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Dump him
I do get that there is something about being told you can’t be there in the morning but you can come along later that feels a bit insulting and unwelcoming even though you understand your relationship is still fairly new and of course yes they have the right to have their family time. It’s probably more the way this info was put across to you that is the issue and that it could have been done more tactfully so it didn’t come across as unwelcoming or like you have to wait around and that you’re only welcome when they’re ready. Personally with the way I am as a family orientated person but also pride myself on being hospitable and welcoming to loved ones, I would invite my bf and wouldn’t want him to feel excluded at all. Wonder if you’re feeling a bit pushed out and that’s perfectly ok to admit.
They're firmly middle class!! What social standing?? That's ridiculous. Your parents seem like total snobs. I want to say the choice would be easy for me but clearly this isn't an easy choice at all. I think you should do whatever makes you happy. If your parents are more concerned with their “social standing” than they are about their own child s happiness, that's on them. I wonder how it would affect their social standing if their friends knew that they cut off their own daughter off because her boyfriend is “low class”. That seems far more detrimental to their social standing than your boyfriend does.
“Berserk” is one of those anime’s
Well nothing has changed. Your husband will get right back to.his affair in no time.
Dont give a gift. You're just starting dating. She isnt expecting a gift. You don't want to give a gift. So dont give one.
Tbh, sex can sometimes bring about strange emotions. It can make people very emotional. Some people cry. I would say.. have a heart to heart about it if you can.. and then give it some time. I would guess that if it’s a newer relationship then the emotional peaks will soften a bit over time. How new is your relationship?
You're leasing
Why do I sense the beginning of evil step-mother journey. This is what happens when people don't priorities the happiness of their children. You need to focus on your daughter and take time to heal from the loss .
Sorry pal, but you’re either cheating or getting cheated on..
No I hadn't looked it up when I asked the question, I figured that I might get a better explanation by asking. I only looked it up in between writing the first and second paragraphs of my second post here.
And I see that now you're explaining, and your explanation doesn't correspond to what I saw when I looked it up, because what I found was just “lesbian who looks feminine”, hence my confusion, because I saw no mention of trans women.
I guess that ex must have been really special, that's why you don't know how to react. Would you it be the same if that's a different ex? Since you're now married, it doesn't matter if you reply or not.
Why would she have thought or think that you didn't care?
To the second part, I think I already addressed that, but again, why does how you're affected matter for her purposes? She broke up with you because she wasn't happy with you. She felt you were incompatible. So then you tell her it's destroying you. Yeah, breakups suck and hurt people. She should get back together with you with that as a reason? It doesn't fix the issue that led to your breakup.
I mean this is more of a being drugged against my consent situation. The dad literally gave drugged food to the OP. The only issue I see here is if the manager is contacted for personal reference in the future. Now this may hold over the OP for some time.
Oof! Well I hope once things are more settled and maybe when your husband is feeling more secure in your relationship and you feel secure as a couple that that is something that gets handled effectively. Even just a few hours to have some peace to yourself I’m sure would make you feel a lot better and less stressed out.
I believe it's your “I've been with the neighbor for awhile now” in your post. That phrasing insinuates that you previously had and are continuing to have a sexual relationship (cheating) with the man. Meaning there's doubt on who the father is.
Basically- are you or are you not continuing to sleep with your neighbor?
If so, there's ALWAYS a chance the kid isn't your husband's, even if it's a .01% or less, meaning you cannot say with certainty it's his. If not, that's something to clarify in your post becuase everyone is reading it as you're still sleeping with him.
(Also no, if the kid is his it won't make him feel better because looking at that child being raised and interacting with your affair child just reminds him every time of all the time you lied to his face and pretended you were a happy family. Unless he's a Saint, the only thing he'll see when looking at that child is your lies and the pain of learning the life he'd made with you is a lie, so be prepared for that. Don't dilute yourself into thinking he'll be happy about anything pertaining to your kids or the affair)
Go to the gym, eat healthy and leave him.
It definitely is cheating. Don’t let him manipulate you, you are too pretty to be with a shitty man like that. Don’t do that yourself. How would he feel if you would grind on a mans nude body for hours? I bet he wouldn’t like that
If it doesn't work out, despite how painful and soul wrenching the pain is, it wasn't meant to work out. Take the time you need, don't be mad at yourself when your healing seems to be going backwards, and one day you'll realize it wasn't the end of the world and that wasn't the person you were meant to be with.
Biggest thing I've learned; I'll be okay.
And that's your choice and I support it 100% as I couldn't even bring myself to kiss a man.
Thank you that’s really helpful
Spend less time with her and focus on meeting other available girls. Keep reminding yourself she isn't an option at this time, and whenever you start having romantic thoughts about her, find something else to take your attention.
Unrequited love sucks, but she's hanging out with you thinking that you're a friend, and you're hanging out with her because you have a crush on her and you're (presumably) hoping it'll turn into something more. This isn't a real friendship at this point.
YTA. You are a horrible person.
First off, you didn’t help this person out of the kindness of your heart. You helped her because you wanted to fuck her. Then you made a move on her, and she probably felt like she couldn’t refuse since you are literally the only thing between her and homelessness. She probably isn’t attracted to you, you’re literally old enough to be her father… and on top of all of that you have bad hygiene. Gross.
Still, it’s seems like she was willing to roll with it, but you turned into a crazy. She wants to make sure to have dinner ready and warm for you every night, and you can’t do her the courtesy of giving her an approximate time or telling her not to wait up? You tell her to move into your room, but panic when you realize you would have to share your space… and ask her move out. You psycho.
You sound like the type to put out a Craigslist ad saying “ROOMMATE WANTED. Females only, between 25 and 40. Must cook and clean for me, and be comfortable sharing a room. Under 5’6, and less than 110 pounds. Asians preferred, NO BLACKS.”
Think its pretty telling about your relationship that you would rather be abstinent than risk having a pregnancy on the basis that your BF would be a terrible father.
If you feel its salvageable, then you need to have an open and tough discussion with him. No holds barred. You need to lay it out your expectations of him and if he's not able to meet them, then you should separate.
I'm not sure what steps you have already taken but if you already have exhausted the above, its probably time to find someone more suitable for you.
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Deal breaker for me. The desire for one is enough to push me away as I'd know that it is a thought that crosses their mind, especially by describing it as fun, it's a tough thought to shake, wondering if they'll ever try to act on it. Would be tough for me to trust.
Thank you so much for talking to me 4 months ago. I wanted to let you know that I left him just over two months ago and will not be going back. I never thought I could do it. Thank you for talking sense into me. I now have a chance at true happiness. Thank you so much for taking the time and care to help me in one of the darkest periods of my life.
How is it possible you were a strong independent woman with a career finance at 19? Either this is all just a fake post or you're an reliable narrator.
If the ages are true I think were groomed, you're just not open to accepting the truth.
20 y.o. We've been together for almost 2 years
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You’re a grown man don’t go any place you don’t wanna go. I would tell your girlfriend to stop at sheets inappropriate and it’s a boundary. It’s kind of classless actually. And then I would say I’m not going to Christmas there. I’ll stay at home. Watch a Christmas story hang out. Have a great time and not have to deal with that.
Yeah, you are being selfish and frankly sound very immature. Your mother having a baby would in no way take away your ability to be a mom and parent your own child. She wouldn’t be taking your baby away to raise as her own. Is it that all of the attention wouldn’t be on your baby? That your mother functions only to play her role in your life as your mother and as the grandmother to your child? When somebody has a child it doesn’t suddenly mean that they abandon all other relationships in their lives. If my wife and I had a baby right now it’s not as if we’d stop being a parent to our son or a grandparent to his child. People are capable of fulfilling multiple roles at one time.
He tried to force you to give him a blowjob. Of course that is abusive. Don't see this guy again. He has no respect for you.
Hopefully it’s not the only gift she got you. Especially, since you gave her a list to buy from I don’t see why she thought that would be a good gift.
I do and she’s hinted before as to why I haven’t proposed to her. But it’s weird for her to say that when in the middle of all this co worker drama( a day before) we argued about how this isn’t going to work out and she’s had thoughts of not wanting a break from all the frustrations I cause her.
If it is just a mattress & box spring, that costs a couple hundred bucks, depending on “quality”.
I did this for one gf. Mind you, the mattress was old and had some stains from spilling beer. That relationship didn't last. I don't think your relationship will either.
How old and stained is the mattress? Some people want cleaner stuff around themselves than other people do. I've noticed some guys who have really battered bedroom stuff – sheets with holes, saggy mattresses that should have been thrown out a decade earlier. I've also helped some women move who had blood stains all over both sides of their mattresses.
Start complaining about horrible back pains from sleeping
I mean, different cultures different ways I guess, but that is what happens if you let two teenagers marry and get children. He is clearly verbally abusing you, not respecting you at all and when you come up to him with more than legitimate critique and he beats you down like that you know it is not going to get better.
You don't want your child to grow up around abuse. Raised voices, slurs, cussing. That is what your child will learn from early age.
The best for you and your child would be a divorce and to move on.
We all make mistakes. But make sure not to make them over and over again.
well from whay OP wrote she said he is just upset she forgot his birthday, hes not making a big deal hes upset she forgot it, which is expected if your partner forgets something thats important to you. Forgetting your partners birthday isnt a “normal mistake” its not something people do often which is why when it happens people get upset about it. So should he have no emotion at all about his partner forgetting something thats important to him? Right men cant be upset about shit this is reddit and men are told to show emotion till they do then are judged and told to man up
I’d find that disrespectful but not everyone would. I don’t think it makes her inherently bad or disloyal but it’s also okay if it’s a dealbreaker for you. The fact that she deleted them is a good sign that she cares about how you feel.
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Man so many people commenting really up in arms with their torches and pitchforks.
Honestly the comparison between the hair and height/dick isn’t the best it would be more like a beard or other body hair.
In my opinion just voice that you are not attracted to it and maybe give it some time if you are not 100% sure that it is a turn off of sorts. It is her decision whether to keep doing it or not but its also your decision to be with someone you aren’t attracted to due to their physical appearance. I know personally I wouldn’t be with someone who doing certain physical modifications willingly.
Your daughter is growing up watching her dad yell at her mother and thinking that behavior is okay. Shes seeing you doing all the work while he is lazy. Do you really want her thinking that is the norm? Lead by example unless you are okay with your daughter being with a guy like that in a few years.
You deserve better
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But the overall tone of the post is that OP is feeling like her skin color (something she can't change) is the problem.
People are telling her that maybe it's her weight instead (something she can control)
You come along and say “probably not your weight. Probably the thing your most afraid of”
Yeah context really is important.
Thank you! What does separating look like with young kids? That's the one thing that has kept us together and now we're fighting for it. But I'm terrified of divorce, tbh. Does one person go to a different house for separation? I don't want to get to that point and our counselor says we're one of the healthier couples he's seen. But I don't think he's aware of my heart and mind. I'm afraid my husband took too long to see me. But also, I desperately want to rekindle our intimacy that we once shared.
Women have periods. We don’t all use it as an excuse to verbally abuse our SO’s. She needs to grow up.
As someone who had the same thing happen to them at age 20. BE TRANSPARENT WITH YOUR CHILD OR HE WILL RESENT YOU FOREVER FOR NOT BEJNG UP FRONT!!! my mom was transparent with me and told me there was a super small chance i could have a different dad than my siblings (that small chance was my reality). JUST BE FUCKING HONEST.
Nothing really, we were talking about lunches in general and he brought up how beautiful his coworkers look but also nude to eat because a lot of food in a bento box. Idk, i just felt a bit weird about him complementing another womans cooking and I think my postpartum hormones got the best of me.
I think someone saw at work, maybe they made fun of him or something so thats why hes this upset
It helps! Thank you!
You need to sit down and attempt to explain to your daughter that your days of parenting have finally passed, and they need to make alternative arrangements. You are not and will never be again a full time carer. There is no negotiating that. They are the parents now and they can’t abdicate responsibility for their child’s care on to you. They need to accept the reality that their lives and priorities have now altered entirely and take responsibility for the life they’re bringing into this world. I would preface this with “I love you. I’m proud of you. This isn’t going to work”. You don’t have to justify yourself. Just be clear and concise and don’t let them guilt you into anything. An occasional date night is one thing. It’s selfish of them to expect you to surrender all of your new found freedom because they made some very entitled assumptions about being parents.
That’s such an awful situation that you’re in, and I’m so sorry to hear it.
Please, please, please, do not stay in this relationship for the baby. My mom and stepdad stayed together through infidelity “for the kids”, and it was awful. We grew up with such a warped view of what a relationship is. I know that you think you’re helping your son and I get it, but it won’t be better for him to be in such a terrible home situation and you don’t need to throw away your own happiness like that.
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I can't break up with him, he has no one else.
Okay, bullshit on that causality. He might not have anyone else but you need you more.
I'm not suggesting being brutal, cold, or toxic, but both of you need time away from your toxically cyclic behaviors, and that means, in part, time away from each other. It might(?) be okay to have mutual check-ins, but you both need boundaries from each other too, non-negotiably.
And as for being the black sheep of your family: create space there too. You're walking on eggshells around them because you are placing more value on their opinions of you than you place in your opinions of you. Set boundaries, expect respect. And if they can't give to that, then maybe you need to be better than them and similarly move on, again possibly with occasional check-ins with boundaries.
Most importantly, don't just assume creating space and time will fix your problems. You will need to put a lot of work in to become who your future you. You will need to be able to identify triggers and toxicities. You will need to have at the ready appropriate responses. You will need to be strong enough to overcome years of habits that got you to where you are right now. Put the work in. The earlier you do that, the more you benefit from it.
Keep in mind: you don't want to be that ignorant 21-year-old again. Looking backwards is a recipe to repeat failure. Instead, aim to be a headstrong 31-year-old who both gives and get the good life.
Not ready to do that yet… In the future I will
He doesnt have the type of love you need. I know this may have cause a dip in your self esteem but your worth isn't based on the changes your body goes through. You deserve more than that. It'll be insane if he thinks he would stay the same forever and to have that used against you is crazier.
This however is just a sign that he's not right for you long term and it's a part of dating. You take a chance on someone hoping it works out. Im sorry you have to deal with this. It sucks. You should be surrounded by someone who makes you feel good as you grow and change through life
I think that's a good idea, but be prepared for her to turn it down.
I sneak vegetables into meals like my spouse is a child. It works about 40% of the time. Easiest way I've found is mashed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes, making fruit and yogurt smoothies, and adding loads of veggies to spaghetti sauce. He'll eat them if he doesn't have to think of them as forcing himself to eat “healthy”.
As for exercise, I make it a group activity. We'll go for walks a few times a week as a way to de-stress and talk about stuff we don't make time to discuss. We also go swimming at the gym, which works out the whole body (and is safe while pregnant if you like that idea). Bowling is also an option for a lighter activity that gets the heart going a little. So long as it's not a chore, it can be fun and be enough to keep the heart and lungs strong.
There's a reason she's acting like this. It's not working for you, you aren't a bad guy here. Don't let manipulation and guilttripping hold you in a relationship you aren't happy with.
oh god, i hadn't seen that when i commented. yeah, he should definitely know that sex isn't just about him thrusting a few times
Hey, just chimming in with a weird advice – if you do end up getting invited to that wedding, do smth for your daughter and look ugly. No matter how beautiful you are, you can always have not flattering dress shape, wear a color that doesnt suit you and so on… not to the point where its obvious too, so she doesnt think you are pitying her, she can never know you did it on purpose. Idk if its a good advice, idk if thats healthy and the right way, but i think you daughter would apreciate it (even if better solution d be her and possibly you too getting therapy).
I think you are skipping some facts. I wanna belive you, but uk, its kinda weird to read a post “i m too beautiful ?”. But assuming you didnt skip anything, i m sorry for both you and your daughter. Keep in mind that its possible that you didnt react correctly once in many years and thats what stuck with your daughter. Unfortunately, thats how it often works (if someone told you “you smell gross” you d spend entire day worrying about it even if 10 other ppl told you that you must have nice new perfume).
No matter what worldview we hold, i think we can all agree that girls are told that most of their value comes from looks and they are told that from a pretty young age (in fairy tails good princesses are beaitiful and the evil witches are ugly). Feminism helps but it can still do a lot of harm. I m just putting it here to maybe present some of your daughters perspective.
If i were you, i d try to honestly talk to her. Tell her honestly how you feel and ask her what she expects of you. Tell her you love her and she hurts you but also tell her you never wanted to hurt her. I d also be cautious about how to portray this issue. Cause maybe she isnt actualy mad because you are prettier than her and if that is the case, you dont want to tell to her face “well i m obviously prettier”.
Men and women alike can break up with their partner if they are not happy in their relationship. I'm not sure what kind of advice specific to men only you think might be out there…
However, if you say your relationship is overall a happy one, why don't you try to talk to your girlfriend about your grievances before jumping straight to the idea of breaking up?
Dude, just divorce your wife since you obviously don’t care about her and have completely replaced her with your “sex partner.”
I feel like we went in circles to get to the final destination: say that lol. Say you want to date romantically instead of just casual/fwb.
It’s not a traditional power dynamic but essentially he bought your time and affection. That builds a certain level of entitlement from him. He views women as objects hence the dismissal of the misogyny story you told. I don’t think this guys is worth it for you
Yeah right? I love you baby, let’s get married…..six hours later…..wouldn’t it be awesome if we put the baby up for adoption. And yet he has no clue why she doesn’t want him around the friends and the drugs…..
The person you’re responding to is 18/19, and I’m sure a lot of others here are young too. I try not to hold that against them.
I agree, I cannot imagine going NC over this. I am very close to someone who had to go NC with family and it is a very damaging consequence at the end of a long line of things that would ultimately be more damaging if they continued. Not going to get into specifics, but it was not a decision made lightly and not one that required second opinions. I can't believe this is the only boundary crossing thing grandma has done. If it is, or they're all this mild, I suggest OP get a psychological evaluation. Not letting someone babysit alone (which one might choose to not allow just because someone is very absentminded or forgetful, or old school or stubborn about weird things) is very different from never speaking to them again. Geez.
I mean, I don't see how sharing that video is going to help address the texting or making her pay down her credit card. The only way that works is if you blackmail her with it, and that certainly shouldn't be what you do.
Share the video with the people you want to. Don't expect it to change anything.
Might be able to get a restraining order with it, which might prevent her from contacting your daughter. Talk to a lawyer if you are interested in taking it in that direction.
Girl, what is she winning? Some fucking loser who doesn't give two shits about his kid being sick? A dumbass who has so little respect for you that he's willing to casually have his AP come up to you and smugly rub your nose in the fact they're having a very public affair? LET HER HAVE HIM. Wish them joy and enjoy the schadenfreude when it all comes crashing down.
Check he's home , dump it in his lobby & text him. Your Mom doesn't want his shit.
Huh?
Just be mindful of what you're saying when you're giving feedback.
We sit right across from each other at different tables and I looked up once and turned and he was looking right at me and then turned away but he could’ve been he’s spacing out? Bc he never even says how are you are you new etc lol
He told me the story and mentioned “at least I know both genders like me”. It felt like a pointless story that felt more like brag beat but… I’m just unsure why he would tell this story.
I like your Star Wars reference and yes I’m definitely anxiously attached. I’ve done a lot of healing and work on it over the last few years but I still have a ways to go. This is a reoccurring issue for me so I guess that means it is something I need to focus on right now.
I'm not sure it's a manipulation tactic. It sounds that way but it's 100% possible he's just expressing his feelings and not doing it in a good way. To jump straight to manipulation when we don't know, I don't think, is fair. People with mental health issues don't always say things well so I'd give him the benefit of doubt first. But that's me
She's for the streets. She failed the girlfriend test. She's acting like a garden tool. Get yourself tested for diseases and find a girl who values a monogamous relationship.
Better than a pedo mustache
When someone threatens suicide you call emergency services. Full stop. You’re not equipped to deal with it if they’re telling the truth, and if they’re using it as a manipulation tactic they’ll learn not to.
Tell him he needs to leave.
The average couple has sex twice per week in your 20-30s and drops to an average of once per week in your 50s. It doesn't sound like he has an extremely high sex drive. In most instances, people in a relationship are going to want to have sex regularly with their partners. If you are averse to having sex more than once a month or less, you should tell anyone you're interested in very early in the dating process.
This is disgusting.
Tell him to go fuck his pancakes from now on and leave. He is a POS. You deserve way better.
I see the logic in how it could be toxic but the MFF is something her and I both wanted, and she was definitely pushing more for that than I was, so I saw it was something for both of us. I'm not sure how I was denying her feelings but I will need to think on that, thank you for the perspective.
She sounded like a unpleasant even before she got drunk, at which point she became an absolute nightmare. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship besides headaches and verbal abuse?
I would focus on taking care of myself, my mental health, and pamper the heck outta yourself, Op.
Think about how you will decorate your bedroom bit by bit. Cooking for yourself, binge watch tv shows, movies, listening to your music, reading, having your own time to heal, grow and kick azz when you feel all better! And YOU WILL get/feel all better, promise.
You are leaving a chapter of your life that was not healthy or happy for you.
You are taking control of your life and begining a whole new chapter of life.
The world is your oyster, Op.
You seem to want to know if she loves you enough to marry you. You should ask yourself if you love her enough to let her go.
You don’t sound confused!
Why are you so defensive? It's suspicious that he's suddenly back with her and engaged, right after hooking up with you. The situation sounds more like cheating, which is why we are asking.
We ask because we are worried about you, not judging you.
I kNoW wHaT i KnOw
OP is fucking hilarious ????
Block him on everything. If he continues to harass you; contact the police.
Yeah look he isn't being a partner to you, stop sacrificing everything for him when he doesn't give a shit about you. But don't just let him go either, hold him to account for paying adequate child support and a divorce settlement/alimony for your trouble. Quite frankly people like that deserve to be punished a little.
“Which one of us is wrong?” isn't really a good way to look at arguments in a relationship. It's about fixing the problem, not deciding who is right.
With that in mind… I don't think you were wrong for being upset. He said he was coming and didn't follow through, but also consider that he may not have known you were doing all of these extra things in preparation for him coming. Some people on-line a little more.. casual, I guess and wouldn't feel the need to change anything in a situation like this.
He should, preferably, take this as a learning experience and be sure about any plans before he makes them because he should know now that you do need to plan and prepare.
I would think you need to tell him. You don’t want to start a relationship with secrets. If things are going to work, he should like you for all of you.
Please do. And send her back too! She needs a sugar daddy, not a bf.
Leave him.
Walking away from this relationship would
#1 Give her a surprise
#2 Give you a healthier mental state
#3 Give you a healthier savings account
If he doesn’t want to talk about his “bad sinuses” (in quotes because I’m doubting this) that badly then he needs to be better about cleaning up after himself. I don’t want to be cleaning up blood every day, it’s gross and unsanitary. He’s an adult, he can figure it out.
There's another post writing about the same issue. one is my perspective and the other is my boyfriend's perspective.
Some people have noticed it. I did not mention it earlier because I was focused on putting things out there and getting a second opinion on this issue.
It's not fake… sorry about the confusion… I should have mentioned in my post tho…
If this situation has any hope of being unflocked, this is the way to go about it.
I like the concept of reincarnation, it helps me cope with death sometimes.
I have ADD, depression, Autism, and anxiety as well as other shit and I still clean so fuck right off with that excuse asshole
OP, please read this comment!!!
Develop your masturbation yoga. Get a strap on and date ladies.
Or
You know, bail.
My gf accidentally said ILY to me when we were laying in bed. I just ignored it because I wasn't sure if she actually meant to say it and I felt like it would make it worse if I said it back so I waited. We talked about it the next day and from then on we have both said ILY all the time.. going on 3 years now.
OP, hpu sound soo so naive. Its all at face value and he can say whatever shit he thinks you wanna hear.
Dated for around 6 months. We knew each other casually beforehand and moved in with mutual friends. We didn't start dating until 2 months into the lease.
interesting. Same immediate thought but I was having a brain fart trying to recall the word for it. You got it, hit the nail on the head: projection
As people mentioned here, this won't stop. He will treat you poorly, then love bomb you to get you back. Then start all over again. No man has the right to tell you what to wear. Women's bodies are not to be covered. This man is abusive.
Yeah… a womens shelter would be better than to stay in a home with your abusive predatory groomin ex who wants to rape you (and probably has before via coercion)
Oh dear. You need to come up with a plan to GTFO already.
Perhaps, talk to domestic shelter for women who are abused and ask about resources that you can pursue. Maybe you're eligible for low-income housing or disability, etc. Try to see if you can pursue that, call 211 for resource (Idk where you are though, so that number may not be valid).
Take pictures, and show off those pictures as much as you can.
Just searching for more data points as this is a truly bizarre situation! I am not scared to communicate, just want to do so in the most empathetic, informed, productive way!
If you’re going to adopt him so you can exert some type of power trip control over this child, don’t. Twice now I’ve read your comments about wanting to be able to tell him what to do and have rights, etc.. you sound callous AF. You don’t sound loving or kind.
A small correction, his mom live! with him.
Honey..your being mistreated. If he knows hes hurting you and not even attempting to change..he does not care.
My bf is strong and dosent always know his strength, but he gentle with me and if by chance he hurts me being too rough, he apologizes and babies me all day. That's love. That's care.
Well, if you’re not breaking up, then you can try to work everything out and get better and see how it goes
It's not cheating if they weren't in a committed monogamous relationship.
He wouldn't commit. She fucked someone else. Then he got jealous. That's not cheating.
She should have told him to fuck off right then and there. But she's willing to bend over backwards and turn her life upside down for this dude, so it makes sense that she's willing to pursue a relationship with a man who didn't think she was worth committing to until some other man slept with her
Not a good foreshadowing of married life. Would bring in a therapist to mediate and may have him realize he’s be a twat when it comes to the household. If things don’t change, you change the relationship dynamics.
Okay. He hit you. That's not playful. He got mad he was losing and hit you. Just because hes your friend dosent make it okay. Your a sore loser too..so would you hit him? Did you on the games you lost?
This isnt normal. I have male friends and none of them would hit me out of anger. Maybe shove me in a pool, throw a pillow at me or try to karate kick me on a trampoline. But hit me our of anger or frustration over a video game? Absolutely not. And if they did..they wouldnt be my friend before.
The choices are you are comfortable or you end it. You can ask she quit her job, but who is going to reasonably do that for a fresh relationship? You two are not compatible, and that sucks. Time to move on and know you don’t want a partner who is gone for large chunks of time for work. I was there at one point in my life. I don’t date people who are gone for weeks or months at a time now. It’s up to us to set boundaries and know what we each need to be happy.
Blah blah blah blah, OP is a monster because he values sex more than his partner. Stop projecting onto him BTW.
You can stop him stealing from you by breaking up with him. This has gone way too far.
He’s your fwb, not your boyfriend. He simply wants to sleep with you and nothing more than that. It seems you’ve caught some feelings for this guy, which is why it’s a bad idea to do fwb if you catch feelings easily
Love stardew valley
That’s a fair compromise! Maybe you’ll be able to be more involved with your grandkids!
Not only normal, but smart on his part. You guys are super young and only dating a year. There is absolutely no reason to rush into living together at this point in your lives.
Try not to project all these bigger meanings onto it. You’re making this entirely about you in a very self-centered way (“he clearly doesn’t want to be with me every day”, etc).
You’ve got to grow up a little bit here. You’re both adults and these are normal and reasonable adult decisions that people make. Presumably, if he didn’t like you he would break up with you.
Life isn’t a fairy tale fantasy of marriage and kids. Cohabitation is a major decision that has major emotional and financial implications. Instead of respecting his views and feelings, you’re pouting because he didn’t say the perfect words you wanted to hear.
I’m sorry to be harsh, it really is coming from a place of tough-love, not ridicule.
Discuss it! Things will NOT get better postpartum, so get it all out and get on the same page ASAP.
For context, I work in a tech environment where being hyperfocused on a single problem while neglecting other things has typically been more helpful than harmful. Yes, it sometimes means the “other things” don't get done on time but with daily standups we can easily re-align and make sure I'm focused on the right thing. Project managers are a huge help.
Funnily enough, my manager is worse at this than I am. In 1:1 meetings if someone DMs him, he shuts down completely and doesn't hear anything else. I don't mind having to repeat myself because I get it ?
He is saying this to her to make her feel nobody will want her but him because of that, so he can do whaever he wants and cheat on her.
Does she have friends or youthful family members riding in her car ever?
Sure break up wirh your future ex, people fall out of love all the time, but don't for 1 second think no one will believe you are doing out of the kindness of your heart. Your story reads like a monkey branch situation. You are a cheater because you are already emotionally invested IN HIS FRIEND and you believe he'll accept you. There would have already been situations where you have emotionally cheated on ypur future ex. So please part ways and stay away from said friend.
He's not taking accountability for his own decisions
Given her update it sounds like this might be a pattern of his.
Kick him out.
Nope. NOPE. Nope. No!
“You don't love me, you love the idea of me. Real me is freaked the fuck out and stepping off this drama train.
I wish you all the best but this has all been way too much too fast for me.”
In India, we live! with the parents in their house. Especially when we have the same family business. The incidents that I have mentioned are the ones that didn’t happen in front of him. There are way more that have happened with him around. It’s not that he doesn’t want to do anything about it. It’s that he can not. I don’t expect him to abandon his mother at her time of need, especially now when I myself have become one.
My baby was born with a lot of body hair. It’ was common here to use home remedies to remove that like 20 years back. But now even the doctors suggest not to use those remedies now. Which my husband supported me.
The lack of support is shown when he sees his mother intruding and becoming obsessive with the baby. Even my nanny tells me the bond between me & my baby has increased after we came to my dad’s
When I worked there, I was still in school for my social work degree. I created a folder for those other services, as well as all social services in our city~ got class credit for it too… Our city was smaller then, in the first Hospice organization. We had to follow rules set for paid services to be reimbursed but not grief support~ that ran by donations basically.
Dude you had plans didn’t show up and then ignored her text asking if you were coming. It’s not unreasonable to assume the friendship has ended from her perspective. You can be depressed and want to be alone but at least communicate that. Don’t justify being a bad communicator because she is- if you feel that strongly end the relationship because of that.
I don't want to call her narcissistic at this point but she's probably trying to get a reaction out of you. Try to have a converse with ger about this and ask why she keeps on doing it.
Her reactions may give a clue
I think all 4 of you and probably several of your other “work friends” are depressed alcoholics who try to distract yourselves from the emptiness of your lives with partying and drama. That's just based on what you posted, which doesn't really say much else about any of you. If it does go any deeper than that, you must've left those parts out. All of you should separate from each other. Are you sure your wife even actuality sees a therapist?
Firstly, he cheated on you whilst being utterly mediocre in all other areas. What’s he bringing to the table? (STD’s?) How is he making your life better?
Everyone has dips, but this just feels like you’re a placeholder for him to get his shit together and find someone he ‘really loves’. Then he’ll be off again following his dick to greener pastures.
The relationship being described as cordial would be the absolute kicker for me. Let him go, he seems so intent on blaming you for all his apathy and crap work-ethic, see how he gets along on his own. I suspect you drive a lot of the couples activity, household management and everything else whilst he’s a passenger mooching along. It’s ‘last talk’ time if want to salvage this, take care.
He's downplaying your relationship to her. If I was you I'd find someone who can accept her as part of the family and love her just as much as you not someone who treats her like she's a hindrance.
I am in a similar situation. I have not yet discussed this with my SO. My thought was to divide equity by % of $$$ to equal the % each has paid into it mortgage, upgrades etc. for example if I have paid 20,000 and my SO paid 10,000 then 67% to me and 33% to SO. Does that seem fair?
My mother was an alcoholic. She chose alcohol over the family.. In her mind it was not a problem. I wish my father had taken us and left her. During my senior year of high school, she abandoned us. My father died 18 months later. In those 18 months, we were so happy and relaxed and our home felt safe for the only time in our lives.
You and your child will never be chosen first in the family. Addictions will come first until he recognizes it is a problem. Your forgiveness and holding the marriage together will always fall to you if you stay. It is enabling his addiction because it must not be that bad if you stay…. There needs to be consequences.
For the sake of you and your child, I hope you get out while you still can have a full and happy life.
He’s probably not that into you, move on
It's ok to ask your boyfriend to cut ties.
“Hey I feel really insecure that you still speak with your ex. I know it's nothing to worry about but my subconscious won't let it go. Could you please do this to make me feel better?”
If it's just a streak thing, he should care more about your emotional wellbeing than a number beside a profile.
Bombastic side eye
It really saddens me that there are men who have this Neanderthal type of thinking/reasoning.
I could never imagine any single person I consider my friend/family to do something this shitty and then have the nerve to say that
Keep yourself occupied, throw yourself into hobbies ,watch a tv series with lots of seasons . And give him complete space ,don’t reach out . If he wants to when he’s ready he’ll reach out .
I don’t think so. They play D&D from like 1-5, (or maybe 1-6, not super sure) and the party starts at 4. He could maybe leave early, but idk
Just end yourself her all game and move on! She is Not worth it that waist of tim
He thinks girls who sleep With him aren't good enough. It's a mindset issue and he won't change. Just find someone who will love you and take care of you. There's so many out there
Nah nah nah nah FRIEND PLEASE, if one of your friends said their SO was doing this to them what would you say to them?
I mean….great? I guess?
Not sure why other people have to want to bring other people into their monogamous relationships though. Not sure how that affects you either way.
I love a two pump chump. But I don’t care if other people do….
Gay lord
I would not accept a 33 year old man dating my 21 year old girlfriend. Find someone your age, dude.
Tell me where you on-line and if it's close I'll come beat his n his mother's ass.
Being unhappy in a relationship does not give you free reign to cheat in it. If she is that unhappy, she should end the relationship. Cheating is abuse.
As for yourself, you should have rejected the kiss. I know it's an awkward situation, but you weren't forced into any of that. You let it happen knowing she was in a relationship, so you kind of suck too. You're complicit to her abusing that guy. I hope you reflect on what your values are and how to better enforce boundaries.
Definitely time to end it. I could never hurt someone I actually loved by saying something like that after they've asked me to stop and admitted their insecurities surrounding it. What a dick.
Be single! Find someone who makes you feel beautiful!!!!
Lovely, let me tell you