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My first thought when I read the post is that she probably didn’t do or at least wasn’t as bad as he said and he’s just saying she did so he can treat her badly. He’s not a good dude.
It’s very weird that she’d make a claim like “he’s much happier now than he ever was with you” that is a very bizarre think to say and just seems really immature/insecure. Every relationship has aspects that make it special and those things don’t just get erased when someone gets a new partner.
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I mean, he told you about it which to me implies he's being honest with the rest of it and is actually sorry. He could have tried to hide it like scummy guys usually do, but he was upfront with you. He might need better friends, though.
She says she will never see me as a friend. When we met a few days ago we also hugged and kissed .. she then she told me that she doesn't know if she will want to go out alone with me in the future. Not yet, but she doesn't know if she'll change her mind
Is there a way to bring it up? Or hope he’ll change
You can Google local halfway houses in your area to send him to. Provide him with the information so he can check himself in and then ask him to leave. If he refuses to leave, you'll need to start the eviction process.
At that point you can start dating again, once you bring other men around, he'll be less apt to hang around.
Good luck
Without a clear layout of the house that could change my mind, I side with him.
No you can't trust her. Also, don't keep an addicts secret a lie, I'm in recovery myself. The fact that she cares more about that, then being honest and checking herself into treatment shows you she is in denial and not remorseful.
Unfortunately substance use issues are hard to cure, even harder when a person wants to be secretive about it and not do real recovery.
DO NOT buy a home with someone you're not married to. Ever. No exceptions. It will be the biggest financial mistake of your entire life.
If you always took accountability, then you would have apologized for grabbing his arm instead of asking for the baby.
You say things which you tend to completely invalidate.
You both need therapy, individually and as a couple.
Yeah that's where I have been at so far. I know the truth and if it makes her feel secure, so be it.
But it's been grating in me lately.
To be honest I expected the conversation to die out pretty quickly as we move on and do other things but it hasn't.
This phenomenon is actually super common. Lots of women go through a period of making their relationship their #1 interest and priority, while men have other things to focus on as well (which is absolutely the healthier approach).
I can’t speak on this on a professional level, but I can provide some insight as a woman who was once in the position your girlfriend was in.
Women don’t have to rely on men anymore for financial freedom, which is fantastic. More of us are getting educated, and starting full-time careers. That being said, there are some residual social norms that still take up a lot of our time and emotional energy.
We are more scrutinized for being bold, and domineering. We are more often expected to be mediators, caretakers, and people-pleasers. Men can get away with being aggressive when they need to be much more easily than women.
When you spend all of your time making your coworkers, friends, and partner feel loved and valued, you have no time or energy to worry about what you enjoy (beyond simple pleasures). It’s really very hot to cultivate your own interests when everyone around you expects you to engage with theirs first. It’s really naked to say no.
Why don't you try taking a break?
Tell him what you've told us (maybe not a big rant but the gist at least) and that you're getting restless and need to explore a bit.
Plan a trip to go backpacking for a couple weeks or something.
It'll give you both time away to put things in perspective.
Maybe you'll miss him so much you'll never want to leave him again or maybe you'll realize it's easier to be without him than you thought.
I too like to get mad at things I invented out of whole cloth.