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Interesting.
It sounds like one wasn't your fault. This other one was, though.
I don't know your brain, but I can see there being some degree of validation from having someone cheat to be with you. Like, “I'm so great, he cheated on his partner for me!” Obviously that's HORRIFICALLY unhealthy, but it could be there.
I would also suggest that you ease back on “desperate to get any man to sleep with me.” Try fostering more low-key relationships, build the bedrock. Hookup if it comes to it, but if you're coming on REALLY very hot, every time, you're almost certainly going to end up with sketchy or unreliable dudes a lot.
It sounds like you found something on your fiancé's phone that has made you uncomfortable and concerned. It's important to remember that you have the right to ask your partner about anything that concerns you, and that you should trust your instincts if something doesn't feel right.
It can be difficult to bring up sensitive topics like this, but one way to approach it is to start by expressing your feelings. For example, you could say something like, “I found a video on your phone and it made me feel really uncomfortable. Can we talk about it?” By expressing your feelings and asking to have a conversation, you're giving your fiancé the opportunity to explain and address your concerns.
It's also important to remember that it's okay to set boundaries in a relationship. If your fiancé's behavior has made you uncomfortable or concerned, it's okay to tell him that and to let him know what you need in order to feel safe and respected.
It's also a good idea to have support in situations like this. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your fiancé about it, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor for advice and support.
WD-40 the hinges and put the toilet lid down instead of flushing? I’m sure that’s less disgusting than peeing in a bottle? You can flush when you wake up!
convince her that her therqpist is the person tat she coulf trust for this kind of situation.
now, realise you have a bomb ticking at your feet. your brother WILL know and tis will justify that he stays far away from the start. you are already at a family therapy level, here. violence is not exclude.
You tell him to stop being a hypocritical hypocrite and either accept you exactly as you are or stop wasting your time with his nonsense. Tell him you absolutely will not stand for him judging and berating you for your past, especially when he has a past as well.
It's show you that no matter how you comply to keep your bf happy Just one mistake and they are never forgiving
All your commitment to relationship gone down the drain
You are lucky that this relationship has ended
He is control freak who calls the shot
You want to spend with someone who makes you happy and had tolerance with ability to grow to tour potential. In this relationship you were walking on knife edge that creates anxiety and mental health problem
Br grateful you been release from prison rather than from loving relationship
If someone tries to control learn to walk away
Because the selection of guys who wants to be your friends is almost the same selection of guys who likes you.
top 10 evil pranks?
for real though if one bizarre text is enough to erode trust then there's not a solid foundation of communication in the first place. Not that it's your fault or anything, might just be the way your bf handles communication with you that is suspect (for example it took a couple of days for him to tell you about a random message??? weird)
Men are taught their whole lives they'll never compare to a toy. Of course he thinks that.
Irreparable dmg has been done. U might as well break up now.
I posted this further down in the thread, but feel like it might be seen by a less niche group here:
It is being used almost interchangeably here, but typically BPD is “borderline personality disorder” and BP or Bipolar is “Bipolar Disorder”
They are not the same thing like at all, but they can result in similar hurt feelings to the people who love them I guess—which is why very few people seem interested in clarifying which one they’re referring to.
The difference, VERY simplistically:
Bipolar is a mood disorder. The individual experiences very high highs (which are often accompanied by reckless behavior, big ideas, delusions of grandeur, etc) and very low lows (these lows are the reason people with BP are often misdiagnosed as simply having depression—can’t move out of bed, becoming incapable of taking care of oneself, low enough sometimes to feel a physical pain, and so on)
BPD is a personality disorder. There are theories as to why/how this develops, but basically the individual struggles with maintaining relationships due to several factors—big mood swings or just difficulty managing emotions, overall distrust of other people, self-harm (in many forms), etc.
OP, this is exactly how my last relationship was. My partner went from not being able to keep his hands off of me and giving me as many orgasms as he possibly could to sex at most once a week, usually with little foreplay. Suddenly sex was a chore. It didn’t matter if I offered to do all the work, if I was going to focus on him then he’d just prefer a blow job. I gave him two blowjobs on his birthday because he “didn’t want to shower” if we had sex. When I brought up the difference, he at first said he was just satisfied sexually, then changed it to feeling pressured. I told him repeatedly that I didn’t feel any pressure for him to perform, but he started saying that me requesting multiple orgasms (something he used to insist on, and something that became easy for me as a result) meant I was never satisfied with him. Everything made him feel pressured: any cleavage, short dresses or skirts, nudes (which I used to send randomly because he said they made his day), even making a joke about anything sex-related.
He broke up with me a few months later because he had decided “we weren’t compatible long-term,” whatever that means. Sometimes pulling away sexually is a sign something else is wrong. I also think the pressure your partner says you’re putting on him is a result of pressure he feels inside his own head. My ex had many prior partners who weren’t sexually satisfied, which was why he would make me orgasm to absurd amounts, but also was why he decided me having a need for regular sex was “pressure” and not a normal part of a relationship.
I say this all to tell you that 1) you aren’t alone in this, and 2) there is likely something larger going on in his head that he isn’t communicating or even aware of.
I mean, she'd be of legal age in Europe in one year when she's 18, and when she turns 20 you'll be 27 which isn't bad at all, if you two clicked and you know your intentions aren't weird then go for it.
You sound really young. Don’t put up with nonsense. There are tons of people out there and you have loads of time. You will find someone who is sure about you.
Yes, it is incredibly sad that OP's partner is not there to support her emotionally when she needs it and keeps dumping all his emotions on her, when she also needs support.
Instead, OP can't even be driven to the hospital because the man is crying. Again.
Make a fake email. Tie you fake facebook or twitter to that fake email. Use fake information for everything. Do it from a different computer (library or something). It's not like the FBI is going to look for the informer in this case. They are private persons and neither is lkely a hacker.
Absolutely, I agree with you 100%. I echoed the venting sentiment as well. I am treading as light as possible and we will see what more comes to light, if anything. Like I said in my update, I am taking everything with a grain of salt.
I’m sorry this is happening to you, I’d feel quite disappointed and hurt as well.
I am in a similar situation, though our age gap is more severe. I am 23 and my boyfriend is 71. We got together at the beginning of the year, clicked immediately, and things progressed relatively quickly from there. We had been together approximately ~4 months when an extended relative of his had a wedding. He invited me to come and I did. As you might imagine, the sight of us two together (obviously as a couple) was relatively shocking. That being said, my boyfriend was proud to introduce me to his entire family and everyone subsequently treated me with respect. He boasted about my accomplishments and made an effort to establish common ground between his family members and I to lessen the awkwardness associated with my age. I expected that people would be uninterested in me or chalk me up as being some floozy, but I was pleasantly surprised at the welcome reception I received. I think a lot of that had to do with my boyfriend 1) making me his priority and not worrying about what his family thought and 2) making an effort to make everyone (not just me) feel comfortable and happy with my presence. I spent Thanksgiving home with my family and he went with one of his sons, but I attended his family’s pre-Thanksgiving event where I got to meet all of his brothers and their families. I had a wonderful time there as well. Afterwards, he showed me the texts he received from his sisters-in-law (the older women who I initially was worried would harshly judge me) where they complimented me and shared how much they enjoyed chatting with me.
I don’t say all this to rub it in your face or make you feel bad, but rather show you that his excuse is really not acceptable, regardless of his age. If he is ashamed of having you as his partner, he shouldn’t be dating young women. A relationship of this nature will obviously come with extreme judgement. I think it’s unfair to even start an age gap relationship if he knows he isn’t man enough to face the music in situations like this. Your partner should be proud of you, not ashamed of you or attempting to hide you. Not to mention the fact that he’s worried about what his mom will think of you. Wtf? He’s 61, he is (or at least should be) well past the point of being a big boy in situations like this. You deserve better and could do better, seriously.
That sounds like ZOLOFT!! They are probably retreating bc they feel like crap about what the med has turned sex into. Speaking from personal experience, when you chase that very hot to get orgasm and then finally get it, it's basically the worst orgasm you ever had. Like a non-orgasm. You don't even feel good afterwards, you just feel worse bc you are like “what's wrong with me?!?!”. Definitely need to talk to the doctor, therapist, each other. Good communication about needs and honest about side effects and how you both feel about them.
Yeah I was about to say, he definitely seems like one of those guys that don't believe good women can also be kinky. Man, O.P sure did find a ” winner ” I hope she doesn't stay with this man-child. ( Also hope the young 20 something woman will be grossed out by an old man hitting on her and reject his advances.) And sad to say, I'm guessing the next relationship for O.P would be that O.P would be less likely wanting to be adventurous. Once you get burned, you're like a feral cat unsure if those darn humans are gonna kick you while you're down or show you kindness. I know, weird analogy, but it just seems when you're burned good, you question a lot of things. I hope O.P finds a good guy.
You honestly have an obligation to tell your dad.
Just prepare yourself for him to also be mad at you for helping your mom keep her betrayal a secret.
You read the same post I did, correct?
If the ring is your mothers, then no do not give it back.
In reality, he is the gold-digger and is trying to stake claim to something that is not legally his.
I’m not sure where you on-line, but this sounds like defamation of character and you could sue both your ex and his mother in civil court, again depending where you live.
I would suggest contacting a lawyer to write them a cease and desist letter.
You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about what's going on. I have a younger sister that acts like a complete j****** most of the time. My husband used to tell me I was too very hot on her until he witnessed it 1st hand. He made the same assumptions you are making. He thought I was just being naked on her because I am older. Boy was he wrong. We went out one night and I agreed with everything she said. No corrections from me. She still yelled at me because she thought I was making fun of her. I wasn't. Sometimes younger siblings just act like AHs and it's best to go LC/NC.
I just finished reading everything now. Don’t give him your social and tbh i would take “his” car cuz it’s actually yours. lol he is a bum and you are his resource.
Tell her about your feelings now before you get married.
I recommend leaving if you so wish. But I wouldn’t recommend telling anybody why cuz all it sounds like is you complaining about your partners unfortunate mental health problems.
Just try and evaluate what’s important to you and whether it’ll matter in 2-5 yrs
Yes you need to tell her.
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I’m sorry that phrase triggered you.
Ok thanks
The child thing I disagree with, but I agree with not meddling in other people's relationships. I'm honestly ashamed of that, but it just happened. Because of my Autism I don't tend to click with women my age, which makes dating very hot. I also had a bad experience in the past with a woman, putting me in a deep depression and with a heap of trust issues, especially against women. She is the first I finally feel at ease with. I'm being very careful of potential toxicity.
Thanks for your opinion though. Appreciate it.
thank you for this.
I don't know. That's definitely a possibility!
But also, I can see being unattractive, and growing up around a gorgeous mother, could certainly cause personality problems after years and years of this.
Imagine every guy you were interested in forgetting you were there if your mom was around? Imagine everywhere you went, she got attention, compliments, and you were starved for attention, for someone to tell you that you looked nice. Imagine if your mom was so pretty she was a topic of conversation between everyone you knew on a regular basis.
If the mom was THAT attractive, and the daughter was more on the lower half of the scale, that could be awful. We hear stories here and other places all the time about kids who have huge issues when they have a sibling that is the golden child, who is better looking, more athletic, more outgoing, smarter, more successful. Why couldn't there be the same issues with a parent?
Like I said, the mom COULD be a narcissist. But it's really tough to say, nothing directly shouts that.
She was “way more mature than the other girls her age”
Sounds like perhaps a superior emotional connection and better communication with the coworker. Sometimes people marry too quickly. It’s not about looks.
Maybe you can give her some credit for talking to you and committing to a plan that ensures she won’t work with him anymore. She is human and these are natural human feelings. It sounds like she’s doing what a great wife can do in order to remedy this situation.
You’re not overreacting. He’s an asshole.
He doesn’t care about your feelings.
Find someone who treats you like you’re a human being.
Has affected your relationship yet…
Communication with your husband is a good start
Don't underestimate an arts degree! I have one in English and worked as a copy editor right out of school. Now, I write copy and coordinate projects for the digital arm of a retail company. I don't make 200K a year, but I am OK.
You might be surprised at the work from home and freelancer jobs that you are qualified for.
The point is it isn’t a random guy, it’s a guy from the gym who she kept from him, didn’t introduce to him when they were together at the same place, and still is keeping as a secret now. Regardless of how controlling he definitely is, she is still obviously cheating on him. You know as well as I if any of your friends partners lied about a friend to them and didn’t tell when they stayed at their house for 10 days you’d advise them that you think they’re cheating. If you wouldn’t, you give damn bad advice.
This relationship ending would be a blessing for both of them. He won’t get cheated on anymore, she’ll escape the toxicity.
It's funny how you think you can “fix this”.
Look, a relationship is like a vase. Sometimes, someone knocks against it a bit. But you, you smashed it. The vase fell down and broke into several pieces.
What you want to do now is put in the time and effort to glue the vase back together. And, you know, sometimes, that can work.
It needs both people to repair the vase – basically imagine it like one who holds the pieces and one who uses the glue. You cannot do this alone; without her being willing to work on it, there is no chance. And she might also decide to start working with you and then, after some time, deciding that it's not working because this is a very long, slow and tedious repair, given how much you smashed it.
But some people can do it. The cracks will still always be visible – forgiven, but not forgotten – but for some people, a glued-together vase is something they are proud of. They put in the work, they fixed it, it is their unique vase now; a shared project with a partner they might now understand even better. For some people, such a vase means they overcame issues. It's a sign of keeping something precious, even if it got smashed at one point.
But for others, there is no way to feel good about the vase, even when it's glued back together. They see the cracks and don't trust it to ever hold water again. They don't trust it to not fall apart anymore. And, above all, the cracks, always visible, never forgotten, keep reminding them of when the vase got smashed; a constant reminder of pain. Such people will never be happy with the vase again, even if they initially put in the work to fix it. They need to put that vase away and get a new one to feel the constant reminders of the past disappear and happy again.
I cannot tell you what type of person your wife is. But if she agrees to put in the work, then you two really need to work – and you especially. You need to book individual therapy to show your wife that you are working on your issues and you need to book couples counselling with her so that you two can professionally work through this utter betrayal of yours. You need also to be absolutely patient – your wife might not want to have sex with you for a very long time. She might want to sleep apart for a long time. She might want to move out for a long time. All of this are things that might happen and which you need to accept without messing up again. Think if you want to put in that work and can actually do it. If yes – then it is still her decision if she wants to put the work in, too.
Obviously I can’t summarize 6 and a half years worth of sexual exploitation into one post, but it’s been done. We used to be kinky, and not the “haha im kinky pull my hair.” More of the “slap me HARDER” and tying me up and stepping on his face, kind of kinky. I’m not going to go into too many details. But it’s been said and done. But, I want him to fuck me. And she wants him to fuck her. We have tried. For his birthday, we got ALL dressed up in lingerie, and we thought he would be alllll for it. I mean, he did, but barely. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he has to go jack rabbit, and it was his birthday, but we were willing to go all out, and it wasn’t matched. I’ve sucked his dick though, in a selfish attempt to get him in the mood to fuck me, but he just always finished (after half an hour of jaw numbing pain) and that was August 2022 (it’s currently Jan. 13, 2023).I’ve had sex with him once since then (barely). Tried to have conversations w him about it, but he’s always been too shy to talk about sex. Idk what to do anymore bc I am a VERY sexual person. I’ve bought sex toys since this post, and they’re just not enough. He’s also currently next to me (I’m on the couch, he is in the chair), and I would unleash a sexual demon I don’t even know exist, if he would just pay attention to me.
Your mom honestly doesn't sound like a good person if she still kept the friend around. If someone does something terrible without remorse and you stay friends with them, it means you're approving of their actions no matter what words you say.
This is no different than staying friends with a bigot or racist.
Ok that is q major red flag, so my only option is to sit down with her and talk about the issue at hand if she keeps denying and changes the subject, for ur safety get the fuck out of that relationship it will save u more trouble in the future oh and don't forget to record the whole thing, maybe she is keeping u for something and doesn't want anyone to know so video tape and audio tape it for ur safety if u decided to leave her Peace out ma brother and I hope u don't get in serious trouble
I'm going to kind of go against consensus here and say I get why you're upset. You had an emotional attachment and a sense of significance with this particular watch, and she took that. It's not that different to taking someone else's idea for a present for a third party, save that your gift idea was to you.
Her heart was in the right place, and she genuinely was trying to do something nice, but at the same time it will feel like she disregarded something important to you and took away a moment that you had attributed significance to, and your allowed to be disappointed in that.
Facts according to you…
Most rational folks… would not go to a club under any pretences with a SO that is ready to pop at any moment. Especially without confirmation that the SO knew where they went..
It's a huge hole in the story.
He's a pedophile. He doesn't like you now that you're a grown-up. It was inappropriate for him to date you as an adult at 17, and he's probably already looking for another underage girl.
Also, if you're still engaged after 9 years, you're never getting married. He's going to keep setting hurdles, like the weight loss, so it never actually happens.
You’re a pedo
I don't even understand why some women would sleep with married men? What was she thinking?
Porn has really messed up a lot of young people.
The list is a good idea try it out and if that doesn't work have a calm not judgemental conversation on how if this doesn't change resentment will grow from this.
So your wife suggested this open marriage out of fear or guilt, not because she genuinely wanted an open relationship. Great.
Please just go to marriage and/or individual counseling instead of trying to immediately fuck a friend and disrespecting the one boundary she set. I feel so bad for your wife
The possible deflection is concerning
Ask him if he ends up very hot and sucking his dudes' cocks at an all guys sleepover. When he looks shocked and outraged and says 'hell no', say that's what you heard goes on.
See, if it was just the kiss in a void, then sure. But OP repeatedly fended her off, and she persisted. It is clear her friend cannot control herself or accept no as an answer.
If you only talk about important stuff that lowkey sounds kinda boring
Not the fact that she attacked him?
She's 28 there both adults. Even the BRaIn DeVeLOpmeNt argument doesn't apply.
He's choosing porn over you.
Agree, I think it's clear how upsetting this would be for a child. Buy OP is an adult now, with the perspective that maturity brings, he needs to accept his parents are living the life that makes them happy.
What does your husband say about it? Honestly this doesn't seem like this should be your battle to fight and your husband should be pissed. If I was in your husband's shoes they would be spoken to and cut off if they didn't change their tune. My parents hated my ex but would have never treated our kids differently.
would you pay $15 for something you don't use or will only use 4-5 times?
Tbh it you come across as jealous, judgmental and controlling.
If you were a real friend you'd be coming at this with the perspective of 'I love you and want you to be happy, so it makes men sad when guys treat you badly. I hope you find the right guy soon.'
Not sure how who she has sex with is an issue that would damage your friendship.
He said yesterday he gets frustrated when it isn’t happening for him and the longer it goes on the more frustrated he gets. He normally doesn’t finish if we are backing up having sex the night before.
He is so so avoidant, so talking about these things make him pull away so much.
I think this should 100% be the child's decision. He's 8, that's old enough to have a sense of personal identity. Kids are already at the mercy of adults, he shouldn't be forced to have his name changed if he doesn't want to. This should be entirely his choice.
Sounds like she’s got trauma or boundaries.
Are you, when addressing doing it from a safe and open space?
Or are you doing it based on blaming and resentment?
When you do the former, it sounds like, “I feel hurt, because I feel not as prioritized”, is an example. It takes away all blame, it address your needs, and allow your partner to come towards you and not move away on a defensive mindset.
When we say, “You…”, it blames the person. It sets then to not listen, it creates the inability to have honest and open effective communication. It allows a person to shut down on you instead of wanting to talk to you.
Also you might be addressing it from a place of abandonment issues of feeling discarded in the past by ex’s.
You are afraid of being discarded again because you might feel down not feel you deserve this relationship because your past is rearing it’s ugly head, self sabotaging things very easily.
If you think these breadcrumbs leading nowhere are impeding in your progress, then block her. She doesn’t want to be with you, and she doesn’t get to drag you down with her guilt/sadness.
No, don't text her again and definitely don't contact her friend.
Explain to him that as a parent you can't drag your child through a premature marriage destined to end in divorce and confusion. Let him know that single parents have to take longer than the average two years to get to know someone because they have to clear far more variables than a non parent does. Ask him to join you in parenting classes and premarital counseling. Impress upon him that you don't have the luxury of just jumping into something and that as much as you might love him, making absolutely certain he has the capacity to be a good parent has to be the most important consideration. If after all of that he's still interested then you might have a winner.
There are a lot of innocent children in similar situations needing foster care right now. You making judgmental comments like this while leaving innocent children in that situation says a lot about your character.
Fair enough, that's why I am here. She does. It just feels suggestive and freaked me out a bit
You're right – I'm supposed to see him this weekend and talk this through some more in-person. I TRULY hope this was a one-time thing. I said to him that I never want him to ever say that to me again or this situation isn't going to work… Hopefully he's understanding
Well the proverbial between a rock and a very hot place. Honestly given the persons approach I kind of think someone is messing with you. Saying it would put their livihood at risk and that you'd know who they were seems like a tactic to avoid getting caught lying.
That being said, you could have hired a PI for a few days. Maybe look closely at the house internet activity (I can see via my internet router what people do, in general that is).
Man did you walk into the wrong room here
This should prompt further discussion not an OP execution
Holy crap very hot to be as perfect as this crowd
Not everyone is as big a fan of tattoos and piercings as others. Some people like tattoos but in moderation. He is entitled to his opinion and so are you. Hopefully it never becomes a big deal in your relationship.
He was absent at the gym. Even outside of the gym we were talking and seeing each other in person. But yes ….I’m glad u thought this. I was thinking I did something wrong
Why did you and your ex break up?
First thing I would do is get tested you can worry about everything elsse after but getting tested is most inportant. Afterwards next step should be to leave that sorry SOB
OP my bestfriend fell into this too he had a good heart and like u wanted to be a good guy. Bt u arent responsible for her and unfortunately u cant stay for her kid. She's a mother. She's rushed the relationship to get a babysitter who is also an ATM to provide while she fucked around. Don't let yourself get abused and guilted. She's done nothing to prove to u She's trustworthy or actually cares about u.
U deserve better