Maybe he’s trying to get out of you moving in. You’ve been together a month. He’s telling you he doesn’t feel the way you do. Please listen, slow down and find another place to move to.
Every relationship will have its trials and tribulations. In a healthy relationship, however, these generally come from economic, physical, or psychological stresses that everyone encounters. Worries about sexual infidelity, fall outside these “normal” challenges. They indicate fundamental flaws at the core of a relationship. From my experience, what you are experiencing is symptomatic of a relationship that is in its death throes. The writing is on the wall. She neither respects you nor values your relationship. Time to go, my friend. Do it swiftly and cauterize the wound by going No Contact as soon as you can once the smoke has cleared. No one deserves to be put in the turmoil of doubt that your not quite girlfriend has placed you in.
You entered the marriage in good faith. I'm not so sure about her.
Once it became clear that moving to the US is not on budget and that you would not be applying for her green card, she started monkey branching for another 'sponsor'.
You should look out for the poor kid she is trying to make her next mark. The guy sounds vulnerable due to his foster care status. At least it sounds like his foster parents truly care for him if he is living with them at 20.
Maybe next call, pop onto the call with your daughter and introduce yourself. Don't let her hurt another person.
Get the divorce started and request full custody.
Be thankful that you found out that she is a con artist early on.
My husband works a crazy schedule of 60+ hours a week,
You realise that your husband can adjust his life too, right?
Srsly, the more you talk about the relationship dynamic, the more problematic it sounds. I really hope you start with individual counseling, and start putting yourself first too.
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The ultimatum would be divorce because I don't know why you put yourself through this kinda shit. Addicts like her will find something new to cling onto, first it was alcohol and now it's the affair thrill. You're putting in effort into someone who isn't worth it and isn't putting in effort for you. Her being in rehab will be beneficial when it comes to custody battle if you're worried about not seeing your kid.
It sounds like you both need to learn how to communicate. When you just need to vent, tell her – I just need you to listen. I do not need advice. When she starts making you feel bad, let her know and tell you need to step away from the conversation.
May I ask, does she act like her mother? Most of use learn communication skills and relationships from watching our parents.
So she shouldn't do something she wants to do now becuase some hypothetical future douchebag might judge her for it? Hopefully, whomever she dates in the future won't have a problem with her dating or work history. If they do, girl, don't get into a relationship with them! Date people that love you for you.
Again, emotionally immature. You’re so focused on yourself that you fail the at least TRY to understand what she’s feeling. 90% of this sub is is telling you that it ain’t about you… yet you continue to take it personal. As a reason, it’s easy to conclude that you’re not emotionally mature enough for a relationship
Girls on girl's laps, guys on guy's laps, girls on guy's laps and guys on girl's laps. But by no means is OP's girlfriend sitting in this guy's lap. Sitting suuuper close and leaning on him? Yes. But I sit on one of my guy friends JUST like that and my fiance doesn't care one bit.
Yeah this is insane for this guy to be talking like this and purposefully ignoring her sexual boundaries. And talking about babies at 2 months is moronic. She should not have sex with him ever again and dump him ASAP.
Oh yeah absolutely, it's just irritating to treat a vasectomy as something extremely minor when it generally isn't considered reversible and comes with it's own set of complications. As with all contraception it should really be discussed as a couple to figure out what makes both parties uncomfortable, and yeah I think vasectomy is a better option than birth control and tying tubes. No one should be pressured or shamed into having procedures like this.
The outrage over OP suggesting tube tying is ridiculous though. The relationship is clearly not healthy, and if she's the one with the problem about having kids then yes, she should absolutely go through with the procedure. Even if they divorce she's still going to get pregnant from unprotected sex, and it will likely be harder to control than from someone you know.
Help my teenaged girlfriend dresses like a teenager and gets offended when I insult her about it. Ftfy.
And the dirty looks you're getting in public are actually for you not her. You don't look like her 'pimp' you look like her dad. Of course you're gonna crush her self esteem about it because you're the kind of 35 year old creep who dates teenagers. Gross.
No, if it really worries her she should definitely sort it out. If MIL is genuinely trying to be a jerk then of course it's a hill to die on. Just a quick self check to see if it really is a problem before charging into battle. If it is, it is!
Judges will watch, what is the best for the child.
And if the parent that had gone missing leaving the child behind upon reintroduction into the childs life would cause more harm than good judges would decide not to have the biological parent contact ever again.
Leaving behind a child is no small matter.
Maybe you find a judge to cut that crap.
Gather all proof of her being not good for that child.
You shouldn’t have held your tongue when they were texting. You sacrificed your marriage and your mental health to make her feel better chasing her married ex. You accepted being a placeholder and made it work all these years. He came back to you because she didn’t want him. The texting has reignited the flames with her rebound. Your marriage is now already blown up and over. See a lawyer, find out what is financially owed to you, hire a PI or stake out and then figure out how you will expose them.
Wow!! Thank you!! Your comment truly, truly means a lot. In a lot of ways our stories are similar and it seems like you are a strong person who survived and went through a lot in life. Please keep on fighting and stay strong. We can survive anything and everything!!
Maybe he’s trying to get out of you moving in. You’ve been together a month. He’s telling you he doesn’t feel the way you do. Please listen, slow down and find another place to move to.
Every relationship will have its trials and tribulations. In a healthy relationship, however, these generally come from economic, physical, or psychological stresses that everyone encounters. Worries about sexual infidelity, fall outside these “normal” challenges. They indicate fundamental flaws at the core of a relationship. From my experience, what you are experiencing is symptomatic of a relationship that is in its death throes. The writing is on the wall. She neither respects you nor values your relationship. Time to go, my friend. Do it swiftly and cauterize the wound by going No Contact as soon as you can once the smoke has cleared. No one deserves to be put in the turmoil of doubt that your not quite girlfriend has placed you in.
Note the time that your marriage fell apart.
You entered the marriage in good faith. I'm not so sure about her.
Once it became clear that moving to the US is not on budget and that you would not be applying for her green card, she started monkey branching for another 'sponsor'.
You should look out for the poor kid she is trying to make her next mark. The guy sounds vulnerable due to his foster care status. At least it sounds like his foster parents truly care for him if he is living with them at 20.
Maybe next call, pop onto the call with your daughter and introduce yourself. Don't let her hurt another person.
Get the divorce started and request full custody.
Be thankful that you found out that she is a con artist early on.
Hugs
Super creepy. 2. Did he give a reason for this obsession? 3. What would've happened if you had played with yourself?
Well, I certainly wouldn’t want to be friends with somebody who thought I was a sociopath for sure
My husband works a crazy schedule of 60+ hours a week,
You realise that your husband can adjust his life too, right?
Srsly, the more you talk about the relationship dynamic, the more problematic it sounds. I really hope you start with individual counseling, and start putting yourself first too.
Reddit, please help me on if this is the right decision.
Only you can decide that. It would be the right decision for me, and I don't blame you for the way you feel.
I stuck it out for a month before she made it an official breakup and immediately got with her guy best friend she told me not to worry about.
Best of luck to you.
They speak from time to time but she’s moved on with a new partner and they don’t see each other anymore.
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Are you like really stupid or something? The moment she leaves they won't be able to reach her. How often do you think you see the same strangers?
The ultimatum would be divorce because I don't know why you put yourself through this kinda shit. Addicts like her will find something new to cling onto, first it was alcohol and now it's the affair thrill. You're putting in effort into someone who isn't worth it and isn't putting in effort for you. Her being in rehab will be beneficial when it comes to custody battle if you're worried about not seeing your kid.
It sounds like you both need to learn how to communicate. When you just need to vent, tell her – I just need you to listen. I do not need advice. When she starts making you feel bad, let her know and tell you need to step away from the conversation.
May I ask, does she act like her mother? Most of use learn communication skills and relationships from watching our parents.
So she shouldn't do something she wants to do now becuase some hypothetical future douchebag might judge her for it? Hopefully, whomever she dates in the future won't have a problem with her dating or work history. If they do, girl, don't get into a relationship with them! Date people that love you for you.
Ask him.
I doubt he'll feel great about you buying drugs live! from strangers. Pretty stupid.
This guy excites u OP…
Again, emotionally immature. You’re so focused on yourself that you fail the at least TRY to understand what she’s feeling. 90% of this sub is is telling you that it ain’t about you… yet you continue to take it personal. As a reason, it’s easy to conclude that you’re not emotionally mature enough for a relationship
Girls on girl's laps, guys on guy's laps, girls on guy's laps and guys on girl's laps. But by no means is OP's girlfriend sitting in this guy's lap. Sitting suuuper close and leaning on him? Yes. But I sit on one of my guy friends JUST like that and my fiance doesn't care one bit.
You married a cheater.
Yeah this is insane for this guy to be talking like this and purposefully ignoring her sexual boundaries. And talking about babies at 2 months is moronic. She should not have sex with him ever again and dump him ASAP.
Ok Clark Kent
Thats what he said. ?♀️
Oh yeah absolutely, it's just irritating to treat a vasectomy as something extremely minor when it generally isn't considered reversible and comes with it's own set of complications. As with all contraception it should really be discussed as a couple to figure out what makes both parties uncomfortable, and yeah I think vasectomy is a better option than birth control and tying tubes. No one should be pressured or shamed into having procedures like this.
The outrage over OP suggesting tube tying is ridiculous though. The relationship is clearly not healthy, and if she's the one with the problem about having kids then yes, she should absolutely go through with the procedure. Even if they divorce she's still going to get pregnant from unprotected sex, and it will likely be harder to control than from someone you know.
Help my teenaged girlfriend dresses like a teenager and gets offended when I insult her about it. Ftfy.
And the dirty looks you're getting in public are actually for you not her. You don't look like her 'pimp' you look like her dad. Of course you're gonna crush her self esteem about it because you're the kind of 35 year old creep who dates teenagers. Gross.
No, if it really worries her she should definitely sort it out. If MIL is genuinely trying to be a jerk then of course it's a hill to die on. Just a quick self check to see if it really is a problem before charging into battle. If it is, it is!
“I can treat you like a queen.” “What's he got that I dont?” “I won't tell if you don't.”
Wearing a wedding ring means nothing to these guys. I'm married to a beautiful wife but that matters not because then they'll say:
“You just haven't had the right dick.” “She can join too.” “I'm man enough for both of you.”
There's no winning. Just take the number, don't say nothing, and gtfo.
Someone on another similar thread said:
Judges will watch, what is the best for the child.
And if the parent that had gone missing leaving the child behind upon reintroduction into the childs life would cause more harm than good judges would decide not to have the biological parent contact ever again.
Leaving behind a child is no small matter.
Maybe you find a judge to cut that crap.
Gather all proof of her being not good for that child.
You shouldn’t have held your tongue when they were texting. You sacrificed your marriage and your mental health to make her feel better chasing her married ex. You accepted being a placeholder and made it work all these years. He came back to you because she didn’t want him. The texting has reignited the flames with her rebound. Your marriage is now already blown up and over. See a lawyer, find out what is financially owed to you, hire a PI or stake out and then figure out how you will expose them.
Wow!! Thank you!! Your comment truly, truly means a lot. In a lot of ways our stories are similar and it seems like you are a strong person who survived and went through a lot in life. Please keep on fighting and stay strong. We can survive anything and everything!!