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Maybe try couple counseling as i'm guessing this isn't the only topic on which you may communicate at leisure, yet nothing ever changes.
If not… He is just too selfish to care about your physical needs and desires and treat you literally like a sex doll… Do you see yourself be an object for another 60 years?
This post screams I am ridiculously young and stupid. Just tell her he's a fucking creep. Sounds like your girlfriend is immature. Move on.
She doesn't have a sister. I don't think saying that is suddenly gonna convince her. She's not dumb.
Maybe try to help someone else? With something, you're like, good at?
I'd plan on being out of town during these holidays (is your family near or far? A couples cruise for you all? Etc.) to give you time to get your MIL and FIL in to therapy (or at least meet with someone who can do an intervention with them on how truly dangerous their enabling behavior is and what a threat their son is, they're doing him no favors by shielding him from the consequences of his actions) and to come up with a plan with local police in case BIL goes crazy again. A restraining order and NC are definitely in order until you have irrefutable evidence that BIL has recognized he has a major problem and has gotten help for it. The danger this guy represents to you and your wife can't be over stated.
Right?? Go build Jake an art room and let your gf go find someone better than you.
You’re insecure because you are inventing red flags and using them to avoid intimacy.
I take responsibility for my share, I’m not a child, but I do thank you for seeing my points in the responsibilities she should take too. So thanks
fuck off Lilly hoe
I’m still with him because it’s one aspect of his character I dislike. When all the other stuff is good it’s really hot to justify leaving. However I feel at the end of my tether with it.
What were those red flags if you don’t mind me asking? Obviously you’re not here to give me a free therapy session haha but it’s interesting to know what people take from it
That’s when you don’t respond or you respond back “You said that when we were together as well and I clearly disagreed. Now that we’ve broken up you’re still talking to me sexually and in an inappropriate way for just friends to interact. Plus we’ve slept together, which would definitely be cheating if you were dating someone else. I refuse to put myself in that position and your next girlfriend deserves better. Please leave me alone or you will be blocked.”
You just went from « he wasn’t like this until MIL came to stay with us » to « I’m scared of him killing me ». Which one is that?
This has to be a troll post. I really hope this is a troll post.
Yeah I had decided not to bother. And you’re right about Em but she definitely doesn’t represent all women and she does get called out for her comments a lot.
Thanks for the advice!
Honestly it sounds like she's in the early stages of dementia. That's a pretty common thing, they will be super nice about something then be crazy mad about the same thing later.
Am I the only one confused why you'd take a baby to the hospital after they were alone 10 minutes in the car on a mild day and seemed fine?
Miss her in the sense of missing the connection you used to have.
Also, you are learning that relationships ebb and flow. There are times during every committed relationship where things are difficult. Relationships require work, effort, patience, commitment, and sacrifice. Things are rarely 50/50. When your partner is going through a difficult time, you have to pick up the slack. That's part of loving someone. There will be times, if there haven't already been, where your partner has had to be the support for you.
Relationships aren't easy, but they're worth it when you truly love someone.
I can't ban the show just because I don't like it.
His mom died
How exactly are you going to sit here and write so many clear warning signs it could be depression and say “it’s not depression from what I can tell” Moved far from everyone she knows and is familiar with Lost interest in everything she loved Lost interest in maintaining her appearance Gained a lot of weight Has even lost interest in family (toxic or not) Lost ambition …. Maybe urge her to try therapy to figure out why and to gain some skills to cope. On the flip, you do not have to stay with someone or fix someone who won’t fix themselves. That’s not fair to you.
Are you financially dependent on him? Is he paying your bills/rent/feeding?
He should've spoken to you and not his mum… but my hunch is that your finances might be in such a mess to the point where it's affecting him. Plus how dodgy it is that you have this mountainous pile of unopened mail that you're avoiding.
“Get the hell away from me. We are not friends, we are nothing.” Just like that ??
I've lived with her for 6 years, it's just not the type of person she is. Incredibly ignorant, you can sell me on that. But I don't think she's a bad person.
If me I'd try to forget it. I emphasize being a secret vault. Nothing good comes out of revealing that. I wouldn't want to get involved or cause fights.
…recently my girlfriend has decided to stop taking her birth control. …she just decided that we weren’t going to have sex at all until we were married, …she doesn’t want to have sex. However, we recently came to a compromise that she would initiate once a month.
So she doesn’t want sex. Why would she initiate something she doesn’t want?
So you plan to have sex with no birth control? You think that is wise?
Common core?
If you want to have sex before marriage, you need to leave your girlfriend. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, you need to respect her boundaries and wait until marriage to have sex. Any other option makes you a scumbag, because the only other options are cheating and coercion at BEST and SA at worst.
Yeah, I don’t know what OP is smoking…
I am in my 30s and have a very demanding job with lots of responsibilities and requires discipline and time management. If my SO just came and “checked me out” like a fucking school kid and talked about it with my boss behind my back and I lost an entire half day that I hadn’t planned on in the middle of professional crunch time, on top of being treated like I wasn’t an adult in front of my entire professional cohort for some sort of “best SO award show”, I’d be fucking furious!! Yeah, you’re damn right I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the afternoon off after being treated like a child.
This is my first time actually using Reddit thanks for the note.
Tell him now and end it as kindly as possible. Unless you plan on cutting all contact with family, there is no future for you two.
They didn't like his job, his appearance, his height
Your family requirements are ridiculous BTW.
Excellent points.
Uhm if it were me, I wouldn’t be happy because it’s burning your pocket since knowing your situation.
And tonight, he can suck his own dick. Turnabout and all that…
whoever told you that the bear relationship have endured pain has probably never had one of those “best” relationships.
“I find her very attractive”
Focus on that. If she thinks she is attractive and you think she is attractive… who am I to disagree? You also mentioned many other qualities. Perhaps you are starving for compliments?
You are beautiful. How did a commoner like me catch a flower like you? No really. Tell me.
I think your husbands a badass ngl. Props to him for that.
I don’t think there’s any coming back from this though. Both sides of your families have completely different values and moralities to them. You’re just gonna have to reconcile with that fact. Your father sees women as property and your husband does not.
I don’t entirely know, I think it’s just up to the fact that we both have differing needs when we’re stressed, she needs alone time and I need time with someone who I love and loves me, and she kept saying she was sorry and that she can’t expect me to not have what I need to allow her what she needs, but this week thinking about things I can deal with less of what I need in order for her to get what she needs, because what I really can’t be without is her in my life, and she basically said she’s too stressed and strung out to try and make things work
I'd consider this on the same level as cheating. Your friend isn't a friend. Your wife apparently has a looser set of morals than you thought.
Explicit pornographic acts on camera? Yikes. Especially without you present or your consent as her partner.
Like cheating: this was a set of conscious choices. At any point she had the opportunity to say no. She didn't. Doesn't matter if she got caught up and rode the roller-coaster (and probably other stuff).
Treat it as cheating. Std check. Figure out if there's been more cooky behavior from her in the past, say 6 momths. Hire a p.i. if necessary. Get your finances in order. Talk to a lawyer and see what the options are. Listen to your lawyer.
Why are you trying to be gentle and delicate with him over such a serious issue? He has been verbally abusive to you (and potentially other people? I can’t tell). You don’t tiptoe around that. You make it clear that the behavior isn’t acceptable.
Cluster Bs alienate their victims from friends/family. That way, the victim lacks support, and relies completely on the boyfriend.
Lol this is literally almost a perfect representation of the first half of every serial killer’s marriage
Sorry babes. Her house her rules.
I’m sure this isn’t the advice you want by I honestly think you should just leave it. You can’t force her to be your friend. Put yourself in her shoes…would you want to be friends with you? Considering she hasn’t blocked you, she may or may not reach out when she’s ready but don’t get your hopes up.
It’s not extremely expensive if you’re in one of the many countries with socialised healthcare, but I agree with the rest of your comment.
Lmao girlie, your boyfriend is a decent person, it's you and your friend group that are the problems here. There isn't a “mind your own bussiness” friend group, but thẻe is a “turning a blind eyes to any problem whatsoever” friendgroup, and yours is the later. You are your friend, and tolerating a bully partner means you are no better than that abusive friend of yours.
Appreciate the kind words and understanding. I’ve apologized for the way I lashed out and she took it well. She’s been very understanding of everything and I guess there’s really nothing I can do except wait it out and see what happens. It just sucks to love someone so much but feel like I can’t trust them to have fun with their friends. PTSD resources may be a good call because tbh I am displaying similar symptoms to it. Thanks again for the well thought out reply and I wish ya a good rest of the day?
I wish it were that easy! I have a cat that I share with my parents, his litter, food, scratch post, etc are all kept in my room so the door is always left slightly ajar for him to eat/drink/poop. I did but a doggy door to install onto my door but my father said the wood was not built to withstand that alternation so I had to table that idea.
Lady, leave
What changed in her life? One doesnt just become twice your original size for no reason.
I don’t subscribe to the never date anyone your friends have school of thought, but I also don’t think anyone is fair game. It’s a nuanced approach. I think big serious relationships should be left alone. As well as people who cheated on or abused your friend. So basically a good reason and not “cuz I said so”.
That would be a no. If it's not your thing and it's not a lifestyle you want, don't compromise who you are for a guy. It's never worth it.
I think you should break up with your boyfriend and find a new guy who treats you better. Then you can go on this trip with him.
Love is not a good reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship.
You’re not being an asshole for seeing a second opinion.
Yeah, I think you misspelled ‘my gf has an 1500 day streak with her affair partner.’
She messaged you because she was feeling guilty about what she did. I would have no disillusionment that she wants to get back together. If she still has you blocked, that should answer the question for you. Sounds like she's moved on with another dude, but was still feeling guilt about how she ended it with you, and was trying to relieve some guilt by apologizing. Nothing more and nothing less.
Does she know anything about men?
As a guy,
1.) yes that’s cheating. Even if you don’t think so, it’s very much likely he is enabling himself to cheat.
2.) It’s not a guy thing. Guys don’t do that, fuckboys do.
3.) Men don’t need nudes from random girls. There’s literally millions of porn videos and nudes out there with the click of a button. Not only that, if you’re in a relationship you should be focusing on only your partner.
4.) He’s very likely a guy who treats women like products. After he is done with one, he debates on whether other products are more valuable to him.
5.) You won’t realize how shit he is until you find a good man in your life.
Ask yourself this questions:
What do the people in his life say about him?
This is what you want to hear and see. “He’s the kind of guy I look up to. He’s the guy who’s present and transparent. He’s the guy who has put in a lot of work and sacrifice for those he cares about. He’s a good man and he deserves an amazing woman who will treat him right cause I know he will treat any future partner in his life right. He is disciplined, wise, and kind. Hell if anyone hurts him, his family and friends will always have his back. You’d be lucky to be with a man like him.”
Make your mind up….
Only slightly lol
First off, its very considerate of you to offer to rent your sibling and their partner a room in your new house. Family is important and helping others is its own reward.
Second, you should not do this unless the rent money is something you and your boyfriend NEED to make the purchase financially sound. Your concerns don't make you crazy, they make you pragmatic. A new house is a BIG undertaking and unless your sibling states in no uncertain terms, “its your house to do with whatever you want, I will only be renting from you”, you should assume the whole thing will be messy. And I'm talking ruin your relationship with your sibling (and potentially your BF) level of messy.
In a perfect world, this is a non-issue. Your sibling covers some of the mortgage, you slightly prioritize the projects that benefit them and you, and they save money to get a house. A less perfect world lands you with a sibling that hasn't signed a rent contract, who has established tenant rights after 30 days of living with you, and who no longer sees a possibility of getting their own house and refuses to leave because they have been given cheaper than average rent. In that situation, they also voice issues over what gets done to the house and when, causing issues between all parties involved and regular arguments.
I would say the worst part here is that you and your BF won't have a couple month period to address the projects you want to prioritize. If you did, I'd be more optimistic but seeing as you and your sibling would be moving into the house around the same time, you wil be attempting to acclimate (4) people and (2) relationships into one house that will likely need renovation. Thats a hot situation to be in, and if you having lived with your sibling since moving out of your parents house, then I'd call that a firm no.
If you decide that all these issues are tiny and you can work through them, great! My only recommendation would be to talk about all the little things (with your partner and sibling) to make sure you are on the same page. These will be hard talks, but if you and your BF buy the house, it is your property and you get the final say. Your BFs opinion will be a higher priority than your siblings and that is only fair.
Either way, best of luck with embracing home owner ship! You deserve happiness and I hope you find it!