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It is really fortunate that you don’t have kids with him. Once you have children with someone, you will never be able to truly leave. Depending on where you live, courts will enforce the other parents right to see or have custody of the children. Even proving domestic violence won’t help. Courts will only care about violence against the children (again may depend on what country you’re in). It would be very difficult to avoid him, and any attempts he’d make to draw you back in, guilt you for breaking up the home, make you fear he’d harm the children if you aren’t there to protect him etc.
Why? You told him his sex life was over, and for zero good reason other than “it's not important.” Which makes no sense, btw, since you were having it before.
What's your opinion on people who only discovered the infidelity by snooping but then comment “I shouldn't have snooped.”
I think you're both right. You're absolutely not in the wrong for feeling this way, but I think communication is bad, from both sides, and you need to set some boundaries, and enforce them. For example: you say he follows you to the bathroom. That's pretty intense, and i can definitely see why that would grind your gears…so, start by saying “please don't follow me into the bathroom, i need my privacy”. If he doesn't listen, get a lock installed, and wear earbuds if you have to while you're in there! He will get the hint eventually.
He says couples counselling is the nuclear option. I feel like he may be afraid that if you two go to counselling, divorce may be on the table (some people have a strong belief that therapy will automatically blame the man and break relationships as opposed to fixing them) Have a chat with him and explore why he may feel that it doesn't bode well, and offer the alternative, say something along the lines of: “I want this for both of us, we are both struggling mentally, and i feel it would be good to see someone for both our mental wellbeing and our relationship”. If you make it seem like you're concerned about both of you, as opposed to placing the blame at his feet, he might see the light and decide that it's for the best.
….following on with the above, I think you may need to be more clear about how YOUR feeling about everything that's going on with you. I am not saying you haven't tried, but maybe if you were a bit more firm with what you want and more assertive, he might just give you the space you need.
I also think you may benefit from a support network, just for you, and maybe a hobby outside the home (even if it's just a walk around the block when you feel smothered). You mention you have some trauma of your own and you're also bipolar, but you don't mention being under any kind of treatment plan. I think getting your own therapist might be very helpful for you ❤️
Remember: you aren't wrong for having needs, and you aren't selfish for wanting those needs met, and it's okay to want space even from the people you love and those that need you ?
Good luck.
It's two years, and that's said to be the longest you can repress something. Maybe he's in therapy and doing the reparations thing, plus it's the time if year people get a bit sentimental.
Thank you for this perspective. Honestly cried reading it. I don’t think he meant to hurt me but I am hurt. I am also trying to be understanding and realize there are things I need to continue to work on for myself. He was there for me for years through my serious battles with anxiety. I hope we can move past this but right now it feels very raw. (Just found out yesterday afternoon)
I wouldn’t worry. I personally forgot to delete my account, but deleted the app from my phone, and a friend saw me on the app. I had to redownload it and delete my account. My bf had to do the same. If he’s not acting weird about it, I would just let it go. Usually if they’re lying, they’ll be really defensive.
Yes.
Dude doesn't seem to understand consent, does he? And at 28? I'd nope out.
Oh god. Run, don’t walk, away from this racist POS. When people show you who they are… believe them.
INFO: Why does she have one of your credit cards?
Honestly honey, that's not healthy and you'd probably be better off separating.
I don't want to be the one to say it's a lost cause but it's definitely red flags that she's stalking you and you don't feel like you have anything outside your relationship together. You're going to resent her sooner than later.
I for one love getting flowers. Thought sending flowers are my goto ” I fucked up, sorry” response
He remembers. It's called “lying”
Thank you for the reassurance. I appreciate your input.
Or you could go against your sociopathic nature, try to emulate some semblance of empathy (I know! For your kind is like trying to think how 4D would look like for the rest of us) and think that OP’s world shattered and crumbled and she’s in a whole lot of distress.
I can tell you get it…and to answer your question , NO I would never do that to him or anyone else so that’s a great way of looking at it. I have to be strong because if I ever hear his voice, see him, or hear his sweet apologies , I’ll be at risk for going back and I can’t do that
Because she has BPD
Exploding literally any situation that gives them any sort of emotional response is what happens with that disorder. It’s extremely destructive and tragic. I tried to manage a relationship with someone who exhibits every symptom yet refuses any help or testing so I can’t say she has it.
But attempting to live with someone you love with BPD is just one stressful heartbreak after another. Nothing you do will ever be enough. There will always be a strand of hair, a missed text, a glance across the street, a tiring day, etc which all point to this person that you’re cheating, you don’t love them, you never loved them, why don’t you just leave them, why aren’t you communicating in exactly the manner I think you should be at this exact moment which changes every single time???!!!
I fucking still have PTSD sometimes when I’m coming home from work, too scared to enter the house. My wife hasn’t lived here for almost a year.
I don’t mean to be mean- he’s gross not you. But I don’t even know his ass but I’m extremely sure you can do better than him. Get on a dating app and set the filters to your age- you’ll get over him quick and realize he’s a dumbass.
Mom is weird. She's always been weird. She'll always be weird. Your (petulant) girlfriend demanding that you get into a pointless fight with your mother is absurd. Just explain to your gf that staging dramatic confrontations with people isn't the way to make them behave differently. Tell her that being this competitive with the person who gave birth to you isn't going to glean the results she wants.
Has he had therapy at all?
Why would that make him not a nice person. War isn't nice at all but just because they fought doesn't make them not nice right. Or is this another from of all these people have to fit into this box.
I’m the worst? How???
She ruined my friendships and she gave me nothing on valentines she said she's knitting me smth but I saw nothing Why should I give her anything and I'm broke
You might be an expert but that’s why your tolerance would be different dude. Drugs affect people differently they have similar affects on people the the affects intensity could depend on a lot of things the dude could have genuinely been black out and confused. This is rape and it’s crazy that the fact that he’s a guy he’s being blamed for it. The only blaming that should be done here is on his stupidity for blacking out now for possibly being raped while drinking in a safe space with his family. Again crazy how if it was reversed you guys would be all over the place.
This isn't a question anyone else can answer for you, you either decide that You want to be with him as he is, or you don't.
It's possible for someone to be a great person but not the right person for you, if he isn't able to give you what you need from a relationship, it's neither of your fault, you're just not compatible. It all comes down to what you both need from a partner.
Good luck on figuring this out, there isn't much outsiders from your relationship can do to help with this I think.
I'm just gonna go ahead and earn my downvotes and be the voice for many men. It may be sexist, misogynistic, or whatever, but I wouldn't really be bothered.
are you a 13yo child? Your MIL needs to back down and be respectful, if you don’t put boundaries now she won’t respect you ever again. You don’t need to tell or anything but do remind her that you are a grown adult and she needs to respect your home.
And he WILL do worse. Just a matter of time.
You should not be using Clorox wipes on your genitals
If you decide to keep this pregnancy, you will be going through it as a single mother. Are you capable of successfully raising a child on your own? Do you want your child growing up knowing their father doesn't want them and wishes they were never born?
Nope. Not even as a “joke”.
You LET HER go?!? You have her LOCATION on?! What kind of relationship is this? What a controlling pos. Seriously! Controlling her is not the answer to this. You should just trust your partner.