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If you’re not comfortable just out right saying it, perhaps scroll on your phone and use Reddit as a way to start the conversation. ‘I’ve found this post on Reddit discussing the importance of discussing what would happen if you fell pregnant with a sexual partner, do you think we should have a conversation like that?’ Seems super casual
This is terrible, people don’t often believe that men get SA, and nobody takes them seriously. You’re doing a great job at being there for him. Keep it up, I hope somebody is able to take legal action and he can start some therapy. Good luck and keep doing what you’re doing.
Sex Panther® is a cologne which is illegal in 9 countries.
It is also made from bits of real panthers.
60% of the time, it works every time.
I'm 35 and text my dad everyday. Granted he's 77 and we almost lot him in 2019. But it still happens, specially if you have an even slightly healthy relationship with your dad. Now my mum… that's another story… I don't let her hug me if I didn't initiate it, so…
I would interpret it as “I also still have feelings for you but am mentally not ready to get back with you at this moment. If I get better and the feelings are still there I would be willing to give it a chance but if by that time you already found someone and are happily in a relationship, I will be rooting for you.”
It’s because at this point I mean it’s been so long since we started talking (bc maybe for him it’s obvious that we are) I feel like he might get offended if I ask again if we are exclusive yk? So idk what to do
Yeah no problem. I definitely understand the dilemma. I hope whatever you decide you you’re happy and content with your choice.
Block his ass
Lmao what a crazy situation. If you arnt addicted to porn it's OK to watch it from time to time. She needs help if it's that big of a deal, absolutely nothing wrong with porn in moderation and knowing it's fantasy. You and your gf need to grow up and gain some perspective.
Given that it's illegal, your gf doesn't just get to make it about preference and have you drop it. You'll be forgiving a real sicko and make it very clear he's allowed to do this to whomever he wants to harass.
Yes, get in touch with the DMV and police. There almost certainly has to be some laws and procedures being ignored way too much here. Even if your gf never gets seriously hurt, it is a huge concern that this is even able to happen. The next victim may not be so lucky.
I mean, no need if he's literally just wishing OP well. He could just leave it at that or if he has good wishes sent his way then he could send a thanks message which OP shouldn't respond to and then just move on.
A long time ago, I was an insecure person as well and would have been bothered by that. Most of the time, when something like this or something involving a person I wasn't comfortable with occured, I would have reacted just like this. The I would start thinking or rationalizing the entire situation.
Let's be real: Even if he called you to say that he couldn't find anyone else and only ex had time to pick him up, could you really have just left your job? Like, really really? Because if that's the case, you could have picked him up in the first place. Most places of work would have considered this a situation where you could have said that this is an emergency. (At least where I am from.) Your partner had surgery and he needed some kind of care. But you knew, that your work environment isn't that easy so you said no. Even if he told you in that moment, you couldn't have picked him up. So what's the point in thinking about it this way?
He had someone who could pick him up and care for him. He told you without hesitation who it was. You know, that nothing happened – he just had surgery! He did everything right for him and for you. I think this is a you-problem and you need to work on your insecurities. Maybe with some professional help? Don't make him feel bad for asking for help when he needed it. It will foster a toxic environment in your very new relationship.
This relationship is not salvageable.
I don’t think so.
Op, do you have any respect for yourself? Sorry to say this but she isn’t GF material..
Hey OP, so I was actually in the same boat and, unlike with most stories I've heard of this situation, it actually went really well and we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary!
My current spouse and I were set up by a friend simply for hook up purposes, so we hungout and hooked up for 2 months until he went away on vacation for 3 months. Before he left we agreed that if we still felt like it, when he got hack we'd resume our situation. We still talked sometimes while he was away, but we kept it casual, I didn't put any pressure on him to talk to me, just said “do your thing” and every now and then we'd check in with each other. He actually did hook up with a woman while he was there and went to some brothels (or whatever they're called in Japan, they aren't actually called brothels there and you're not supposed to have PiV sex, but they usually do anyway), partied a lot, and I honestly didn't care about what he did with other women because he was on vacation and we were on pause until he got back and decided whether or not to go back to seeing each other. I even hooked up with a woman and a few dudes while he was away. When he came back after 3 months we started seeing each other again right away and started sleeping together again after we got negative tests on STI panels. We just had our 5 year anniversary and couldn't be happier or more in love.
If you do have a connection, maybe stay in contact but as just friends and don't be talking all the time, check in on each other and get updates on life, but otherwise just relax and do you. Focus on your life and not what he's getting up to all the time, stay friends and agree that you guys will talk about being together again when you're back, but if you're constantly talking it could ruin your own experience abroad worrying about what he's doing constantly.
WTF did I just read. Ma’am, I say this with all my heart, your husband is a toxic abuser and is the reason you have body image and food issues. I am appalled at how you’ve been treated and are now convinced you’re the problem when he’s been the problem the whole time. Your self worth is not tied to your weight but he’s convinced you it is. Whether you believe me or not right now, this situation is not ok and you’re being emotionally abused into hating yourself for someone who doesn’t even love you. I hope one day you realize how awful he is and leave him.
Then he should be a grownup and tell OP that instead of jerking her around.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’ll take time but you’ll heal. And I’m a realist. I have no family nearby to stay with in case of an emergency. I know sone people can’t just pick up and leave tomorrow. But save up money and grow your courage.
What you said sounded a bit familiar. My ex boyfriend (after my divorce) was texting me recently wanting to get back together. I told him I knew he was in a commited relationship and stop bothering me. He kept trying to deny he was dating anyone, but I found proof on her Facebook profile I told him I was surprised they were dating because she didn’t seem his type I told him if he didn’t love her enough to stop cheating on her then leave.
He said, “I know she’s ugly, but I need someone. I need the stability! If I’m on my own, I know I’ll start drinking and driving again. Look she’s ugly but she’s got good credit and a place for me to live!. What more do you want to hear?”
I feel so bad for her, but I know he’s told her a bunch of lies that she believes, and it’s not my place to warn her. He and I were friends for years before we dated. But once we started dating it quickly went downhill. I didn’t put up with it for long and left.
Don’t fall for the cost suck fallacy hon. I you in put a lot of time with this man. But you won’t get anything good in return hon. Put you first. This is one time it’s ok to be selfish. Tits up!
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Since the direct route doesn't seem to work with her – it's time to start “The Fade”. Don't answer her calls, text, facebook, etc. Cut her off. If she asks what's going on – you're busy with this and that, you don't have time because of abc, you can't you already made other plans, etc – excuses, excuses, excuses. Basically start to go No Contact and over time she'll look elsewhere for attention. Good luck to you!
Relationship advice hive mind in nutshell. What the hell are you downvoting this guy for? He asked a genuine and normal question wtf.
We actually had a trip next month to Norway (for which I paid like 90 % of a lot of money). I'm really considering telling her that I will look for someone who enjoys my company and go with them instead of her.
You destroyed any trust he had in you. It's over regardless of what you try to do. He can try to forgive you but things will never be the same. You took his friends away. You humiliated him because you wanted to brag. I hope he gets away from you. If he doesn't he'll never have any friends. You'll always do whatever you can to humiliate him.
Porn has nothing to do with you and that is usually the point. They do not have to worry about getting us off, which often does take longer for women. Men can look at what's on the screen and jerk off without having to think about your wants and needs. I've never compared my husband to men on porn. I don't think about our sex life or compare our sex life to porn though it may have given me some ideas when we watch together. Is he ” addicted”? Does he function on a daily basis? Does he go to work? Is he a productive member of society? I do think some people prefer screen sex but are ashamed to admit it because getting off alone to a screen has some strange stigma. People who feel society expects them to be in relationships or they merely want the companionship of an SO. He might have had parents who controlled his screen viewing in the last decade and doesn't want anyone telling him what he can and can't do. The shame and blame associated with porn keeps people from admitting it. If the world would stop judging porn so harshly, assuming that billions of people who look at every month are sex perverts it would be easier for those who prefer it and those who will not tolerate it in relationships could put it into their dating spps. Asexuals could go out with people who prefer screen sex or people could swipe away from those who watch porn. You obviously put yourself out there live! as you know random men find you attractive. You do realize those random could be jerking off to you? Ask him, without judgement, if he prefers screen sex. If he prefers it and doesn't want to up the anti on your sex life~ you aren't compatible. You could watch together…
That was hilarious. Thank you. ?
I am torn between making it not painful for my ex, because she is NOT organized around bills and stuff and says she has little money.
Then help her get organized.
It's reasonable you care about your ex still as someone you shared a good chunk of life with and raised 2 kids with, enable her by helping her book a financial training course with a good local financial adviser (if you have a good bank, most have financial advisors on hand). She can learn from a professional how to be organized about bills etc and get in control of her money.
The answer is not just to keep giving her money.
By all means get your ex connected to the tools that will give her agency around of her money. But your new partner is absolutely right that you two buying a new house together etc is a terrible idea right now until you're actually free financially, legally & emotionally. You're too enmeshed with your ex, and even if your heart is in the right place, this isn't how you move forward in healthy ways. Your ex deserves a clean break too, she needs to be free to go build herself an awesome new life as well.
He's already having an affair.
If you get a therapist they’ll be able to help you with talking to your husband about the test and may even know how to go about getting the test. If I were you I’d call first thing in the morning and schedule it as an emergency.
Why don’t you just end it? You obviously don’t care about her.
A girlfriend is actually going to want to spend time with her boyfriend, other than just be there for sex. Sorry, but that's the reality. She did not make you take up an insane workload, plus playing in bands? Perhaps those band gigs are actually a problem? In reality YOU spend little time sitting around the house – while you are studying, working and in bands – you are not at home much. She's probably correct, you don't do as much fun stuff as a couple. You say the program you want to do is not available where you live!, and she doesn't want to move. Honestly, at this point just break up. That's where this long complaint of her not understanding you and your problems is going… right? You are wanting us to confirm that you are awesome (well no not really) and she is unreasonable (again, no not really), so the option is to break up (just go ahead – at this point, free her to move on and find someone else).
Good luck with that studying, working, band thing.
Which one? I like my K-dramas.
This guy is manipulative, possibly a sex addict. Does he view a lot of porn? He has little concern about your recovery because he wants sex everyday. Trust me when I tell you to run from this jerk!
The women is he doesn't look at all the time isn't Asian like her. She wants him to look at only Asian women that look like her. She is insecure. That's the story. The End.
How long has he been her stepdad? This seems like a grooming/abuse situation to me. It's unusual that she doesn't feel uncomfortable with nakedness around her mom and stepdad and that's a huge red flag for me. She might genuinely think this is normal because groomers normalize abuse. Even if you don't feel like you can continue this relationship I would highly recommend bringing up therapy with her and ideally she could find a place of her own where she's not coming home to that type of environment.
Report her for stealing your car and for domestic violence.
Sounds like his issue is that you work too much, too tired to go out and that this isn't the first time you've dragged your feet in wanting to do something. Imagine asking someone out that you've been with for 2 years and you only see each other twice a week. And they don't sound too keen on going out. And the last time they only agreed when you offered to pick them up, take them out. So you ask them out a few times and persuade them until they 'give in' and then you don't hear from them, 7pm comes and goes and your sat by the door waiting for them…
Would you stay with that person? Would you think the other person was invested?
(I would say 10 minutes is late and something to get annoyed about if it happened every time. But coupled with the resistance it just looks like you don't value their time/company)
I used to work in a clothes shop, there's a few people out there who really don't see their true size, I remember one woman was definitely a 16 at a minimum and she had squeezed into a 14 (the shop I worked in also ran small for sizing I was a 10 at the time and could only fit into 12s from there), and was stood admiring herself in the full length mirror in the changing rooms main floor.
I don't understand it in all honesty but I have the opposite issue where I see myself as bigger than I actually am
My point still stands, has he actually done anything to harm anyone? If not it's just his views.
If you’re in the US, look up Adult Protective Services in your area, explain the situation and get a case worker.
Gross
!UpdateMe
Why are you saying he creates drama, and brings drama? Your only evidence of that is that he ended something with a woman he met who posted him on a website…so she created the drama here, and he left her. That means, very obviously, that he avoids drama, not that he creates it.
You're not ready to date. You're jumping T shadows to turn him into the same sort of bad guy that your ex is, rather than dealing with the trauma of what your ex did.
Please don't date again until you've dealt with your trauma.
You told him you saw him in the group? I’m sorry but this is exactly why these groups get shut down and women can get hurt. If the comments on the post were indicating any red flags, you shouldn’t have mentioned it to him at all. It’s usually in the rules that people should act in good faith and not share the information with the people who are being posted (unless of course it’s false).
4 years of daily messaging with your ex is a red flag.
First of all, no it's not inherently a red flag. In this case it certainly isn't since OP knew about the communication.
Secondly it's more akin to posting an insta story that your ex can also see than to texting.
So yes, labelling her as a cheater just based on that, is stupid.
Look, I don’t want to doubt you because I’m sure you have experienced gaslighting and other issues, but the problem here is that you have given absolutely no reason to back up WHY you think your wife is a narcissist at this point. What you have told us, that she is controlling, gaslighting, close to her parents, is not backed up by any examples. NPD is REALLY overused by laypeople to describe any time they don’t like someone else’s behavior. You have to back it up to show evidence it’s real and not just a cover. And coupled with your statements about not taking your kid, it reads like you’re trying to justify walking away from him as well. That’s not very sympathetic. So if you’re actually “scared” of her reaction, it would be helpful if you’d tell us WHY. Unfortunately, just saying “this is true,” isn’t exactly trustworthy.
Thank you for explaining your theory 🙂
Tell him his insecurity is unattractive
The solution to his negative feelings isn’t in your behavior, it’s in him growing the fuck up
Sure it happens all the time. So what do you think you're going to do? What's your plan?
Is there any chance to get custody of your son as she is not fit to look after him?