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So…yeah. You've been through a lot. Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, honestly. I can understand where a friend might be concerned about HIM, because that is also a lot to ask for anyone to take on in a relationship. I'm sorry, it just is. All of that aside, it's the way she worded that to him that gets under my skin. Calling you “selfish”? Really? This is a person who understands absolutely nothing about what it is like to be depressed, much less suicidal.
My hope is that you're boyfriend hasn't replied to that comment because he is pondering the fact that his bestie just outed herself as being hella insensitive. Because ouch.
I encourage you to be brave and try leaving him.