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Not at all narcissistic, but maybe poor choice of wording on his part.
But that pales in comparison to OPs admittance that she asks things like this all the time. Also, trying to make him question himself and his values seems really strange. It’s giving me negging vibes. A far more understandable response from her could have easily been “it hurts my feelings a bit to think it has nothing to do with me.” However, I can’t see someone who constantly interrogates their partner out of insecurity having that much forethought.
He’s almost old enough to be your father… not surprised he has ED
Regardless of how positive our relationship may be, you don't think openly discussing a sexual fetish with your mother is crossing a boundary?
Tell you husband so he can beat tf out of your bil. That s assault
Seriously dont be that sad person.
He knows exactly how to play you. “Oh I feel so bad but I can’t resist you”. “Oh this must never happen again. But I’ve never felt this way before with anyone”.
And you lap it up and before long you’ve wasted a year on this cheating cunt instead of finding someone free and loyal to build a life with.
You’re his bit of fun when he’s bored in the office.
I disagree with this tell him/her, he/she has a right to know bandwagon. What will happen if you keep quiet? Nothing. Is her BIL going to shit on himself? It’s not likely he’s going to rush to spill the beans as many Redditors here suggest. What happens if she tells? Family drama, sibling estrangement, marital problems and permanent changes in relationship over a kiss. Just avoid being alone with him in future. If he comes to your house when your husband is out tell him you’re just going out. I have a feeling he won’t dare to repeat it again.
You totally misunderstood my reply. I didn’t say that he is a manipulator anywhere in my response.
I said that he will manipulate the situation. That’s very different from saying that someone is a manipulator.
You are clearly missing the point, the point being that even if a person is not and has never ever been an abuser or abusive person to you in any kind of way, that even if a person has never ever been manipulative to you at any point in their relationship with you, that even if a person has been literally the epitome of perfect in their treatment of you——Cheating on even that type of person changes everything and that idyllic, non abusive, non manipulative, non nasty person will automatically change to the total opposite of who they were and become a manipulative person, a narcissist, an abuser etc.
Cheating on a partner literally flicks a switch in their persona, virtually nobody can deal with being cheated on, people just can’t deal with it and get over it and it changes and affects everything in a relationship right down to the smallest of things and the brain and mind makes you resent them, you end up blaming them for everything that goes wrong in the relationship even if they aren’t at fault for whatever else has gone wrong, even if yo ur partner cheating on you isn’t anything to do with the problems that you are having.
Over the course of time that resentment grows and your partner goes on blaming everything on you, they remind you that you cheated, they will still bring it up months and months later and years and years later. Almost always they will cheat on you because they think they are entitled to do so to “make it fair and equal” but it doesn’t do that and it only makes things worse, the relationship then crumbles even more with no trust, no respect and drowned in insecurity.
They will be manipulative and controlling simply because they hold that over you that you cheated and they want to make you pay for you cheating but they will make you pay over and over again because it will never be enough.
If you are not prepared to see what I am saying to you here and you are not prepared to recognise that even the most perfect non abusive partner will become the total opposite of themselves then may I suggest that you do a search of this sub Reddit or better still spend a good few hours reading the posts in the other specific subreddits that deal with infidelity and cheating and look at what the thousands of others say about what happens or happened to them after they cheated on their partner and then got back with them and how they were then treated and how that worked out for all of them, read the real stories and they will all be the exact same and they will be the exact same as I am saying to you here.
You fvcked up here, yes, but you are better off learning from it and making sure that you don’t do that again in another relationship but if you continue with this relationship with a partner who you have cheated on then you are in for a whole world of pain and abuse
Man everyone here is hating on the moustache. Men can't control how their moustache appears. If it's a little thinner and patchy, so what. Let em do it. He's not a pedophile. He's not a creep. He's not a fucking 70's pornstar. Seriously has the same vibes as a guy telling a girl she has to shave her pubic hair. Let the man on-line. Actually try to like it. He's your husband.
sorry, you sound kind of crazy. most people don’t go out looking for their dream partner. They find somebody that they could be happy with.
he thinks that you could be his perfect partner as far as attractiveness goes, and you seem to agree that you’re not perfect.
I don’t understand why you care so much that he wanted you to feel good about yourself.
this is definitely a you problem not a him problem
First off, never date someone who makes you feel like you're the exception to a general hate and disrespect for your gender. It's not a compliment, it doesn't make you special. It makes them a misogynistic piece of shit who manipulates you for sex. Pay attention to how a person treats everyone in their life or daily interaction, not just how they treat you. And if you have found it funny that he trashes other women as a whole, then that doesn't say much about you either.
Secondly, this isn't a “She did X thing that annoyed me bro” or “I am super frustrated she doesn't understand Y” which are specific gripes which could exist within a healthy relationship. This is him saying he doesn't care about anything you have to say because it's worth it, he does not want you to feel joy because it annoys him, and you exactly the same as every bad thing you ever heard him say about women, and just lies to your face so he can keep getting sex. Yes, this is a huge deal.
General reminder: If you encourage men who build you up by tearing other women down, you absolutely deserve it when they do it to you.
Especially if you know your ex to be a dick it will be for the best to indeed proceed the way your boyfriend suggests. I know the white knight army will soon come here and say how it's never okay to lie, but the reality is some things are more important in life (like the good of the child) and making the child officially your boyfriend's is for the best here probably.
In a way you are kind of lucky, a lot of women have to do that kind of thing behind their partners' backs and lie to them as a result which causes very unhealthy relationship dynamic. The fact that you boyfriend is on board with this is a huge win for you, I wouldn't waste it.
I will also add that this retroactive jealousy is very illogical since she self-admitted to going out with two men before meeting you. I find it very unlikely that she was perfectly chaste with them the entire time and got to the age of 26 as a spotless virgin.
Thank god these losers didn’t have a kid.
Good luck bud, happy to help. I'll leave you with this on independence; it's important and healthy in a relationship. It should exist regardless of whether you're married or not. But like anything else, there needs to be a balance, so “hyper” independence obviously won't be feasible within the confines of a romantic relationship.
Yep. I’m 55. At 22 I was drinking doing molly etc. I came home at 24 and I had to get serious.
Yep
agreed. at 20 years old I was dating a guy who had a ocean view home in Malibu and he would clap his hands and the curtains would open. remarkable home….
I was also dating a guy who could only afford to park his car on a mountain and watch the stars with me.
who did I love more? the one who could only afford to literally chill in the dirt with me. I was so happy and grateful to be next to him doing the of simplest things.
This girl is not genuine. Her only interests are of material gain. You need to leave her now.
Focus on yourself, school, and you will meet the right girl for you soon. You will also have less stress given you will have money to actually eat.
The fact that she doesn’t care about you down to your necessities and is willing and wanting to stretch you thin and drain you dry with absolutely no empathy or consideration for you as a human being who needs to survive is absolutely wild. That’s a sociopath right there. You need to love yourself and back yourself…you can do soooooo much better and you will see that soon enough after letting her go.
He's not 10 years old and you're not his mother.
It's not a big ask, on your part.
Don't lie to her and just tell her you don't fele comfi dating someone in their teens. I didn't take this news well when I was 19 and was told this bij someone but halfway through my twenties I was so relieved!
Well idk about deserving to know since honestly that shouldn't be the reason that holds you back for so long. You deserve to move on and forget about it. I think it is a very unhealthy mindset to be still hung up over someone's, who wasn't even your bf, sexual partners.
My guy this is relationship ending. She completely screwed you over and she knows it. That’s why she pulled the “couldn’t find the right time” card. She should have told you the moment she signed a lease with her friend. Especially knowing you were already in the process of securing an apartment for the both of you.
It’s disgusting and selfish and your anger is 100% warranted. My advice: break up with her immediately and either start looking for a roommate or attempt to speak with the landlord to get out of that lease
My college boyfriend did the same thing. We were looking at apartments together and I was telling a mutual friend about it. The mutual friend turned pale and said, “But he told me we were getting an apartment together!” My boyfriend didn't know how to be truthful with either of us. It was a pattern of behavior that persisted for longer than I care to admit I tolerated. He struggled with telling people stuff they didn't want to hear – it became a huge, relationship-killing problem.
You don't need great pondering questions to ask him to get to know him. You can ask him about himself directly.
The longer you stay, the worse it'll get. The best option you have is to leave and not be the 2nd choice for someone who will always be dreaming of another man and settling for you
It isn’t:/ he just told me that I no longer have to.
Its her house
Good for you for standing up for yourself and making it clear what is acceptable and not acceptable to you.
You are subsidizing/supporting your current bf and his brother. Time to examine your priorities and finances and determine if this to your best interests to do so.
First off, he may feel this way because his depressive brain is telling him this, not because of anything you are actually doing or saying.
But it can't hurt to ask him what makes him feel appreciated or part of? It may be as simple as joining you in a task, or just having a moment when he gets home to talk for a bit about your days etc. I think it can only strengthen your relationship to both get to feel appreciated & integral, & explore what makes you feel that way. With a new baby, it is easy for partners to forget each other over the emotional work the baby requires.