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Ask yourself when you're cooling down: do I have to be right, or can I compromise? There are times to stand up for yourself and others where making the peace is smart.
With my spouse, it's easier to listen then discuss then try to be right.
Shes cheating mate no strippers given out her number unless shes interested or spending her own money getting customer drinks it goes the other way. Get a paternity test done also if you can get her phone you can recover most of the messages where you will find stuff. Her looking through your phone was her projecting her own guilt onto you and the way she grabbed the phone speaks volumes trust your gut
Don’t try to act like the sexual orientation/preference doesn’t matter. The boundaries are certainly different.
Ok, let’s use this logic then. I’m bisexual. Does this mean any intimate friendship I have with anyone, wherein I may ask them things I don’t ask my spouse (prob cause we live! together and I know if they’ve eaten), is emotional cheating and/or not ok?
What I would say if I were in your shoes is:
There are 2 possibilities here.
1 – You are going on this trip with your ex FWB that I wasn't invited. You are hurting me and doubling down that my feelings don't matter. Even though you don't intend to cheat, this lack of empathy with me shows that you don't really care about me and we shouldn't be together.
2 – You are travelling intending to cheat, so we shouldn't be together.
Either way, you going is the end of the relationship.
Ignore it. It is in your past, moved towards the future with your new husband.
So rude for no reason
We just have a different opinion on how to move forward
Yes, but his opinion is colored by the abusive situation he grew up with and frankly it can't be trusted now.
Your kids should never be left alone with her and she is clearly unwell, and your husband's advice of “letting it go” is a non-starter because it's not like anything has changed and she's gonna stop being belligerent and angry at them.
You will need to be understanding of him while also firm that she needs to go; your children deserve to live! in a home where they aren't walking on eggshells over grandma losing her shit about some damn box mix.
Does she call it rape because she regrets it after the fact? I cant imagine her going to hang with the same people if her previous rapists are still there. Obviously those people know shes easy and comes back afterwards too. Sorry for your loss and congrats on your future break up, its not healthy to stress over someone who doesnt care about themselves
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By screwing around with super young girls who are afraid to say no.
Match his energy
I suppose it is, I just really want to feel like I am attractive. I really haven’t felt attractive at all for most of my life, and have never really believed I could be desired. Only recently did I really focus on improving myself. I just think that people being receptive towards going on dates with me would help me change my outlook on being unattractive. But then again I’m worried that it would only lower my self esteem once I find out what dating is really like.
I think it’s more of being inexperienced in relation to her. She tells me of all the wild things she did before, and it makes me feel insecure since I haven’t got to do most of them. Like she talks about the thrill of hooking up and making out with people, but I’ve only ever kissed her. It just makes me feel like I’m missing out. She didn’t taking me being a virgin well either when I told her, so it definitely affected how I felt about the matter.
Just reading thru your comments makes me a little sad. I hope you take the suggestion of dbt. It’s really helpful. Fwiw BPD is a,so a common comorbid or misdiagnosis for autism, it was for me. Either way, you sound a lot like I did at your age. I look back and I’m sad about the things I put up with before I did a lot of work on me. Please consider a dbt course. It will help you with a lot of this kind of reality checking.
“I’m not saying all men must be instantly turned on by that and ready for sex. but you’ll find plenty more men that will be turned on by a woman standing in front of them topless than you will find women turned on by a man with his dick out.”
Did I say all men are turned on by that? My only point is that this was almost certainly the idea behind the wife standing there topless…to turn him on.
I’m extremely toxic for what exactly? I’d actually love to know because that’s a heavy handed accusation.
Um, you dump her man. She’s gone for a few weeks and she completely changed her personality. It’s a tough situation but you’re still very young. You have no kids with her, count your blessings she didn’t do this after kids. Hell, run now before she has your kid.
yeah not many people are talking about that age difference.. i wanna know more about the husband tbh
Something felt off. I found evidence of the cheating. Haven’t told him I know and probably won’t until I’m physically leaving as I don’t know how he will react.
What a weird thing to do, man. And you were trying to enjoy yourself at the spa while she kept crying? Like… what? Fucking take her home, jackass. Are the other problems in your relationship related to controlling behavior, jealousy, or anger? Or do you have problems with empathy? Real sus vibes.
She was overwhelmed because it was a weird fucking thing to do, felt controlling and infantilizing, but she knew you’d get angry if she didn’t properly appreciate your self-serving “romantic” gesture. I wouldn’t be shocked if part of what was upsetting her but what she wasn’t ready to voice was that she doesn’t want to be with someone who does shit like this and makes her feel this way.
And now you come to Reddit expecting… what? Everyone to congratulate you for being such a great guy to such a hysterical ingrate? That part crosses over to straight up Dennis vibes.
I wouldn’t sell my house !!!
Yep just another in a long line of embarrassing stories but the more embaressing stories always seem to be me getting outed in funny ways. Its a curse.
Dad became someone I could talk to about my sexuality and go to with problems regarding it but the way he found out wasnt pretty. He was looking for batteries one day and knew i had some, went into my room to look in one of the draws. One of the draws was full of sex toys. Im talking dildos, vibrators, buttplugs, hand cuffs, whips and all sorts of nasty stuff you dont want your dad seeing. The way he let me know he found out… he walked passed me in the hallway and said “the black one in your bottom draw is a little to big dont you think” and kept walking. I could not look the man in the eyes the rest of the day and he had a stupid smirk the rest of the day.
You wanted to fuck around, and now you've found out. Congrats.
You're literally using someone for selfish reasons, this is not love, not even close. You are wasting her time, she could find someone who actually loves her instead of lying to her like this.
From what I saw, as long as he isn’t present on the lease, he is a boarder, not a tenant, which means he isn’t entitled to the 30 day notice. Def ask r/legaladvice though and include your state.
Its insane until you meet someone who this happened to. Happy marriage trusted their spouse had no reason to believe they were cheating. Turns out 23 and me doesnt lie.
Shit my cousin just learned that her dad wasnt her real dad. Shes in her 30s now and just learning that her mother has lied to her and her “father” her entire life about who her father was.
It happens and when it does its almost always someone who never had a reason to suspect otherwise.
NEVER SIGN A BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITHOUT A PATERNITY TEST.
Its insane until you meet someone who this happened to. Happy marriage trusted their spouse had no reason to believe they were cheating. Turns out 23 and me doesnt lie.
Shit my cousin just learned that her dad wasnt her real dad. Shes in her 30s now and just learning that her mother has lied to her and her “father” her entire life about who her father was.
It happens and when it does its almost always someone who never had a reason to suspect otherwise.
NEVER SIGN A BIRTH CERTIFICATE WITHOUT A PATERNITY TEST.
You're getting downvoted because you forgot the /s
Shady ngl
It would have been a reason to break up IF you didn't say what you said. But this is definitely on you. You literally got what you asked for.
Thank you for the honest opinion. I haven't gave it much thought about luck running out.
I’m a woman and I’m struggling to see what you did wrong… it’s important that she understand that she isn’t invincible and needs to take the proper precautions as a woman walking late at night. Now she knows. Confidence is good to have but she was borderline delusion on her physical ability to fight off male attackers. She’s probably just coming to terms with that
“boy bye”
this is like a red flag bundle; you need to roll. he’s not it.
No. No, no, no. It isn’t appropriate. The only way he should go on a trip with her is if you go, too. Tell him that it’s inappropriate, that you’re uncomfortable, and him going on trips with women he isn’t related or married to is a nude no. It would be a hard no even if you weren’t pregnant. Nothing about this is normal or ok.
And then there are the alarming things well within the realm of possibility- that he’s having an emotional affair and is looking to turn it physical, or that he’s already in a ldr relationship with this woman and she has no idea you exist. I hope very much that these things aren’t what’s going on, but it’s entirely possible.
Just. Say. No.
Oh man, its nude. I tried sitting down and talking to her, she always says she will improve but its a cycle.
Ok. So do you want to be sexually unsatisfied for the rest of your life or not? It really just comes down to that. It is your decision to make.
Like I explained in the post, I wasn’t “examining” her underwear. It’s my kink I’ve been open about from the beginning, which she participated in herself. I guess what I didn’t explain properly is that she knew what I was doing the whole time. Finally, as I said, the last time was by happen stance because I was doing laundry. I see what you’re saying tho, and it would be valid if that were the case.
He didn’t make plans before I did. We actually made them at the same time but didn’t communicate that until later on.
Sorry but this is terrible advice – judges look VERY UNFAVOURABLY on this sort of, “I'll talk to every divorce lawyer so my ex will have no one!” vindictiveness. It is good advice to get a shark of a divorce lawyer but it's downright awful to suggest gaming the legal system. Do it by the book.
Stop asking questions you don't want the answer to. Smh.
He never said he would cancel and his friend is looking to hang. Of course they say things like that. Who cares.
I have seen messages flash on his phone but I have not read them. He is very protective of his phone. I guess what got me a little was when I saw him messaging her while we were at the airport coming home from holidays
Are you not reading what you're saying? She swore it won't ever happen again and then did it again. Are you trolling or is this a serious post?
i agree many men seek friendships with women they want to sleep with. but your view on women is extremely damaging and misogynistic. if you view women as objects and less than human (which im inferring you do based as your comparison of us to “for sale” cars), then you are no better than the men who do not respect their female friends or wives. very scary perspective. id suggest you keep your misogyny to yourself instead of pushing it onto this poor woman. good day!
I didn’t mean to talk to her, just to yourself. Weight out every possibly outcome. I do think you need therapy, I mean that respectfully. I think you need to some deep soul searching before you get into another relationship.