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This must have felt awful OP. You clearly stated a boundary and he just straight-up ignored it in the worst way possible. This is not a man who is “sweet, thoughtful, and loves you so much.” This is a man who used your body for his own pleasure against your wishes. You have every right in the world to feel upset about it. You did absolutely nothing wrong in this situation.
And when you say he has “very little self control,” this isn't due to the fact he's just overwhelmed with lust that his brain turns off. This is because he doesn't care about the consequences of his actions and choses not to use that logical part of his brain. That isn't lust, that's entitlement.
What you do next is your choice. You can chose to talk to him about how you feel, or you can chose to just leave the relationship. You don't owe him an explanation. You can chose to report this crime (because legally, that's what it is. A crime) to the authorities or you can chose not to. But my advice is to never get into bed with this man ever again.
If you chose to continue this relationship, his disrespect toward you will get even more bold and mean. You really do deserve someone who respects you and respects your body, and this guy is not that.
Just get your tubes tied? Or break up. You’re only 23.
Perhaps you could try phrasing things such as in this position I barely feel your penis but in this position your penis feels really really large. If you say something like that perhaps he will understand that words hurt and he should be a little more careful on how he says something.
I mean seriously sometimes just asking the guy are you in because I can't feel you makes a huge impact.
the thing is. i am bi. he made me reassure him that i’m not attracted to women. he accused me of being interested in a coworker regardless of me telling him she’s a minor and i see her as a sister. he also sees my gay male friends as more of a threat than my lesbian best friend. he doesn’t make sense
I think what this commenter was trying to imply is that she’s following the same rhetoric that the Nazi’s had towards the jews e.g. generalising that white people aren’t a race. Hitler said the same thing about the jews, ergo, stripping them from their racial identity.
Which is what she is doing. Maybe it went over peoples heads or the commenter didn’t deliver it in the best way.
Just out of curiosity, why are you still with a woman that not only is racist but even spills her bigotry publicly?
Are the two friends aware of each other?
Dump him
Can she not just tell you what she wants?
And don't date your coworkers.
Logically, it’s the one you don’t want to hear; “I can’t be in this marriage if you don’t put in an equal effort.”
To back up, I’m a guy and I’m happily married with a toddler and one on the way. I tell you this so that you understand I’m not here being negative for the sake of being negative. I love love and I wish you nothing but the absolute best.
But I give advice on here because I’ve been through it all and learned from it. I obviously just said all is good on my end, but if my wife decided to just stop being a partner, I talked to her about it and nothing changed? I’d be talking to a lawyer.
No one wants divorce. Even moreso when children are involved. But at the end of the day, you’re 25 years old. You have a lot of life left to live!. Is this how you want to online it?
NTA. Write back one time and just explode on him about how much you despise him and that you will never forgive or forget what he did to you. Tell him the biggest regret in your life is that at age 13, you did not go to the police or cps about what he had done do you. And if the scars look really bad, send a snap trying to really highlight the ugliness of them. At the end of the email comment that he and wifey should not contact you again, and that you are blocking him for good measure. I guarantee that he has underplayed what he did to you, to both wife and therapist. He does not deserve to have your forgiveness.
You saved your own life. Well done!!
This does not seem to be an intelligent woman. Save yourself further heartache and headache and find someone more aligned with your own values, goals, and experiences.
Regardless of whether or not you end the pregnancy, you need to end the relationship
Stop!
In your other post you said “penises are more causal”… what the hell does that even mean? That vaginas are bougie?
You have some weird ideas and everyone you ask (on reddit, your therapist, your parents and sister) is trying to tell you that, but you won't hear it.
Sounds like you’ve been her free meal ticket for two years lol
Your first priority should be figuring out how you feel about things and whether you want to invest “relationship energy” into somebody you have been on one date with. Your (meaning your and his) could not be worse, and it seems like neither of you need the pressure of your own fledgling relationship weighing on things right now.
No says the health teacher with a masters in education and school health. Being stupid about safe sex is a common thing with the uneducated. I don’t feel sorry for her bc the fact she has unprotected sex and then wants to flip out for the fact he didn’t pull out is the dumb part.
“Alcohol is not an excuse” but you mentioned being drunk/intoxicated 4 times before you said it.
Going to take a lot of work on your part to fix this and don't be shocked when your fiance doesn't trust you to go out drinking for a while.
My advice: Accept that your daughter doesn't want you in her life and never attempt contacting her again. That is your consequence of telling her you wished she was never born. You got your wish and will live! the rest of your life without her.
He flat out shook his head. Lol.
If someone says something is true about you for a year and you don’t correct them, it’s lying.
If the genders were swapped this would be a huge deal and the man would be called a rapist by some if he slept with a partner he lied about his sexual history to.
No you read and interpret everything perfectly.
I think the better question is…..why are you ok hanging out with this person when you know how he is?
Your bf was standing up for someone who can’t stand up for herself. He sounds like the kind of man I’d want in my life.
Hair absolutely does grow on the lips and even parts of the inner lips on some people.
I’m guessing you’ve never said no to a guy who you didn’t even show interest in or have a conversation with but somehow he feels entitled to you right? My worst story is this:
I’m minding my business walking to my bf’s job to have lunch with him. I’m waiting to cross the street and this guy slow down at a traffic stop. We make eye contact and I smiled at him as a thank you, this motherfucker did a whole u turn and started following me. He was yelling out the window for me to get in the car. Yelling crass, disrespectful shit at me. I told him to go away multiple times. He tried to block the other cross street when I tried to switch sides to get away. I was sweating, panicked and running down the street. He took out a stack of cash, still not sure what’s up with that and was trying to get me to come talk to him for $300
When I finally got to my bf’s job, his coworkers were outside and had to run after this guy. That’s the only reason he left.
Fuck you for saying all women have to do is say no. Sometimes you mean nothing to a man but a possession and I could have been seriously hurt that day if not for those guys. I also had the pleasure of my bf’s boss telling me ‘it’s cause you’re so cute’ fucking yay. I hated that dude from that day on. What a pos thing to say to a woman, acting like it’s supposed to make me feel better and that I’m to blame for what just happened to me.
I was so panicked I didn’t even get his license plate to report it to the police.
I’ve gone through something similar and yes by bf was cheating
Haha wait did I know you two worked together? Yeah definitely shut that shit down and save the text thread you have of you expressing your disinterest just in case he tries to get inappropriate at work again and you need to go to HR.
This is one of the more bizarre patterns of behavior I’ve seen. 99% of me is so glad and impressed by the way you handled this and there’s the selfish 1% of me wants to know what he’s hiding haha. Only two things that come to mind are like an STD or a smaller penis or something. Typically when people are being deceitful in this arena, they’re trying to deceive their way into your pants, not out of them. I don’t understand what he’s gaining here except a waste of time and baseline attention.
I wouldn’t say you’re low on his priority list, it’s just that the only thing on his priority list is himself. He just seems like a liar and a weirdo to me. I doubt he even had a friend in town, prob just another weird excuse. Either way, make sure you keep your boundary established otherwise he won’t respect it down the road. You did such a great job here and should be proud.
Screw this guy.
You set up your boundary, and he broke it. Now it’s up to you to enforce that boundary. If there’s no consequences to his actions, it’s bound to repeat itself. How long can you reasonably put parental locks on his phone, and how long until his “addiction” takes over and he finds a work-around?
I’d say if he really wants to work things out then he needs to go to therapy and you should both go to couples counseling. And you need to work out a system such that this will NEVER happen again and you can periodically make sure of that.
If all else fails, start getting your things together and get a divorce lawyer.
He is not unhappy about the amount of sex but wants better sex. It that what he means? My advice is to ask him if he wants oral or anal sex. If I was in your position I would get sexy dice, handcuffs and sex toys.
I feel better about it, in that case. I literally have nobody in my life to talk about this stuff with, so I really appreciate your feedback
This, 100,000%.
So he wants you be his mom/ATM/blow up doll.
If he tries to talk to you again, ask him how his wife is. He'll get the message.
You can't fix someone that doesn't want the help.
It sounds like he is breaking up with you the cowardly way
You don’t owe him anything. If you don’t want to do it, you don’t want to do it. If your not ok with him sleeping with other people, then it’s cheating and up to you to decide where to go from there
Oh, dude. My preferred love language (for showing and receiving) is acts of service and I think she’s entitled af. It would be one thing if she did favors in return, but she straight-up wants a butler boyfriend.
It’s about give and take. You’re young as hell, leave her and give your favors to someone who appreciates them, not expects them.
You're right — I know she would prefer I tell her the truth now. Would save us both the trouble. I'd love for her to attend the party as a friend but that's probably not going to happen 🙁
Wow that’s disgusting. So he’s a creep. So he likes to trap younger women propose and try trap them in marriage. You’re history repeating itself.
Also someone made a comment about when you have teenage daughters and their friends which is think is absolutely on the money.
I would run from this relationship.
I somewhat agree with the other person who commented.
Additionally, why do u have to be the one who moves? That seems a bit unfair in my eyes.
Well, if she says her ultimatum is that you have to move to her this year, that sounds like an issue in itself.
Man, this generation is fucked. Impatient and always in constant need of attention and instant gratification. I'm probably too old to help on issues like that. For older people like me, this is such a non issue to create a fuss over one way or another. I can see this through my daughter as well who is almost 3. We fucked up by letting her watch youtube. Her attention span and patience level is shattered by all this media and tech. Feel sorry for the next gen.
You'd be an idiot to stay with this man.
same, but it sounds like there's a lot more going on here
You're too old for this dude. Walk away.
Yessir.
So you are a pedo too? Please go and get sterilised so you don't have any children, as you are not a safe person.
Let sleeping dogs like. Yes you miss him, but that's a reason to re open a can of worms. Like, if your reason to say hello to an ex who was abusive to you, then don't. It might hurt you more than the feeling of missing him.
What you're going through is understandable. You're allowed to grieve a relationship you once had, even if it hurt you.
Enjoy being single for now. Find time to heal.
If she betrayed you big before you got married, then unfortunately, she has not “turned into a completely different person.” She’s been this way the whole time, you just settled because you thought it would be better to settle than to be alone. Well, lessened learned. Get out of there and do better next time.
Thank you so much. I am less bothered about him but really gutted by her, I really thought she had my back but to be honest I now see in retrospect that I’ve bent over backwards for her for years and there was very little reciprocation. I just don’t want any drama and would rather never see them again. Thank you for your kindness.
Eh I was a nightmare person in my 20s but in my late 30s I know how fucked up and toxic that shit is. She’s still very young. Also giving someone else trust issues is not how you deal with your own. That’s a stupid excuse for shitty behavior.
I had one dirtbag on shrooms hit on my gf in my own apartment when i was in my early 20's. He wasn't a close friend, but close enough to know better. Not sure if it was horniness, loneliness, or what. Didn't matter, he got to take a nice long walk home on shrooms.
My wife on the other hand… did them ONCE with me, and wouldn't lift her head off the bed (face down) the entire time. She was a wreck – last time for her, lol
Wake the fuck up and break up with him.
1 & 2 are not mutually exclusive
There is a bad rep for “video game” bfs that floats around for women. Some women really are against it, blame it for failed relationships, and lazy significant others. If it’s something she has an issue with, you should talk to her but I bet something else is going on with her, im or she’s hung up on the stereotype. Either way, ask her about that don’t just hide away.
I personally have no issues with video games, but I play them myself as a woman and my husband does too. Sure it is annoying when he is deep in a game and not paying attention to me/chores but also.. I’ve been there so I get it.
Any ways! Chat with her. Good luck!
That guys weird
It sounds like you would be WAY better off without her.
Would he though? Post history is all NFTs and foot fetish pics. The leaching gf is just one more in a string of bad decisions.
Sounds like she's for the Streets!!
I see the comment was deleted. Was someone actually trying to blame mental health on her sister being a skank?
Yeah I can see that, I normally wouldn't pick a lover that wasn't also interesting as a friend. That said I find sexual attraction hot to deal with if I can't act on it, like I can't be cool around someone I'm into.
Good luck with that :/ you sound like a nice person, you will meet way healthier people
You need to take this as a lesson to stop making that mistake. Give it some time, and reach out to her again.
It strikes me as weird that the work friend who organized it said you can't come (assuming that's true). I work in a professional environment and in 15 years my husband has been to only a handful of events. We have never excluded spouses from after work socials but usually the drinks are spontaneous, most commute to work and have kids and so logisticslly rarely do spouses come. Generally not too strange except for the comment that he is specifically excluded from a larger pre-planned after work social function for his wife.
Something in this situation seems off.
Being able to charge someone with knowingly spreading an STD is only possible in certain jurisdictions and even in those generally applies only to things like HIV. The laws for this are all over the place and specific. Laws are not universal and you don't know where OP lives. Just don't make replies like this.
Being able to charge someone with knowingly spreading an STD is only possible in certain jurisdictions and even in those generally applies only to things like HIV. The laws for this are all over the place and specific. Laws are not universal and you don't know where OP lives. Just don't make replies like this.
That’s what I want to believe, especially since he had the opportunity to pick it up Wednesday before he checked in and didn’t. Just still worried that maybe he’s trying to create a fallback/have some substances “just in case” for when he gets out, which is obviously not a sobriety forward mindset
Tell her to go find that better someone
How would he find out, later down the line? Don't tell anyone, don't tell him, and he will never know. It's your private medical information. And, please, get some better birth control.
You're never really ready to have a child. If he seems a decent human being you should consider keeping it