He has told you no repeatedly. YOU are the one being selfish and disrespectful. YOU have decided your need is more important than his boundary.
It’s perfectly fine that photos are important to you. But you can’t make him want to do it. He already told you he doesn’t want to. You are being rude now. Accept this, or move on to someone who values photos like you do.
I wouldn’t say the things you mention are “acting so interested” that’s just one interpretation, and to go even further, acting interested in what? You don’t even know as it’s all guessing. He might just be attracted to you but not want anything. I see nothing really major here apart from you analysing his intent that can get you nowhere. Some people are just flirty, some people are just friendly, he possibly is interested in you but that’s a big maybe and ultimately hasn’t done anything decisive to suggest that he is, so I’d just shrug and take him at face value. If you think something is there then ask, because you can spend a long time wondering and him never asking you out/telling you he likes you, reading into his actions that he probably has no intent with, while he’s dating others
If she’s too shy to talk to you about kissing, she’s too shy to talk about sex and she’s too shy to be dating right now.
She can’t use a buffer for every uncomfortable feeling she is. And if she had the friend because she is afraid of how you will react, and needs the friend to talk for her, she shouldn’t be dating you.
I'd struggle with not being with her for that amount of time.
Ld isn't easy, but it can teach you a lot about yourself and your relationship. It'll force you to become more independent, it'll force you to learn how to communicate properly, it'll help you reflect on what you want in a relationship.
I also hope all of this isn’t real.. but I guess this is what happens after years and years of abuse.. you become blind and you start to think maybe its your fault.. Im in my bed rn shoulders, neck and wrist bruised up and all I can do is vent out here while I plan for my escape..
coming from someone who was a victim of csa: it does not MATTER if she was, or was not, she sought it out and even if it was an attempt to process it, it doesn't mean she didnt ALSO HARM THOSE CHILDREN IN THE VIDEOS/PHOTOS/ETC.
sharing, looking into it, and consuming the media hurts the victims. do not try to make excuse for this person, because no matter what happened to her, she knows its wrong. she deserves punishment and no sympathy.
This isn't a decision to make lightly so I understand your hesitancy,
Spend some time with your kid, friends, family or doing your hobby and just separate yourself from her for a while. It'll help you get a lil clarity on the situation, stepping back always gives you a better view.
Thank you!! Needed to hear that. He says all these things that I changed his life since he met me, which granted idk if he is actually being that serious. We also live! one hr away from each other, and so far I have been the one driving to him. He does’t have a car, but he can take the train/bus to where i on-line. I haven’t, and probably should be bringing that point how it’s been bothering. I just feel like it should be common sense to take turns :/
This is literally the only advice that will work here.
OP i know it's a big thing for u. As a woman i get it. So if you honestly are not comfortable with sleeping with him because he isn't also a virgin you guys aren't compatible. It's an issue you have then.
You cant blame him for his past. And he can't change anything he's done. If his words don't help you guys should break up. You might sleep with him and then regret it afterwards because you are stuck on the fact it's such an important thing to you and he's already experienced that with someone else.
No. Don’t rationalize her shitty behaviour. She knows exactly what she’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing. She likes the attention. More than she cares about how you’d feel about it.
I mean, sure, if I wasn't already married to a fantastic man who had no problem with my trying to be sure he wasn't an axe murderer in advance, that'd save a lot of effort. If their privacy is more valuable than my safety, that answers quite a few questions up front. I'm not sure if you understand how rare it is to NOT take precautions before meeting strangers.
Fun fact in VA, it is illegal for male to tickle a female.
Your BF is not respecting you. I agree with pickledpanda..when he tries this don't react, but also limit contact with him. When your bf asks what is wrong, explain he violated your trust and that you will not tolerate it.
If he doesn't listen, do you want to remain in the relationship?
Don't forget that you really hold the power in this situation, and it's important you maintain that power. This means not surrendering it to some other authority. For instance, I worked with a teacher in a similar situation–in that case, three boys flirting with her during class–and she called campus security to have them removed. Of course, there was no recovering her class, and another teacher had to take it over.
Standing too close? You can tell people where to stand, or to sit, or whatever.
Asking the same question? Say, “Hey, you keep asking me the same question. I need to you write down the answer to every question I answer for you. If you need accommodation of any sort, I can direct you to those resources. Reanswering the same question is not a good use of either of our time, so you need to figure out how to be more proactive about learning this without my constant involvement.”
Staring? ehhh… nothing you can really do about that. The armor you put on when you enter the classroom will grow with experience so that you can comfortably ignore it.
Well, then just skip the sexuality part, he's a tucking cheater and she should kick his ass to the curb.
He has told you no repeatedly. YOU are the one being selfish and disrespectful. YOU have decided your need is more important than his boundary.
It’s perfectly fine that photos are important to you. But you can’t make him want to do it. He already told you he doesn’t want to. You are being rude now. Accept this, or move on to someone who values photos like you do.
I wouldn’t say the things you mention are “acting so interested” that’s just one interpretation, and to go even further, acting interested in what? You don’t even know as it’s all guessing. He might just be attracted to you but not want anything. I see nothing really major here apart from you analysing his intent that can get you nowhere. Some people are just flirty, some people are just friendly, he possibly is interested in you but that’s a big maybe and ultimately hasn’t done anything decisive to suggest that he is, so I’d just shrug and take him at face value. If you think something is there then ask, because you can spend a long time wondering and him never asking you out/telling you he likes you, reading into his actions that he probably has no intent with, while he’s dating others
Holy misogynistic batman!
Understandable, I’ve never visibly been sad or heartsore in front of her and that could be why she just froze you know?
He sounds horrible. I’m so sorry for that experience. You deserve someone who cares about your past and works with you on it not does that…
If she’s too shy to talk to you about kissing, she’s too shy to talk about sex and she’s too shy to be dating right now.
She can’t use a buffer for every uncomfortable feeling she is. And if she had the friend because she is afraid of how you will react, and needs the friend to talk for her, she shouldn’t be dating you.
I'd struggle with not being with her for that amount of time.
Ld isn't easy, but it can teach you a lot about yourself and your relationship. It'll force you to become more independent, it'll force you to learn how to communicate properly, it'll help you reflect on what you want in a relationship.
I also hope all of this isn’t real.. but I guess this is what happens after years and years of abuse.. you become blind and you start to think maybe its your fault.. Im in my bed rn shoulders, neck and wrist bruised up and all I can do is vent out here while I plan for my escape..
coming from someone who was a victim of csa: it does not MATTER if she was, or was not, she sought it out and even if it was an attempt to process it, it doesn't mean she didnt ALSO HARM THOSE CHILDREN IN THE VIDEOS/PHOTOS/ETC.
sharing, looking into it, and consuming the media hurts the victims. do not try to make excuse for this person, because no matter what happened to her, she knows its wrong. she deserves punishment and no sympathy.
Get out of there!!
This isn't a decision to make lightly so I understand your hesitancy,
Spend some time with your kid, friends, family or doing your hobby and just separate yourself from her for a while. It'll help you get a lil clarity on the situation, stepping back always gives you a better view.
Thank you!! Needed to hear that. He says all these things that I changed his life since he met me, which granted idk if he is actually being that serious. We also live! one hr away from each other, and so far I have been the one driving to him. He does’t have a car, but he can take the train/bus to where i on-line. I haven’t, and probably should be bringing that point how it’s been bothering. I just feel like it should be common sense to take turns :/
Thank you
This is literally the only advice that will work here.
OP i know it's a big thing for u. As a woman i get it. So if you honestly are not comfortable with sleeping with him because he isn't also a virgin you guys aren't compatible. It's an issue you have then.
You cant blame him for his past. And he can't change anything he's done. If his words don't help you guys should break up. You might sleep with him and then regret it afterwards because you are stuck on the fact it's such an important thing to you and he's already experienced that with someone else.
No. Don’t rationalize her shitty behaviour. She knows exactly what she’s doing. He knows exactly what he’s doing. She likes the attention. More than she cares about how you’d feel about it.
I mean, sure, if I wasn't already married to a fantastic man who had no problem with my trying to be sure he wasn't an axe murderer in advance, that'd save a lot of effort. If their privacy is more valuable than my safety, that answers quite a few questions up front. I'm not sure if you understand how rare it is to NOT take precautions before meeting strangers.
Fun fact in VA, it is illegal for male to tickle a female.
Your BF is not respecting you. I agree with pickledpanda..when he tries this don't react, but also limit contact with him. When your bf asks what is wrong, explain he violated your trust and that you will not tolerate it.
If he doesn't listen, do you want to remain in the relationship?
He’s probably planning on cheating or has a side piece
Are you her husband? Fuck off.
Oh my god. Like, no offense, but what's wrong with you?
“Ever since then I find my self fantasizing at least once a day about leaving”
Leave!!!
Longtime college instructor here.
Don't forget that you really hold the power in this situation, and it's important you maintain that power. This means not surrendering it to some other authority. For instance, I worked with a teacher in a similar situation–in that case, three boys flirting with her during class–and she called campus security to have them removed. Of course, there was no recovering her class, and another teacher had to take it over.
Standing too close? You can tell people where to stand, or to sit, or whatever.
Asking the same question? Say, “Hey, you keep asking me the same question. I need to you write down the answer to every question I answer for you. If you need accommodation of any sort, I can direct you to those resources. Reanswering the same question is not a good use of either of our time, so you need to figure out how to be more proactive about learning this without my constant involvement.”
Staring? ehhh… nothing you can really do about that. The armor you put on when you enter the classroom will grow with experience so that you can comfortably ignore it.
Good luck!