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I’m glad you are able to feel a little better, sometimes you just need to have your feelings validated even if it is from a stranger live!!
In regards to the letter writing it’s purpose is partially to communicate with him and partially to help you sort out your anxiety and fears. Writing it all down and then taking the time to reread it later helps your brain start to seperate fact from trauma. You might see that something you’ve written is an overreaction or could be interpreted differently, or go the opposite and help you confirm that you aren’t crazy and your feelings are right.
Anxiety and trauma can warp your perception of other peoples actions and words, so writing things down in the moment and then leaving it and coming back later to analyse and reassess is a healthy way to deal with it.
Look into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – I think it would be very beneficial based on how you’ve described your overwhelming feelings and thoughts.
The earlier you can break these patterns the better your life will get xxx