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Tell him as soon as possible!!! If you wait any longer then there's an even bigger chance your marriage will end!!!
Put up a boundary. Sure, I can see how he feels insecure about this situation, but expecting exclusivity after one date is unrealistic. You didn’t cheat.
“Boyfriend, I can’t be in a relationship with someone who treats me as if I’m a cheater. You either stop bringing this up and treat me with respect, or I’m out.”
Yes but he broke it off. You don't even have to do that. You just have to say NO to getting back together. Be strong.
Even if you're not sure about completely ending the relationship, at the very least cancel the wedding.
If she showed any remorse or guilt after the first time she:
Wouldn't have done it several times over the course of a month Waited over a year to tell you Only told you because the AP was threatening to. If the AP didn't force her to come clean, would she have ever told you? I doubt it.
If you forgive her, she'll take it as a 'I can continue to cheat because you're still with me, and therefore fine with it'.
imo, the relationship is done. You deserve to be with someone who actually values you as a person and respects and loves you enough to not cheat on you in the first place.
Keep you dignity and walk away. Best of luck.
Get a second girlfriend to be around when you're with your kids.
I guess you don’t know if you don’t try!
Thank you. You have a good point there. Part of the reason I went to therapy this year was because I was starting to feel like a pushover in the relationship. I genuinely felt like I improved in that regard but this makes me feel like a pushover again. I appreciate your bluntness and will be more assertive in this situation.
ABSOLUTELY!! What you are dealing with is HUGE or I wouldn't ride
yer ASS about it.
You ABSOLUTELY MUST keep emotions and personal dynamics out of
business transactions. The fact that REAL ESTATE agents are trained to
incorporate emotional leverage into their selling techniques speaks volumes!
Just break up with your boyfriend and pursue the other guy is it that hard to do.
Quit interacting with her. She obviously doesn't know what she wants or she's playing games with you. Find someone who's actually available and quit pursuing someone who is in a relationship. Especially a coworker. I see that going horribly.
He definitely likes you lol
Hello, I've been in this situation twice (although not long distance). The second time I told him if he threatened again, I'd be notifying his parents and the authorities then blocked him everywhere. It worked. And guess what? Both of these men are still alive! It's a manipulation tactic. I know it's really scary to think about and be living in. But you can get out, I believe in you.
IMO, she has an emotional connection with someone and she is looking to see if they are compatible. If there star signs match up.
Look, say what you want, it still didn’t work out. Whether it was your ex’s weight, lack of motivation, or his insecurities, you guys didn’t work out and that’s ok but OP doesn’t need advice from failed open relationships, he needs it from successful ones.
The thing is, because one is with spouse everyday you automatically start getting attracted to little things about your spouse, even if they are not attractive in a conventional way.
I am sorry your husband says something like this to you. Since breaking up is not a very easy solution here, if his heart is in the right place and he is just saying this because he thinks he is a ‘realist’ (I dated someone like before) I think you both need to spend some time together, get away from responsibilities, family and daily chores.
Talk about your expectations physically, emotionally. Get playful with each other. Get vulnerable. Go on dates. Go for fun activities like bowling. Try to talk about his deepest insecurities, fears. Talk about his dreams and what he wants to do in life.
I am not saying this because it’s a woman’s job to make herself attractive but if he is not taking the first step, you might as well do.
If his heart is in the right place, he should be finding every little part of you attractive soon.
How would anyone know that's the point if you don't say that in your post?
That said, the thoughtful thing to do would be just have that awkward conversation with him. It can be brief, but you'll probably have to do this many times in the future because things like this happen frequently and it's better to take command of the situation. If he hasn't personally told you he isn't into you then you might want to clarify that because why rely on rumors or possible miscommunication. If he has already told you he isn't into you, then tell him you noticed he was acting different and that you get he doesn't like you but that you want to go on being friends. This will diffuse the weirdness going forward on your end and shows you are moving on.
There's no excuse for lying. If she's lying about this what else is she lying about? I would dump her ASAP if it were me,.just saying. Good luck bud, sorry you're dealing with this.
That each time we do manage to have a good conversation without someone blowing up we will start to get along better.
well that's on your older brother the manchild. he's got all of 2023 to work on his bullshit
Continue lying.
She is not interested in your opinion – she want validation and for sure she feels you do not like it. If you say that you do not like it she will just be upset
He doesn’t trust her romantically, they are no longer romantically involved. She likely still has positive qualities about herself for him to feel that way. That’s okay, humans are complex creatures.
My advice is to not get romantically involved again, and only cultivate that friendship if it’s equally rewarding.
Neither of us give a sh*t about getting married
Mhh idk I feel like that without her I don’t have anyone.
I am not from a religious family so I don’t really know how these things work but do you think that maybe you could bullshit up some story about how you feel your past experience with the last church pulled you away from God and now you want some time to reconnect before going back to church? Obviously, she knows the last church did you/your family dirty so just explain to her that you feel like being forced to go might damage your relationship with God.
Also, if she’s really keen for you to be around people from your religion, maybe offer to start going to a youth group or similar week-night social event for young religious people. That might be a good compromise so that you don’t have to go to church but she still feels you’re connected to the church in a way.
I know that in a perfect world you wouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to do but a lot of adults don’t respect the autonomy of their children. Compromise might be your best bet.
Good luck!
Seriously? WTF are you doing? You've been seeing this loser for under 2 months!
What are your ages please? Yes, it matters.
Find somewhere to go for a month and don’t tell her where it is. It may be worth talking to one of her friends or family that can then go be with her for that time and help her cope and prepare to move. I get that it’s not “fair” to have to leave your place, but it’s worth your sanity to do so imo.
Tell him “Look buddy, I'm not your housemaid! We are “friends with benefits” and that's that! If this doesn't suit you then you need to look for a girl who wants a relationship and let her take care of you!”
Break up with her, and if she threatens to take her life, call the police. If her threat is less immediate, make sure to tell her friends and family so someone can look after her.
If he was sleeping over or nearby, and you were starting laundry and he knew that, it’s not so weird to ask to throw his shirt in. I’d probably even do that for a fwb.
The other stuff, not so much though, unless it was reciprocated.
This isnt a friend who invited me here. This is someone who I've lived with forever. I simply asked him to before considerate of my feelings, and he started yelling at me. I wasn't demanding anything, but just asking him to hear me out. He didn't wanna do that.
If you yell at me I'm gonna yell back. He showed no consideration for my feelings, so why should I?
That makes sense
Imo she seems to have attention else where but every situation is different if she’s been loyal communication is key
If you are gonna do it, don't drag it out. Just pull the cord.
he’s not allowed to not want to. However if the reason is something that can be addressed, it should. He needs to communicate whatever underlying issue.
Jesus christ you're selfish, disgusting and toxic. Him being in a relationship has nothing to do with you, why does your feelings matter to him? You have active deprived your child of their father and made it clear you didn't want him around and you're surprised he stopped? You're a horrible mother, I don't care how you act your child, you take your pettiness of him not wanting to be with you out on your son by depriving him of a father. That's a sign of a selfish and terrible mother. . You tried to ruin his relationship with his daughter, a school isn't just a school, it's where all your friends are, of course she wouldn't like to move and which school you go to certainly matters. Will he be like this with his next child? Will he treat her the same way? You're the reason he isn't in your childs life, he sounds like a decent dad that you deprived your own child of because of your own selfishness. I love him and I don’t want to lose him or the idea of us being a family. You ruined that, you screwed that up for good. I hope this is fake, but if it's not I pity your son for having a mother like you.
This is a familiar situation for me but I was the third weel, the co-worker. We started our career together, we became friends and 2 years ago he admitted that although he had a 4 years long relationship, he was in love with me and I was his other half. I had strong boundaries and told him that we can date only after their breakup, otherwise, we should stop talking.
2 months later he reached out to me and said that he left her girlfriend because of me and he would like to be in a relationship with me. The first few months were amazing. Chemistry was insane. I was on top of the world. It was a miracle.
I don’t know whether I was blindfoalded or not, probably not and he felt the same. We were good friends and colleagues however we were unable to connect in a deeper level and he also refused to make relationship stuffs with me even we were a “perfect match”. 70% of our conversation was work but back then I thought we just need more time. I also realized that he did not like none of the things as me outside of work e.g. going to the gym or a walk, travelling etc. and that he is a totally different person at home. He was charming, energetic and fun at work but an old man at home.
After 5 months I felt a massive energy shift. He said he needed some time alone and had depressive thoughts. I knew that something was wrong but I gave him space…just to realize from an IG story that they are back together with his girlfriend. The funny thing is that we have never broke up and this summer they had their wedding lol.
The moral of the story is that even if you feel that your co-worker is your other half, sorry but probably she is not and you are bored. We always have at least one work crush to have a little spice in the boring weekdays, so that we can be more energized etc. BUT. You are living in a fantasy world now where you two with your co-worker are perfect for each other with total compatibility. This could be true but it could be an illusion as well. So before you go to another direction, I would definitely suggest some selfwork to figure it out what are your feeling for your girlfriend (if you don’t love her, please leave her alone) and your co-worker (is she really that great or you just need to have some new experience?).
So glad you are safe out of that situation. That was – imo- a very dangerous thing and has likelihood of getting so much worse. He needs some therapy. I hope that you are really really okay, OP. You did the right thing and trusted your gut. ?
Are you getting help for it?
Stop texting her, give her space and see if she reaches out to you at all. If she doesn’t reach out then you have your answer.
It shouldn't matter if it's 'weird'. Only thing that matters is that what you do in the bedroom is with another consenting adult. You should both trust and communicate with one another, and as long as that happens, it doesn't matter how 'weird' your kinks or sexual preferences are.
I guess I'm just worried that I hurt them. My biggest fear is them thinking I'm dead and that they're somehow to blame for it. I don't know if that's irrational but I've been plagued by those thoughts ever since I left them. I know they tried reaching out to me after I ghosted them, I got an email from them that I never responded to.
Honestly, I'm really afraid of reconnecting with them. I know how much of an asshole I am for saying this but I don't think I'd be able to deal with their rejection.
Anyway, I really appreciate your answer, thank you.
He's not your best friend. You guys just got out of a relationship so it feels that way. You guys will not be able to actually be friends for a long time. It's not possible to get over an ex while being “best friends” right after a relationship. You guys are just having a hard time letting go. Get in or get out. With his manipulative tactics, I say get out.
I would think so, against the ex boss, your wife and the company. Get a lawyer.
He clearly does dream, and it was a good one.
Congratulate him on his virility.
I think that it’s awful when it’s said like, “my husband is a person I have to care for like a child.”
When it’s said to mean, “my husband plays and jokes and has fun like a kid” I don’t think it’s bad. In this context, “my husband is my biggest kid” is a good-natured joke about how he’s game to make mud pies and dig for worms with the kids, laughing the whole time.
You're a freaking goddess. YOU CREATED LIFE. Twice. It can be hard to love your body through that journey because all of the changes that happened in such a short amount of time. I found self affirmation to be very helpful, are you able to take some time to work on yourself so you can fall in love with your body again? If it's not something you're currently able to do talk to your spouse about ways that you can make it happen.
Having said that, 800 bucks in this economy is pretty egregious, and him not telling you about it – I can understand why you may have drawn that conclusion. I hope you're able to have a frank discussion about how you're feeling with him. It's naked having a fully functional relationship after babies, so much changes that it's easy to let things go unsaid/needs go unmet because of all the adjustments.
So why hasn't she left him?
I kind of understand why people do it. My husband is a goofball and refers to himself as an adult that never grew up. He does the silliest of things, like making a tower of random little things that were lying about or make silly little serenades to me which don't make sense. I love that about him.
Perhaps these other people who call their spouse a kid/biggest kid, have hooked themselves a spouse like mine? That way it would make sense with me. Though it's only okay if the spouse is okay with it too.
no one is looking at women online looking at half naked photos of women liking and commenting ontop of watching porn…. so how is it any much different for the women in the relationship to look and show herself off (like in those pictures) of the women the man is lusting over, all of a sudden its wrong for the women to seek attention when the man was literally giving attention to other women but her?
this comment section is a mess. you have every right to be upset. they intentionally hid this from you and are gaslighting you by saying they thought they told you. it would be best for everyone involved for this marriage to end. you are way too young to be married and this situation proves it.
Honesty is the best policy in a relationship, and I doubt things will improve. You're so young and have your whole life ahead of you. Your wife and friend can say whatever they want, but no one can tell you how to feel. I'd consult a lawyer to protect your finances and see a psychiatrist. If you need help setting things up, ask your parents for help.
OP, what extactly did you say?
I have done all those things except for praying together she doesn’t want to speak to me rn
Sorry, the person you’re replying to is off base. I’m a stripper and we do just dance for money lol for 800 that’s 400 each for an hour and that’s pretty much the typical hourly price. I’m in the uk and for an hour I get 340.
As I know from his stories (we honestly talked more than once about our problem) he has an addiction to porn and instagram with a sexual context). According to my observations, my partner replaces real sex with masturbation. My body has not changed at all, my appearance is generally at the same level. When I offer sex, the partner always refuses me, if he wants sex (even if I'm not ready), he usually insists. The quality of sex has gotten worse. Basically, this is a quick satisfaction of his needs. I would like to add that we have become very close to each other during these years of living together. I often feel treated like a sister and friend. I am very sad to end a relationship because of the lack of sex.
This isn't about me. I don't care what other people think. My friend saved up thousands and planned for months for her day. And we stole the spotlight.
Sure there's people who wouldn't mind their friend getting proposed to at their wedding but the majority would and if he thought about it for even a second he would have at least asked, For me, what he did was inconsiderate and selfish.
Even if he didn't think about it, the least he could do was apologize. It's not like I rejected him and didn't tell him why. I explained why this was so messed up and how hurt my friend is.
I don't have to beg for his forgiveness. If anything, he has to beg for my friend's.
Was recently in a similar situation, SO went back home for work & family celebrations and communication dropped despite some unfortunate events on my side (+ 9hrs time difference).
But I know him, trust him and when I noticed he hadn't listened to my voice note for two days, I just shot him a cheeky message about feeling neglected and boom, an avalanche of photos and a time proposal for a call. Just voice your concerns if you have them. People have different communication styles, my SO always wants to show me pictures and tell me the stories in person once he gets back. It definitely is different when in LDR, but I guess every couple has to figure out the right way to communicate so that everyone's happy.
Divorce your wife and drop your friend. Also expose their cheating to everyone so they suffer the consequences
Just saying If she really wanted to marry him, she wouldn’t care about the social faux pas he committed, + would still be ecstatic
If you're in the uk as it appears
You need a conveyancing solicitor (or she does) to handle the deed transfer and buyout
Until you officially get bought out you are as responsible for the mortgage as you were living there
You could just point blank refuse to pay and she can have the buyout adjusted to reflect this (not advisable but if you dont have 2 house money, you dont have 2 house money)
The mortgage company cares about it being paid, not who pays it so the pressure will be on the person still residing there and you dont want ccj's against you or your credit getting smashed
It's a pretty simple form to complete where your name is taken off the deeds and she will also need to satisfy the bank she can pay the mortgage alone
Cost me about £600 in solicitors fees to buy out my ex (still a ripoff but is what it is)
You can also insist that the financial transfer of equity is done at the same time as the name comes off the deeds, as I stipulated that as my ex couldnt be trusted
Here is the risky part, you have left, she has the kids there and can claim the property cannot be bought out due to her current income and hold off on sale until the kids are 23 if they went to uni
You would need to pay much moola to force a sale via court which will take ages if she starts fucking you about
Inheritance is none existent until the person gives it to your ex and if shes claiming uni credit, the mortgage company wont touch her with a barge pole currently
Hopefully things will remain amicable but if I hadn't been able to leverage the sale by using my ex's lack of income against her, I'd still be paying for her to online in my house now as our youngest is 21
That's why I insisted she left the house and I bought her out, be careful dude or you may end up financing her living there
If you pay the mortgage/cs etc. and show you can manage this, her claim to reside in the home without buying you out will be much stronger as you show the court you can manage to do it
Most solicitors that deal in conveyancing will give you 30m free, find one that does divorce as well as they will know the stuff I mentioned above much better than i
You seem to present as a generally rational and pleasant human being in spite of overwhelmingly less than ideal circumstances. Yes, everyone fucks up from time to time. You even confessed to cheating yourself before (and while not at all justified) at least you were forthright about it. I’m sorry this happened to you. My suggestion is don’t devote any more of your time/energy on this person. You both clearly want different things.
This doesnt sound like a legal settlement but an agreement. Have gf tell him and mom she doesnt want the house. They can both sell the house and split the proceeds.
don’t
If he can't understand the problem after this then this gives you a lot to consider for your future.
Did ever he know/tell you where the card came from? Or just freaked out??
Wtf you sound like a psycho, it probably isn't even the dame girl and if it is she doesn't remember a random customer that walked into her out of 100s of customers she deals with every day.
Just came here to say, stop calling women “female”
hahahahahaa. oh man…
Your title is enough, the rest of the story just confirms it. She cheated, got caught, had to be dragged out of her (for what she would admit).
Be honest with yourself. Could you ever trust her again after this type of incident? It will always be on your mind that she will go do it again.
She is not worth it. Leave, block her, and don't look back. You deserve better.
Communicate this to him.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ this right here. ?
Is it normally to have a drink with a co worker if your having a fight? Well hope you don't experience what the OP did.
It was OP’s husband…in the laundry room…with the penis! ?
I'm probably not going to make you feel better. I don't think he serious about you. You made it sound like he's about himself, and a God complex doesn't like a good quality to have with the abused past you have (whatever that may be) as someone who believes they're superior than you/others will only respect your thoughts and feelings to a certain point where it can't interrupt their ultimate plans. Even saying “I never want to make you feel used for your body, I don’t want to make you feel bad” sounds an awful lot like he knows he's taking advantage of you physically because of your emotional attachment to him and he doesn't feel the same way. I don't think he's been blowing you off lately, but you two aren't committed to each other. Commitment is making time when there is no time.
Hey, kid. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if this is all she's ever said to you about this then she's not that interested.
I'm also getting some insane Napoleon Dynamite vibes from this. If you're copying his strategies for picking up girls, you're not doing something right. Maybe try initiating conversation first instead of hyper focusing on approach methods.
I agree with him. To not take harsh words personally and realise the problem is with the person saying them and not with you is a healthy mindset. If you get caught up in them it's only going to lead to the problems you stated. I'm not sure why you think it's cruel tho. Is your husband the one going around cursing people out?
Developmentally there's nothing wrong with it now but your child is approaching an age where there might be. It's almost time to start pulling back from active participation to just being in the room while they play and wash themselves.
Something is not adding up in your story.
Also what do you mean your husband and her “did some other stuff”?? Like wtf?!
Stop pressuring her to confess to cheating and focus on facts:
Is she truly pregnant (get confirmation by doctor)
Is it the husband's (get confirmation by doctor)
Ask your husband what he thinks, if she were pregnant….who does he think it is?
Get your parents involved in this!
My 23rd birthday was also 25 October.
Is he seeing someone else? That would make more sense why he is confused and keeps wanting breaks
Ok… I think I got ADHD.
I'll talk to him about this, thank you!! It will feel bad to ask him to hurry and finish, but its better than nothing I suppose. Hes a good guy, but it gets annoying for it to last so long ?
Yeah I have been wondering that. I honestly enjoyed her “forcing” me to go do things. I have done things I normally would never do. But you are right, idk if I would have to change myself entirely to stay with her. It sucks because I love her so much and thought everything was fine but that's my mistake for being ignorant to her feelings.
What are the options then?
You don’t trust her and you are refusing the thing that can confirm or refute the suspicions.
So you’re just going to assume something bad is happening and slowly build up resentment or anger towards her during your relationship?
You can have whatever standards you want but you can’t refuse your girlfriend the opportunity to meet those standards and then hold it against her that she didn’t automatically know what to do before she was aware she even had to do it.
Your setting yourself, her, and this relationship up for failure.
Yes…just remember to pace yourself…
Life is not a “sprint”, its a marathon.
Again…pick out a mentor….somebody you admire …and find out how They did it.
Either she forgot, or she thought being casual about it would erase suspicion.
You’re right, and I’m sure he will want me to do it. It just sucks if he can’t see any way to make it work, but I guess that should be up to him. But it’s a year from now – what if I tell him, we break up and I end up not going? But I can’t hide it either, that wouldn’t be nice to anyone.
Keep your friends. Way too many people move on from folks because where they are, right now, doesn’t work out practically.
You can keep these friendships, just lower your expectations but keep in touch.
Find some new friends, which can be hard and exhausting. The important thing is to just not let all of your friendships whither while making no new efforts to make new friends, letting yourself slowly isolate with age.
Oh yes I am able to leave him and I talked with my friend and she’s willing to be roommates in a two bedroom with me
I think we found the cheater who is trying to justify themself.
Guess if it was that important to her she should have stood by you instead of sitting on someone else
She has an eating disorder, and you should treat her accordingly. Binge eating disorder is more common than both anorexia and bulimia. She should be seeking therapy – and not because she's fat. She is exhibiting odd and unhealthy behavior completely outside of any weight gain.
My advice, as someone who is a self-proclaimed “professional dieter,” is to talk about her food intake as a symptom of a mental illness, and completely take weight loss off the table. It's not about a healthy weight yet – right now it's all about a healthy mind.
Weight loss/obesity/eating disorders, like any addition, needs to be a choice that comes from within the person suffering. Being mean, cutting her off from her comfort foods, telling her she's fat and disgusting, etc. won't make her change. It will most likely drive her deeper into addiction.
That being said, she is responsible for her own health. If she is unwilling to take care of herself – to see a therapist, to at least try not to binge eat, to making positive change in her life – then you have a harder discussion as a couple. You can be supportive without being responsible. And if her behavior (not her weight) is a problem that isn't being solved, then that's on her, not you.
Good luck. Be nice to her. I am sure she feels terrible about her self-esteem and is in a self-perpetuating cycle. She needs to get her head right before she can get her body right.
They have already tried he has spoken to her about it nothing changed! So unfortunately he either needs to accept it or leave. It's eventually going to lead to him going else where to get what he wants. If she is only having sex once a week and he is jerking off twice a day then they will never ve on the same page.
I mean he did ask her and she brushed him off
No official plans, his work dictates where he travels to and usually with little to no warning. We dont have plans to not see each other again if that makes sense?
At this point, you should tell your childhood best friend what happened, and have a conversation about how he feels about his ex. If he does has any feelings for her, explain to Girl A why “it can’t be.” As with Girl B, it’s a pretty messed up situation. Yeah, she has a boyfriend who doesn’t pay attention to her, but you went against the bro code that you’re supposedly following with Girl A. It isn’t wise of you to continue being FWB with Girl B, or else you might get in trouble with the boyfriend. Also, if she does want to continue being FWB, she should end her relationship, as this is cheating.
I do this when I’m feeling confident and want to save them for a later date. I don’t blame you for feeling anxious about it, but I think it’s innocent personally
I will let my husband read this, 100% this
Do not marry this man until/unless he gets his drinking under control.
I don't normally do this, but for fuck's sake, how can you not just recognise the situation for what it is?
You've been together with your fiancé for less than a year and you got together while he was still reeling over a 'really bad break-up' and engaging in arguments with his ex-girlfriend. That was less than a year ago, and now you're suddenly getting married in 3 weeks.
I get that it might hurt, but I really don't understand what part of your fiancé's behaviour you're so confused about. He got into a relationship with you before he was really ready and he apparently still isn't ready. If he had been, he wouldn't be making his ex-girlfriend such a big factor and she wouldn't have been a cause of conflict for the two of you. The fact that she is only suggests, well, again, that he isn't ready to move on.
Update is up!
Update is up!
Exactly. Growing a beard means you also need to take care of it properly, especially when it gets longer
Did an AI write this?
The wording just creeps me out so much. “He took me off my bc”. It's just so awful and demeaning. As if she has no choice in the matter. Very icky.
You are not wrong
The cuddling part, the alcohol part, or both? The alcohol use feels degrading to me. It made me feel like less of a man, or at least a shitty husband. Like, was I really such a terrible partner that she had to be drunk to be happy?
I know that's not the case, and everyone tells me how wonderful I am. But the one person I needed to hear that from was her.
I would think really hard about wether this is something you want to deal with on an ongoing basis. Chances are he does it fairly regularly, I have known a lot of Coke users/been one and it is something you do compulsively. I have known a few who really only did it occasionally but it is the minority. I could be projecting but a lot of drug users have an inability to accurately describe how much and of what they have actually done. Generally coke/mdma are not things you start with but build up to through other drug or alcohol usage. Check out some of the recovery subreddits and read some stories, usually things like this get worse before they get better (I.e. progressing from an occasional user to a habitual user). Just my thoughts from your post, just a random redditor’s opinion.
Please don’t let those obnoxious “red pill” YouTube channels find this post
So you're mad at the deceit or the fact that she slept with these other men?
Honestly, this is often why they say don't tell your new partner about your old partner. While I don't agree with this policy it clearly would have been better in this situation. You're need for unjustified “vengeance” is pretty trash. These men did nothing to you personally they were just there before you were. I guess your girl needs to seek revenge on all your ex partners too?
Sex is important to a relationship, if she knew he wasn't capable of making her her happy in bed, why continue the relationship. I wouldn't.
The whole paragraph. Top to bottom. All points contained therein.
i’m 29* he’s 32 lol
And why is it my problem that guys ask me on dates they can't afford? How is it fair that he forced me to pay the WHOLE BILL, when he voluntarily paid the first time and I did not force him to do anything?
Yeah, I honestly can't be bothered to be bothered. I only have a few things I'd rather not have destroyed and I only see her once a year or so. Easy to just stash 'em. We get along great otherwise.
?
Just shut the fuck up for 2 hrs, is it that hard?
My ex had the same issue, it’s called delayed ejaculation. If this is the problem you may need to make yourself cum and just incorporate her into it as suggested above.
Me too, I find myself sometimes replaying that night, and thinking through different scenarios in which I could have preserved our friendship.
I ultimately come to the conclusion that sooner or later, the outcome would probably be the same because we were clearly attracted to each other.
If he has sexual trauma or shame like he said, then he would need to come to terms with that first before he can express his desires in a healthy way.
If he doesn’t cherish the times we spent together like I did, then he wasn’t much of a friend to begin with. That part kind of haunts me, the fact that I thought se were friends, maybe he had ulterior motives all along. I don’t want to be a jaded person, but this experience makes me question my ability to read men.
It is ultimately up to you to decide whether or not to honor your friend's wife's request. However, it is important to consider the potential implications of your decision. If you choose to decline his invitations and not invite him to certain hangouts, it may cause tension between you and your friend. On the other hand, if you choose not to honor her request, it may cause tension between your friend and his wife. One possible solution is to have a conversation with your friend and explain the situation. Let him know that his wife has asked you to decline his invitations and not invite him to certain hangouts. Ask him how he feels about this and if he would like you to honor his wife's request. This can allow him to make an informed decision and can help to prevent any potential tension between you and your friend. Ultimately, it is important to consider your own feelings and boundaries in this situation. If you are uncomfortable with the request, it is okay to politely decline and explain why. It is also important to remember that you are not responsible for creating an environment that makes his wife happy – that is the responsibility of your friend and his wife.
No, speaking the Adhan is not a pillar of Islam. IT’s recommended. As previously mentioned in Islam it is believed everyone is born free from sin, therefore Muslim.
UpdateMe!
You are to be his “emotional partner”!? As in an emotional affair? To me it sounds like your boyfriend wants to relegate you to no sex but keep your affection. He is asking permission to disregard you. I think you would be miserable. Don’t do it!
Fuck off. Tell that to Samantha and Hayden
Aint that cheating though?
You know this is a fake story, right?
If SIL was that crazy she'd be institutionalized.
Also, you know, convenient for the story that her husband was working nearby.
And her bodyguard friend, because in today's world the venue didn't have its own security, for the convenience of the story.
And other points that make no sense but I ran out of patience to write on mobile…
Sleep separately!! Just because the societal norm is to share a bed doesn’t mean it’s the most beneficial and if the bed is still shaking even when you’re not in it then it’s definitely a hubby problem
I’m so confused as to why people are giving you shit here. Does your girlfriend actually enthusiastically participate in sex when things are more focused on you and not her? Because a thirty minute sad shitty blowjob isn’t making anyone cum. The main takeaway I’m getting from your post is it sounds like your girlfriend feels selfish or has weird views or feelings around pleasuring her partner. To me (26f for reference) it seems like you guys need to have a conversation about what she could do to make things more enjoyable for you. You said you don’t really watch porn but does she? Maybe watch some together, preferably some amateur realistic stuff and not ‘porn’ porn because it’ll be better for this situation.
I’m sorry people are just immediately accusing you of being a porn addict with death grip, people love to just chalk it all up to men being creeps dependent on porn and masturbation and it could never be a problem with the woman in the situation. Good luck
Yeah lots off people have pointed to this?
Condom water balloons
Getting a degree and then not working in the field, followed by going on holiday, doesn't scream “financial or vocational stability”.
Do you partially fund her on her student visa?
Would you be prepared to entirely find her if you get married and have kids?
10 months is a very short time to get married. At 25 she has no real rush other than improving her socioeconomic status.
Would you be alright with her leaving you right after she finishes studying?
90 day fiance vibes.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have different ways of coping with stress and spending time together. It's important to continue to communicate openly and honestly with each other about your needs and concerns. It may be helpful to try to find some common ground, where you can both relax and enjoy each other's company without feeling like one person is sacrificing their needs for the other.
It may also be helpful to revisit your therapy sessions and discuss these issues with your therapist. They can provide you with additional support and guidance on how to navigate these challenges and improve your relationship.
In the meantime, try to be patient and understanding with each other. Remember that relationships take work, and it may take some time to find a balance that works for both of you.
Yes you did, grow a spine and tell your gf so she can find better friends and a better partner.
I dont understand people like you in general. I guess she is your first love. I was like you back in the days. I dont even understand my past self. You dont have to online with this insane garbage woman. Do you think you gonna have a happy life with her? Waste of time, energy, money, braincells. MOVE ON. She has no respect towards you. If my gf would say ANYTHING like that I would dump her. No drama, no shouting. I would pack her stuff, take her home and see her no more. Why would she compare you to your brother due to late night peeing. She would (will) dump you for your brother at her first chance.
Me too… perhaps that could be my motivation to stop talking to him. If not for me, than for her.
I’m stuck on “fiancé” :/ why would you want to marry someone who has you afraid of peeing?
Tell him like I tell my wife “we started at the same time, 2nd place is for losers!” /s. Just in case
I feel bad for both of you. I’d love to have that problem as a guy. I always do my best to at least make sure she finishes, but definitely wouldn’t be that upset if I didn’t. There’s been a few times where I had too much to drink and no matter what I did, I couldn’t finish. It happens.
I’m sorry you are going thru so much with her. Sounds like you really care about her (Altho idk what your “really bad argument” was about) but it also sounds like she is not happy in the relationship but willing to stay to work things out —however her “working things out” involves shutting down and shutting you out right now.
Idk that there’s really much you can do at the moment. The two of you need to address what is and is not working in your relationship in order to make decisions about if or how you can continue but she’s asking for space. I’d think a week or even two of space should be enough space for her to get squared away enough just to talk. You have to ask yourself if this is what you want? (She’s done this before….)
It’s impossible for me to guess what is bothering her—if it’s her trauma (maybe she needs therapy to process the trauma in order to have a relationship??) or if it’s something with you that you maybe can’t change?
Relationships need two people committed to making it work.
Hugs
Ask her in person about this, pay attention to her reaction.
Who the hell cares what this creepy old asshole says. Block him and never speak to him again. He’s not a man. He’s a petulant child. He doesn’t own who gets to go to a fucking public restaurant. ?. What an asshat. Really. Block the loser.
My first response is that she's projecting by her response to you asking if you could come to game night. That's not a typical first response to a question of “can I come too”.
Thank you. I think I will encourage them to take this opportunity to get closer. There’s no reason that they shouldn’t be at this point anyways. It’s been long enough.
maybe … just maybe, y’all need learn to use your words, like an adult
The only way she sees our daughter is through face time sad i have to cut that off for a while.
You can tell your family the truth. He doesn’t shower for days on end and doesn’t take care of his hygiene. That you don’t want to online like that.
Has he always smelled?? Or is it semi-recent?
She's not really telling you anything
Hang out some more. Don't push a relationship. Let it evolve. It's a delicate balance when you're head over heels for someone (similar situation I'm experiencing. I think we're in a FWB sitch, but we haven't discussed it. And today she was lamenting how she thinks she's destined to be alone forever) to not shower them with affection they're not ready for. It's hard to argue with emotions, but be cognizant of the energy you put out and the energy you receive. Basically: play it cool.
That’s crazy I’m so sorry you’re alone with your thoughts.. He’s an asshole for not telling you or even talking with you now about it. I’m sure incest is on the list of grounds for divorcing someone. I’m mad for you. I hope he gets some prison time. They love rapists in prison.. Get out and run you do not need that baggage.
What’s 41-25? Does it equal 14 or 13? Hell nah. You’re a troll.
Just from this post alone, I believe it 100% cannot work. So your husband was cheating on you, you found out, he said it was over but liedX now girlfriend wants him and says it’s alright because it’s always been status quo, he wants both of you and is likely holding onto you for safety. It also sounds like you’re not into a polyamorous relationship. So if he is and you aren’t you will never work. OP, I think you need to split and find someone who respects your values and loves you for you. If him and her want to be together then they can.
Did you post this in the right subreddit?
Regardless, I feel like you should be aware of your surroundings to an extent, for your safety. If you feel the need to search through peoples things to fully understand your surroundings maybe that’s different. But if you think your need to be aware of your surroundings is truly unusual speak with a doctor .
As a man I’d appreciate you telling me the truth homie , you owe me no loyalty but my wife would
Maybe she's trying to get you to want her cuddles more? Just an idea.
my main concern is that if she doesn’t enjoy the experience she will resent me and hold it against me.
And if she signs a contract she won’t resent you?
You’re overthinking this. You don’t have to say yes to every sexual suggestion. You’re not comfortable with it then you’re not comfortable, end of story.
right, you know the situation better than I do
Youre doing fine. He's trying to gaslight you into thinking you're the one who is wrong. Move on and enjoy life.
I grew up in a racist household. I never identified as racist and actively would tell racist and disgusting jokes but always thought it was fine because there was no hatred in my heart… It wasn't until my late teens where I immersed myself in a new friend group and they thankfully didn't tolerate that stuff and called me out in my behaviours that I realised that my jokes were literally a product of my upbringing. I have since become incredibly anti racist/fascist/sexist/xenophobic etc and I online my life by the creedo “of your fun is ruining someone else's fun or happiness then you're an asshole”… I luckily became a better person for my friends calling me on my bullshit and helping me realise I was indoctrinated into those horrible beliefs and stereotypes even though I didn't believe in them myself.
If your partner is disgusted by his past self then that's great news! Humans never stop learning and changing and growing and he managed to learn, change and grow in an incredibly positive and correct direction. Kudos to him.
Fuck off bigot
Ohhhhhh. Nice.
Online your life! You are an adult, so are your parents. What they decide to do is their decision and their problem to deal with the consequences.
That’s a dumb comment. Just because someone feels insecure about a situation and questions it, doesn’t mean they’re cheating.
???
online and let die FIGHT
You don't have to be trashing your partner, but you do both have to recognise that this is NOT normal. 5 days is not a long time. At all. Especially since it's not a regular occurrence. It's not normal that she would be so upset by it that she would ask you not to go or worse, quit your job. Again, I really can't emphasise enough how abnormal that is.
Hard decision but ultimately you won’t regret having a man and children oblivious to his wife cheating on him. Good on you. But also pls update
No, why does having less hobbies make you worse? I have more hobbies than my SO, it's not even something I think about really
Can you give an example of a specific instance when here mom manipulated her into doing something she wouldn’t have done otherwise?
Also, is this interfering with your relationship, as in is her mother pulling your gf away from you or making her chose her mom over you?
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That's my read on the situation too.
Leave, leave, leave, leave, she doesn't really like you all that much lol.
The other just said no, she's hooked on him.
Isn’t that kind of the point she’s making is that she wants to improve how she regards him and that she thinks it’s not comparable to what he brings to the relationship? A lot of people I know would say Fuck it, I’m right about this and have no internal conversation about if their actually right or not and rely on a emotionally based outlook.
You know she took it. She knows she took it. The fact that she’s still saying she didn’t after you confronted her about it would give me serious pause. If she’s lying about this, what else is she capable of lying about? You forgave her but you feel she’s not being honest? That doesn’t actually solve the problem. You didn’t forgive her. If she’s not honest, there is no base for the relationship. This is much bigger of a deal than you’re thinking it is. She really needs to come clean. As others stated, check the activity logs. It will confirm what you already know.
Brother I know how you're feeling right now, but your life is not over I promise you. You're not even 30 yet, you got 50 to 70 more years of Life to Online, you can move on past her. Your family is freaking stupid, you do not have to raise this child, you owe her nothing if she cheated. Leave her, she chose this. If you want to do a paternity test and possibly work it out on the slim chance it's yours, that would be alright provided professional counselors are involved, but if you're that sure it's not yours, I would just leave her. This responsibility did not become yours, you are choosing to take on this responsibility, and I can tell you do not want to make that choice. So don't. Dump her and move on with your life.
It will be very naked because you're going to deal with the grief of losing this relationship, the grief of knowing that she cheated on you, and by the sounds of it you're going to take shit from your family. But do not let that stop you. Tell your family point blank, “I am choosing to end this relationship because she chose to be unfaithful to me. If you choose to give me grief about this, I will not speak to you until you accept the choice I made.” But regardless of how nude it will be, do not lose hope, your life will be better if you leave her.
Choose the guilt of dumping her over the resentment you will gain if you stick around. I promise you, it will be better long term.
how are you still with him after everything he’s done to you, like do you even read ur past posts? or do u forget it and wait till he does some terrible thing again
What was her first reaction after she had the tests results ? That would be the most telling.
For a non cheater in a relationship, the first reaction to a positive test to an STD would be to think their partner has cheated. If she wasn't immediately angry at you or accusing you (not asking, but directly asking how you could do this to her and so on) of cheating, then it's suspicious.
Chlamydia can lay dormant and sometimes the rate of infection is weird, or if one partner took antibiotics or has a very strong immune system, at some point while being unknowingly infected, it can then be cured and disappear by itself.
The most important here is her reaction, and the justifications she's trying to find to her infection that exclude any sexual infidelity. I mean, if I know I didn't cheat, first I would try to confirm the results by taking another test, and then if it's confirmed, I would think it came from my partner who likely cheated. Then if I'm convinced my partner didn't either, then either it came from a past partner and layed dormant, or someone was drugged and raped. There is no “my sister could have give it to me when I used her swimsuit” or other bullshit like that, especially with chlamydia.
If she cheated but is afraid to confess and suffer the consequences, then it's best to give her the consequences anyway so she loses her safety net. Then maybe tell her that you value honesty above everything else, and if something happened, you could maybe try to work things out as long as you are honest with each other. But otherwise, there is no future in this relationship because there will always be a creeping doubt. And give her time to think. Her reaction to this is also telling.
Sounds like you've moved on before you were ready. You should get grief counseling. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a spouse, but it's not something you get over and definitely not in a few years.
He's not skipping the funeral. He's not canceling plans before the funeral because his wife's family are in town just in case they need him for something
This is an unreasonable thing to expect from anybody.
It was such a blessing in disguise! Taught me a lot about myself, hurt a lot but most of life is suffering. Just learning how to steer the ship?
no hypothetical questions
but it still brings back those feelings of insecurity and being inadequate.
This is why he's making the jokes. He liked you better without confidence. A true friend would be happy you are in a place where you feel happy and confident, not trying to tear you down so they are the one that looks confident.
You say your parents are giving you this “advice”.
Youre free to NOT take this advice, right?
If they will Only give you this money contingent on you keeping house in your name its not really a true gift, is it?
Others are saying keep the house in your name only, I disagree.
Say you do, you might actually create a problem (like a “self fulfilling prophecy”) of having your new wife not fully trust you because you are not sharing your new MARITAL home, with her, your SPOUSE.
I dunno, take whatever advice you want, but be aware there may be unintended consequences to your actions, to me its a weird way to start out marital life…together, but separately 🙁
You don’t have to online together. In fact it’s best you don’t. Can you move out, has your leased already renewed or are you just about done? Don’t suffer for another year if you can avoid it.
Times have changed. The custom of a man buying a house and also putting it on his wife's name as well, was to protect her as most women back in the day didn't work.
Since women are so independent nowadays and most of them are also working, there's no need to share the name on the deed anymore. She can online in OP's house for free and easily save up a shit ton of money living rent free. Then she can buy her own property, rent it out, have a passive income, etc… And worst case scenario a place to online in case of a divorce.
It's definitely a red flag.
Maybe start talking about a guy at your work so he can learn what it feels like.
what are you hoping for if you confront him? you plan to forgive him if he apologises?
Well then you already have your answer. You need to pick a friendship with him or dating her.
Leave
Def not straight, and there’s nothing wrong with that
You can be gay if you want to have sex with him again.
It's ok to be gay. You might be attracted to both, but didn't realize you could do that.
I'm a straight women who has had sex with a woman as a drunk thing. It was not the best sex. I hardly remember it, I was into the making out and meh about everything after. I never think of women when I masterbate. There are no women that turn me on even though I have been hit on by a couple very attractive ones.
Sure, you could have had an oopsie. Maybe you're on a scale that isn't even hetero/homo but pan or sapio, we don't know what turns you on. Sounds like this did indeed turn you on… but again only you really know your feelings. If you don't ever want to do that again or think about it I will stand behind you not being at all gay.
If you are a bit gay you'll have to decide what that means to you. A therapist can help here. Just don't cheat, use protection, and be honest with your wife if you plan to continue. They have online therapists if unlikely to find a non bigoted one there.
Think long and naked about it. If things go bad where are you going to online?
First, I'm sorry for your loss.
Regarding your ex, you explicitly told him you didn't believe in opposite sex friendships. You broke up with him and you wouldn't accept the concept of platonic opposite-sex friendship. Even if he wasn't that harsh, he would not have been the person you need at this time. Reach out to someone who loves and supports you for comfort.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm sure this is a really difficult time for you
Honestly, I think this speaks volumes about your ex. That's a horribly lame way to react, even if you're not on good terms. He doesn't have to be your friend, but some things are just human. If he didn't want to provide any support to you, he really didn't have to, just giving his condolences would be enough. Even if your worst enemy calls you in need, at least you don't have to be walking human trash to them. Am I living in some special lalaland with my special lalapeople, because I don't have a single friend who would not support their former love or some long lost friend after they reached out?
Unfortunately but obviously, some people are better to be left behind. I'm glad he's your ex, he sounds like a psycho. Take care! Wishing you a lot of much better people in your life, you deserve it
You are so wrong it’s funny. She’s the one that needs to apologize. She needs to start acting like an adult if she wants to have an adult relationship.
I’m wondering if they may have met in a twelve step program?
This is an emotional affair.
You've given him $55,000 worth of stuff and he's never gotten you anything???? And you stayed??? Why are you shocked that he's being selfish? Does he at least do a lot around the house and treat you super super well???
It seems she wants to have her own space and online independently while in College in the meantime. If you 2 haven’t already, have a discussion but if she truly wants to be out on her own, then you will unfortunately have to leave it at just that. Understand that living with your partner is whole different stage in your relationship, because your own spaces will essentially he shared 24/7, you both will have to sort out chores, housework, finances and have boundaries especially some that might have not been there before. Just make it clear to your gf but if she wishes to still online on her own, it is what it is.
Anytime. You can do it. Girls and women are just ppl.
Ha! I’d like to make a joke out of it actually.
I say in the long run what's best for the whole team always takes precedent. More so, it sounds like your husband is grandstanding and trying to show his dominant position as the Man of the house. It's something I am guilty of doing as a husband and father in a blended family as well. The pettier side of me says” stand your ground.” The goalkeeper of the family side of me says “let it go,” but if the stance is, he must take them to and from school, then the girls must honor their end of the verbal contract they entered into and wake him up.
Shit happens, don't apologize, acknowledge. Of course that wasn't the target. She must understand. If not, there are other things she will not accept. Simple things like this. It's not like she caught you aiming into her schoolwork. She now knows it shoots out and lands wherever. Maybe you guys agree to aim or block it with a hand or something even sexier. She could be proud she elicits that reaction out of you, but a cold shoulder? Maybe you guys are too young and immature for this. Hope you two aren't underage. Be safe, k?
A wise man by the name of Bill Burr once said “if you’re thinking about breaking up, it’s time to break up”
Or Señor Ño Dk
Sounds like there's no future in that one. If it's hurting you too much already, maybe it's time to also rethink.
Girl, i would do anyrhing to have that with my dad, he passed away 2 years ago and i miss him so much, dont lose him to that asshole bf
I'm personally done repeating the cycle especially now that a kid is involved. I appreciate your responses. ❤️
Sounds like something you should get over. If you can’t get past this emotionally for some reason, you’d need to end it. Hopefully you can though. I think pretty much everyone on here would prefer you were comfortable with making the relationship work.
I agree. Probing into any of your significant other’s past like that is masochistic and looking for a reason to justify something already eroding the relationship, like lack of trust.
You freeze up from confrontation, but why didn't you text them something? Like 'god, this guy is rude' or something to indicate you were unhappy/uncomfortable.
You didn't have to confront the guy yourself, but you didn't say anything.
You assumed they would assume you were hurt. Expecting someone to be a mind reader will always leave you disappointed. I am still learning this lesson at 36. If you don't learn faster, well, you're in for a lifetime of feeling hurt by your friends and loved ones.
You can find a better match than this. You just aren’t even looking.
Why does he not want you to get a job? I see a big red flag….
I wouldn’t stay silent, that will probably make her think you aren’t interested or talking to a lot of other women. Just chat with her like you would any other friend. “How was your day? “ “what are binge watching?”
Good luck on your date!!
He does smoke a bit, his diet seems to be ok. I gotta be honest that this is like my first time doing anything that intimate with someone so maybe it’s just the way it’s supposed to be but I need to get used
That's a thing I also thought about, and you are right, that's what I have to do
I genuinely think so. It’s like people know deep down that they wouldn’t be Catholic (or anything else) if they weren’t raised in that particular geographical location, in their particular family so they have to do the same for their kids. She even openly admits she doesn’t follow the poison the church spews – she’s not anti LGBT, believes in abortion, premarital sex etc. At this point the question is, why confuse your kid with their hateful messages then?
I think this is an example of just how deep religious brainwashing goes. You can fundamentally disagree with the most basic aspects of the religion you were raised in and not even actively participate, but STILL feel like you have to promise your firstborn to them. It’s whack but as an ex Catholic I kinda get it. It messes with you.
My first question for you is what would make her feel like it's a little to go through your personal “past” life? You have an insecure lady as your So. Furthermore, her own guilty conscience may be in overdrive here. You have some big decisions to make about you and her going together into the future. Good luck.
Maybe becauss reddit has irrational phobia of XDs and emojis
Dude if majority of people youve dated have “wronged” you maybe you should focus on yourself, it takes two to toxic.
Break up with boyfriend
He sounds immature. “Oof” is not how you reply to your girlfriend being in a fucking car accident.
Your instincts are right. Imagine if you were laid up in the hospital and really needed his support. Would he be there? I doubt it. Break up and move on; you’re too young to be sticking with anyone who isn’t perfect.
Please note:
-you were 18 when you first got together -your sister is now 18 and fresh out of high school now that he is flirting with her -your parents don’t see an issue with this, but they also didn’t see an issue when it was you two -this is literally the whole “you’re so mature for your age unlike others” and you’re failing (or refusing) to see it.
Please just accept that he’s gross, and you should move on. He’s a weirdo. And no, you and your sister are not “different” in terms of maturity no matter how many people have said it. This man you’re going to marry is just a predator waiting for girls to turn 18. You don’t see an issue? Besides him cheating
Btw, changing his mind isn't lying.
Your bf has cheated over 2 years ago, we arent reallt sure how or what you count as cheating. To make repairs, he's given you access to everything so now you spy on him daily with apps on his phone and pc, which he knows about. He has no privacy and hasn't had any in years because you spy on everything. You get mad at him, he gets mad at you. But after 2 years of no trust between either of you, he's now properly verbally lashing out living in total hatred of you sometimes. Then calming down, scared to break yo with you and so goes back to loving you for your good points. But ultimately he's now totally breaking and screaming at you that he can't wait til you are gone multiple times now.
Listen… cheating is terrible, it breaks trust and cna do terrible things to a person self esteem. But if you choose to stay, you have to work on yourself after a period of time also. No man wants to be constantly watched, controlled or not trusted for years on end. Eventually they just get fed up. You're now both probably at a point of no return, where you've gotten addicted to daily spying on him and cant let it go and will never trust him, and he's not okay with it going on this long and is lashing out.
I'm sorry it's worked out this way, but your boyfriend hates you. He probably loves you too, but he also hates you. You're unlikely to fix this at this point, and it looks like the longer you drag it out, the more you're going to fuck each other up and abuse each other. When you're both out this relationship, you're both going to look back and realise how much of a fucking relief it is to be free of each other.
Because you said he wouldn’t let you break up with him. That implies a situation where you can’t physically separate yourself from him, like if you’re sharing an apartment and he’s able to physically prevent you from moving out.
I’m very glad you’re in this situation. You can just…not let him in. If he doesn’t go away, tell him you’ll call the police. Then, if he doesn’t go away, actually call the police. Also keep in mind that continuing to show up at your house/work/wherever is stalking and is illegal. Texting/calling/snapchatting/whatsapping/etc etc is harassment. Save the texts and messages you already have from before you blocked them but put them in folders you don’t have to look at so they don’t stress you out.
I hope this doesn’t happen and that this dude just goes away buuuuut if he won’t, that’s what restraining orders are for.
You don’t need a guys permission to break up with him. This dude is doing nothing but making your life worse and you deserve someone who adds to your life, not someone who subtracts.
I’d say it’s important to remember here that having kids changes you in more ways than just physical. Especially when there’s not a whole lot of a gap between the pregnancies. I don’t think anything is wrong with your wife. When you feel miserable, try to ask yourself this: would you rather respect that your wife doesn’t want to have sex all the time like you used to before kids, or would you rather make her uncomfortable by making her feel like she has to put out in order for you to value her and your relationship with her? It seems as though she still is attracted to you, with her bouts of sexual energy, but if she simply doesn’t have the energy to have sex as much as you want, try making it less about you wanting it, and more about why she doesn’t. It could be a plethora of reasons from that single day alone.
Actually, he doesn’t deserve to know “why” they had him. That’s the parents own personal choice and reasoning. And who even cares the reason, what does that even change?
I think that’s fair. If I had a GF it wouldn’t be fair if I was turning to Andrea over her to talk about my problems and stuff
I'm willing to work on what he wants me to work on
So the issues fall all on you? He has strung you along for years and here you are wondering what you can do to make him change his mind. At this point, it's supposed to be the other way around in the sense that You are to ask yourself why you should stay. Everytime marriage comes up, his responses have a pattern. Chose a timeframe of when you want to get married and let him know. Do not sit and waste more years
Thank you so much. I did end up receiving medical attention to confirm the miscarriage itself. And I have heard of postpartum depression, of course, but im unsure if it affected me after in the same way. But thank you, you did explain the feeling quite well.
Break up. There are plenty of great men thatll accept your cats. Its a package deal. I have 5 cats. YES 5. 3 have medical conditions that are costly and I adopted with full knowledge of it. And my man has never ever tried that. We now online together with our daughter, his dog, and yea, all 5 of my furbabies.
Also wondering how them getting together came out with this issue. Unless something happened during their relationship that she hasn’t told OP about.
lol what? do you online in Alabama?
I think we should all set boundaries together and agree on them before. She has things she doesn't want and I compromise for her. Why can't she. She asked me a lot of shit I wasn't ok with. And I obliged. That's not controlling that's just respect. Anyways maybe your right.
why are you posting this. you know youre gonna go back
Yeah I’m wondering if OP actually meant to use that word to imply drug use or doesn’t know what it actually means…
Thanks.
Honestly I don’t blame you. Personally I think clubbing and partying is a single person activity. Unless he takes you with him. Everybody needs to have fun and go out with friends once in a while but if this is something you’re really not comfortable with then I’d talk with him. Tell him how you feel. Maybe you guys can come to a compromise. Me and my boyfriend agree that clubbing or going out partying without each other is something we aren’t comfortable with.
So you guys really think this is the only conversation they had. Woah. And she probably told us the most “harmless” one anyways. Even if she didn't, imagine someone keeps trying and trying to have sex with you even if you've said “no” couple of times already. I bet it does not feel good.
How would you feel if he Gave you a padded bra and some spanks for Christmas.
You are deliberately withholding info, to make your husband look bad. You are also trying to paint your sister as a “damsel in distress” that is “misunderstood”.
Honestly, your husband would not be wrong if he divorced you. You're dropping a timebomb in his own home, and he doesn't need to put up with this mess.
INFO: why does your husband dislike your sister so much?
I'm going to put it boldly: Don't excuse yourself, and don't blame this on you for convey the way you feel and what you want. I think that's the easiest way for happiness in the long run. You are the most important one in your life. Be kind but not absurd.
There could be a ton of reasons for him to say what he says, from feeling insecure, having worries that just take his focus out of the matter, just not in the mood so often, he may just got bored of you, or even he's using you like a toy and you're taking too much of his time to be worth it. You'll never be sure if he doesn't say anything about it, and even if it's true if he does so. Most people don't know why they do what they do anyway.
Try talking without pressuring him too much to find out where his mind is right now, to try to address the true problem. If you two can't solve the problem, it's better to accept it and move on before it cripples you.
Wish you the best of ?luck ?
So, when he isn’t being an asshole, he love bombs you so you will keep him around. That’s gross and manipulative.
It sounds like you have bigger problems than this as a couple you need to address. You sound like you’re in a power battle.
He can't control you. He decided that he wanted to have you get rid of one of your cats to prove your love to him. In doing so, he gets the perverse thrill of controlling what you do.
A pet isn't “just an animal.” Far from it.
What he's showing you is that his wants will always top your needs and responsibilities. Who wants to online a life like that?
Verbal or written an “I love you” means the same thing. This sounds like a teenager wrote it and your comments. I don't think you're ready for an adult relationship. You're second guessing his “I love you” just because they were written the first time you. You're holding his prior “cheating” against him but he was 14 max. Unless it's a legitimate crime that seriously harmed another I don't hold things people did as a stupid 14 year old against them.
I thought it was just me as well lol. Glad to see someone else likes them as well. I wish I could look at his belly and touch it all day! But, yes I plan on being there for him no matter what
What it comes down to is that you can either support her in her delusional endeavors or not. There’s an off chance she makes it. And yea, she’d have to be one in a million.
But what else are you going to do?
Op – unfortunately your husband’s story doesn’t add up.
If he was waiting outside and then later entered in to find his friend, how did the brothel workers know they were together and that he should be allowed entry?
How did the friend known to pay for his entry if he had told him he was waiting outside?
You should contact the brothel and find out what their rates are $1000 for one person or $500 for two
You're talking through your crack. ? Nice try bored high-schooler
This guy is a complete douchebag. Any actual loving partner would support, have your back, help.you out and listen – this guy? Nope.
Get rid and heal yourself without this toxic person trying to make you worse.
Please don't allow him to destroy your mental health beyond what you've already been through.
He has no rright.
I think he just really wants kids and doesn't want to pressure you (or make such a huge commitment himself at the moment), so he's putting his energy into doting on your nephew instead. Baby fever is powerful, lmao.
LEAVE
They have a lot of pictures of just two of them that he took.
This is good, OP! He has done some things right, so you can bring up those things and say, “Hey babe, remember when you took me __? That was so awesome and I would love to do that again. Can you plan something for us for next weekend?”
For the things he hasn’t done, when you invite him over, ask him to pick stuff up! “I’m making a nice dinner, so can you please get me some fancy cookies or chocolate? I’d love that!”
This guy sounds like he knows he’s got a good thing going with you, but he doesn’t know what you want. Especially if you’ve got a disability and ED, he might be afraid of doing the wrong thing so the dolt does nothing at all. See what happens if you tell him what you want. Good luck, girl!
People tend to get mad when you don’t support a man who’s having an emotionally hard time but the manifestation is possibly violent or selfish. I’ve been downvoted a lot for saying that the behaviour still needs to be addressed even if he’s really hurting.
He didn’t commit any type of social crime by having sex
He's in his 20s and has had exes, it's expected that he's had sex, and im sure his gf know that. That's not the issue. The issue is that he is living with them, is super close to them, and was up until recently having sex with them. Very few people are going to be ok with that, which is why he is trying to selfishly justify lying to her.
If she’s uncomfortable with the situation, then maybe their values aren’t closely enough aligned to work anyway.
Yeah, and so let her make that decision. Let her decide: “Hey are values aren't aligned, lets break up.” Or “hey I dont mind its cool” He's not letting her make that informed decision. (Probably because he knows what's likely)
You've got yourself into a right sticky drama just because “you love him”.
What are you going to do to get out if it? Open your eyes my dear. This isn't good for your mental health and you need more then love for a relationship to work.
I would’ve been done in a month. That would rule out Star Wars, Indiana Jones, anime, and even most marvel movies lmao
Oh grow up, I’m not even sorry for sounding harsh, you’re being ridiculous and you need to get over it.
You sound jealous. Good for him.
i did that’s what they told me. and i read it somewhere that it makes it less effective. i mean i’d hope not you learn something new everyday im only 19 yk
True, and because “stfu” can sometimes have a very threatening meaning it'd probably be a good idea to say something differently if you wanna deescalate a situation between two people
I’m scared of going back to dating and dealing with worse situations.
Don't let this prevent you from finding someone who respects you, which your current bf clearly doesn't.
You deserve SOOOOOO much better. It's not too late. Such amazing and inspiring human beings out there. Don't let this taint your view of all people.
I never slept with him in the first place and he should believe me because I’m his girlfriend and he should trust me
I don’t mean this to be rude, but you’re been together for six years- was whether or not you both wanted marriage discussed at the beginning?
I ask as he sounds very clear on his position and I don’t see that coming left field out of the blue. The question now is are you willing to stay with him of marriage is something he steadfastly doesn’t want?
/r/limerence
But yes I do know what you mean
Someone who doesn’t understand what a beneficiary is and is easily manipulated
Well here in Texas that's a state that does it, my cousin never once got into those programs (welfare, TANF, or medicaid) and yet still received a check each month from the state of Texas Attorney General's Office, I know because she was my roommate for a few years after her divorce.
WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HER!? the way she is treating you isn't normal. Please respect yourself and dump her.
Hope you broke up with her she sounds like a creep. X
Yeah, I guess I am too old for this because the fact that someone decides to delete a dating app while dating you is a red flag is so sad to me.
?
Does he have BPD? I've been here and it's exhausting
Yeah I’ve already tried that and he’s got his mind made up. honestly I’m also kind of embarrassed to even have anyone over my house if they smell the odor. He’s trying his best to control it but the moment I smell it I’m going to lose my shit
Well not really something you should be concerned about. This is someone else's life.
I gave him a final peace offering to hang out tomorrow. He left me on read and has been on dating apps all night. So sad and disappointing
Well he’s only 27 so i wouldn’t call that a point where your ready to settle down with kids and marriage that’s just his personal choice of what he wanted…and she is smart that’s why i said congrats in my earlier comment I’m proud she made a decision and it was obviously the right one…im just simply pointing out the comments that were triggered by the age difference that’s all
Stop making excuses for him, he's a monster with a pretty face you made that apparently clear, deep down inside you know this and yet you're still being manipulated by his words, he's really grooming you into believing that huh??!!
No one changes “back”. They just change forward. At best she'll be kind of like the person you knew…but never the same. The spitefulness and pettiness will also always be there.
That's good advice, Thank you.
Wow, your gf is really cruel to laugh and demean you for your loss. Animals are amazing creatures and I can understand why you are sad. Some animals are the best pals to their owners.
I'm not sure about you. But I know I cannot accept a spouse that does not love animals.
She's an adult now. She needs to take responsibility for how she manages her time. That's not something he can be blamed for. I don't see a paltry three year age difference as a cause of concern. They are both young. It's not uncommon to want to spend your time with your SO. Not everyone wants or needs to make friends at particular points of their life.
Again, it doesn't sound like this is coming from a place of genuine concern. I don't know if it's jealousy or that you think you know better. Either way, no you don't say anything.
Message me her cashapp…I will send her $25 …make sure it's her cashapp and not yours
I’m not trying to toot my own horn
Yet so much of your post is needless humble bragging. Talking about how you are the bread winner/make all the money, you are hotter than him and have had hotter ex boyfriends, you had wilder sex with your exs, etc.. Sure you put *disclaimers* with each of them, but most of that information had nothing to do with your actual issue. Your post could have literally just been about how often you want sex and why your bf hasn't been wanting sex lately. Really some lowkey narcissism.
If you want to make things work with him, then all this fluff for your ego doesn't help. You need to have some maturity and patience to help him figure out what is up and hopefully resolve the issue as a team. Its not so uncommon for couples to go long periods of time with imbalanced sex drives.
I think both
Tsm man I appreciate it! ?
Okay, so if you trusted him fully you wouldn’t have downloaded an app to check whether he’s being faithful. That niggle in your gut? Listen to it. Listen to it EVERY TIME.
Also, he’s only sorry he got caught. He’ll just get smarter next time, he’ll use a fake profile and you’ll never know.
You’ve got a whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste valuable youth chasing after a guy who has disrespected you. Don’t waste your emotional energy trying to build something on broken trust. Throw the whole man out and start afresh. You got this.
I prefer bottom but also prefer to date the women I can still do all the work with.
Honestly yeah, 3 years of relationship context missing here, but yeah. The relationship changed over time and I thought that we were both changing with it. She has told me that she does feel sexual attraction towards me. Whenever I bring up these concerns she tells me that she does want to fuck.
So like, yeah. :/
Seriously the bf has a substance abuse problem, or seriously that OP can’t fix it for him?
It's cheating.
You know WHAT you know. What do you want to about it?
Let’s take tinder out of the equation for a sec…
Is he so wonderful that’s cannot be replaced with anyone else? All those feelings that you get from him can easily be derived from someone else.
At 22, you can either spend the next few years crying over some boy, internalizing all kinds of awful messaging from this child… or you can find a new partner and invest time with him to build the life that you want and feel celebrated and adored.
I spent my 20s crying over a boy… believing I would never love anyone else like my “soulmate”. Ruined the best decade and a half of my life pining for him… until I got a Facebook invite to friend him… Puke barf gag!!! He was still handsome, but his personality was a huge turnoff. Because as he spent his youth trying to get laid and be an “alpha” male, I grew up and did all kinds of weird and wonderful things.
It made me sad for the girl who cried all kinds of tears over this fuqboi… and I assure you… nothing is more pathetic then a fuqboi in his 40s.
Then I met my current husband… whoa nelly! He’s hard, adores me, and joins me in the weirdness of our beautiful life together.
So, you can play this out over a long period of time wasting the beauty of your 20s crying over a boy, or cut your losses and fall in love over and over again with the world around you, because you deserve memories of fun and excitement, not tears.
You have plenty of real things to cry about when you get older. This man child should NOT be one of them.
Heal your heart, go have some fun, and remember that you deserve better!
What?
In your shoes, this isn't a relationship I would want to be in. It's a nice position to be in when you don't have to worry about life financially, but also it means he hasn't really had to try at life or had the drive to truly find something he is good at or passionate about. That for me is important. I wouldn't care about being with someone who made loads of money, but I would want to be with someone who wanted to make their own way in life, not simply rely on others.
And it’s naked for me to complain too much about that because realistically he is paying all bills 50/50 with me (through his parents)
He doesn't pay 50% his parents do. I'd be embarrassed if at 36 (actually my current age) I relied on my parents money to online. I understand you say it's not something they will take away, but it does mean he will always “owe” them, they will always have so so much of a day in his life or hold over him, not only do they hold all the money, they hold all the power.
He's doing a part time course and part time work, is this apparent career of property development actually a line of work his parents are in? Basically is he going to fall out of study and into work they have set him up with?
That's what I'd be more worried about, I cannot imagine someone who's not had to work in life or put much effort in, would hold the same sort of values as me, and that's important.
As for the going out stuff, if it's not going to align with your ideal then it's probably got an expiration date.
I have also probably given him so much leeway that he thinks it is something he can get away with.
This for me is the most important thing you said. Think about this… Do you want to be with someone if you've got to nag/push them into the kind of relationship/life you want?
Do you want to be worth someone who pushes to see what he can get away with, like a child? Or would you rather be with someone who spends their spare time in a similar way that you do. Where there doesn't have to be a battle every weekend to either do what you don't enjoy just to spend time with him, or nag him into staying home for once.
It should be easier, with the right person it just works.
Ok and this is irrelevant to OP. He wants kids now and she doesn’t. How is that in any way comparable to your daughter and bf both not wanting to have children?
This.
This.
Aw come on. He has no intention of leaving her. You’ve fell for the age old line, my relationship is boring, she doesn’t understand me etc. absolute mug.
Probably insecurity, with an unhealthy side of porn addiction.
This has got to be a troll
You realize you have been calling her fat right
If it a test it’s like an open book test. Take it and pass with flying colors. Later when you and the girlfriend break up (and you will … tryst issues), maybe the sister will really hit you up because you rejected her, women take that as a challenge. You score with the sister.
Play chess nit checkers.
No what is insulting is you think cuddling with others is ok. You do the test to prove you have been faithful and you both get couples therapy.
You might not feel like you did anything wrong but that doesn’t matter. Get the test done because it will be done sooner or later at this point.
you are completely valid for wanting to have sex first if it’s important to you for the relationship to move forward. i think it’s a terrible idea to get engaged. y’all should probably split and find people that are more sexually compatible for the both of you
Why wouldn't she want you to have your license? Is she that petty that she can't deal with you getting your license without her?
Sometimes you just need to be brutally honest, without being nasty. You can tell her you just don’t feel the same, and it’s nothing to do with her, but that it needs to end. Hope it works out for you.
I think this is a good conversation for a family counselor. Dynamics will change anyway and a therapist will help make the transition easier. It will also give you a chance to voice your concerns in a safe space with a neutral person
that he has to give you a present when you're giving him 600$ worth of presents
You realize that she was absolutely bonkers for giving that level of gift 2 months in, right?
I get not getting that person 600$ of gifts the first time but a 20$ present?
A $20 present 2 months in seems reasonable. I don't get the issue. She didn't tell him she would be spending so much.
And then not even thinking to make effort for their birthday?
There's a difference between intentionally not making an effort and not knowing.
idk maybe because you expect your partner to care about you especially when you're putting this much effort
Then make sure you tell them how you want to receive that affection!
Some people want stuff. Some people want physical touch. Some people want dates. Some people want experiences.
Tell them how you appreciate things.
If they know and still don't do it then get mad. Don't expect them to know what you want.
And expecting anyone in a relationship just a year old to be dropping $600 is insane.
I hope you have an awesome day bro
My friends and I had special nicknames for each other and had a fake love triangle thing with a fake Mexican soap opera angle. It was hilarious to us in high school but I could see how an outsider may have felt trying to join our group without knowing or being a part of any of the inside jokes. I think what’s most likely bothering you right now is you don’t have your own place in your girlfriend’s group of friends and/or in this stupid inside joke. Start referring to yourself as “the other man” (or the other woman I’m sorry to assume your gender) crack your own jokes, try to laugh about it. Tell the “kids” to be in on the secret. If you can’t beat them join them. If you still find the dynamics uncomfortable or they reject your attempts to join in I would discuss with your gf how much it really bothers you. Maybe she’ll take it well and maybe she’ll say you’re overreacting. Maybe, maybe not. Just be open and honest with her about your feelings and if she can’t or won’t do her best to help you feel more comfortable, move on. Most importantly remember you’re in high school and try not to take this, or yourself or your relationship too seriously. Everything changes around this time and after high school ends you will have very different priorities. Just have fun but be respectful and honest
You said to start slow before she pegs him, it seems pegging and the fake cum is a hard limit for him but he is okay with the other stuff and he most likely won’t change him mind.
Yeah, I need to take my mind off of it. It’s pretty fresh, so this is why I’m hung up on it at the moment.
These comments are all really helpful and confirm my initial thought/feeling, that I just need to forget about it. It’s easier said than done at the moment because it’s so “new”.
For the record, I didn’t directly ask her about her exes. We were talking about my past relationship and then it had come up in that conversation.
So I (f26) went through my boyfriends (m36) phone yesterday
I stopped right here. If you're going through his phone then you have no trust in him and really need to move on to someone where you don't have to try and catch them out.
My condolences for your losses. I understand why you don’t want to leave your wife. No one else in the world would understand your grief as she does, and having to endure it alone honestly sounds nightmarish. You are both clearly traumatized and if the counseling you are undertaking is not proving sufficient, please put whatever resources you can into investing into the highest quality psychological care and support you can afford and manage. This is unimaginable pain you two are experiencing, and while it is shared, it is experienced individually and uniquely by each of you. Enjoy every moment of peace together, every laugh and beautiful sunset and sunrise. Speak freely and rely on one another. It will get better. God be with you
Its a classic case of Missing Missing Reasons.
Sounds like he's not the sharpest tool in the box then.
This is physical cheating. He left his shirt there and has keys to her flat. Dont be delusional. Your safety was also put at risk and you could've been killed because of her.
There’s nothing to do about this. It’s like watching porn. You e already told him you don’t him you don’t like it and you e told him how it makes you feel you didn’t need to tell him again but you did. He’s not going to stop. So it’s up to you. Are you going to online with it and stop talking about it? Or move on and find someone who doesnt do that? Your choice
Nobody’s better then me bro lol
If you removed the quotes it would still sound bad so uh
This troll is running a long con.
Beer on me if he doesn’t leave her
You need to give yourself permission to end this relationship. You keep rationalizing and saying “but he's such a good guy!” When your gut is screaming at you to run away!
Okay so simple reason – its the distance it takes its toll on the relationship
It either sounds like a sad attempt at reeling you in for a possible fwb situation or he actually does miss you and is very uncertain if you should even be in his life.
I would let him initiate time to hang out, to see if he really cares about you or if he’s just horny and alone
Lmao this is the reach of the year. He could’ve been just nervous, reasonably anxious, high on something who knows?? Don’t feel like these behavior put together in context of the situation is enough to pin it on the result of something so deep. With that being said, keep searching for clues haha make used of that education!! ??
Lol the kid looks exactly like me
You’re not confused. She dumped you and is now playing with you.
Cut her out completely.
Yes, you have evidence he was abusive towards her? That’s the important info here.
It sounds like you aren’t confident in when they met and they did not date before she was 18, so there isn’t much to go off of there.
You should dump her. One it could get YOU into trouble. Like legal trouble. Plus if she's lying about that, who knows what else she is lying about. Breaking up hurts and can be hard to do, but you need to think about keeping yourself safe. And if she sent you any photos, delete them.
Very sketchy behaviour on his part and he doesn’t appear to be showing and giving you the respect you deserve. His controlling nature will only escalate.
duly noted!
That’s a terrible response.
It sounds like you’ve put a lot of effort into this relationship and having good communication, and he doesn’t not care about you or the relationship, and has said it.
Why is he stressed? Is there a temporary external factor at play at the moment?
If you’ve been together for 3 years, has somethings changed or has there been a slow decline?
It’s how manipulators think, they make you feel like you did something wrong so they can work it to get something they want.
I don't mean to sound rude but why do you, personally, think you can't keep a woman around without flexing your body? What do you talk about with them that seems to bore them?
You should never fucking reproduce. This woman is almost 40 and probably has aids you fucking idiot
You don't deserve either. Hope they find out and leave you for the streets.
“He’s great except for this one, extremely important, perhaps THE most important, core value!!”
He doesn’t want kids. He never wanted kids. He is trying to keep delaying it until you cannot physically have kids. You really need to talk to him seriously about this. If he keeps getting defensive and starting fights, then I do not see how the relationship will last. You will always resent him if he stops you from having kids.
In the interim, I would look into freezing some eggs.
Different couples need different things. As long as you're both happy, healthy, and in love I don't see an issue.
Thank you. Its really helpful to hear it from someone who can really relate to her in this situation. I don't want it to be painful. It literally changes nothing for me and I just feel awful that I can't even make her feel comfortable enough not to need to hide this.
Yes he will ? if i say so he will
I'm wondering what gives him the right to take your stuff out of the house like that. You are a married couple and your house is your marital residence regardless of whose name it is in.
It sounds like your husband had reached a breaking point. This sounds like a pretty serious communication issue. Did you two ever talk about your progress and how your chores should be shared as you progress?
Didn't bother reading. Just by the title…dude …f**King leave.
Yeah, they're common enough that they're called “devs” or “devotees.”
Can't hurt to ask
You should not have offered up such a large sum of money if you could not recoup the losses on your own. Everything else aside, this is the consequences of your actions. You made it her money too.
It’s sad when you marry a taker, they have no idea how to do anything but continue taking. Even here, OP still doesn’t realize what went wrong with her marriage. Smh
If this was 6 years ago and he still feels upset, then I think there might be a greater reason for him being upset. Honestly just have an open and honest talk. It might be scary and will make you feel vulnerable, but if you really love him and want a relationship then this is a conversation worth having.
Repeat after me. Your girlfriends sex life before you, is none of your business or concern. Women are not objects for you to control or posses. She had a life before you. Who cares!?
The real issue is you. Deep down, your fragile masculinity has had devastating effects on your confidence and it exudes desperation. Even your responses to other comments here “I’m used to being called ugly.” Like….. get ahold of yourself and have some dignity!
At the end of the day, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you can man up and accept your girlfriend for her past and who she is, or if it is truly something you cannot deal with. If it’s the latter, break up and find someone you are more compatible with.
And why doesn’t she want to be friends? Maybe examine that you hooked up with her and then kicked her to the curb?
She’s not gonna let a weasel like you intimidate her out of a coffee shop near her college campus. Why would she ever give someone who manipulated her like you control over any situation she’s in.
Look where you are walking to avoid running into people.
Women need to stop worrying about the spicy content looking like them. Even if the ethnicity or race is completely different. It means nothing. There was little to no chance he was going to slow down if you were fine with it in the first place, but there’s no harm in asking if he would…just be okay with him saying no.
Honestly its better to have the honest conversation with her that you think you might have feelings for him before they get in deeper and she develops stronger feelings for him. You have to be ready that she might react badly but it would be way worse if you secretly pined after someone she got serious with.
I would personally tell her how you feel but say that if she genuinely sees something real with this guy you'll back off but if there's a chance he may not be the one for her would it be okay if you pursued him. Then if she says back off, for the sake of your friendship do so.
We are with you man! Happy Birthday and strenght to move on!
So you found a friend. Common interests isn't enough to sustain a relationship. And you WILL meet someone else. Keep dating and let them crack on. They might not work out and then again they may connect. But if you were really interested in someone and your friend turned around and told you in so many words that she wanted to go for him as she has more in common how would you feel?
I'm trying, I'm just not very optimistic it'll work out.
Just had a very long talk with my son's bf about all this shit. “Half the time I use condom's, the other half I just pull out, its fine”. Dumb ass already has multiple scholarship offers, so much to lose.
So how I handled this talk was I was taking him home, conversation started with “You know what's the best part of being in a car sometimes? You're trapped with the other person”. He did not enjoy our talk, but we had it, ended with me buying him a jumbo ass box of condoms though.
Apparently they don’t like any of their son’s wives then ? even though they were all picked by him. Yes – arranged.
“What if he looses his job over this and then shows up pissed at her job or at her parents house.”
What if he doesn't lose his job and does it anyways?
For some ppl this is stuff of dreams.
i dont have a lot of opportunity to get out there because of my agoraphobia. i know its a double edged sword but that is the hand I was dealt
No….they are not step siblings.
Well. Either way, I hope that OP stops feeling entitled and appreciates that her daughter and friends son are in a loving committed relationship.
I can sort of see why everyone was terrified to tell her – she's seen it as a personal betrayal when all it is is two adults who have feelings for each other enjoying their life
Does she expect her other daughter to report who she is dating or sleeping with?
I can understand why your ex would feel awkward about it, but it's inappropriate for her to put that on you and expect you to cater to her feelings at your own mother's funeral.
Do what is best for you here, your ex can decide what is best for her.
I do respect him as a person
You could've fooled me.
He gave you vows you approved of. I don’t see the problem? He liked it, you liked it. In the old days, some people used professional speech and vow writers. Not everyone is good with words and this isn’t a new phenomenon per se.
So what? A houseplant can't survive without nutrients either or outside of its ecosystem. Living things are alive. I'm sorry biology is so objectionable to you. Maybe take a science class?
Defo a troll
It's a pretty big lie. You're 3rd paragraph says it all. You should leave for sure. Don't confront him alone for your safety since he's an angry person.
Hmm this is quite a situation to be in. How to word it… “hey, this is going to be a rough conversation to have but I need you to listen to what I have to say. Please don’t interrupt me. I will ask for clarification when I need to hear your side of things, okay?” Then just mention how you found out and how it makes you feel, what you fear, how you’re not thinking about continuing the relationship. Then, allow him to explain. It’s probably not good but hey everyone should get a chance to explain. From that explanation you should then take some time to yourself. Go to a friends or family’s place and try to break it down in your mind. Go from there.
The reason I’m being a little more open to it being a conversation is because in some rare situations it’s a misunderstanding. Allow me to explain. I have a friend who very nearly got labeled an offender. What happened was that when he was young and in college (18) he was still friends with a few of our old middle school/high school marching bandmates. One guy was 16 and his gf 15. They were gaming one night and the gf apparently was having a mental breakdown and was going to attempt suicide. My buddy reached out on the game (league of legends) and basically talked her out of it. Said life was worth living etc etc. well, she developed a crush on my buddy. He tried multiple times to let her down but each time he broke contact she would threaten suicide. Finally he just blocked her and in response she told her parents that my buddy had taken advantage of her physically. Turned into a huge thing. A lot of their convos was on league so there wasn’t exactly evidence to his innocence BUT there was one text exchange between her and a friend where she told the friend she had lied. Had it not been for that he would have had his life ruined and him registered. Not saying thats the case here (it probably isn’t considering he’s 30 and the “girl” was 15) but something to maybe consider.
Thank you!
Full on cheated is an assumption (unless she's confronted or has other information). I suppose if this was something that did not have any action or intention behind it, there's a possibility that it was a harmless coping thing. However! That doesn't excuse the fact that at some point he's lied or at the very least hasn't been truthful with himself which causes an array of emotional repercussions. Advice wise: I would suggest bringing it up. Like as you were doing laundry or something and found it. Ask what's the cause/meaning and that the truth is the only way to start a resolution. After this, you'll reason whether or not you trust him, believe him, and his future intentions. Then you'll start to develop an answer. Everybody and situation is different. Without the context we just make wild (sometimes accurate) assumptions but they'll always be assumptions until we have an honest conversation about whatever “it” is.
Rose always insisted that she didn’t view Sage as a brother. She only viewed him as a friend from age 3. So it is not “incest.” My brother and I are both adopted and our relationship has always been as brother and sister. If we had ended up in a sexual relationship, it would have been very creepy and incestual.
I feel bad for you as it sounds like you love him alot and he's dragging his feet. I just hope you haven't wasted all this time with someone who doesn't want to start a family and you do. I know that you feel bad if it's a forced move. What do your friends and family say?
I dated a woman in her 30s in the past who had her entire life controlled by her parents. Could only see me twice per week. Never stay over. Wouldn't let her go on trips. Her parents would threaten to throw her out of the house if she didn't listen to them. Every aspect of her life was controlled by them. Not a religious family so it wasn't that.
It's funny because the only one here who has an excuse to be “childish” is OP's girlfriend, since she was literally a child two years ago.
But actually, the man who is allowing his brother to dictate his relationships and who also drank so much that he had to go to the hospital while his teenage girlfriend dropped everything to come take care of him is way more childish.
and the brother and his girlfriend who reacted with “ew she's childish” because the SO has anxiety also sound childish.
But really OP should dump her, his gf can do better.
Yeah you're right. I guess my fear was just that I'd lose the current situation and no longer be FWB let alone dating. But it's better to be honest than to hide things
Your fears are natural and understandable. But he's a grown man, or almost. He will be fine. Taking care of himself is not the job of the woman he is dating. Its never going to be easier to cut it off tho. You don't online together if I'm correct, and don't have split finances. Find some support system to back you up thru the worst of it. And do it like a band aid and rip it off. Cut contact with him for a few weeks at the very least. You will need time to think and heal and feel without his influence.
Remember he is all you know. But thanks to him most of what you know is bad. This abusive dynamic feels normal because it's become normal for you. I promise tho, some time out of the relationship. And in an actually healthy relationship, you'll see so much more how ridiculous and abusive he was. And how much better you were off breaking things off. How much more he needed you, than you needed him. And how much he didn't appreciate having someone willing to be there so much for him.
His childhood might have programmed in him toxic standards for relationships and that being nice is weakness.
Other than that you always need to remember to have prper self-respect in relationship. It is ironic fact that if you are too serving of your partner while neglecting your own needs for their sake they start to respect you… less for that. I won't pretend it is the case for literally everyone, but it is common.
I mean that’s what u shud be concerned about long term since he probably prefers guys
Why? Your husband keeps abusing your trust. Omissions are lies wrapped up in a pretty bow because technically they aren't out right lying to your face but they are withholding the truth. That is to benefit themselves not you. No one was thinking about you just themselves. Dump all three of them. The lack of respect for you is disgusting in this whole scenario.
If you have communicated serious issues to him and he is unwilling to change, or worse makes jokes about these things – he is not a good boyfriend!
No one should ever feel unvalued in a relationship. If he cannot do what you need him to do for you to feel valued than he is not the one for you.
Question: Does he masturbate/watch porn?
I know that it sucks but the best thing you can do is move on. It will never be the same again if you remain friends… I know from experience.
Please bring the dog to a shelter ASAP
He should score a 0 for personality. What a weasel.
the back and fourth
All of this would be true had he been up front from the start. He waited two years into their relationship after she was pregnant with twins to tell her and I think that’s the biggest issue here
I vote for trying to get another apartment at the same place.
My counselor says to give them whatever space they need but keep them within the rules of the house, which is hard most of the time.
The thing about red flags is that you shouldn't look for them. Don't set landmines in your relationship for him to step on. When you start counting the mistakes, you basically aren't giving him any chance at all.
He's been trying to improve and work with you. So don't work against him 🙂
Obviously, care for yourself as well. You deserve to be treated right, you deserve quality time spent together, you deserve not being lied to. But don't go checking his emails and all that stuff…
Thank you.
There are a lot of reasons to not want to have sex. Trauma, hormone medication, transitioning, body dismorphia/dysphoria, etc. It shouldnt be a concern, but you need to talk to her and try to make sure that you understand her wants/needs. Maybe she does want it but is nervous. See how you can support her
So much to unpack.
she was a sex worker, be it for fun or for money she actually had sex for money. Now being less needing probably allowed her for actually choosing guys that she liked so you can somehow say that she was in it to meet older guys she wouldn't any other way and the money was just a side perk. what bdsm was she Into? I mean the range of what's called bdsm is Frick in wide, was she a dominatrix, a slave. Did she still like it. the omission : springing a year and a half into the relationship that you have been a suger baby is not okay, by far. Probably less problematic then the actual thing of sugaring but none the less not OK.
Now, the only question is can I stay with the knowledge of that information and what more info you would need to be satisfied.
Dump him. He sucks.
Did he not say he was unhappy, so why remain in an unhappy relationship? Look at what he just told you and nothing of what he said made sense. He struggles doing things he loves but I’m sure he didn’t struggle stepping out the relationship. The only difference between her and you is she hasn’t had the opportunity to see this side of him…the real him and vice versa. He’s irrational, illogical, and impulsive. You’re ex fiancé of 7 months and partner of 7 years isn’t worth another 7 minutes of your time.
How about just getting “sick” the day of the event. Migraine headaches are a good excuse. Or really bad cramps.
What you feel toward this co-worker is lust instead of love, let be real and not sugar coat it.
You put the cart before the horse when you talk about your boyfriend, all the negative things about him, so you are looking to justify what you are doing.
My boyfriend (29m) is the love of my life, and I truly cannot imagine spending my life with anyone other than him. Your words contradict each other. You have two choices do what is right or wrong, there is not a in between.
Don't move in with this man.
whats the question?
I agree. 10 years is too much of an age difference.
I wish I had good advice. Y’all need to compromise somehow and if that’s her line I can’t say much more. I couldn’t online like this if my wife didn’t at least let me split the difference.
I think the upside is he did this prior to you getting married. Trust, once shattered, is very difficult to regain. You have a chance to walk away before marriage, kids, and a possible affair in the future. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, best of luck.
You got internalized homophobia. End of story.
Doesn't mean you discriminate lgbt peeps. But it's there.
You don't?
It sounds like he's hiding something from you and it could be good or bad ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I hope he figures good priorities out and grows up. You should pursue happiness and what You desire
What if i have no interest in others? Outside of sex? Am I like a psychopath for that?? I don’t know why but I have no desire to date or even try to coverse. Even when I try to change my ways I end up ghosting them and if they reach out I’ll respond but we still won’t talk. Even if I was somewhat initially interested
So you used to be her type but aren’t any more. How does that work? Did you change? Or did she change? What changed?
Ah, the ‘look what you made me do’ kind of guy, who blames his emotional mismanagement on you instead of being somewhat mature. If it’s either destroying an item, or hitting you, that’s not a good choice either way, but what happens if/when it escalates? Anger issues are somewhat normal, however that doesn’t make his reaction ok, usually it only escalates over time.
Yeah i know that’s why he needs therapy ASAP. We don’t know how old he was 11,12? Its not a good sign that he is doing shit like that with such a young age and her fucking boyfriend doesn’t help with his abuse
I don't feel like there is enough info here to give much advice. Without knowing what he is doing, how often, how you react, it is hard to know what is going on.
Ask him if he feels he's satisfying your needs..
Bro from reading all of your comments, your gf is a mega manipulator. You need to dump her and never talk to her again. She has problems, and obviously she isn’t listening to you so she needs a wake up call. Please do this before she completely isolates you from your friends, I am speaking from experience. A healthy relationship should support you, not make you late getting to work and making you feel guilty every time you hangout with friends.
You two really deserve each other. Honestly speaking
Thank you! I will show him this article
Okay I’m of two minds about this.
On one hand, you’re absolutely right that your fiancé should trust you and it shouldn’t be dependent on someone else’s sexuality.
On the other, if your relationship with Michael is different due to his sexuality (ex: being more physically affectionate with him than you would be if he was straight) then I think you should have told your fiancé.
Honestly I’m just mindblown that you never talked about your best friend with your fiancé to the point where he didn’t know something that basic.
The issue with this kind of thing is that you are still in the mode of protecting your own interests i.e. you are considering keeping it a secret and moving on for your benefit, not his. This is the epitome of selfishness.
Have you thought about whether he would want to know (not you)? How will you get past the the fact you let this develop so far? Will you be ok taking this to the grave? Can you online your life lying to your husband?
These are really difficult things. But I think most people would want to know the truth. But you will need to accept that he may never look at you the same again, in fact, it may be over.
I don't know if you're a bad person, but you certainly fucked up and I think if you had respect for your partner you wouldn't be thinking about yourself here, and you would be thinking about what is right for them.
Those were my thoughts exactly. Thank you for your opinion on the matter
I don't think this is a thing that's going to go away. It almost would be better for you to tell him before the out dude does and explain things and then offer to work through counseling or marriage therapy. The longer the lie the bigger it's gonna hurt. Honestly is always the best policy. Probably not what you want to hear but definitely think, it's only going to take the other dude going to the cops and explaining things and then a paternity test from a court for things to come out.
He was an ah for inviting you and then just leave you alone, doesn't sound like a true friend. You said yourself your mental health was declining around him, so why do you want to continue this friendship at all?
Seriously, this girl sounds like a lowlife.
Do not over give in the beginning of a relationship. It can make the other person feel uncomfortable. It makes it out like you are trying to buy love. There are actually studies on this. A therapist friend of mine post about this on his FB page. I wish I could find it…..A $250 bracelet is too much at this stage in a relationship.
It's horrible of her to make this kind of ultimatum. Performance anxiety happens to men and women.
I would honestly go to a dr and get a script for viagra. A 30 day supply on goodrx is like $17. You may or may not have a physical issue but drs will even tell you that having that ln hand to help can lessen your anxiety. Also let your partner or future partners know that it has nothing to do with attraction, only blood flow.
I get horrible migraines due to anxiety and just knowing I have anti anxieties to get rid of them lowers my anxiety to where I hardly need them.
Everybody needs to be very flexible like Gumby. Learning to online together takes patience and understanding and if both of you are willing to extend each other grace, it will go much easier. Not perfectly, but better.
Your gonna be worried/stressed and not be able to now anyway
Well her giving you anxiety is absolutely not going to help. If she's going to be like that just let her leave and find someone who has a libido similar to yours.or speak to a doctor and find the root cause.
You can say she’s a gone girl now.
3 out of the 4 partners I've had were uncircumcised and I have never seen what your describing. I guess it just depends on how much skin they have?
She's a dumpster fire send her back to the streets. Until she gets her drug use in check then maybe try it again. I would just move on from this.
If you have to ask if you're a narcissist you are most likely not one. That said, you were certainly in the wrong in this situation: Let me guess, you found out she's slept with more people than you have, and you blew up on her?
That is extremely shitty, not to mention sexist — but in itself isn't narcissistic behavior. I can see why she would have described it this way (it is very hurtful to women when their partners can only see them as the # of people they've slept with) but I don't believe she's correct.
What you need to do is ignore that remark and focus on your plan to improve. That is promising. If you follow through on it, in time she will understand you're not narcissistic but a good partner who is willing to work on himself.
wh
If someone is going to break up with you over a joke you're better off without them anyway. Are you going to be tip toeing around her the rest of your life afraid of offending her? I have quite a sarcastic sense of humor and frankly it's the kind of joke I would have made, lol. If she left over that, I think there's something else going on. Maybe you hit a little too close to home, like maybe there is something not right going on with her like she's lying to you about something or cheating or something.
You are absolutely being groomed. Please cut him off.
Yes
Don't do it. If he can't accept that you don't want to, you need to be ready to move on.
They're not joking.
Your brother is a jerk go no contact as soon as y can and ignore him
Then I guess you have to decide if you can online with a partner who doesn't want to work. He can afford not to do so for the rest of his life so the question is whether or not that's cool with you in a relationship and if not, he's not the person for you.
Tell him exactly how you fell. Theses no dodging anymore. More importantly, tell him what you want him to do. He also doesn’t know what he needs to do. You may not be sexually aroused because you didn’t completely trust him
Nah it’s silly. Not that deep
I wouldn’t totally ditch her…..just find other interests and people to spend time with. Invite her out from time to time. Accept her invites if it sounds like a good time.
I don’t know if I think bringing it up is “worth it.” If you’ve had other meaningful conversations with her, you could try. I’m usually all about communicating…..in this case, though, it seems like the things you’ve said above have always been issues.
“Hey friend, I’ve realized lately that it seems like we only do things you plan out. Does that sound right to you, too?”
So…I don’t know. Sorry. Ugh.
But if you take the pill on the first day of your period then it will give immediate immunity right?, that’s what the doctor said
Sounds like her coworker is insecure and unsatisfied w/ her own cosmetic surgeries so she has to tell others to get them and put their appearances down to feel better about herself.
Getting a compliment from a stranger compared to someone that’s “supposed to” give you compliments is just different. It feels different.
Plus, guys in general barely ever get compliments. I’m 36 and I can probably count the number of compliments I’ve gotten from strangers on one hand.
The best way to get the answer you need is to be direct. “Hey, do you remember that house warming party you went to? Was it your ex’s? I’m feeling hurt because you ommited that it was your ex, and you just called her a friend. In the future I need you to be more transparent so I feel reassured”
Don't listen to the armchair doctors on reddit. “BUPRENORPHINE-NALXONE THERAPY IN PAIN MANAGEMENT” research this article and it'll give you some insight.
It does not matter what you prefer. But tell her you love her nose and stuff, but if she still wants a nose job, it's up to her.
I've thought about reading novels like that, I've just been too embarrassed to go buy one.
There is literally an infinite supply of sex stories online.
Runrunrunrunrunrunrun awaaaay ahh ahh ahh ahhhhh ay ya ya ya ya ya
I think the same in the tone and voice of “You are the father!” from Murray.
Yeah I agree totally with you but i don’t wanna be the reason for their break up.
Trust your gut. It’s never wrong. He left. Did he say why? Usually when they leave and then come back it’s because the person they left you for didn’t want them.
You also need to think about your future. If he walks out and you take him back you are telling him there is nothing you won’t forgive. Do you want to be with a man who cuts and runs when we he feels like it? Contact a divorce attorney.
Officially breaking up with someone and emotionally breaking up with them, are two different things. Which one was it?
Your original comment says – “I had emotionally broken up with him prior to that and had found my current boyfriend of 5 years. To me I don't consider it cheating as I had tried to leave multiple times”
Hmm… no (?) my ex was exactly my age, we started dating during the first semesters of college, so we were around 19 (?) when we first got together… why are you assuming I have daddy issues based just on my boyfriend's age? You don't know me, you don't know him.
No, I do not have daddy issues.
I started dating my boyfriend cause he treats me like a queen. I do not care about his age at all, not even a little, even though I love his body and face the reason why I fell in love with him are his personality, how smart, caring, funny, loving, hard-working man he is and how he makes me feel most of the time and the way that he treats me. Ever since I met him he has been nothing but supportive, loving, and attentive.
I didn't jump from one relationship to another… I spent a couple of years single, which is why I said in another comment that I thought I had already healed my traumas and insecurities from the previous relationship, but I didn't.
Lastly… stop assuming the worst about every situation. Not everything is as bad as you may think it is.
If OP furnishes some kind of evidence that’s not clearly manufactured then I’ll believe it. How did OP not get it on camera?
I don’t think they’ve found anyone. I have full reign of their phone and have never seen anything sus. I think it’s just they wish for peen as well lol.
i was gonna add this onto my reply but you beat me to it lol
thanks for making me spill my coffee, lol :))
You deserve so much more. You don't have to earn shit. Break up with this loser and find someone who thinks you deserve the world.
We talked about it a year ago, when she told me she’s not ok with another girl and this week while cuddling and watching Netflix, a threesome got on the show, and I said “that could be us, but you playing” we laughed about it then I said we should try, too see her reaction, she just said never gonna happen. Never mentioned it again
LOL that is rude as fuck. Coming from a 29f, PMS is 5 days before a period typically. Sometimes longer. Are you right to be mad? Hours removed from it are you still upset? It seems like he’s using it to discount your feelings. Kinda covert misogyny
If I had to choose between weed and a man. I would chose weed everytime lol! Please go and enjoy yourself also highly recommend shrooms while you are there! You may respect him but I don't think he respects you. You are only young once please go take your trip!
It's a lot more than you not sharing your food and it all got to him . Leave him be and move on
I did mention that it's difficult to let go and I've heard this advice before. I'm unable to move forward with this advice for personal reasons. It's not easy to leave someone you love, is it?
Not fair to use someone that way.
Do what's best for you. Don't do it for anyone else. Can you truly forgive and trust her again and be happy? If the answer is no, move on. Don't waste your only life on an unhappy marriage. You can eventually fix the finances but being miserable for the rest of your life sounds terrible.
Question, he's 34 years old, not 4, so why are you making this ungrateful yet fully capable adult man lunches?
Stop coddling him. He wants an amazing lunch, he can make it himself.
Are you a man?? I totally love your mindset! ?
You can't fix this relationship. You need to leave them alone and online as if you'll never see them again. You don't have a right to reach out to them and will have to wait and see if they decide they still want you around at some point in the future. It sucks for you but you screwed up a good thing by thinking you could have something that didn't belong to you and lost what you did have.
Give them space, as in don't contact them. You burned that bridge. If you work on yourself and move on they might decide to reach out at some point. If not you will hopefully be in a better place and move on with your life.
Contractors in Australia are treated notoriously badly. To you he may only lose a few weeks wages, but he may in fact lose his job, a contract with a long term employer, or potential for promotion / referral for employment etc. In the current jobs market, depending on his line of work, it may be difficult to recover from this. As you said, he doesn’t get time off, so you obviously understand the nature of his work to some extent.
Why can’t you go without him?
Oh stop. Those reasons should be enough of a “no” and men should move along but they don't. Don't blame the women for the fact that men just won't stop.
I can't count the number of times I've heard, “Oh, that doesn't matter/ bother me” in response to saying I'm married. ?
Updateme
Again, this dude didn’t approach her. She said no and he moved on politely. If what he did is unacceptable you’re better off just not talking to girls period. If you do, you’re a creep apparently. I’d rather be the weirdo that walks away from women then been called a creep because SHE approached me.
I guess I’m just not cut out for those then. I feel so devalued and low key used.
End it. He needs therapy, not an enabler.
OP, is your boyfriend usually painfully nice? Like to the point where he has a hard time establishing naked boundries? If so than it is feasible that he's being completely honest. Otherwise why would he tell you this girl was in his room? He could have just lied about it, and most people with negative intentions would have flat out lied. And if something did happen, why would he be kind of standoffish afterwards towards you, be completely open, AND tell you this girl was touchy? If he crossed a line it makes little sense for him to divulge any of this.
Do you usually boss him around? He might be starting to draw his own boundries (getting tired of being bossed around). It's worth asking him without passing judgement, like letting him voice his honest frustrations/concerns without repercussions.
Granted if he isn't painfully nice like that and can easily establish boundries with you and everyone else than he at the least enjoys the attention. Though it still doesn't make sense for him to admit all he did if something happened… unless he is super, super dumb. It goes against how most normal people react when caught in a situation they feel shame about.
Sounds like there's a lot more to this. I'm guessing he might feel bossed around and is starting to lose interest in you, at least a little bit. As in, you're pushing him away by being so jealous/controlling. Or if not that, something is putting a wedge between you. There's definitely more to this than what has been stated.
Yeah I can somewhat understand mixed singles but she had flat out rejected him several times. Obviously it got muddled in the timeline of things but there were at least 4 times where he was let down easy (but definitely rejected) by her before she said enough is enough and was a little more harsh about it.
I’m mostly upset with him disregarding my advice because everything I warned him about happened exactly how I told him it would every time, and the cycle repeated for a few months.
If a woman's name ends with 'a' it means 'a'void.
Okay but did he not literally post the same crap somewhere else though? I don’t see what’s wrong with the post. The dude literally used literally right