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It’s not a toxic relationship- this is the first serious argument we’ve ever had since being together. I’ve edited the post as it comes across misleading – she was pregnant when she was 20 before we were even together and she was under the impression I didn’t even care she was as I’d not told her how I felt about it until now.
Holy shit lady. It’s not about whether he can afford it or not. It’s about you being an ingrate. He bought you thoughtful gifts that pertain to your interests and you bitch and moan about a fuckin label maker.
You’re a bad person.
Right? That whole “for richer or poorer” bit is in the wedding vows for a reason. Maybe I'm old fashioned too but IMO marriage isn't capitalist. From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs.
Hi Op. that’s quite the situation you’re in. Normally I would say you don’t “accidentally” cheat. People who do typically are just giving in to a desire that they already had. However you mentioned your bf was incredibly drunk (doesn’t make it okay but might help go keep in mind) and on medications. It’s possible his depression mixed with meds and alcohol really made him susceptible.. but he’s still responsible for his actions. I do think he’s owed some credit for stopping it and telling you but still…
So advice? Have a long talk with him about it. I’m talking dig deep into his feelings, why he broke boundaries you had set, mention how he’s taking anti depressants but works at a bar and drinks (alcohol is a depressant and makes it worse). Figure it out and go from there
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Get married and send them photos of the wedding, with both of you flipping the bird.
You and this person don't have great communication skills. In a totally IRL relationship this can sometimes be overcome with “acts of service”. But in a LDR communication is literally everything. You apparently didn't communicate your expectations and he, not really wanting to spend NYE with you anyway, sort of “lied by omission”. Unless there's some realistic expectation that you can online in the same place in the near future you should probably start debating with yourself as to whether this arrangement is causing you more harm than good.
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Let her go so she can find her husband. If you’re not able or wiling to love her like she needs and give her that ring-LEAVE HER BE.
Ok Well does she watch porn?
You misrepresented yourself to him. You portrayed yourself as a certain person, and he fell in love with and married that person, but that was not the complete you. You hid aspects of yourself, past behaviours that reflect fundamental aspects of your character, values, perspective on life.
That's a betrayal. Even if you never cheated on *him*, you betrayed him. You denied him complete agency in choosing who to love, who to marry, by concealing aspects of yourself you knew he would find relevant to such decisions.
You need to work to re-establish trust with him, and you already stumbled majorly at the first hurdle by not acquiescing to the paternity test. Reverse that, for a start. Get the test. Then give him complete access to our phone, email etc, as a gesture of goodwill. Treat this as though you're trying to win back trust from having cheated on him, because you might as well have, with the level to which you broke his trust, manipulated and deceived him.
What have you done to work on yourself since your cheating in the past? Have you actually identified why and what it was about yourself that allowed you to do that? What have you changed about yourself to guarantee you won't do it again? Think about that. And then think about how you can express all of that to your husband, how you can convince him that you're not that person anymore, you've identified the flaws that led you down that path before, and you've done the work to ensure it can never, ever happen again.
I definitely trust him, I have zero concerns with his side. Although I will recognize he has a natural flirty personality and could accidentally say something, they both are. Thanks to everyone I know for certain I have to set some boundaries.
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Simple. Do you like to eat? Then learn to cook.
I wish this info was farther up. This is seriously messed up. Please love yourself enough to stop putting up with this bullshit.
You can not move in with him, he is showing all the signs of being abusive.
So I think having her on the phone while talking to other people is rude, not because they were women but because I'd want the person I'm on the phone with to talk to me and not other people around.
That being said, you keeping her on the phone could have helped your case that no flirting was taking place on your part since she could hear what was said.
Overall, the other comments are right – she can voice her feelings but can't forbid you from going. You have to decide how much you're willing to concede or compromise here. Could she go with you sometimes? It's perfectly ok to understand what she's saying and still not agree with it. It sounds like she needs to do a better job of communicating though. She should be able to explain why she doesn't want you to go, even if that means admitting she's got insecurities.
But OP will still support her. So it’s all good!!?
So would she been open to you travelling to her say once a month and staying where she is at, that would not constrain her travels and she would be able to share in the experience.
Are you going to be contacting her whilst she is travelling? What are her plans to keep in touch?
If she still says no, then I would consider that to be a hugely selfish choice for you to be watching her have fun whilst you sit at home and work and wait for a year or more.
I would want very defined reqirements about how your relationship would work whilst she was away, communication would be really important.
Even with all that it has the potential for you to be very resentful and that would not make for a healthy relationship.
Following your dreams is great, ignoring the partner you leave behind, not so much.
But do you know how to take no for an answer? Once should do it, twice is plenty, three times is a legal issue
Don’t tell her until you have DOCUMENTARY PROOF!!!
He will spin it against you and say you came on to him! Guess who Mia is going to believe?
Thanks for your comment. I dont see it that way, It's not like i am cheating on her, i would never do it even if i had the opportunity with her friend right now.
First off, he made a choice to date somebody else. So he’s not available anymore.Stopl dragging your mind through it anymore and focus on getting over it. Just keep going out with people and doing things socially. Maybe you won’t find somebody with a spark for a while, if that’s OK. But you have to accept that he’s made a choice already. I have a question why would you want to be with somebody that doesn’t want to be with you? All the great things you think about him that one point outweighs anything that your imaginations or experience could cover. You didn’t really go out with him long enough to know who he really was.
He is making it weird. I agree. But it wouldn't hurt for him to talk to her. Why hold it in? It is also for her safety.
Oh no, absolutely do not go to that wedding. You broke up 10 days ago and you need some time, you‘re absolutely right it would be a nightmare, putting on a brave face under those circumstances is just an ask too far. The Bride and Groom should understand because no-one rational would think this would be OK.
If you can don’t sit on this, let them know your decision (Never hurts to have a card/present ready to send!) Ex Partner too if you’re his plus one, it’ll be a huge weight off your mind. Don’t get caught up in any discussion about it just take the very best care of yourself.
I have spoken to the couple few who aren’t exceptionally close with Thomas and they understand where I am coming from and have tried to explain that to Jesse – the unfairness, inconsideration. And he’ll be receptive to them up until he tries to talk to Thomas again.
I really think that part of the reason guys like this get so controlling and possessive is because they are the kind of creep that sees women as objects and property, that gawks and gapes and goggles at women in public, so they assume every other guy in the world is doing the same thing to their “property”. It’s really, really telling about how they view women in general, along with their own partner, and it doesn’t say anything good.
Dont worry too much, youre smart.
I went to type a lot – the nude reality is if you've already tried multiple times, it might be worth it to separate.
Mental illness is very hard and we can love and care about people and still keep our own boundaries.
Id suggest maybe one last talk – have you brought up the possibility that her meds arent working and that she should talk to her doctor?
Thank you for an advice, at least I know, that I'm reasonable here, because, I was worried that it is only a big deal for me. I will talk to him about invitation again
He convinced me it was a mental health episode and he needed me.. idk its a long story. I basically feel like I owe him as his partner to stick it out.. thats neither here or there though
I think you've got a very wrong impression about me
I was always one to be single and play the field, and If I were to date it would be for marriage. He told me from the get like 3 months in he wanted to get married and had a time line and everything which I was on board with. Now nothings lined up and I feel like I got duped
and what would she have had on that trip hahahahaha in each place hahahaha
lol im not jealous of her i dont know why that appears on here lol.
okay how do i communicate and set boundaries? i may just tell her on friday that i didnt appreciate her comment about what happened today that is all.
Your language gives him hope that there’s a chance you’ll change your mind. Be 100% and say no you definitely do not want any children. Then he can move on and stop wasting his time as he obviously does.
Ok, not everyone but the vast majority of redditors here. No need to be this nitpicky.
So what you're saying is that because I provide for myself I'm not worthy of being defended?
I clearly did not say that. Take some tea, relax and reread my post. You'll see that I said: – no point in engaging with trolls online – if something happened irl, your boyfriend should stand up and protect you. Same thing in reverse, equality – if you want a traditional boyfriend, you have to be a traditional girlfriend. Same in reverse
Also i browsed through your history and if I were you I would break up with him as he's treated you badly (or at least you perceive it so) for over a year and he keeps dismissing your concerns, even serious ones.
This concern over a video game is stupid though if you're older than 12.
You did nothing wrong. Your joke was not directed at anyone else, not mean-spirited, not racist or sexist of phobic of any group. It was graphically sexual, so if you had told it in front a child, or someone's parents, or a religious figure, I could see that being on you. But you made a sex joke to someone with whom you have sex. He may find the idea of the act disgusting, he may prefer you not tell graphically sexual jokes in the future, but if you're not put on notice you can't know that
So much this one. My boyfriend has done this a few times (the giving me a gift that was more for himself than for me – not the photos thing) and it is very nude to be appreciative of such a gift. Honestly I still get angry when I talk about it because it’s quite disrespectful of your partner to do this. OP is doing something she really wanted to do (get lingerie photos of herself) and is hiding it behind it being for her husband and then getting angry that he’s not over the moon when it’s clearly not something he wants and is further dictating what he has to do with the gift.
A lotta prudes up in here. Do you, but for me, mine would be in the living or over my imaginary fire place.
Just got back. Moving next year once we sell the house. Can't possibly justify living in the US anymore.
Yeah, if I were your wife I'd be hella pissed too. Like i just learned I lost a child and then my husband faints while I'm the one with both the physical and emotional burden? I would be so annoyed that you couldn't hold it together.
BUT…. these problems are my problems. You can't control your fainting and what hairbrush at the time. And if I wanted our Redland to succeed, I would get myself help, actively work to change my mindset and work through this trauma.
If you have done everything you can to support her, be a good partner and father, and have put forth your best in this relationship, but she is still holding on, then I wonder how much she wants this to work.
Perhaps she hasn't realized she's been holding on to this for 8 years, but moving forward, she needs to make efforts to get past this.
I went to the Dominican Republic. Stayed at a resort, visited La Romana numerous times
I personally didn't feel in danger but I wouldn't say it's as safe as visiting a country in Western Europe
He cares about me too. And I think that he is talking to that other girl just to “forget” about me or get over me, because he Still has feelings for me
You weren't perfect. You weren't even dating him. You were dating the imaginary, decent, version of him that he was pretending to be.
I understand your reasoning why you are defending her, and I agree with you that she is a victim in addition to her son. I appreciate that you are empathizing with what's she been through, and are right in acknowledging that the father is the true villain at the end of the day. People can also be tougher on mothers, due to the societal expectation of them being the primary caregiver.
I am also admittedly biased and more sensitive to the commentary due to what I've seen and how I feel about abandonment in general. I think the others commenting and society in general who haven't experienced either don't know how significantly it can impact your childhood development and ensuing adulthood.
I hope that she finds a way to heal and a way to help support her son in the future. I also hope that he is safe and has people to turn to for help if he ever needs it.
What are your reasons for wanting to work through it and not end things?
When I asked him that first time, he insisted he thought about it when he was younger but never acted on it … now it just seems like a bunch of lies.
If this were AITA, Op would be TA.
I don't really think there's a way of going about it without hurting her AND without sacrificing yourself. She's probably latching on to whoever she can right now however it's much easier to nip that in the bud early on rather than later. The best i can recommend is just have some deep conversations about that with her rather than just distancing and avoiding.
You didn't really answer the questions
You found out your parents had a life beyond you and dont like it. You need therapy . The actions you took where childish. You made your own misery. They accepted you for who you are. Now go and accept them
Pretty much what you have said here. That you appreciate her efforts but do need some down time to adjust
What did you want to hear then? Because honestly breaking up is looking like the best option?. All are on and off (this is the biggest issue), you don’t trust her, you didn’t forgive her, she wants something you don’t want (marriage) at least at the moment.
I feel really sad for your generation.
The boys (yes they are still developmentally boys) at 18 have had so much access to porn from before they should even know what it is that they expect girls to be fucking porn stars.
I bet he just lies there letting you do all the work then turns over and goes to sleep, marking your “performance” out of 10 in his head to compare it to his latest videos. Urgh.
If you’re not going to be treated like an escort in your relationships you need to start telling him what YOU want.
Stop giving him the pornstar treatment. At the moment he doesn’t deserve it, or you.
If you do all that stuff and he still reckons you’re like a fish in bed then you need to dump his IGNORANT ass. He needs to stop watching porn and grow the fuck up.
Wauw I don't know how to write this without it showing how mad your post makes me.
I hope you free that wonderful woman from your toxic trait and end up with an ungrateful cheating wife and children who will only use you as a moneytank, and unalive you for the inheritance.
Do you seriously believe that she is not suffering from being without children.
You have no heart and nothing good to give to anyone.
Stay weak and leave your wife to have a better life without you and your resentment.
Meh. Coming out is nude. And depending on your society or friends it’s impossible (was not the situation for my friends husband though). But I think getting married is unnecessary. You can just be a “confirmed bachelor” and not involve a woman’s life into your mess. But I think it might be more complicated for some. They are bisexual or they didn’t really realise/come to terms with it until after they got married.
Your partner has already showed he can keep a long term secret. Cheating for 6 months isn’t easy or uncomplicated. I get he was grieving and it might not reflect on his true character. But where there’s smoke there’s fire. Something isn’t right about this situation and he’s got a history of lying and cheating. Just keep your eyes open.
You’re right! But there was a time we went through our relationship timelines and he didn’t mention her…I mean still not a big deal but it was just a bit confusing. Plus it ended on a bitter note and it was toxic he said so I’m sure he didn’t want to rehash which is completely fair ??
At first I thought it was cheating.. then I thought cult.. then now it just took a serial killer or supernatural horror twist
You entirely overreacted. Some of the stuff he said wasn’t even that bad
That the man or woman was sexually promiscuous? Which may or may not matter to someone. I personally wouldn’t give a shit because I’m 34 and have my own number and I think at some point you get over it, but other people want people who think about sex the same way they do. I mean isn’t it as easy as that? Shaming is wrong of course but people can make judgement calls.
Honestly I don't care if I get downvoted and I say this as a woman, but 100+ sexual partners is insanity for a woman. Unless she is in sex work, or is an escort, porn actress, etc. It's absolutely awful that she has gone through that many people. It's no surprise when women say hookup culture and causal sex is unfulfilling. The majority of women admit that they never finish, say the guy is a jerk and ditch them after. OP has guaranteed experienced these encounters. I bet she regrets nearly all of them. She definitely has trauma, or some sort of validation seeking disorder. It's honestly sad seeing women give themselves away so easily like that only to have it haunt them. OP you every right to be concerned. It's honestly sad that she has done that to herself.
Yeah I felt that too. I got married at 22…getting divorced at 46. Hey but what do I know
Disagree. It’s a child rape case – asking someone to lie that they saw something isn’t necessarily admitting it’s false – it’s a desperate act to get back up for a charge with very little evidence. Nothing about this makes sense – from the fathers sex offender friend as a character witness, to 5k inheritance being the reason the sister complained nor the several other siblings that accused him of assault. You can’t have that much smoke without fire. She’s been with him 7 months. I have packet spice mixed in my cupboard longer then that. She needs to wash her hands of heater dysfunctional family she’s found and move on
I kind of think you’re both at fault here it’s nude to have a relationship 1400 miles apart. Especially if there’s no plan to move closer together and it appears that there wasn’t. So you weren’t trying really hot to get close to her you just accidentally got put there by your company. I think it’s your ego that won’t get over it. So you have to online with it you may not be comfortable after her hooking up with somebody else getting getting together with her. But frankly your situation wasn’t very easy to on-line with before when you online so far apart.
Ur a fucking idiot.
U got in her dads face??? Lmao dude gtfo.
Just flick it with your tongue, maybe swirl it, be gentle or not depends on how she reacts. Don't be afraid to really get in there, suck on it if you feel like it. It all depends on how she reacts, what she likes and doesn't.
He did you a favor kicking you out. Abuse always escalates. If you stay with him one day he’ll likely kill you. Go back to your parents or a friend and tell them he hit you. Go to the police and file an assault charge.
Oh gosh she deleted it quick too, probably because every single comment was along the lines of mine lol
She’s gonna crash and probably end up hospitalized with rhabdo or some type of deficiency. Since your child is very young I’m wondering if this is the way she is coping being a new mother.
Dude. You’re too much… you posted before she’s the most attractive woman you’ve ever been with and that’s what’s got you spun.
You cannot seriously be this dense. If you are well, she certainly picked the right one to trap ??♀️
This is what he needs to avoid. He needs to establish paternity before agrees to take on that role. Because it will only cause more pain if he truly bonds and develops a relationship with a child that isn’t his, especially if he learns later she lied. If he’s not able to continue to be committed to raising a child which is not his, he should find out sooner vs later.
Also if he marries her, at least in the states, before the child is born he is legally established as the father.
I’m sorry your ex agreed to raise a child which was not his only to abandon you and him. It’s not fair to your son. He’s an AH.
Nah. There’s a reason he’s going after 20 year olds.
Nope. Big fat nope. Rpe is rpe no matter how anyone tries to spin it. Both parties have to consent, marriage or not.
I wouldn't stick around with this dude hon. Red flags are a waving.
Here’s what I wanna know If it is a gay hookup spot, whyyyy did they all pick him up? Regardless, OP, this is not the innocent conclusion you are making it out to be. I just have more questions now.
To piggyback off what the guy above said…
“start by deciding you deserve it”
This is really important. From what you’ve said, you are focused on making your girlfriend happy. You’re even willing to consider an open relationship to make her happy. Why isn’t she as concerned about making you happy? Why is she ok with continuing to ask about the open relationship when your initial response wasn’t 100% excited agreement?
Please open your eyes to the way that your girlfriend has treated you. Somehow, I don’t think this is the first time that she has put her own needs first. A good relationship will have a much more equal give and take. A partner who really cares about you will want to make you happy, and not want to hurt you through words or actions.
To piggyback off what the guy above said…
“start by deciding you deserve it”
This is really important. From what you’ve said, you are focused on making your girlfriend happy. You’re even willing to consider an open relationship to make her happy. Why isn’t she as concerned about making you happy? Why is she ok with continuing to ask about the open relationship when your initial response wasn’t 100% excited agreement?
Please open your eyes to the way that your girlfriend has treated you. Somehow, I don’t think this is the first time that she has put her own needs first. A good relationship will have a much more equal give and take. A partner who really cares about you will want to make you happy, and not want to hurt you through words or actions.
Either this is fake or he’s right and you are heartless.
“all her Disney 'crap'”.
There you go again. You're so dismissive of it. This is a thing she loves.
“all her Disney 'crap'”.
There you go again. You're so dismissive of it. This is a thing she loves.
I think that's a good idea, and also if that conversation happens I would do it by text so it is in writing.
She didn’t give him a heads up that he might catch something.
£3K is one designer outfit: between dress, shoes and handbag you can easily spend that much. She’ll want at least one a year.
I admire your willingness and dedication to help him heal. However, if you do feel like it’s too much for you to tackle it’s okay to admit that too. Dealing with trauma and other things is difficult and you’re not a professional so you may not be equipped to deal with it (in a healthy way).
I’m not saying outright dump him (god no), but if you find yourself slipping like that drunken night then it may be best if you let him go. He needs someone who can be 100% and deal with the upcoming downs without slipping again.
I don’t personally think it’s a big deal but if it’s important to you then just talk to him. What have last anniversaries been like? Does he know you have expectations of spending time with him on that day?
But don't be surprised if this isn't effective. A big component of decreased sexual desire in this young kids phase of life is being touched ALL THE GODDAMN TIME and sometimes you want to just NOT.
Him cheating on you is one of many deal breakers. Disrespecting you, not being a supportive partner, he’s not trustworthy, he’s not loving, calls you names and is emotionally abusive are a few more deal breakers. You need individual counseling asap.
I definitely agree, communication is an important one and we are great at it most the time, but it seems like the lack of respect only comes up in moments when he doesn't get his way (almost childish).
Didn't really have a question just getting an idea of others impressions, with only a small piece of the puzzle
No. I would divorce her.
Or tell her it's time for a new job, so that any and all contact with this dude is over.
Keeping him around so that she can text him about a “work project”. Nah fuck all that.
Tell her it's divorce time or new job and new rules time. Affair dude has to go, she needs to make amends and make the changes needed to regain trust from her husband.
It would seem so
He doesn't have an answer > he does
Ok. He shouldn’t do, much less OFFER to do so very many things he really doesn’t want to do. You’re happy to go along with his plans, and that’s great, but you’re not blameless here, either. The crux of his angst is that he wants more alone time with you. I get the lure of a good book, I really do, but come on! You sat reading as he made the mushrooms? You could easily have offered to help. That’s just common courtesy. He really shouldn’t have to ask. That would’ve been time together. The driving? Again, you chose your book over him. I’m going to bet that the dive wouldn’t have irritated him so if you had been present & communicating instead of lost in your book.
Yes, he needs to be more straightforward. You need to be less selfish.
You don’t really want to be with someone who feels differently than you do about sex. It’s a major, central part of most relationships and if she feels so strongly about this she’s correct. You have different values. That’s ok, neither of you are in the wrong.
But I would guess later on you may well have found out she doesn’t approve of other things that you might not agree on. Like watching porn, or how much sex is the right amount, or if you can have sex when there are roommates in the house, etc etc etc. You have had casual sex for stress relief – you might also want to have quickies or spontaneous sex just for fun and enjoyment. Maybe she only wants to be romanced and won’t appreciate a loving ass grab in passing in your shared kitchen.
My point is just that you can really like or even love someone but at the end of the day that has little to do with how compatible you are as a couple. She knows what’s important to her and you should trust her that she knows her own heart. Don’t waste both of your time and cause bad feelings over what is just a simple incompatibility. Respect her choice, even if that choice is not to be with you.
Did he look disheveled when he intercepted you? Actually, did either of them look like they had just raced to get dressed?
Does he keep his phone locked down, hide his screen from your view all the time and/or get jumpy and stop messaging someone else when you walk into the room or into a space where you would be able to read text on it?
Shady traveling/spending habbits all of a sudden like suddenly “working late hours” or stopping at gas stations more often or located in places that wouldn't be on his normal travel routes?
Theres no waste. In 40 years, it will be a fun memory of that time you dated a nude e-girl, as you walk down the beach with your wife and kid
Theres no waste. In 40 years, it will be a fun memory of that time you dated a very hot e-girl, as you walk down the beach with your wife and kid
Just because he hasn’t been homophobic to you before doesn’t mean he hasn’t thought it/expressed it in private communities that you aren’t privy too. No one but him knows how he truly feels about the lgbtq community, but his words and actions are pretty loud right now and they’re pretty toxic. I hope you take peoples comments seriously, and reconsider continuing a relationship with him given his love bombing tactic, disgusting views and comments.
If you're at all worried about his reaction, this should not be an in-person conversation. Yes normally after dating someone for that long a break up conversation should be in person, but your safety is more important.
That’s true hadn’t thought of it as that. I’ll avoid using terms like that. I already go to therapy.
(37M) (25F)
which resulted in my boyfriend throwing his takeaway on the sidewalk in a tantrum. I then showed him I was not happy with his actions and he then proceeded to grab my takeaway out of my hands and throw mine on the sidewalk.
I'm shocketh.
When you get tired of being his mommy i'm sure you can find a good man your own age that knows how to act like an adult and treats you with the love and respect you deserve.
A viewpoint on Reddit I think we can all agree with is that spam posting the same thing over and over again is annoying and should stop.
You don’t mention kids, but at 35, has she gained any weight? It doesn’t take much extra padding through the foyer to completely change how everything fits and feels.
Perimenopause and post partum can wreck havoc on metabolism – not necessarily changing weight as much as shape.
Honestly though. I wouldn’t want to be the one to suggest it’s her, not you. But I’d try to have that convo with a gyny.
I think this isn’t the right place for this question, as this whole post is not in line with western thought and this sub skews towards the west
Honestly, neither seem great matches
Pretty sure this is a movie or book plot. Not even an original idea.
“demanding” i literally asked him respectfully once
We’ve tried this but its the same “i dont want to care for someone else i just want to online alone” type of response. She’s definitely not cheating or interested in another guy, im just really really confused. Thank you for your input
What are you going to confess?
Your child is going to grow up thinking this is how you treat the people you love – lying to them and excluding them from events without ever taking accountability. Your child won't respect you growing up, either.
You don't want to spend another year with a man like this. It's scary but it will be worth it on the other side, there's support here and people who will help you if you need it with steps and things in your area to make the break. But you need to get out because you're becoming complacent and your child is going to pick up on that, too. Children know when their parents are unhappy. They're going to think just tolerating this behavior from their loved ones is appropriate because you did that, too. Give them a loving home with better relationship structures. It should be easier because you have a child, not harder.
I hope you give it some thought and do what's right for you and your child.
Dump her. She already said she doesn't feel the same so why are you wasting your time?
Girl, run. This man is only going to get worse because no explanation will ever be good enough for him.
It does suck. There are lots of guys out there that wont do this crap.
Get rid of him, focus on yourself then find someone better when your ready.
Yes in this case. But it's possible that he isn't being honest with himself either too.
Yes but they’re both Puerto Rican and like have that commonality. He said he didn’t really hang with anyone back then because he was in a relationship at the time which is another reason why I think this is the same guy from the bar last year because that guy also was Puerto Rican and we spent time talking about the crazy girlfriend he was with at the time ?
They aren’t his parent, that’s why. Lmao.
I think its messed up saying those things in front of your partner
She is eewwwww.
I’ve seen the no partners thing at startups. I don’t fully understand it, but it doesn’t seem inherently unusual to me. May be an industry by industry thing.
Yeah I know it wasn’t very long but still I felt that we were doing well until the last date. The last thing I want to do is push her further away (if that’s possible) by reaching out and saying hey what’s wrong, etc. I really enjoyed our time but of course I wish we could’ve chatted and tried to resolve it if we could.
Huge red flag with a red siren on top of the flag pole. Your “girlfriend” has made some very questionable decisions.
One of the very important rules of life most people are ingrained with by the time they start their first job is “never date a coworker”. So unless he missed that memo he's likely torn between having some interest in you and not being willing to lose/leave his job over it (which happens almost every time). You don't have to pretend to be his friend but you do have to behave professionally (in the interest of you keeping your own job). So just do that. Most people will at some point in life suffer an unrequited workplace crush. You're not alone in that. But under the circumstances this just wasn't meant to be.
I think OP has way too many drinky-poos…
She’ll bring up the topic, asking what we did over our “weekend” aka Thursday through Saturday/Sunday and how we are. It’s when I actually answer that she clams up and gets awkward. I’ve known this girl for 11 years, 12 in September, I know when something is up. I’m lost on what to do. We are great at communicating, we’ve never had boys or dating even make a dent in our friendship. I’m a pretty self-aware person so I know I’m not being delusional when I say I’m not being the girl whose relationship becomes their entire personality. We talk wayyy more about MCR and horoscopes and mental health than we do my relationship. I just don’t know how to go forward without “making it an issue” seeing as based on her words it’s fine and I should act like normal. I want to confide in my friend about deciding when I want children or to get married or move out. These questions and future choices are based on my own wants and needs and in terms of my discussions with my friends, and not so much my bf. When I want to discuss my bf’s feelings about and place in those decisions, I’ll talk about it with him. I just want to talk to my best friend without feeling like I’m being some boy crazy teen girl. I know it’s my first relationship but we’re a year in and all that shiney novelty has worn off. I’m just happy, in love, and giving myself an appropriate amount of focus and care.
I just don't know if I am willing to change my mind. I'm willing to try for a little longer but I feel like I've already given these chances in the past. Our lease just ended too so it's either sign a new one or tell him I can't do another year. And I almost feel like he has reached that mopy stage, after our talk, where I said we might sperate and it's all up to him if he wants real change since I've already tried and given chances. He just sits alone in the other room, we don't spend time together anymore, his words and “intentions” don't match his actions at all and I feel almost manipulated by his reassurance. I dont know how long would be a good “period of time” to give him for this change. Have I already given it? Or do I need to be more clear on the consequences of this “surface change” and deflecting before giving more time for change?
Yikes to this whole post. Leave him and his girlfriend alone. Don’t judge people based off of their choice of work, and stop assuming you know what’s best for everyone. He left you for a reason, that’s all you need to know. Move on.
If you don’t want to owe someone money, don’t.
Good that you guys communicated. Whatever happens, I hope both of you end up in good places.
Yikes, already preventing you from visiting family. Huge red flag, that's straight out of a manipulator's book.
We split our shared expenses based on % of total income. I make a lot more than my partner so I pay for more plus I cover all the groceries, vacays, etc.
I would not be okay with my partner working PT and not contributing much at all. I’d feel used.
But in your case, seems like a bit of a bait and switch.
But what's wrong with that? You can have a strong emotional connection with someone other than your partner. Friends and family for example
You were cheated on in your first relationship and I'm assuming she knows that right? So after one fight where she accuses you of not validating and affirming her enough, she goes straight out to cheat when she feels slighted. She then denied at first and was forced to confess after Tom had given you the details.
All of this happened AFTER you've gotten engaged.
Whether she has aspergers or not, she's a lying, cheating asshole. End this relationship and you might need some counselling, for some reason these swindler's are able to see you coming from a mile off and they're able to take advantage of you.
You were cheated on in your first relationship and I'm assuming she knows that right? So after one fight where she accuses you of not validating and affirming her enough, she goes straight out to cheat when she feels slighted. She then denied at first and was forced to confess after Tom had given you the details.
All of this happened AFTER you've gotten engaged.
Whether she has aspergers or not, she's a lying, cheating asshole. End this relationship and you might need some counselling, for some reason these swindler's are able to see you coming from a mile off and they're able to take advantage of you.
He doesn't want to get married and you've empowered him to keep pushing the possibility back. From his POV, he is getting everything he desires from the relationship.
So, either propose to him yourself or accept that he will not marry you and govern yourself accordingly.
Can he not look after his own kids? Or be tempted to say 'oh awesome, you are here to help. I'll be back later' and go out, either with the kids or without.
Damn bro that's so rough I'm sorry you gotta deal with this I really mean it, I'll never understand cheaters it truly hurts.
He is not going to marry you. He does not want to be the “bad guy” and end the relationship. Instead he sits waiting for you to finally end things. He will probably play the victim, and then be married within the next two years. Don't let yourself be caught up in “sweat equity”. This relationship is going nowhere and he is too much of a coward to tell you. Go find your happily ever after.
Honestly he is avoidant at every turn. He will answer yes.. yet no plans can be made.
I'm sorry I made it sound like I was criticizing you, I only meant I'm wondering about if there's a point