (also fine) and since BC isn't 100% effective (very true) he'd rather double up with condoms too. Your reaction to this very mature and smart decision is to say “well if you're using condoms I'm going off BC” even though condoms also aren't 100% effective… Just because you suddenly worry he might be thinking about cheating? Grow up or stop having sex.
Consuming porn also directly supports human trafficking. There are thousands of women whose literal rape videos are live even after court order gave them all the rights to these videos. They just aren't able to get them down as fast as someone else uploads them.
And you would have no idea that you are watching a human trafficking victim getting raped.
I'm a little confused by the timeline. In this post you say the breakup was just last night, but a month ago you posted your active Hinge dating profile and mentioned a 42 year old ex girlfriend.
Are you able to clarify? Did this just happen last night or have you been broken up for a month? And if the latter, what has happened in the past month to make you post this – has there been ongoing contact with her?
I think you’re reading into it, especially because his last two lines clarify exactly what you seem to be insecure about. I think he’s trying to be sweet and values who you are on the inside.
I'd say you won. And it sounds like you had plenty of competition. Getting caught up on body counts is silly. You will particularly see that as you get a little older. Our experiences make us what we are today. Without that for her you might have not seemed nearly as desirable and she could have always continued to have a Wandering eye. Keep it in perspective. We are humans. If you want to take it way far back it wasn't even uncommon for a woman to have multiple sexual partners within the tribe. Modern society has created monogamy and have given a complex to women for promiscuity. Enjoy it brother she's probably a lot funner and she loves you. Obviously you got something those other swing dicks didn't have.. I personally don't mind a woman with some experience that gravitates to me. Especially if she was willing to spend the rest of her life with me. It's just silly and it's juvenile. We are very sexual creatures by Nature.
It’s never a good feeling, but it’s a side-effect of our current dating norms. It’s something you will typically have to deal with, so try not to let it get under your skin. Be friendly, and accept that it’s something you can’t really do anything about.
Thank you for your help regardless – it's a tough situation honestly. I've stuck with him so far hoping it'll get better but it's just getting worse over time – and I fear if I leave him, I will only make HIS mental health worse. I'll just give it time and hope for the best now. Thank you.
Yes, you must talk to him about it. This is a pretty crappy and contemptuous thing he did to you. Publicly humiliating you is really mean and demeaning, and it doesn't speak well for his character.
I'd say give him one chance. If he listens to what you have to say, apologizes sincerely without making excuses for his nasty behavior, and never again puts you down like that, then you can move ahead with the relationship. People sometimes are able to learn and grow into being a better person.
If, on the other hand, he responds negatively to your complaint about his behavior, yells at you or argues and gaslights, or if he repeats his contemptuous and cruel putdowns in future, I think that should be the end of the relationship.
I'm not getting him fired no matter what happens, I'm not petty like that . He isn't my coworker, completely different fields, we just work close to each other and some times we need something or they need something and we call each other.
I know that I should have left but i like that this is unfolding in unexpected ways. I just don't want to hurt him in any way. I wouldn't know what to do if he wanted more . He is an really good kid apart from his player habits.
Also, going forward, could you please stop cherry picking small parts of this conversation to respond to and do your best to address the entirety of my responses?
In your place, if you really don't want to break up with her, I'd keep my journals in a lockbox. Or I'd never feel safe putting a single private thought to paper ever again. You are a lot more understanding about her violation of your trust than I would be, she's lucky to have you.
It's not you, Don't rush to think of you. You can try different things. And whether he comes or not is not determining factor of whether you enjoy being with him sexually.
You are the asshole… for putting up with that kind of behaviour. A bag of tea? really? Id dump him in an hearthbeat. And by not communicating your discomfort with him, you are allowing this to happen. Its in your hand to put it to a full stop, or leave.
If your response to him not getting you off is to get up and leave the house, it sounds like you are tiptoeing around the issue and afraid to really confront him. The only way forward is to talk about it. Directly. Consistently. Give him books, show him videos. Explain every way you can that his sexual neglect is not OK and needs to change. If he is still unwilling to take direction, unwilling to try new things, and doesn't understand why your pleasure should be of equal importance to his, you really need to think about if being his sex doll is enough for you.
I feel so bad for your wife. That you are that dishonest with her. But I guess of your are that dishonest with yourself about your sexuality them there's little how you would be honest with her.
You die screw up with your naive weakness. You learned a valuable lesson though, your wife thinks you are a doormat, because you are. The truth hurts, in your next relationship grow and actual backbone.
I offered to wear an eyepatch and she wouldn't go for it. I even offered to buy a new pair of sunglasses to wear in public and at dinner and she rejected the idea.
Wrong. There is absolutely something OP can do. It’s the nuclear option. Might piss off his wife. But shut that shit down quick and adamantly as soon as you hear it. Be good for the wife to do the same. Or start calling these people out as jealous they or their SO is looking so haggard.
Shouldn’t be talking to an ex that “flirts with him” at all. He obviously shouldn’t be in a relationship and you shouldn’t trust him. Hes going to keep crossing lines with this relationship and he’ll always have an excuse. Going through your partners phone isn’t normal.
It's not choking it's strangulation. It's okay to not enjoy violence during sex. In fact I would encourage you to not entertain any violence during sex.
Of course he is calling u abusive, he doesn't want to look like the a**hole. Which he is. Stick to ur ultimatum and don't let him come back. Unless u want this to be repeated over and over, which seems to be the case.
Tons of things affect your mood and desire to be intimate. Def worth getting vitamin levels checked out and visiting a therapist if you can. It could be work stress, meds, sleep changes, etc. I have a similar issue, my anxiety gets going and I’ll go weeks pushing my boyfriend away. Even though he’s totally wonderful and I WANT to want him, that part of my brain is just “off” sometimes. Being open with him about how I’m feeling and reassuring him that its not about him, it’s just how my head is now, was really important. And working together to find things that help. Like he’ll set me up with a nice bath and candles and a joint sometimes, and that gives me time to get myself ready and calm down and kinda “find” that part of me mentally. Problems like this tend to get worse if you put too much pressure on yourself though, so don’t let that guilty feeling weight you down. acknowledge that you’re frustrated with yourself because there’s a disconnect somewhere, but that doesn’t make you worth any less or a bad partner. It’s good you want to figure it out!
Your idea of making up with sister is to talk to her to explain to her that she and the douche didn't have sex so she had no right to be upset about you making your move on someone she was dating. She clearly doesn't agree with you. Respect that and move on.
The only reason you want to “make up” with her anyway is because that douche said he would only start sexing you if your sister is okay with that.
Set your sights on some other man, one with scruples.
You should be. Not because of dating a nice and kind man you like and are attracted to, but because you're 41 years old letting your 'friend' mean-girl you out of having a decent man. WTF!
I teach teenagers, mostly seniors, and they'll clown each other for trying to do this, they'll tell the mean girl to quit talking about guys like she's a freshman. If girls not even out of high school yet know better, why don't you???
Your friend is jealous. JEALOUS. And her daughter is a mean-girl brat too. Tell her to STFU and if you decide to keep her as a 'friend' watch your back, because I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to make a move on him.
This is 100% their dysfunction. Your sister is a cheater, a backstabber and an awful human being, and if the man she betrayed you with turned out to be a POS, maybe she shouldn't shop for men who cheat with their girlfriend's sister. It may be that he's a systematic abuser who was planning on waiting on you being married and having kids before he hit you. It's also possible that he's not a systematic abuser, but an abuser who feels justified in retaliating against certain types/levels of slights physically. Not every abuser is going through a step by step process to make a vulnerable victim. Some abusers have significant impulse/anger issues, and just lash out whenever they get upset, without putting a lot of planning or thought into it. Some abusers may believe that things like cheating or stealing or cursing them out warrant them hitting a partner, and a partner who never cheated, stole or cursed at them may not have ever been hit by them despite them having the capacity to be abusive.
You don't owe them shit. Your parents are garbage parents for making this your fault, and for pretending you sister has any right to be mad at you for anything regarding the man she betrayed you with. Here's a newsflash- you ARE a better person than your sister. That doesn't mean she deserves to be hit, but you absolutely are a better human being. Better than your parents too. If garbage people want to cut you off because it's the only way they can pretend it's someone else's fault they're facing the consequences of being garbage people, there's nothing you can do about it, and also nothing lost.
I would send your mother one final message. Tell her she's disgusting, and an idiot, for trying to make this your fault. Tell her that just because she's too stupid to understand the multiple explanations for why you wouldn't know about his abusive tendencies doesn't make them any less valid or her any less disgusting. Tell her your sister doesn't deserve to be hit, but you absolutely are a better person that a woman who makes out with her sister's boyfriend, and if she wants a husband who's not a piece of trash, maybe she should stop being a piece of trash in the way she acquires them. Tell your mother that all of them owe you a huge apology, and if she's too stupid and too morally bereft to see that, then you're better off without any of them in your life.
Is it weird? Not really. But since you both got together so young usually there is a time where the thought about what you might be missing out on hits. But if you are both happy and in a healthy relationship there's no issue.
I think it's more because I've been cheated on in the past and turned a blind eye in total stupidity which led me to waste so much time! I would rather be suspicious and aware then stupid! At least I know now and not later. I don't want to waste any more time. Thank you for your insight because you are absolutely right!
Yeah my gf got mad and started yelling after her rapist asked her to apologize. It was a total ick. She should learn to process her emotions better and make me feel safer.
OP took him to her first family event and she caught him kissing her sister and broke up with him straight away. He tried and tried to get her back, 3 months later sister was pregnant and the family forgave them because of the child.
Actually, she did say something to me and she’s not OK with it but knows they’re young. She wants to be monogamous. She doesn’t want to be Polly or open. I suggested that she tell him OK she’ll go along with it and she’s going to get other boyfriends to sleep with and see what he does. Every time I’ve seen that happen, the guy flips out because he wants to cheat. He wants her to be waiting for him.
OH and if you wanna talk about wasted degrees some more, you paid for a CS degree when everyone and their mom can code now. CE would’ve been more valuable to you. God I can’t stand people like you.
Proud of you for surviving. I’m sure you did what you had to do. We are not defined by our worse moments but by are best. We all do good things and we all do bad things. Don’t put yourself down and role model self love, self respect, and self compassion for your daughter. There is nothing you can imagine that you cannot accomplish. It might not be easy but you can do it.
It is a big ask. It isn’t your house. You don’t know the family either. Surely they can afford a cheap motel for the night. I think it is disrespectful to your parents. She should ask your parents personally. Teach her not to piss people off then need a favour from them.
You should tell your wife you need couples counselling as obviously you need help articulating how these things make you feel. She needs to understand the severity of the turmoil this situation has created for you. If the roles were reversed, would your wife be stoked for you to go on an holiday with a woman she's never met that told you shes in love with you and almost definitely wants to use the distance and circumstances to make a move? The fact that your wife is willing to entertain this is a significant cause for concern.
So you should start looking for a job, and stop helping her as much.
How she is treating you, isolating you, and abusing you is not okay.
You don't need a constructive conversation with her, you need a constructive conversation with yourself.
Why have you let this woman isolate you and keep you at home where you take care of all her needs but have no security for yourself?
Why do you feel that you need to apologize when she yells and puts you down all the time?
What do you want out of life? What are your hopes and dreams and why aren't you pursuing them?
Please, consider fully leaving this relationship. If she wants a divorce, do not stay and help her when she can then kick you out at any moment and you will be left with nothing.
You deserve a better life. Consider your resources- friends and family- and start looking for a job. When you get a job, lean on your resources to get out of this relationship and move on with your life. If she wants a divorce, fine, but fight for alimony or some support and then LEAVE HER, do not stay.
Hi there, thank you for your take on my situation! I think you are right – I didn't get the mutual validation I look for in a relationship. I have been in lovely, fulfilling relationships in the past and I find it almost silly to be thinking about asking a guy (especially in the honeymoon phase!!) to show interest in my life..
I am not lonely but I think I might have gotten a bit too comfortable in seeing us in a relationship – when it clearly didn't feel right. I felt ready for serious dating again, and he was the first one to come along the ride
You need to back away from her until she gets over you and the end of the relationship. You may, at some point in the future, be able to be friends and hang out with her again but not now. You can tell her or even text or email her, “Name, I hate that seeing me reminds you of our breakup and ruins any time that we hang out at the same places. Until and unless we can both move on to a headspace where there aren’t any hot feelings, we need to back away from each other. I hope that we can be friends again someday but we first have to get past the breakup.”
You need to back away from her until she gets over you and the end of the relationship. You may, at some point in the future, be able to be friends and hang out with her again but not now. You can tell her or even text or email her, “Name, I hate that seeing me reminds you of our breakup and ruins any time that we hang out at the same places. Until and unless we can both move on to a headspace where there aren’t any hot feelings, we need to back away from each other. I hope that we can be friends again someday but we first have to get past the breakup.”
I'm not sure this is the case. It's possible for people to maintain a healthy primary relationship within the bounds of a poly or open relationship. However, those kinds of relationships take a lot of trust & communication.
As soon as OP said she was no longer comfortable with the idea, the husband should've stopped making plans with the other person. At that point, it's clear that there's a lack of respect for boundaries and for OP themselves.
OP, your husband cheated on you. There's no other way to really look at it with the details provided.
Agreed! She's thinking emotionally not logically! Having a child would only put unnecessary strain on your relationship and finances. Where does she expect to put a child, when your in a 1 bed apartment? Babies come with a lot of equipment, you can't move to a bigger apartment because you can't afford it. I know you love her, but she's not happy until she has her baby and you wouldn't be happy bringing a child into this world when your not ready and can't financially provide. But it's time to call it a day, for both your sakes.
Without know more to the story it sounds like this dude is checking out and also an AH for not driving when you had just worked 24 hours. Is he always like this?
Is it??? A “thoughtful” gift implies you considered the recipient’s preferences whereas it seems you’re suggesting the recipient should completely disregard any preferences they had when presented with a gift, no matter how thoughtless. The phrase “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” doesn’t really apply here; the issue here is not the quality of the horse (ie, checking the horse which you otherwise like for the quality of the teeth) but whether the recipient wanted that particular horse at all.
It seems like you just don’t think women are allowed to have opinions or something.
If it were me I'd have a bit of a steal check of her messages and social media while she is asleep or in the shower as a bit of a verification, so as not to cause alarm or for her to start being more cautious and deleting messages.
Everything you say sounds like you're being “trickle truthed” and there is much more that she isn't telling you, and that she only tells you what she needs to to quell the questions.
Moreover I would find it extremely odd of my wife came home from a work function sleeping very hot on the couch, that would have immediately sent off a red flag for me. If she normally sleeps very hot then that is normal I suppose, if not then that's sketchy. If she immediately got up for a shower without the usual affection then that is also sketchy because that is what someone would normally do to mask being with another person, an immediate wash (and she probably didn't do it when she got home as you might be suspicious of her showering at that time of the morning).
Be alert and be observant, also think if any story changes and do some investigation, don't leave it.
What informed decision did I not let him make here? I would have kept it, even if I knew it was his, and even if we had been in a committed relationship. The only decision he didn't get to make was to potentially be angry about my decision as well as the what if's and emotional part of it.
Also, your last comment is just disgusting. Get it together.
Yes, but even in thosoe few states that have common law marriage, you need to do several specific things, like telling people you are married, filing taxes as married, etc. Its not a case of “you lived together? Gothcha! You are married”
Wouldn’t cameras at YOUR house do this? If you have cameras at all your doors, along the house, and the driveway, it would catch your husband leaving. Tell him you are freaked out about crime in the neighborhood, you heard robbers were breaking into homes. If he refuses, that’s a giant red flag.
You sound exhausting. Not because you have mental health issues, but because of how you think they entitle you to unlimited access to your girlfriend.
If you're feeling suicidal, go to therapy or call a helpline. Your teenage girlfriend cannot help you overcome suicidal tendencies in the long term. Expecting her to drop everything everytime you, seemingly frequently, feel suicidal comes across as manipulative. It's also an unproductive way to cope.
'It's not a light threat' what, so if she doesn't come running whenever you whistle you'll kill you self?
I'm married with two kids. Not sure where people are having an issue. A guy trying to say he's a SAHD is going to be openly mocked by most people, and his side of the family will likely be embarrassed.
Thank you for something I definitely should’ve already realised, that’s completely true, i feel maybe I’m just scared of taking this huge life step and having a child so I’m looking for an issue, I mean, how often do you find 100% of the things you’re looking for, and I’ve been lucky enough to find 99% of it, she is a truly beautiful person, I think I need to seek some form of therapist to properly dissect the issue
Well in all fairness then, it seems like neither of you see the other as “the one,” or views the relationship as one worth the effort. I meant that if I were in a relationship that could so easily be ended by the mere possibility that one day I might cheat, based on random made up statistics and not at all my character, no less? I would immediately end it. I’d be really, really hurt. But if the both of you agree that being away from one another for extended periods of time is a valid reason for breaking up, and know that this exact situation is impending, then just have fun while it lasts I suppose.
He's a mnaipulative fuck. This is the kind of guy who makes you feel insecure so he can drag you down and make you feel like you dont deserve any better.
Why are you making this weird? He's like what, five,? Six? In a new place, new country, away from his bed and toys, and you don't understand why his actual parent who knows her child thinks it's a good idea that he sleeps in the same bed as two adults who should care that he's comfortable and safe?
Do this woman and child a favor and leave. It sounds like you are in it for the mom and barely do the bare minimum to tolerate the child. Because I promise you she notices and will hit a limit to how much crap she tolerates from you. The kid is going to notice, too. And he's going to get resentful and start acting out and then you are really in trouble.
The hot truth is that it's more than likely wishful thinking. I could just issue a blanket statement that it's impossible to have a friendship after a relationship, but quite frankly that wouldn't be true.
It is, however, very difficult. The reason for this is that you can't have a truly platonic friendship if there are any residual romantic feelings. Let's even assume you don't or won't have any. You likely know that she will. As such, your “friendship” will consist of her staying close just hoping you'll “wake up” and want to get back together with her.
So you can certainly suggest it, but make sure you pay attention to reality, and that's assuming she even says yes. Good luck.
Engaging in sexual activity with someone else outside a monogamous relationship is considered cheating to most people.
Engaging with sex workers while in a monogamous relationship is also considered cheating to most people.
He had “no idea what he was doing” but somehow managed to figure out how to talk dirty and give them his CC info?
He either knows exactly what he's doing and thinks you're an idiot or he's the stupidest person on earth; In which case, would you even want to be dating someone that dumb?
Hot pass, IMHO.
Can we get an L for our brotha ?? dawg is smacking your cheeks and you think he wants to be friends?? ?? dude is beggginggg for you babe
I have tried watching movies and distracting myself with work. It doesn’t work. I’m telling you it’s not working.
Okay, well you got your advice from people, and your response once again is, “no, can't do that, won't work”.
So you're on your own then. None of the advice people have works for you for all the reasons you respond with.
My honest advice is to look into cheap/free therapy you can attend live and start building up your self-worth and confidence again so you don't get treated like this. Because you're right, you DO deserve better. You deserve to be happy.
But you will respond saying “no, that will never work because __________ and _______”
After that, what else are people supposed to say then? Other than, “alright, whatever OP, good luck then?”
If you're paying for her therapy she should treat her tharpist as a well, therapist. Not you. She is going to become dependant on you which is really bad for both of your mental healths. I agree with other commenters, talk to her about it first and be very clear about your boundaries and how it made you feel. If she cannot treat you like a romantic partner break up with her and distance yourself while you get over her. If you want to stay friends to support her that's great but she may try to continue a relationship with you after breaking up which is unhealthy.
Your boyfriend needs to mature some. If he still feels that way in 10 to 20 years you got a big problem.
I think he was pissed he wasn’t invited.
Great idea! Yeah she’s currently in college. I think she recently got an iPad mini, but the keyboard and Apple Pencil sounds like great add-ons!
You two are not in financial agreement. The things that break up a marriage is sexual and financial incompatibility.
If you give in on this she will continue to make financial irresponsible decisions. As far as down-payment on a car when you are both in so much debt is already incredibly irresponsible.
You two need to sit down and discuss how you see your future together and how you are both going to fund it. Even if she is a SAHM that is contributing to the household and isn't insignificant. But if she is what else will she be doing? As in how else will she be spending money for that, some moms need a deep cleaning of the house once a week or every two weeks (after a c-section she shouldn't be worried about getting on her hands and knees to scrub the bathrooms) maybe she needs yoga or gym membership to get out of the house and feel human. Whatever it might be for the both of you.
If she isn't willing to do this and if at the end of it your pictures look nothing alike. You two either need couples counseling (not to be a b1tch but it sounds like she is super spoiled for an ultimatum like that and needs therapy herself) before you continue or you'll end up paying far more for a contentious divorce when you have had enough of the issues you two didn't settle before you got married.
I’m a 31F single mom head over heals in love with a 35M dad vibe type of guy. He says he loves me so much all the time and wants to take care of me, and spends hours of his time making me feel better. Our emotional bond is very strong. We support each other and see each other as equals. When I don’t feel well he says “It makes me sad to see you feel this pain” and holds me till I feel safe again. He’s not entirely like you because he is a bit more afraid of commitment than I am and you seem. Not sure why maybe a combination of things. He has been ghosted twice before meeting me that’s never a fun experience, and wants to think things through until the end of time. But I believe, as you do, in the power of loyalty and stability. I am not letting this guy go, he means so much to me and is so good to me.
The reason I love him so much for his goodness is I come from a few very problematic relationships, always spending too much time and energy, mind space and effort into the relationship. In some relationships I felt more as a presence or furniture, ignored, and some relationships were really toxic with emotional abuse. I left them but felt the same as you do now. What do I do wrong? Until I gave a different type of guy, a dad type of guy a chance.
I wish you could meet someone who fully appreciates you for whatever it is that you bring, all the emotional stability, the strong bond, the goodness, the safety net. I’m sure there is someone out there as enthusiastic about dad vibes as I am, and willing to never let you go.
It's not that you are insecure, it's just that you know guys and what they want.. And you have bounderies.. If she can't respect them then don't be spineless and stay in the relationship.. Leave her
But….. Why…..
It's not something you can perceive nor does it impact the relationship dynamics so nothing that should affect sexual attraction.
Most likely you are just slightly homophobic.
This isn't new , it's been on there for years . You can even turn the read report of as well . So the ticks don't go blue when you've read it .
Although I don't think you should have to do this , just so your gf doesn't moan if you've been live . It's little weird that's she going onto you name to see if you've been live! or not . How about hey it's good to talk ,how are you sounds like you've had bit of a rough day ??♀️. Think she's done you a favour . Bet she's wanting you to suck up to her and beg her back saying your sorry you want do it again…. don't do that or you'll be setting yourself up for behaviour like this all the time with her .
Nah that’s nasty and an excuse. Not hot to shower bro especially if your girlfriend is requesting it
Girl you need to sort THIS out before you date anyone, take some time to think and build yourself up a bit. It can be dangerous to be too vulnerable, there are people out there who will take advantage of you. It’s okay to just be by yourself- a boyfriend is a lovely addition, but shouldn’t be necessary for your life to be complete.
It’s normal to be a bit lonely sometimes, but desperation attracts bad people and you shouldn’t be really lonely all the time, you have to work on enjoying time with yourself and with other people in your life
We went Christmas shopping, and then we went out for hibachi. We live together, so it's not like we're spending no time together, but we just ran some errands today. We have no plans tomorrow, but I think he'll want to stay home and rest. I told him I'd be fine with just watching a movie, and cooking a meal together, so we'll see.
You were a dick for insulting someone behind their back
I doubt your friend is actually that dumb, he knew what he was doing.
I liked another commenters suggestion and just get her a gift and apologize and just faintly put the blame on your friend for telling her. It’s Christmas time so it would make you look OG.
Get new friends.
Then explain the joke. What is so funny about calling someone low ? Please explain what is so hilarious about it
You’re 28. You can move forward in your life without feeling guilty. In fact, your mother should want you to at your age.
This does not mean at all that your mom won’t be in your future. Hopefully she understands that and is supportive of you.
Just send her home, what's the problem?
She can rent somewhere else without strings attached and come to fuck or for a sleepover.
Well, unless you want to charge a certain sum for one or two evenings spent in your company. Something tells me you totally would.
I would say your heart or body signaled you have an attraction or feelings or some kind for this friend if you were “hoping”
but that isn’t cheating….still…take a moment to consider what the moment and feelings mean? It could just be a blip. It could mean something more?
No, we understand you fine. We just don't think what you're doing is healthy at all.
You’re in middle school. Nothing matters in middle school. If you don’t want to be friends with him then don’t be friends with him.
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Probably ?
Okay, you’re husband is a fucking asshole.
Tell him to get a vasectomy.
Generally speaking, never wake a sleeping mother! They are exhausted and, particularly with a newborn or toddler, they are on all the time and have trouble falling back asleep. If you are getting into bed late and disrupting her sleep then just sleep somewhere else. She needs her sleep.
I personally don't see what's wrong with the ex husband adopting the children. It's a nice gesture considering their dad is gone, and he is married to their mom after all. I feel like your wife and her kids need to get over it, put bluntly.
Thanks I kinda thought the same my previous ex’s all had a break that ended things after the month ahah I guess my naive ass still believes in the hope of it still working but it is what it is
I'm glad you're starting to try to take care of yourself. Obviously this so called boyfriend has no interest in taking care of you and I hope you dump him! Remember, a good partner is an actual partner. You two should be a team in life.
I'm worried about how bad your health got. Mental health, but also physical! Do you have a primary care doctor, one that you see for yearly check ups? If not, I think you should find one. You need to have one established that you can call when you're having health problems. It's a lot easier to get simple prescriptions for things like nausea when you already have a doctor you go to regularly. You shouldn't have to suffer so much!
I also think you should see a doctor and tell them about your experience and your current mental state. Primary care doctors do depression evaluations all the time. You understandably can't talk to your family about this, but you still need to reach out for help. A doctor- not the clinic doctor, but a primary care doctor- can get you started getting that help. What you're going through is absolutely understandable, but you can't do this alone!
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He's said alarming things in the past that I let slide as well.
Do you want to keep letting things slide until you can't anymore?
I'm not sure anyone can answer why. People think all kinds of bizarre things even if they have some good traits. I would guess he has some issues and maladaptive thinking.
Just a different thought than a lot of these responses: maybe he's mentally not well (e.g. Depression). It sounds a lot like he made stuff up in his mind and is incapable of talking to you about it.
Maybe it's possible for you to go over to his home (please don't go alone) to check on him.
He’s a grown adult telling you how he feels about you. Why does it have to be a lie? He’s obviously already in a relationship with you so he doesn’t need to lie to you. I’d be happy he finds you so attractive. His feelings for you may also truly make you the most beautiful woman in the world to him. Good luck.
i tried to seduce him.
No. No you didn't. He treated you nice and gave you compliments and you fell for his predatory behavior.
No 22 year old in his right mind goes after a child. I don't care if you were technically legal, 15 is still a child.
If this was that kind of situation, he would tell her that she is his girlfriend and just do whatever he wants anyhow.
This is a guy being explicit and upfront about his desire to not jump from a failed relationship into another relationship too quickly. Advice that people get given here all the time.
I'm leaning that way as well, but I've just moved half way round the world and uprooted my life to be with her and things were going great. Oh well…such is life.
I'm a keeper too, all the special cards and little mementoes. I do sift through them every now and then, and chuck what I’m okay without, but I get it.
If this thing is important to you, tuck it away. You two are going to attach memories to different things, and for her, for this, the photo is enough. Tuck it in your nightstand. Maybe someday she'll be glad you kept it.
Congratulations!
If the car is in your name, she stole it. She tries it again, you call the police. ETA always keep your car/house keys on your person.
I am not trying to come off as conceited but I am comfortable with my looks. And I know for a fact that what he doesn’t appreciate, someone else will.
You sound like a gem. Your BF deserves better.
you're allowed to initiate, but can I ask what made you two agree that you aren't allowed to masturbate? I don't personally understand ppl who don't let their couples watch porn but I guess to each their own on that, but no masturbation? to what end?
This won't erase the friendship. Just show him you care about his well-being as a friend.
You tell him.
If it wasnt an issue no one would be pushing for a cowardly option of deceit.
No one is property or claimed but it is a matter of compassion and respect. Information not permission. Two months ago you told him you wanted to live the single life and now you are looking to start something with the guy you were clearly into beforehand, a close friend of his while he is still mourning the relationship. No one is buying that it came from nowhere. Own your grimy behaviour and stop trying to make yourself look better. Its going to really hurt him and blow up friendships.
The guy that is hiding you knows he fucked up multiple friendships to sleep with you and doesnt seem too keen to let others know. Enjoy.
I am not diagnosed ADHD but am easily distracted when bored. It is the extra information for me. I didn’t want to be mean to OP but just his sentence example got to me. He says a whole sentence length phrase and doesn’t get to the true point. The zoo. He starts with info she probably already knows- kids on Saturday wanna do fun things. Why hide the punch line?
My husband has learned that when telling me a story about anything , I don’t need the details about the third grade teacher he and the person shared or the sister. He has gotten better but sometimes I let him ramble on. At least I know there is no quiz at the end.
Right? I work out almost every day, so sweat, gotta be washed off. I wash my hair every day too. My hair just isn’t right unless it’s washed, I have thick hair so it holds up. I know women with super fine hair who can’t wash more than once or twice a week but they use dry shampoo, which helps with the smell. She might have no clue about her smell. Be gentle OP.
Okay then, thank you.
He doesn't involve me. He got a new job and I never saw the contract just told me he accepted it. When he got a new car I pointed at ones I liked for him but ultimately he chose the one he wanted after umming about the same one for 3 days. It's like why bother asking for my opinion if he's just going to choose something else that was his idea. I don't get it
I don't think it's weird. It's frozen, app is removed but if things don't work out then it saves her creating a whole new account.
That doesn't mean she's expecting things to not work out or has one foot out of the door. It's just not necessarily necessary to delete the whole thing.
This could be the relationship the lasts, or you could have several more. Deleting the full account each time you meet someone is just an unnecessary step and one more chore to do a new one, especially if you think you nailed your profile the first time (she got you after all.)
I really appreciate your input.
It’s all only come about super recently so whilst it may seem like a crutch it also came about quite soon around the breakup so it’s come at me like a train to have both at the same time. I’m doing the best I can to remain myself but It’s bloody hot!
It’s counselling as I’m on a low income but it’s not really helping. It’s not been long though so I don’t know if I need to give it more time or whether I should be seeking specialist trauma based therapy/somatic body work and ptsd help. I hope I’m able to get insurance. I’m in the UK so I don’t know how all of that works.
apparently, I am gullible. Because I bought i for like 12 hours. Gonna get that check asap.
Regular birth control pills (which you need prescribed) can lessen your periods. Plan B is not the same, and it gave me the worst cramps of my life. Literally no girl would get Plan B for cramps. Sorry man 🙁
Or is someone trying to ruin him or thinks this is a funny prank? Do you have a relative that might have used your house for sex while your husband was at work and you were gone?
Thanks for the Cliffs Notes. It’s been a long damn day and this made it easier.
I'm sorry but you are absolutely being immature. He's realizing that you can't 100% say you'd get an abortion (ok, fine) but that he 100% doesn't want a kid right now (also fine) and since BC isn't 100% effective (very true) he'd rather double up with condoms too. Your reaction to this very mature and smart decision is to say “well if you're using condoms I'm going off BC” even though condoms also aren't 100% effective… Just because you suddenly worry he might be thinking about cheating? Grow up or stop having sex.
The advice about the photos still stands. You don’t want that stuff being around forever and it will be.
Consuming porn also directly supports human trafficking. There are thousands of women whose literal rape videos are live even after court order gave them all the rights to these videos. They just aren't able to get them down as fast as someone else uploads them.
And you would have no idea that you are watching a human trafficking victim getting raped.
He should date men. They don't have periods.
I'm a little confused by the timeline. In this post you say the breakup was just last night, but a month ago you posted your active Hinge dating profile and mentioned a 42 year old ex girlfriend.
Are you able to clarify? Did this just happen last night or have you been broken up for a month? And if the latter, what has happened in the past month to make you post this – has there been ongoing contact with her?
I think you’re reading into it, especially because his last two lines clarify exactly what you seem to be insecure about. I think he’s trying to be sweet and values who you are on the inside.
Live music, karaoke, bowling, movies, art shows/galleries, museums that have nighttime events, dance lessons, theatre or dance performances…
Many of these aren’t as conducive to getting drunk, but like, maybe that’s a good thing every once in awhile?
I'd say you won. And it sounds like you had plenty of competition. Getting caught up on body counts is silly. You will particularly see that as you get a little older. Our experiences make us what we are today. Without that for her you might have not seemed nearly as desirable and she could have always continued to have a Wandering eye. Keep it in perspective. We are humans. If you want to take it way far back it wasn't even uncommon for a woman to have multiple sexual partners within the tribe. Modern society has created monogamy and have given a complex to women for promiscuity. Enjoy it brother she's probably a lot funner and she loves you. Obviously you got something those other swing dicks didn't have.. I personally don't mind a woman with some experience that gravitates to me. Especially if she was willing to spend the rest of her life with me. It's just silly and it's juvenile. We are very sexual creatures by Nature.
You’re abominably selfish. She is doing everything! And you’re too arrogant to get therapy.
It’s never a good feeling, but it’s a side-effect of our current dating norms. It’s something you will typically have to deal with, so try not to let it get under your skin. Be friendly, and accept that it’s something you can’t really do anything about.
Thank you for your help regardless – it's a tough situation honestly. I've stuck with him so far hoping it'll get better but it's just getting worse over time – and I fear if I leave him, I will only make HIS mental health worse. I'll just give it time and hope for the best now. Thank you.
Yes, you must talk to him about it. This is a pretty crappy and contemptuous thing he did to you. Publicly humiliating you is really mean and demeaning, and it doesn't speak well for his character.
I'd say give him one chance. If he listens to what you have to say, apologizes sincerely without making excuses for his nasty behavior, and never again puts you down like that, then you can move ahead with the relationship. People sometimes are able to learn and grow into being a better person.
If, on the other hand, he responds negatively to your complaint about his behavior, yells at you or argues and gaslights, or if he repeats his contemptuous and cruel putdowns in future, I think that should be the end of the relationship.
It probably has something to do with the attitude you have that causes you to call him a 'fuckfriend'
I'm not getting him fired no matter what happens, I'm not petty like that . He isn't my coworker, completely different fields, we just work close to each other and some times we need something or they need something and we call each other.
I know that I should have left but i like that this is unfolding in unexpected ways. I just don't want to hurt him in any way. I wouldn't know what to do if he wanted more . He is an really good kid apart from his player habits.
Also, going forward, could you please stop cherry picking small parts of this conversation to respond to and do your best to address the entirety of my responses?
Yup asked twice. Both times he’s just said it’s pretty messy and then changed the subject
Why have you not outright rejected her?
In your place, if you really don't want to break up with her, I'd keep my journals in a lockbox. Or I'd never feel safe putting a single private thought to paper ever again. You are a lot more understanding about her violation of your trust than I would be, she's lucky to have you.
It's not you, Don't rush to think of you. You can try different things. And whether he comes or not is not determining factor of whether you enjoy being with him sexually.
You are the asshole… for putting up with that kind of behaviour. A bag of tea? really? Id dump him in an hearthbeat. And by not communicating your discomfort with him, you are allowing this to happen. Its in your hand to put it to a full stop, or leave.
Yeah, get another girlfriend. She’s cheated once and treated you like absolute shit whilst doing so, she will again.
Ask her out. You’ll find out pretty quickly.
So what you're saying is, you're walking on eggshells because even the thought of somehow upsetting her is giving you anxiety? Sounds healthy.
If your response to him not getting you off is to get up and leave the house, it sounds like you are tiptoeing around the issue and afraid to really confront him. The only way forward is to talk about it. Directly. Consistently. Give him books, show him videos. Explain every way you can that his sexual neglect is not OK and needs to change. If he is still unwilling to take direction, unwilling to try new things, and doesn't understand why your pleasure should be of equal importance to his, you really need to think about if being his sex doll is enough for you.
I feel so bad for your wife. That you are that dishonest with her. But I guess of your are that dishonest with yourself about your sexuality them there's little how you would be honest with her.
You die screw up with your naive weakness. You learned a valuable lesson though, your wife thinks you are a doormat, because you are. The truth hurts, in your next relationship grow and actual backbone.
she is a keeper!
No that's not it. It's more like I think he doesn't respect himself and I don't want to make it worse for him.
Except she called me and dumped all this information somewhat expecting me to get involved, I feel like its time for action
Nope, not overreacting. Sounds like she'll be fantasizing about it, and given her current actions, might very well lead to cheating.
Tell him your suspicions & ask him again to look you in the eyes and promise you you are not his misstress.
He really should NOT have access to your work emails, what other totally unreasonable things has he convinced you are normal?
I offered to wear an eyepatch and she wouldn't go for it. I even offered to buy a new pair of sunglasses to wear in public and at dinner and she rejected the idea.
Sure, you can feel however you want.. but you know this can’t be so stop yourself from romanticizing the situation. He’s not your soul mate.
So is the, “I didn't wanna wear a condom,” excuse. Infertility is not sterility.
She’s not even prepared to abide by the boundaries they mutually agreed on. She can’t give him the basic respect he deserves.
She’s not even prepared to abide by the boundaries they mutually agreed on. She can’t give him the basic respect he deserves.
Wrong. There is absolutely something OP can do. It’s the nuclear option. Might piss off his wife. But shut that shit down quick and adamantly as soon as you hear it. Be good for the wife to do the same. Or start calling these people out as jealous they or their SO is looking so haggard.
We were always close. She didn't take advantage of me. That's not the point here anyway.
As someone who grew up called weird, i also struggle with making new friends or dating….
Shouldn’t be talking to an ex that “flirts with him” at all. He obviously shouldn’t be in a relationship and you shouldn’t trust him. Hes going to keep crossing lines with this relationship and he’ll always have an excuse. Going through your partners phone isn’t normal.
It's not choking it's strangulation. It's okay to not enjoy violence during sex. In fact I would encourage you to not entertain any violence during sex.
Of course he is calling u abusive, he doesn't want to look like the a**hole. Which he is. Stick to ur ultimatum and don't let him come back. Unless u want this to be repeated over and over, which seems to be the case.
Tons of things affect your mood and desire to be intimate. Def worth getting vitamin levels checked out and visiting a therapist if you can. It could be work stress, meds, sleep changes, etc. I have a similar issue, my anxiety gets going and I’ll go weeks pushing my boyfriend away. Even though he’s totally wonderful and I WANT to want him, that part of my brain is just “off” sometimes. Being open with him about how I’m feeling and reassuring him that its not about him, it’s just how my head is now, was really important. And working together to find things that help. Like he’ll set me up with a nice bath and candles and a joint sometimes, and that gives me time to get myself ready and calm down and kinda “find” that part of me mentally. Problems like this tend to get worse if you put too much pressure on yourself though, so don’t let that guilty feeling weight you down. acknowledge that you’re frustrated with yourself because there’s a disconnect somewhere, but that doesn’t make you worth any less or a bad partner. It’s good you want to figure it out!
Your idea of making up with sister is to talk to her to explain to her that she and the douche didn't have sex so she had no right to be upset about you making your move on someone she was dating. She clearly doesn't agree with you. Respect that and move on.
The only reason you want to “make up” with her anyway is because that douche said he would only start sexing you if your sister is okay with that.
Set your sights on some other man, one with scruples.
He's telling you who he is. Believe him.
3-4 months in, I’d be noping out
Bases on your post, he may have some resentment for the situation.
What are your thoughts on what transpired? Do you want to continue the relationship? What do you think needs to happen should you two reconcile?
Evidence of what? Did you read the news article you sent me? The date is right in there.
I am agreeing with you. I just think you're embellishing a bit to get your point across.
I’m very sad and bummed out and embarrassed.
You should be. Not because of dating a nice and kind man you like and are attracted to, but because you're 41 years old letting your 'friend' mean-girl you out of having a decent man. WTF!
I teach teenagers, mostly seniors, and they'll clown each other for trying to do this, they'll tell the mean girl to quit talking about guys like she's a freshman. If girls not even out of high school yet know better, why don't you???
Your friend is jealous. JEALOUS. And her daughter is a mean-girl brat too. Tell her to STFU and if you decide to keep her as a 'friend' watch your back, because I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to make a move on him.
He also dumped her, someone he was dating for a whole year, over the phone. I mean, that’s a dick move.
This is 100% their dysfunction. Your sister is a cheater, a backstabber and an awful human being, and if the man she betrayed you with turned out to be a POS, maybe she shouldn't shop for men who cheat with their girlfriend's sister. It may be that he's a systematic abuser who was planning on waiting on you being married and having kids before he hit you. It's also possible that he's not a systematic abuser, but an abuser who feels justified in retaliating against certain types/levels of slights physically. Not every abuser is going through a step by step process to make a vulnerable victim. Some abusers have significant impulse/anger issues, and just lash out whenever they get upset, without putting a lot of planning or thought into it. Some abusers may believe that things like cheating or stealing or cursing them out warrant them hitting a partner, and a partner who never cheated, stole or cursed at them may not have ever been hit by them despite them having the capacity to be abusive.
You don't owe them shit. Your parents are garbage parents for making this your fault, and for pretending you sister has any right to be mad at you for anything regarding the man she betrayed you with. Here's a newsflash- you ARE a better person than your sister. That doesn't mean she deserves to be hit, but you absolutely are a better human being. Better than your parents too. If garbage people want to cut you off because it's the only way they can pretend it's someone else's fault they're facing the consequences of being garbage people, there's nothing you can do about it, and also nothing lost.
I would send your mother one final message. Tell her she's disgusting, and an idiot, for trying to make this your fault. Tell her that just because she's too stupid to understand the multiple explanations for why you wouldn't know about his abusive tendencies doesn't make them any less valid or her any less disgusting. Tell her your sister doesn't deserve to be hit, but you absolutely are a better person that a woman who makes out with her sister's boyfriend, and if she wants a husband who's not a piece of trash, maybe she should stop being a piece of trash in the way she acquires them. Tell your mother that all of them owe you a huge apology, and if she's too stupid and too morally bereft to see that, then you're better off without any of them in your life.
Is it weird? Not really. But since you both got together so young usually there is a time where the thought about what you might be missing out on hits. But if you are both happy and in a healthy relationship there's no issue.
I think it's more because I've been cheated on in the past and turned a blind eye in total stupidity which led me to waste so much time! I would rather be suspicious and aware then stupid! At least I know now and not later. I don't want to waste any more time. Thank you for your insight because you are absolutely right!
Yeah my gf got mad and started yelling after her rapist asked her to apologize. It was a total ick. She should learn to process her emotions better and make me feel safer.
OP took him to her first family event and she caught him kissing her sister and broke up with him straight away. He tried and tried to get her back, 3 months later sister was pregnant and the family forgave them because of the child.
Actually, she did say something to me and she’s not OK with it but knows they’re young. She wants to be monogamous. She doesn’t want to be Polly or open. I suggested that she tell him OK she’ll go along with it and she’s going to get other boyfriends to sleep with and see what he does. Every time I’ve seen that happen, the guy flips out because he wants to cheat. He wants her to be waiting for him.
You really put a casual drink with a friend over supporting your partner?
No. You don't.
OH and if you wanna talk about wasted degrees some more, you paid for a CS degree when everyone and their mom can code now. CE would’ve been more valuable to you. God I can’t stand people like you.
Proud of you for surviving. I’m sure you did what you had to do. We are not defined by our worse moments but by are best. We all do good things and we all do bad things. Don’t put yourself down and role model self love, self respect, and self compassion for your daughter. There is nothing you can imagine that you cannot accomplish. It might not be easy but you can do it.
It sounds like you slept with the other person before you and your current GF became an actual item, which is ok.
What might not be ok is the half truth you told her when she asked. That may come back and bite you in the ass.
That's an easy block surely?
thank you. i will do this, i think it needs to stop. i’ve been in a really hot place and i think i was just looking for some kind of distraction.
Reddit math says you can date all the way down to 24 so just hanging out? You are totally good.
It is a big ask. It isn’t your house. You don’t know the family either. Surely they can afford a cheap motel for the night. I think it is disrespectful to your parents. She should ask your parents personally. Teach her not to piss people off then need a favour from them.
If they're in the US that's very much not a common thing for men to do.
You should tell your wife you need couples counselling as obviously you need help articulating how these things make you feel. She needs to understand the severity of the turmoil this situation has created for you. If the roles were reversed, would your wife be stoked for you to go on an holiday with a woman she's never met that told you shes in love with you and almost definitely wants to use the distance and circumstances to make a move? The fact that your wife is willing to entertain this is a significant cause for concern.
So you should start looking for a job, and stop helping her as much.
How she is treating you, isolating you, and abusing you is not okay.
You don't need a constructive conversation with her, you need a constructive conversation with yourself.
Why have you let this woman isolate you and keep you at home where you take care of all her needs but have no security for yourself?
Why do you feel that you need to apologize when she yells and puts you down all the time?
What do you want out of life? What are your hopes and dreams and why aren't you pursuing them?
Please, consider fully leaving this relationship. If she wants a divorce, do not stay and help her when she can then kick you out at any moment and you will be left with nothing.
You deserve a better life. Consider your resources- friends and family- and start looking for a job. When you get a job, lean on your resources to get out of this relationship and move on with your life. If she wants a divorce, fine, but fight for alimony or some support and then LEAVE HER, do not stay.
Hi there, thank you for your take on my situation! I think you are right – I didn't get the mutual validation I look for in a relationship. I have been in lovely, fulfilling relationships in the past and I find it almost silly to be thinking about asking a guy (especially in the honeymoon phase!!) to show interest in my life..
I am not lonely but I think I might have gotten a bit too comfortable in seeing us in a relationship – when it clearly didn't feel right. I felt ready for serious dating again, and he was the first one to come along the ride
Today would have been a good day to be Jared, 19
You need to back away from her until she gets over you and the end of the relationship. You may, at some point in the future, be able to be friends and hang out with her again but not now. You can tell her or even text or email her, “Name, I hate that seeing me reminds you of our breakup and ruins any time that we hang out at the same places. Until and unless we can both move on to a headspace where there aren’t any hot feelings, we need to back away from each other. I hope that we can be friends again someday but we first have to get past the breakup.”
You need to back away from her until she gets over you and the end of the relationship. You may, at some point in the future, be able to be friends and hang out with her again but not now. You can tell her or even text or email her, “Name, I hate that seeing me reminds you of our breakup and ruins any time that we hang out at the same places. Until and unless we can both move on to a headspace where there aren’t any hot feelings, we need to back away from each other. I hope that we can be friends again someday but we first have to get past the breakup.”
Can you offer some context on what he put you through?
I'm not sure this is the case. It's possible for people to maintain a healthy primary relationship within the bounds of a poly or open relationship. However, those kinds of relationships take a lot of trust & communication.
As soon as OP said she was no longer comfortable with the idea, the husband should've stopped making plans with the other person. At that point, it's clear that there's a lack of respect for boundaries and for OP themselves.
OP, your husband cheated on you. There's no other way to really look at it with the details provided.
Let's get real here…everyone will dump someone if they knew their partner was a sex worker
At this point he has established tenancy since you waited so long. You need to legally evict him. Also break up with him while you're at it.
Agreed! She's thinking emotionally not logically! Having a child would only put unnecessary strain on your relationship and finances. Where does she expect to put a child, when your in a 1 bed apartment? Babies come with a lot of equipment, you can't move to a bigger apartment because you can't afford it. I know you love her, but she's not happy until she has her baby and you wouldn't be happy bringing a child into this world when your not ready and can't financially provide. But it's time to call it a day, for both your sakes.
Without know more to the story it sounds like this dude is checking out and also an AH for not driving when you had just worked 24 hours. Is he always like this?
Do you know how toxic relationships work? Do you know it can be hot to fully leave one?
Is it??? A “thoughtful” gift implies you considered the recipient’s preferences whereas it seems you’re suggesting the recipient should completely disregard any preferences they had when presented with a gift, no matter how thoughtless. The phrase “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” doesn’t really apply here; the issue here is not the quality of the horse (ie, checking the horse which you otherwise like for the quality of the teeth) but whether the recipient wanted that particular horse at all.
It seems like you just don’t think women are allowed to have opinions or something.
If it were me I'd have a bit of a steal check of her messages and social media while she is asleep or in the shower as a bit of a verification, so as not to cause alarm or for her to start being more cautious and deleting messages.
Everything you say sounds like you're being “trickle truthed” and there is much more that she isn't telling you, and that she only tells you what she needs to to quell the questions.
Moreover I would find it extremely odd of my wife came home from a work function sleeping very hot on the couch, that would have immediately sent off a red flag for me. If she normally sleeps very hot then that is normal I suppose, if not then that's sketchy. If she immediately got up for a shower without the usual affection then that is also sketchy because that is what someone would normally do to mask being with another person, an immediate wash (and she probably didn't do it when she got home as you might be suspicious of her showering at that time of the morning).
Be alert and be observant, also think if any story changes and do some investigation, don't leave it.
Oh yeah bc I actually gaf right ? There’s no other way for me to look at the sub if I get banned right ?? LMAO go to sleep kid
What’s a good way to ask him? Just say, “do you have feelings for me”? Or tell him I have feelings?
He's usually direct about what he wants to try. I was thrown by how he felt he had to hide it.
How much did you age?
What informed decision did I not let him make here? I would have kept it, even if I knew it was his, and even if we had been in a committed relationship. The only decision he didn't get to make was to potentially be angry about my decision as well as the what if's and emotional part of it.
Also, your last comment is just disgusting. Get it together.
Yes, but even in thosoe few states that have common law marriage, you need to do several specific things, like telling people you are married, filing taxes as married, etc. Its not a case of “you lived together? Gothcha! You are married”
Wouldn’t cameras at YOUR house do this? If you have cameras at all your doors, along the house, and the driveway, it would catch your husband leaving. Tell him you are freaked out about crime in the neighborhood, you heard robbers were breaking into homes. If he refuses, that’s a giant red flag.
You sound exhausting. Not because you have mental health issues, but because of how you think they entitle you to unlimited access to your girlfriend.
If you're feeling suicidal, go to therapy or call a helpline. Your teenage girlfriend cannot help you overcome suicidal tendencies in the long term. Expecting her to drop everything everytime you, seemingly frequently, feel suicidal comes across as manipulative. It's also an unproductive way to cope.
'It's not a light threat' what, so if she doesn't come running whenever you whistle you'll kill you self?
I'm married with two kids. Not sure where people are having an issue. A guy trying to say he's a SAHD is going to be openly mocked by most people, and his side of the family will likely be embarrassed.
It sucks, just the way society rolls atm.
Thank you for something I definitely should’ve already realised, that’s completely true, i feel maybe I’m just scared of taking this huge life step and having a child so I’m looking for an issue, I mean, how often do you find 100% of the things you’re looking for, and I’ve been lucky enough to find 99% of it, she is a truly beautiful person, I think I need to seek some form of therapist to properly dissect the issue
Well in all fairness then, it seems like neither of you see the other as “the one,” or views the relationship as one worth the effort. I meant that if I were in a relationship that could so easily be ended by the mere possibility that one day I might cheat, based on random made up statistics and not at all my character, no less? I would immediately end it. I’d be really, really hurt. But if the both of you agree that being away from one another for extended periods of time is a valid reason for breaking up, and know that this exact situation is impending, then just have fun while it lasts I suppose.
He's a mnaipulative fuck. This is the kind of guy who makes you feel insecure so he can drag you down and make you feel like you dont deserve any better.