IDK my GF likes to go clubbing and we go together, just the two of us. We don't really hangout with many people nowadays, so we mostly do things together, including clubbing.
Have him treat it like a date night. No need to get drunk. Just to spend time with each other, listen to music, and dance. It's different when going with the bros vs with the GF. With the bros, it's like we get to be more uninhibited, whereas, with the GF, we (or at least I) tend to be more reserved and conscious about how she feels. Like if she's having fun and not judging me. The bros don't judge, discern, and with the bros, it's like we can do whatever. With the GF, we need to watch ourselves. But that's a very general way to put it and may not cover details or things I'm missing.
I mean she couldn't even be straight with you about why she was contacting you, saying she wants to be 'friends' when she is really trying to get back with you.
Block and let that drama fizzle out. If people keep bugging you, repeat “I am not interested, like I told her. Please respect my decision.”
I mean how does that read?? Not very good. I would’ve probably just not masturbated if you couldn’t communicate that before doing it.
You didn’t fuck up, but you did. You did by not thinking your actions through and in that moment you lacked a lot of self awareness. We all do it. It happens.
But when your boyfriend cools down yeah you need to talk to him and explain what you were thinking. Explain your reasoning. But don’t be argumentative. If you’re talking about this it needs to be cool and calm and it’s about finding a resolution not about transitioning into another fight or new problems
Well, I’d say if someone just doesn’t wanna talk about it and is walking away, you don’t have a real way of forcing it anyway. Give it 2 years and you’ll probably have trouble remembering his name.
Is the current custody concern for permanent guardianship, or just until her grandma recovers from surgery? If it’s the latter, then it sounds like something you could work out.
If it’s the former, then I think your choice is between your relationship and being child free. If y’all don’t take her in, your husband will probably be wracked with guilt. You seem outright in denial about how bad this girl’s situation is. The father you think she should go to is not only a stranger to her who doesn’t want her, but someone no one else, including those who know more and apparently the courts thinks should have custody.
That leaves her options as…your husband and the foster system. He would probably resent you just as much for forcing him to choose the latter as you’d resent him for choosing the former.
It’s fine for you to not want children, and taking on a 10 year old is a big life change you didn’t sign up for. But sometimes life throws circumstances we don’t ask for, and this is a HUGE special circumstance where not taking in the child harms their long-term well-being from here on out, and it sounds like your husband recognizes that and cares for the child enough that he feels an obligation to do what he can. That doesn’t mean you should have to be a parent, but it does mean you should probably walk away from your relationship. Your husband taking her in is the best case scenario for her; any other option will damage her far more psychologically and emotionally.
I don’t see a realistic way your marriage survives this long-term even if you get exactly what you want. You need to face the reality here that you can’t have the child-free life you want and the relationship you’ve had until this point. The latter will erode over time over the residual feelings about this. It’s a sucky situation to be in for everyone, but it IS the situation.
You're actively making his health= your problem. That's fine to care, but not when you're the only one caring. Tell him that you're concerned for his well-being and will not date someone who is not proactive about their health. That the stress this causes you is not acceptable and that you won't speak on it again. Let him deal with it, but honestly, as a woman, do not date a man who does not take care of his health. He sounds like a gullible idiot and you don't need this stress. Treat this like any other unhealthy situation…make your feelings known, set your boundary (no talking about his new diet, not eating meals with him and voiceing your discomfort) and stick to those boundaries
I’m just saying I know a lot of guys who feel pressured to lie about how much they make because of the gender dynamics of the economy and dating and whatnot. Not saying it’s right I’m just saying it’s common
Right? He was a very big man, he should have showered twice a day due to his size or bare minimum one time a day. He just didn't. And he never washed his hands. They were off color and I just thought his skin was weird. I didn't realise until later.
He’s completely full of shit. There’s a reason his “job got messed up”, but it wasn’t Covid. Or at least Covid isn’t the reason he wasn’t back to normal within a month or two back in 2020. There was a major dip in construction work right at the beginning but f the pandemic, March 2020, but they were back to work within a couple months and then the construction industry boomed throughout the rest of Covid, and still is. So much so construction companies couldn’t and still can’t find enough people and will take damn near anyone with a pulse that will show up. Felony? Nah. They were at “just don’t smoke meth on the job” by late summer 2020. In 2023 they’re at “ok just don’t smoke the meth right in front of the customer”.
From a March 15, 2023 article from Associated Builders and Contractors (trade association):
the construction industry is facing a labor shortage and must hire an additional 545,000 workers this year beyond its typical pace in order to meet expected demand. The trade association reports one in four construction workers is older than 55 and there aren't enough younger workers to replace them.
His employment issues are his fault. Don’t let him bullshit you otherwise. He’s got to be a real loser or serious problem to be unable to find full time, steady work in constriction right now.
He’s lying to you. The real reason is more likely that he’s lazy and doesn’t actually want to work.
Okay, you have no proof. But you did talk to him. You can prove that to her. You have the picture. Maybe her, maybe not. If it is her, it will show even more that he told you everything.
My advice is this; tell her that you talked to him. Offer her one chance to come clean. If she doesn't take it, tell him what he told you happened after Monday lunch. If she denies it, pull the picture for shock value. The whole time, you have read her face and demeanour. If she still denies it, offer to call him again and put it on speaker phone. It's risky, but you have no other cards to play.
Which part of the story made the girl sound irrational? Are you sure you don’t just default to assuming the woman was somehow wrong?
IDK my GF likes to go clubbing and we go together, just the two of us. We don't really hangout with many people nowadays, so we mostly do things together, including clubbing.
Have him treat it like a date night. No need to get drunk. Just to spend time with each other, listen to music, and dance. It's different when going with the bros vs with the GF. With the bros, it's like we get to be more uninhibited, whereas, with the GF, we (or at least I) tend to be more reserved and conscious about how she feels. Like if she's having fun and not judging me. The bros don't judge, discern, and with the bros, it's like we can do whatever. With the GF, we need to watch ourselves. But that's a very general way to put it and may not cover details or things I'm missing.
That’s a huge reach. For all you know she could be asking why OP never comes along.
I mean she couldn't even be straight with you about why she was contacting you, saying she wants to be 'friends' when she is really trying to get back with you.
Block and let that drama fizzle out. If people keep bugging you, repeat “I am not interested, like I told her. Please respect my decision.”
If you have HR, got to them immediately.
If you don’t have HR, go to the CEO.
If your boss is the CEO, quit before he assaults you.
I mean how does that read?? Not very good. I would’ve probably just not masturbated if you couldn’t communicate that before doing it.
You didn’t fuck up, but you did. You did by not thinking your actions through and in that moment you lacked a lot of self awareness. We all do it. It happens.
But when your boyfriend cools down yeah you need to talk to him and explain what you were thinking. Explain your reasoning. But don’t be argumentative. If you’re talking about this it needs to be cool and calm and it’s about finding a resolution not about transitioning into another fight or new problems
Read up on the sunk cost fallacy.
Dump him, tell him why. He is incapable of supporting himself. Suggest he go to therapy when you do
Yeah no- this is not appropriate behavior AT ALL. Do not allow him to touch you. Tell him his behavior is unacceptable. Grow up friend. He’s grooming.
he’s a creep. talk to hr if you have one.
Well, I’d say if someone just doesn’t wanna talk about it and is walking away, you don’t have a real way of forcing it anyway. Give it 2 years and you’ll probably have trouble remembering his name.
Your wife wants to bang!
Is the current custody concern for permanent guardianship, or just until her grandma recovers from surgery? If it’s the latter, then it sounds like something you could work out.
If it’s the former, then I think your choice is between your relationship and being child free. If y’all don’t take her in, your husband will probably be wracked with guilt. You seem outright in denial about how bad this girl’s situation is. The father you think she should go to is not only a stranger to her who doesn’t want her, but someone no one else, including those who know more and apparently the courts thinks should have custody.
That leaves her options as…your husband and the foster system. He would probably resent you just as much for forcing him to choose the latter as you’d resent him for choosing the former.
It’s fine for you to not want children, and taking on a 10 year old is a big life change you didn’t sign up for. But sometimes life throws circumstances we don’t ask for, and this is a HUGE special circumstance where not taking in the child harms their long-term well-being from here on out, and it sounds like your husband recognizes that and cares for the child enough that he feels an obligation to do what he can. That doesn’t mean you should have to be a parent, but it does mean you should probably walk away from your relationship. Your husband taking her in is the best case scenario for her; any other option will damage her far more psychologically and emotionally.
I don’t see a realistic way your marriage survives this long-term even if you get exactly what you want. You need to face the reality here that you can’t have the child-free life you want and the relationship you’ve had until this point. The latter will erode over time over the residual feelings about this. It’s a sucky situation to be in for everyone, but it IS the situation.
Medical sales?
No opposite gender friends at. Conversation in a social setting is fine but 1 on 1 is risky.
Why can’t you walk?
30 and 28 acting like they are 15 years old.
You're actively making his health= your problem. That's fine to care, but not when you're the only one caring. Tell him that you're concerned for his well-being and will not date someone who is not proactive about their health. That the stress this causes you is not acceptable and that you won't speak on it again. Let him deal with it, but honestly, as a woman, do not date a man who does not take care of his health. He sounds like a gullible idiot and you don't need this stress. Treat this like any other unhealthy situation…make your feelings known, set your boundary (no talking about his new diet, not eating meals with him and voiceing your discomfort) and stick to those boundaries
Google BPD Favorite Person and see if any of that info resonates with your situation.
snapewives was the FIRST thing i thought of, that shit was INSANE
I’m just saying I know a lot of guys who feel pressured to lie about how much they make because of the gender dynamics of the economy and dating and whatnot. Not saying it’s right I’m just saying it’s common
There is live! classes in Codependence Anonymous that I think he needs.
They are free, he just needs to look them up
No, you’re right. It would break my heart and I’d tell my girls to run.
We all do it honestly. We can't help it. We can't stop.
Right? He was a very big man, he should have showered twice a day due to his size or bare minimum one time a day. He just didn't. And he never washed his hands. They were off color and I just thought his skin was weird. I didn't realise until later.
He’s completely full of shit. There’s a reason his “job got messed up”, but it wasn’t Covid. Or at least Covid isn’t the reason he wasn’t back to normal within a month or two back in 2020. There was a major dip in construction work right at the beginning but f the pandemic, March 2020, but they were back to work within a couple months and then the construction industry boomed throughout the rest of Covid, and still is. So much so construction companies couldn’t and still can’t find enough people and will take damn near anyone with a pulse that will show up. Felony? Nah. They were at “just don’t smoke meth on the job” by late summer 2020. In 2023 they’re at “ok just don’t smoke the meth right in front of the customer”.
From a March 15, 2023 article from Associated Builders and Contractors (trade association):
the construction industry is facing a labor shortage and must hire an additional 545,000 workers this year beyond its typical pace in order to meet expected demand. The trade association reports one in four construction workers is older than 55 and there aren't enough younger workers to replace them.
His employment issues are his fault. Don’t let him bullshit you otherwise. He’s got to be a real loser or serious problem to be unable to find full time, steady work in constriction right now.
He’s lying to you. The real reason is more likely that he’s lazy and doesn’t actually want to work.
Kick him out. He’s abusive and volatile.
R U N !
Okay, you have no proof. But you did talk to him. You can prove that to her. You have the picture. Maybe her, maybe not. If it is her, it will show even more that he told you everything.
My advice is this; tell her that you talked to him. Offer her one chance to come clean. If she doesn't take it, tell him what he told you happened after Monday lunch. If she denies it, pull the picture for shock value. The whole time, you have read her face and demeanour. If she still denies it, offer to call him again and put it on speaker phone. It's risky, but you have no other cards to play.
Wish you the best.