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Birth Date: 2000-04-28
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You never get to know what's going on in someone's head unless they are both trustworthy and willing to share. She is neither.
You have to get comfortable chalking it up to a loss without knowing what happened in her brain. People are complicated and you don't get to know what caused it.
Sounds odd enough that I wouldn't worry about it happening again with someone else.
Your life isn't ruined, it's just began. Nature has a funny way of showing us the path and it showed you that your Girlfriend is a shitty cheater and that you should walk away and onwards and upwards.
From just reading the initial post I agreed with you but I changed my mind.
So I’m in the opposite situation and I still don’t think she’s an asshole. My bf has a really high drive and I don’t. He initiates sex daily and I’ll say nah, then he makes a joke 90% of the time. If I feel like the joke was out of line we talk about it and he apologizes but they rarely are.
Regardless of my own situation I first sided with you. Pressuring people into sex isn’t okay. Then I read OP’s comments and realized she isn’t pressuring him. She’s offering an initiation that he says no to and they move on. Further, from what OP described it sounds like he wants her to predict his feelings. She mentioned that she would randomly hug or kiss him on the cheek and he would get upset (a fair boundary) but then after a day or two of not touching him -unless he initiated it – he got upset telling her when she touches him it makes him feel wanted. He has strong moods and expects OP to automatically know what he wants.
I have really intense emotions too and when I am too upset to be touched and my partner tries I just say “not right now, I’m not feeling good” and he stops. I feel like this dude is simply not communicating at all.
Sexism in these subs and discussions is nuts (I love the two hot takes pod but they REALLY have double standards for men) but I feel like most of the comments saying she’s not at fault just looked a little deeper into the specific scenarios she’s laid out.
Yeah, I would definitely be questioning the decision-making qualities of someone who bought a dog knowing they could not provide a home for it… Sounds like she wants you to be the responsible one completely in your relationship. She sounds too immature for a serious relationship.
either he’s trying to hurt you or he doesn’t care if he does hurt you. both suck.
dump him and take real time to heal so that you’re ready for a healthy, wonderful, life changing partnership when it comes along.
Well, if you don't want one then don't have one, but don't you ever get lonely or want support when single?
I know you're flooded, and probably this has already been said, but it seems to me that your boyfriend might just need a more structured discipline strategy so he has a more concrete plan to handle situations spontaneously. I have an autistic son and the book 1, 2, 3 Magic was HUGE for us. It's a short, easy read with an easily applied discipline plan. It was so effective for both of my children, who had vastly different childhood behaviors. Good luck.
My thought isn't so much that “they” have accumulated wealth, but that “he” accumulated wealth, and very likely did so long before that ill-fated week!!
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Rather than issuing an ultimatum, have a discussion. If she moves back to Texas only under extreme pressure from you, she will not be happy, and when the pressure is off, will find a way to go back to where she would rather be. Don’t be the person/place where someone would rather not be. You are having the painful realization that the lives you and your fiancé want to live are no longer compatible. Rather than ending things with hurt feelings and an ultimatum, have an honest adult conversation. If it is time for the relationship to end, at your ages, it is better not to waste time. No one is the bad guy, here, you have just realized that your priorities have changed and become incompatible.
He doesn't want you to have her socials, he doesn't want you to give her a gift…. does this girl hate you or something or is he hiding something about his relationship with her? Or is he hiding something about himself that you would learn from her….
This is weird
I’m sorry this happened to you.
Absolutely talk with your father about this. It sounds like your stepmom is not well and is actively trying to sabotage your relationship with your father.
Ah yes. Trickle truthing. They only admit what they think you can prove for a while. He did more than he is saying…
If your wife gifts you an engraved diamond tiara, I hope you never exchange it and wear it out in public on special occasions to show how much you appreciate it ?
You are the one trolling my post with mean comments and poking fun at difficult situations
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Long past isn’t always enough to move forward together. If he wasn’t interested in this other girl, he wouldn’t act weird like that. I think you already know that though.
I can’t understand the behaviors some people put up with.
Relationships are founded on honesty and communication. Tell him. Just make sure you highlight that it's coming from an unfairly earned place of insecurity. And go into with the view that you want to be strong as a couple and you need to be able to tell each9ther things. Then you can figure out how to work through it. It will also be interesting to see how he handles the situation. Will he immediately become butthurt and offended you even suggested he cheat? Will he say “OK I'm sorry you're struggling with this, what can we do to alleviate this” you can learn things.
Have you read up on attachment theory? Take some tests, follow some pages, might be worth looking into for you.
Hugs OP.
As someone already said, it was the beauty standard before that because light skin was associated with not having to work outside in the sun.
She says that she can’t afford to live! anywhere else and likes living with them. Something has shifted lately and she has started being super positive about her bf and acting like nothing bad ever happened. I might be projecting but it seems fake and disingenuous. It’s making me more worried that she’s getting brainwashed or being willfully ignorant.
I agree. I'm revolted. I dont know why I keep on this website if this is what so many users here are like. Its a new low for sure. I'm really shocked, but not surprised if that makes sense. I can't believe how many people are arguing and calling the mother and daughter hypocritical, etc. Disgusting!!
Stay for the week then leave. Just ghost after the week
I'd like to add a little to your already spot on comment. Gf seems like one of those people who you can never love enough. You could burn yourself to the ground trying to prove your love but it will never be good enough and she will always claim you fall short in whatever area is most convenient for her narrative at that moment. You'll double down on your efforts and she will move the goal posts and use your “shortcomings” as an excuse to mistreat you. Get out now.
I think I more so meant for you to get educated so you know what resources are at your disposal should it escalate to something more serious.
Hopefully others can provide more insight and provide any experiences they might have gone through.
Stay safe. I wish you the best. 🙂
If he gave that stuff to her but didn't put it in her name and has no plans to, then you know it's about control over her life and making sure he has power over her.
It’s only a month. I would be more concerned if he was texting and being all clingy. Again – it’s only 4 weeks.
You'll find someone who will appreciate the drama free life you offer. Don't change who you are to appease silly people who think love is arguing.
He prob just thought it was a bit odd you took a shower right after. Not too common. Unless that's not normal for you, and you made such a mess you needed to shower, then that's embarrassing.
Otherwise, just say you took a shit and wanted to make sure your booty hole was clean for him ?
Thank you. You’re right, it is bizarre which is why I think this is all me, and something to bring up in therapy. I know it’s a product of my self esteem and self worth issues (again something that’ll be addressed in therapy), and I guess staying self aware and thinking before I speak is the best way to go – as well as faking it.
That is so aptly put. Thanks a lot!
That is a possibility
I feel like it’s important to ask two questions:
1.) What do you like about her? It’s hot to gauge if there’s anything redeemable here because you don’t say anything positive about her – you didn’t say anything you like about her so I find it even harder to believe that you love her. You didn’t even marry her for love, you married her due to circumstances. If you don’t like her as a person or love her in some capacity, I’m not sure what you’d be holding on to.
2.) If you are from different countries, is there maybe a cultural gender role consideration you’re missing here? There are lots of cultures that are still quite traditional. Could it just be you’re one tough conversation away from pushing through this? “Hey, let’s have a serious conversation about how we’re going to build this life together, okay?” You guys could literally make lists of what you expect of the husband and wife in a marriage and you might get some insight.
And I’ll just say, as a very shy writer, I don’t like anyone reading my work even in my vicinity. Plus she’s not hiding her activity, you know she’s writing – she’s keeping the contents of that writing to herself. Have you ever asked her just what she writes about? Taking an interest in someone else’s hobby doesn’t mean you get to read every word or participate- you simply know it exists and ask her how it’s going.
Don’t beg her to contribute to the household and then get mad that she’s being frugal. She can’t win there. In fact, this is where you really contradict yourself to me. She’s doing what she can in the way that works for her. While it might not be much to you, and yes, you’d prefer her to work, it’s not the reality of the situation. She could work, but right now she’s now, so today what she’s doing to address the problem is ensuring you save as much money as possible.
But if you don’t in some way love this woman, I’m not sure what you’re holding onto. And if you’re feeling suicidal, you should see a doctor/therapist. Your mental health should be a priority and a therapist can also help you find the right next step.
That’s the part that bothers me the most. She’s literally stalked all of my social media pages, sent him things and uses their child to ask him questions when he’s with me and she calls him. It’s been exhausting. Seriously.
My reply was just to the point in that post, but I would agree that he's trying to override her wishes. That said, letting him move in and living together was bound to cause problems and I'm surprised she agreed to it if she didn't want to sleep with him.
Info: did he go back to the girl that cheated on him
The only one creating unnecessary drama is the mother. Wearing white to a wedding means she’s trying to spite and bother the bride. Don’t be so ignorant.
You said if he goes on the trip, your relationship is over….an ultimatum. If you don't follow through, where will you be? Your boyfriend will continue to hang out with her. You will continue to be upset that he doesn't listen and doesn't respect you.
If you cannot resolve the issue, break up and find someone who does put you first.
Honey, your bar is on the floor. Think about what's happening. I can't tell you how many things I look back on and cringe because why did I put up with that.
He actually texted and I don’t know what I should say. At the moment I’m still hurt, so I don’t want to reply at the moment anyways.
He said, “Hope you’re still alive. Going out today. I love you.”
I’m assuming he has today off from work which allows him more time to text me even though it wouldn’t have taken him that long anyways…
Also kind of sucks that that’s all he has to say. It seems like he isn’t bothered by the lack of communication.
Idk, sounds like she was intentionally putting you down to make you feel bad because she is indeed insecure about such a prospect esp being LD.
Ok. So you are still not ready, when you have some life experience, you’ll be ready to be a good husband and maybe if you choose a great dad
Have you texted her that? Like
“I’m sorry you felt I was ignoring you this morning. I wasn’t. Whatever you’re doing now is what I would consider ignoring someone. I’m just not playing these stupid games. You clearly don’t want to talk to me so I’m done trying. I guess you will find hot to ignore someone that no longer reaches out to communicate with you.
Good luck”
And then watch her blow your phone up
That’s a bell that can’t be unrung for sure