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It’s totally fine for a woman to be a SAH parent. The problem is when her partner (normally male) is pushing for it and it’s not really what she wants to do but she gets bullied into it. That seems to be a precursor to worse behavior.
Yeah you absolutely have to support your partner on this one. You can celebrate christmas without your bfs family. If having a lot of people involved is important to you then
ask around your friends, there is probably someone holding a Strays And Orphans christmas
ask your local charities and volunteer for the day at a soup kitchen christmas meal or similar
Going forward into 2023 I think you need to shelve your expectations his family will help and just get on with your lives as best you can.
Trying to change a Golden Child dynamic in adulthood is almost impossible and takes a lot of time and energy that would be better spent on living.
People are giving you advice and you are not taking it, so I'll just sum up as you don't seem to be getting it.
What you need to do is realise that you are repeatedly manipulating someone you claim to love to fulfill your own needs. Young girlfriend isn't with you and may be a lesbian, you talk her into dating you while YOURE in a position of power. Again, when she's older she wants to leave, you manipulate her again without a second thought.
You do have not ever thought of what Amy might want. You know what you want, which is a younger woman. But if you truly cared about Amy you'd let her go without talking to her, without begging her, without manipulation. If she wants to explore these feelings let her. If she loves you, she'll come back.
You are essentially keeping her captive with emotional manipulation which is all she's known since she was barely out of childhood. Do you even love her? Do you even care how she feels?
You come off like a complete dick in this story, which is incredible, because you ARE writing it. Listen to everyone's advice, let Amy go, reflect on why you feel you need to cage those you love up and for the love of god get therapy.
if he’s watching porn but not contacting the models is it not the same thing? i don’t care if my partner has nakey models on his instagram because at the end of the day they’re coming home to me.
Then you don’t have the answers Salty. I’m happy that you value yourself but it’s not the same.
Sorry you go through this … his behavior showing that he’s about sex only not even wants to be friends with you .. you started to develop attachment to him but seems he’s not interested…. You’ll get your power back , try to meditate, hang with family … it’s hard at the beginning but you’ll get that power one day.
You're leaving info out.
Cheating on you is an AH thing to do, leaving his scummy a** there is the smart thing. His other gf can go to the hospital and be worried about him. You saw the evidence of cheating and you still want to be with him? Have some self respect.
This ^ if they did it once they’ll do it again
Hey I appreciate the response and the interaction. All the best
You didn't do anything wrong. You set boundaries and communicated clearly. If someone has a problem with that they're a POS (imo). He was just looking to have sex, he didn't want a relationship and you're better off without him. Be careful of who you share yourself with ❤️
But he never sees her or meets her bur hooksup with other women?
Sounds like his bike is more important.
He is 34, he isn't changing!
Ewwww did u ask for all the details. The past is the past.
Also, can we discuss the irony that all the guys here freaking out about “you're not allowed to have boundaries about someone else's body” are the same ones who probably would not have a relationship with an ex porn actress for the same reason. I'd argue that's worse, because that person has stopped doing that in this scenario, where it's not like OP is asking for a partner who's never SEEN porn, just one who isn't watching it now and won't in the future.
Porn is inarguably bad. There are numerous studies outlining this. Masturbation? Totally good (in moderation). She's within her rights to want a partner who doesn't actively watch porn just like she's within her rights to want a partner who doesn't drink.
Illegal=bad, not good, punishable, retaliated against in this case. It doesn’t mean literally illegal.
Is it wrong that he can be so loving and affectionate and I'm still fixating on these issues and not trying to fix them? Honestly I'm so enervated that I've mentally decided against being with him, but sometimes I really question my own decision and thought process.
You're telling us exactly who this is. Almost compulsively. That means everything you did will be told to them. You're not protecting yourself at ALL. AT. ALL.
So, you're asking to him to stop doing a natural bodily function?
I mean honestly yes if you're looking for something serious. If it's just casual and both adults are aware of that then no not such a huge deal. Im not a casual dater. I make it clear from the get go I want no children and if the person I'm seeing does, boom, we are incompatible. If someone is dead set on biological children and they meet someone who can't have biological children (man or woman whatever) or they don't want biological children, boom incompatible. Best to get it out of the way sooner rather than later if you're only looking for a serious relationship
“We can still be friends” means that if you bump into them in public you don’t have to run the other way.
To be clear, she overshared a bit, but in a way where more information would make it fine and less information would make it fine.
It is a human thing, not a woman thing. But if you want to know why women might be more susceptible, then it's time to start unpacking the reality of fractured support networks as well as the effect of an entire gender largely being raised to see
My wife would hang me from the gallows if I let one of her friends take hard photos of me. I know that with certainty
You don't have to give a big complex reason. You can simply say, “This relationship isn't working for me anymore. I'm going to concentrate on working on myself and my goals. It would be best if we stop seeing each other and communicating.” You can do this via text.
Some people think you “owe” the person a face-to-face, but you honestly don't. It's kinder to be brief and direct and say exactly what you want.
Don't negotiate a break up. You are calling the shots. Don't be talked into a “temporary” break, or “staying friends” or “keeping in touch.”
Make it a clean, sharp, permanent breakup.
Sorry to hear that happened, but I think you handled it really well! This is great practice for having tough conversations in the future, and you did a great job!!
What does the credit card have to do with a bank account?
You get your own bank accounts and hand each other your portions of bills. That includes him paying back debt you took on for him.
Sounds like your fiancé was barely tolerating you smoking in the first place and was relying on it being out of sight out of mind until you brought it into your shared living space. If you want the relationship to work out you're probably going to have to quit smoking for good and give her solid proof to boot.
He acknowledged that it might be a better idea if his mom got other tenants and he got his own 1 bedroom. He said I was right where it makes more sense, and said he’s going to consider all his options over the next week as nothing is set in stone yet. But he did fully validate me, wasn’t angry about it.
But then he also said that this is a really nice area, great amenities, and that we should be “working together as a partnership.” To make this work as it’s a really nice environment for me, and it would get me out of my parents house, etc. I feel that was manipulative of him to say. And then I told him that the environment doesn’t matter to me that much, I feel fulfilled right now just living with my parents. And then he said something along the lines of that the reason why men make more money is because they are always trying to elevate in life, and then went on something about testosterone levels and how women lack that.
I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt but my gut is telling me something else.
You gave him the ultimatum, if he goes it's over,
Tell him he can either wait until you are available for time off work or can not go at all not with her at least.
He can reassure you all the online long day but I don't think it's appropriate they will all be drinking and sometimes things happen especially when your drunk and this women sounds like she would be persistent ?
You told him how you feel so now you give him a time line. Basically.
'I'm giving you till the end of the week to decide what's more important cancel the holiday or go an be single.
I don't want to hear you won't cheat, it means nothing to me when there a women who has no respect for me or our relationship is is going to be spending X amount of time with you drunk. So it's your choice now go and be single or stay and we figure out going away at a more consistent time for me too. I'll give you until end of week to decide and I will not be in contact with you until then. Its on you'
Then stick to it, you can't say things and not follow through otherwise he would just not care. If he says he still going simply end the relationship on the spot. 'OK then we are done' and block him
Maybe that would give him the insensitive to think ok I won't go she expressed her concern and its not worth losing her over.
Hmmm, it's almost like maybe she's not quite capable of a mature relationship just yet. Almost like maybe she's a teenager doing fairly typical teenage things. Just food for thought.
Just move on, she’s just jerkin u around, it’s honestly the worst excuse I’ve ever heard
You did the right thing and you explained this very well. No room for interpretation.
I can understand a partner feeling bad about crossing a line they didn't realize. I know I would but I'm glad he was open to hearing you.
I think your suggestions are great. You could even have a visible queue that you are open to being touched, like a specific piece of jewelry. You put that on and he know that means you are open to being touched without further requests from him.
Either option you use is great.
I do want to say, if he is still making this about him being rejected, that's not a good look. I can understand feeling that way when being told but then working through it logically.
Talk with him again and ask if he understands this is just a boundary you need to feel secure. If he does, great. If he is still on the “you rejected him” thought train, that would give me a not so good feeling. This isn't really about him, it's about what you need. He can either respect it and do what you've asked going forward. Or, he can make it about himself.
Fuck. I’d start watching 90 Day Fiancé again if you all were part of the cast. Fantastic. Just imagine: woman upends life and moves from a different country just to find that her husband has the personal hygiene of a 3 month old baby who regularly blows through his diaper. Fantastic.
There is no way to approach Shit Chunks McGee gently. This grown man is broken. He doesn’t feel the chunks of shit accumulating? Doesn’t feel shit smearing all over his skin? ITS LEAKING THROUGH HIS FUCKING PANTS!? At least a newborn cries when covered in shit. Your husband cries out for sex whilst covered in feces.