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Really? I had no idea that it was a symptom of long Covid. Cause he totally has long Covid.
Honestly we had moved in by the time I found out. We had about 5 months left on the lease and it was my first relationship. I wanted the fairy tale so I kept working on the relationship. Kept getting burned. Now he's 100% the person I always wanted and I don't feel like I can leave because I'd be letting go of something I always wanted. Also can't move on. Feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. I know I'm being ridiculous.
I have no issue with splitting that responsibility, however during early childhood years the woman being the primary caretaker is almost unavoidable (with breastfeeding and such).
Ya just come off as nosy then
Hey, I saw your post on r/Manchester but though here would be a better place to leave my response
I think that honestly by posting these questions and calls to action that you, deep down, do know that leaving him is the right thing to do.
There were some great resources left in that thread to help you that are for the local area. I know you said how much progress he’s made and how you don’t want to leave him…. But he’s not your responsibility.
Age has nothing to do with it, you’re both consenting adults – but from the sounds of it you’re not in a loving relationship. If this is the most important issue to him and he truly cared he would change. Change is something you can’t force and for you to thing that you can is a massive discredit to him and yourself.
You’re not in love with him, you’re in love with the person you want him to be. The person that doesnt binge drink once a month and ruin your home. The longer you stay the harder it will be – for your own sake leave and let him figure this out for himself. That’s the right thing for everybody in this situation. Don’t try to be the hero – he needs help and you can’t be that help.
we have had sex for about 6 years and we did not use any protection! I don't know how did I control. I am sure if we want another round we need protection.
If they would do it right, they’d have to make it less obvious, and that I think it could be done. I think there is a bias, but every time these trolls try to prove it they use an outlandish story that’s obviously fake, and tarnish the theory.
Hello,
This man has absolutely no respect for you. Whether it’s in front of your face or around people cause he clearly has no problem doing either or.
Yeah sure he probably does may Love you in his weird sort of way or perhaps he doesn’t want you to leave him out of convenience—I’m not saying that’s for sure I’m just speaking from perspective and past experience.
The fact that you haven’t given us examples of what he has said to you, you don’t have to and you’re not obligated to, but I’m just saying, it kind of shows us that he probably said something very hurtful and horrible to you the fact that his own friends doesn’t even find it funny shows that he probably is not saying the nicest thing.
I want to let you know that you are beautiful, no matter how you look for how much you weigh. The fact that you could still say nice things about this man who is not treating right, says that you are a beautiful person inside. I hope that you understand that you deserve so much better than what you are getting right now
If leaving is not an option, I highly suggest couples therapy, and separate therapy for the both of you.
Tell him to suck his own cock, then leave. Idk. I'd be absolutely appalled by that disrespect.
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Google: what is hyperbole?
Exactly. Herpes is a different story but honestly it just seems like Reddit lacks sex education and usually gives the woman the benefit of the doubt
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Oh god. Run, don’t walk, away from this racist POS. When people show you who they are… believe them.
We stayed in contact emotionally and physically, which I now realise was a bad idea
If you realise it then why haven't you blocked him yet?
He insists that we tell each other that we love each other because that’s how we feel; regardless of me telling him countless times I’m uncomfortable talking about it.
Again, why are you doing this? His kid is not gonna magically disappear, he'll always be a father before a bf or anything else.
If you keep making room for exes in your life, you wont have any space left for something new
You pretty much got the whole story, I don’t hunk she has a reason to lie about matching on hinge. It honestly doesn’t matter who added who first. They both agreed that they never talked afterwards. At this point you can confront him on lying about the hinge part, but we all know why. I’d still ask him about it regardless. Also, stop stalking who your partner adds on social media that’s crazy and creepy.
There is a choice. She can run away to be with you. Happens all the time.
First and foremost, he IS using these things as manipulation tactics. Regardless of his background, you need to understand that he's abusive all around; physically and emotionally, and the only answer is that you get out as quickly and as safely as possible. You're not trapped. I'm certain when you say it's over, he'll threaten himself, which I imagine is your fear. Unfortunately, that's not on you. You don't stay with someone because of a threat. Your life matters too. You're objectively miserable and again, you're being abused.
To quickly talk about him, I certainly sympathize about his past and his family life. It's absolutely awful. But it's not an excuse to treat you the way he does. He needs serious help. He's refusing to get it. You can't help someone who won't help themselves. So please get out and never look back. Good luck.
A solid no works with them
No it fucking doesn't. It's seen as a challenge the same way the other answers are.
Please stop acting like you know how it is for us. You don't.
but you can't default to survival mode with every encounter with a random stranger.
We literally have to. And being dismissive of that is why people say “yes, it's all men”.
Your wife is in the wrong here. Lots of us have fat grandmas and are completely fine. She’s creating an issue where there isn’t one. She’s just being mean AF.
i don’t know that i feel like i don’t deserve better because i know this is mean and hurtful. again maybe it’s intentional im honestly not sure. rn i just feel like what did i do to make him start saying this/start being so mean and hurtful to me? he’s only recently started saying this and i just get my feelings invalidated every single time i try and bring them up which makes me not want to bring them up but then i think screw that you hurt my feelings and i’m going to let you know that
You'd be better off focusing on your exams right now. This bf bullshit can wait
This is a red flag. A HUGE one.
Why doesn't the boyfriend just ask genuinely for a handjob so he doesn't have to be all sneaky about it? Unless OP doesn't give his boyfriend handjobs/blowjobs?
I've noticed this trend where people are bullied into trying uncomfortable things for their partner because YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM HAPPY, that's the only goal in your life. But nobody ever says quit with the insane sex because that doesn't make ME happy, and isn't that the absolute goal of your life??
Idk this sub is making me never wanting to meet anyone.
Have you looked into therapy? Both individual and couple's?
Well, yeah, for sure. I’m just interested to hear what advice reddit may have for this situation, or if anyone has dealt with similar.
As an intelligent male, please, for the love of god, don't EVER say or use “situationship” ever again in your life. Call it whatever it is, but don't make up words.
Consider, in case it is real: Both OP & OP’s gf are still pretty young. And to be in a relationship for 4+ years at that point means they’re probably in a comfortable stage & may not have thought much about their orientations or attractions since being together. Again, they both landed on “lesbian” as a label when they were teens or barely 20. There are 65 year olds that are just realizing they’re not as [insert any orientation] as they thought they were, so to flat out say that someone in their mid-20s could never suddenly develop an attraction to someone unexpected simply isn’t water-tight.
I understand that you’re coming at this from an angle of personal experience, & probably feeling defensive because of that. But it doesn’t mean that you’re automatically right or that someone potentially shifting their own label is acting on a played-out script. I’m very sorry that others have perpetuated cruel tropes. However, life isn’t always out to get you.
It is not something that should be done by people in a committed relationship without discussion.
And it’s very unlikely that the intention was to not be a part of the orgy, whether or not she did participate, she obviously wanted to.
So end it.
As even if she didn’t cheat, she definitely disrespected you and your relationship.
Yeah I don’t want to be though. Any ideas on a kind way to communicate that?
Do not ever see him again. If he gets his hands on you, he might just decide to forcibly take your virginity from you. He is dangerous and he has no right to make you stay in a relationship you're choosing not to be in anymore.
There's a difference between being supportive and allowing yourself to become someone's emotional punching bag
I dont think she will she I am rubbish but I do think she is still in love with him.
Yeah so what this dude is doing is abuse, straight up. This is ILLEGAL in some US states. I promise you, he will move on from the dog when he gets older and start to hit you. Run fast. Run far.
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My husband is a big road rager but recently he escalated to something I didn't think he would do.
I hate riding in the car with him as it is always something. He speeds, tailgates, screams at the top of his lungs at the “idiot” drivers, and sarcastically gives people the thumbs-up sign when they do something he doesn't like. I have asked him many times, “Who are you yelling at? They can't hear you. I'm the only one that can hear you and you're hurting my ears.” He doesn't seem to care. This is literally every single time we get in the car. MY car to be specific, he doesn't own a car.
Last week we were going to drive ~2 hours (each way) to a nearby tourist location for a day trip. As soon as we got into the car he began saying how I had been in a “negative mood” the last few days. Our relationship has been rocky, but FWIW I didn't think that I had been in a “negative mood”. I asked him why he thought that I had been or had I done something to make him feel this way. Nothing of note had happened between us in the last few days that I remembered.
He didn't answer me with any coherent reason. Instead, he started calling me names (r*t*rd, f*gg*t, asshat), insulting me, and became ENRAGED. I have heard all of these names from him before and have asked him to stop. He refuses to for whatever reason, idk.
It was raining and he started speeding up (way above the speed limit) and was screaming at the top of his lungs. I was just saying, “I don't understand why you are doing this. Please stop”. Then, he screamed that he was going to “run us off the road and k*ll us both”. Then I started screaming back asking him to please pull over. He just kept saying over and over that he was going to run us off the road and k*ll us and told me to shut up. I stop talking but he kept screaming.
Once we got to the destination, I was exhausted and confused. We didn't stay long and drove back in total silence.
Once we got home, I told him that wasn't okay, and that he needed to apologize. He refused and said he was going to k*ll himself (not the first time he has said this), leave (also not the first time) and I would “never see his face again” if I didn't let it go and “stop living in the past”. I told him I don't feel safe with him driving and he said he would never hurt me.
I cried all that night and we haven't spoken in a few days. I feel like he should come to me if he wants to make this right. How do I get him to understand that this isn't okay for him to do to me? His WIFE. He NEVER apologizes, it's making me effing crazy and I think I'm beginning to hate him.
Why won't he apologize???
Regardless of whatever your position is you can’t lie and say, this isn’t weird. It’s just a coincidence that Op so happens to watch teen porn and op so happens to have teen daughters what she should do is dump his ass this is such a red flag, and everyone who agrees that this isn’t needs mental help ASAP
Lmao I’m sorry. Your history as a SVU fan definitely trumps my history as a survivor. We’re clearly on opposing sides here, which is fine. Have a nice day.
Eh not really
Does she have cataracts? That's fixable with surgery. Or she might need new glasses. You don't suddenly go blind unless you are like 90 or something.
Still, I would recommend that you don’t do it raw if you don’t want an accidental pregnancy. Specifically, condoms that you know haven’t been tempered with.
Chances of her being pregnant is very, very low, but pregnancy isn’t something you want to take an unnecessary risk on.
Thank you so much for this! I didn’t even consider that he could be feeling jealous or insecure.
She's using overwork for avoidance. Not necessarily avoiding you, more likely avoiding her depressed or anxious emotions.
I won't suggest any ways to get back together with her. That might or might not ever happen but is out of your control.
What you do need to do is grieve your loss, but then somehow do healthy things and try to move on with life. It's okay to cry; it's not okay to cry for two weeks straight. That probably won't happen but if it does, see a therapist.
Force yourself to eat, exercise, get sleep, and be in contact with people other than the ex GF. It will be forced at times, but you can do it. And these feelings will pass.
That’s a good idea thank you I’ve actually been thinking about doing this since he has adhd he just forgets a lot so if there’s something that he has to see it’ll help him to remember to do it so maybe I’ll try this!
Exactly this☝️☝️, show this poor bloke who is probably more anxious about people's reaction that he is number one,
Anyone who say anything bad automatically gets cut out
And antagonise a clearly unpredictable person? Don’t do this OP
I’m not saying YOU are crazy, I’m saying people who aren’t you don’t know who is or is not crazy until they go crazy
What you’re going through is more common than you think. Lots of couples have similar issues with libido.
Shame, pressure, and a a feeling of obligation are all libido destroyers. I’m sure that the pressure your bf is feeling is making him anxious about the whole situation. At the same time, I also understand your frustration about not being able to have sex.
My advice would be to approach your bf with genuine patience and support. Make him feel super loved and practice physical affection that isn’t sex. After a while of this, you two will feel relaxed and comfortable enough to approach new ways of being intimate with each other.
Listen lady you asked for outside perspective because even your friends don’t agree with you. So deal with the consequences. Instead of trying to see it from her point of view and understand why she did what she did. You are being selfish because it affects YOU.
I broke up
I would do the same thing for a partner or just a friend.
I plan to. Thank you!
You take yourself out of the situation and hopefully she does too because this is absolutely horrid behaviour on his part. He's treating the two of you like crap.
I just have guilty conscience issues, i guess…
I never called it grooming I think it’s gross that you can view somebody as a little brother for 15 years then develop sexual attraction to them
Why is he still in training at 33? Did he decide that younger women will be more accepting of emotional manipulation if he lords some kind of psych education over them? (Spoiler, yes that is the answer.)
You are only 18. Is he turning 21? He wants to go drinking with his friends.
I get you and again it might seem silly. I've been in your shoes bt my best friend was more important to me. You and i cn see they didnt really date but that doesn't change his feelings towards her. Which is why i said ultimately the choice may be yours but you already know how he's gonna react or you wouldnt have felt conflicted enough to post.
He's being incredibly toxic and abusive.
To answer your question, never. Never give an entitled narcissist head.
She found someone else on the good old not to Worry about the coworker on the work trip
Tell someone. If you were dating a year an a half I imagine you can contact a close friend or family member. Let them know this is serious and not going to be tolerated. I’d ask local police what options you have in reporting this, so if nothing else there is some record. Log her contact with you, texts, calls and voicemails. Change all your passwords. If she’s breaking in it’s possible she’s breached boundaries in other ways.
Your options are limited. Legally, the surname of the mother is likely to be the one given to the child in this case unless she specifically agrees to anything else.
Even if you petition the court or divorce her, it is very likely it will still be her surname that the child will have.
If you decide to divorce her, your chances for full custody are extremely slim, and the income difference you mention in other comments will not be a part of deciding the surname of the child.