You were out of line. If you want to fix this you should offer a salary for the childcare that he provides, and promise to never question how he spends his pay.
Because Instagram is a slippery slope into cheating. Literally know someone who was with a dude for 3 years who used his IG to like these type of models. Ended with him getting several of these women to go to his office and his apartment to do sexual shit with him. Even while his girlfriend was on her way to his apartment. Some guys just don’t give a fuck. And plus, it’s disrespectful to be all up on half very hot chicks social medias commenting heart eyes and cringy ass “you’re so beautiful” comments when they’re in a whole ass relationship with another woman who obviously is hurt by this and feeling disrespected.
I don’t consider it “cheating” but I do consider it highly inappropriate and disrespectful.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
I dunno man. Don't be so quick to believe everything this person says. She's bringing it to the internet. Giving her partner's mental health record to us all. Adding details that supports her narrative. The story reads as a bit manipulative. Sure he could have cheated and gave it to her but this is fishy AF… Literally ?
It sounds like he wants you to be obsessive over him, crazy, all that. If he can't even explain what the hell he is talking about, that is on him, not you.
To be totally frank, a guy saying that to me would make me dry up like the fucking Sahara. It's just a weirdly childish thing to say and to not be able to voice his desires and put it all on you with this vague, cringy shit is uhh.. a turnoff to me.
But for you, if it doesn't do that for you, just get assertive and tell him you don't know what the hell he is talking about and he needs to be a big boy and say what he wants. Then you go from there.
So to summarize he thinks he doesn’t do anything wrong, he thinks his stuff is more important than yours, and when you try to discuss problems instead of working to resolve them he attacks you and calls you lazy and that you make his life bad. And you’re confused because you don’t know why things got bad when you use to get along?
So here’s the truth of it. People are on their best behavior in the beginning. After the year mark is when people start to relax and you see the real person. With some people you learn they fart a lot more than you thought, or they swear too much, shit that’s annoying but you can online with and learn to accept. But sadly your bf, you’re learning he’s not a healthy person to be in a relationship with, he fights to win rather than resolve problems, he puts you down to feel better about himself and he attacks you personally when you try to address issues. These are all the telltale signs of emotional abuse. This isn’t something you can fix, it’s something fundamentally wrong with how he behaves in relationships. And that usually only gets fixed with therapy on his part, and years of it, and sometimes even that doesn’t fix it. Ignore these red flags at your own risk.
It sounds like a friendship of convinience for him. If his behaviour is troubling you, then speak to him about it. Socializing is more important at your development at your age than it is at his, I would recommend focusing your efforts more on other people in their early 20s.
You chose a difficult relationship. The whole point of abstaining is resisting temptation. You are failing that test, a pretty clear sign you probably shouldn't be getting married or maintaining this faith in general, I suppose.
It shouldn't be hard to process. If you can't resist cheating then this isn't a relationship that works. And not having sex till marriage is part of it.
Do you really feel this environment is the best place to raise a child? Or that this cantankerous man will be a good husband and father? Because neither sound right at all.
If your true goal is to be a mother, ditch the man and raise a baby on your own. Will it be very hot? Yes. But it would also be nude to be yoked to this guy for the next 20 years.
If you have good friends and supportive family- a community of people who love you- then you can find a way to do this.
Think of this: what if for whatever reason the two of you couldn't conceive. Would you still want to be married to him? Because you ought to want to marry somebody to be with that person in particular, not just to supply baby batter.
Your ex is obviously an immature individual who's only concerned with how people affect his being, so just let him go and put 100% towards your family and your recovery.
Stop paying for all their shit man, they dont respect you or see you as a member of the family, your just a walking talking ATM to them. They want you to put them on a pedistal well they ALL treat you like crap, tell your wife your starting the divorce process and they need to find somewhere to online because your done with their disrespectful bullshit.
It’s not uncommon for women to do this if they feel like saying no either won’t get the guy to leave them alone or if they’re worried saying no could lead to a confrontation, verbal abuse, or violence towards them. So many times I’ve tried to politely say no to men and they just keep trying to find a new angle or call me a bitch/insult me. Men have followed me to locations where I feel vulnerable (like a dark parking lot) in order to ask me out and that can be scary. Like I’d rather act interested than get stuffed in someone’s trunk.
My thought is that if she was interested in pursuing it, she would not have told you about it. Unless you think she was trying to start a conflict with you.
Ugh idk. The consensus based on everyone who commented and messaged is that he is indeed the one who is cheating. Realistically, I have no proof. The only argument is that he is cheating because he is accusing me of cheating. Which seems circular…
Was she showing revealing photos of herself before you met her, in the early stages and every other time? if so, you might want to dial back your little issue….does it bother you when she walks around in revealing clothing in real life, like say a crop top, mini skirt, bikini and any number of other things? do you online in say Afghanistan or iran(helpful to know which repressed society you are in)?
He's wrong for doing it after he said he wouldn't there's no question.
Having the no porn boundary is just going to bring unnecessary conflict into your relationships. If the sole reason is your low self esteem. Sexual liberation until your BF wants to wank it to porn.
My long-term partner and I are pretty open. We will openly state if someone is “hot” or good looking etc etc. casually here and there. We have eyes, and we have trust.
But a long rant about someone else’s hotness??? That’s just rude. And her fake backtracking? Not believable. Does she lack common sense in general? Adding him on insta just feels fishy in this case. Seems like she is fantasizing about this guy and it’s fair for you to feel uncomfortable.
Well, it's not a request for advice about a relationship, so it's out of place here.
It’s her body she’s allowed to take pic of it and not send them you. Let’s not jump to cheating. Maybe she wanted a better look at a butt pimple o
You were out of line. If you want to fix this you should offer a salary for the childcare that he provides, and promise to never question how he spends his pay.
Thank you for apologizing, or thank you for that. I appreciate it.
I know I’ve been a Redditor for too long when I read a post like this and it doesn’t even phase me. You got some fucking characters here man??
That’s not interesting
i think it’s less crazy than moving in together 2 weeks in but both are seriously insane so idk
Deliver a card to their mailbox.
Because Instagram is a slippery slope into cheating. Literally know someone who was with a dude for 3 years who used his IG to like these type of models. Ended with him getting several of these women to go to his office and his apartment to do sexual shit with him. Even while his girlfriend was on her way to his apartment. Some guys just don’t give a fuck. And plus, it’s disrespectful to be all up on half very hot chicks social medias commenting heart eyes and cringy ass “you’re so beautiful” comments when they’re in a whole ass relationship with another woman who obviously is hurt by this and feeling disrespected.
I don’t consider it “cheating” but I do consider it highly inappropriate and disrespectful.
how does that not support what i said
Hello /u/Resistycometostrike,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I dunno man. Don't be so quick to believe everything this person says. She's bringing it to the internet. Giving her partner's mental health record to us all. Adding details that supports her narrative. The story reads as a bit manipulative. Sure he could have cheated and gave it to her but this is fishy AF… Literally ?
This is a really great comment.
That's a fucking weird thing to say.
It sounds like he wants you to be obsessive over him, crazy, all that. If he can't even explain what the hell he is talking about, that is on him, not you.
To be totally frank, a guy saying that to me would make me dry up like the fucking Sahara. It's just a weirdly childish thing to say and to not be able to voice his desires and put it all on you with this vague, cringy shit is uhh.. a turnoff to me.
But for you, if it doesn't do that for you, just get assertive and tell him you don't know what the hell he is talking about and he needs to be a big boy and say what he wants. Then you go from there.
Block him on everything. Do no contact. He's garbage but like a drug to you for some reason. The only way forward is out of sight out of mind.
Bystander behaviour is a just as bad as actively participating. She is a trash human. You made the right call in ending it.
What?
So to summarize he thinks he doesn’t do anything wrong, he thinks his stuff is more important than yours, and when you try to discuss problems instead of working to resolve them he attacks you and calls you lazy and that you make his life bad. And you’re confused because you don’t know why things got bad when you use to get along?
So here’s the truth of it. People are on their best behavior in the beginning. After the year mark is when people start to relax and you see the real person. With some people you learn they fart a lot more than you thought, or they swear too much, shit that’s annoying but you can online with and learn to accept. But sadly your bf, you’re learning he’s not a healthy person to be in a relationship with, he fights to win rather than resolve problems, he puts you down to feel better about himself and he attacks you personally when you try to address issues. These are all the telltale signs of emotional abuse. This isn’t something you can fix, it’s something fundamentally wrong with how he behaves in relationships. And that usually only gets fixed with therapy on his part, and years of it, and sometimes even that doesn’t fix it. Ignore these red flags at your own risk.
It sounds like a friendship of convinience for him. If his behaviour is troubling you, then speak to him about it. Socializing is more important at your development at your age than it is at his, I would recommend focusing your efforts more on other people in their early 20s.
You chose a difficult relationship. The whole point of abstaining is resisting temptation. You are failing that test, a pretty clear sign you probably shouldn't be getting married or maintaining this faith in general, I suppose.
It shouldn't be hard to process. If you can't resist cheating then this isn't a relationship that works. And not having sex till marriage is part of it.
Do you really feel this environment is the best place to raise a child? Or that this cantankerous man will be a good husband and father? Because neither sound right at all.
If your true goal is to be a mother, ditch the man and raise a baby on your own. Will it be very hot? Yes. But it would also be nude to be yoked to this guy for the next 20 years.
If you have good friends and supportive family- a community of people who love you- then you can find a way to do this.
Think of this: what if for whatever reason the two of you couldn't conceive. Would you still want to be married to him? Because you ought to want to marry somebody to be with that person in particular, not just to supply baby batter.
You can do this.
Adding a baby to this relationship ties you to these people for a long time. Seems really weird they are that involved in your life.
Youre a nut job lmao.
He's violating your consent. No one gets to touch you in a way you don't want.
Your ex is obviously an immature individual who's only concerned with how people affect his being, so just let him go and put 100% towards your family and your recovery.
No need to be embarrassed, it's understandable that it made you feel uncomfortable.
It's something that I think is important to discuss but it's a complicated topic that often leads to heightened emotions.
Says the definition of meddling.
Send a message back: “No worries you don't need to come home ever again. Have fun with your new girlfriend.”
Sounds like your husband and the little tart colleague fucked around and found out. I think you should keep fucking her husband.
Stop paying for all their shit man, they dont respect you or see you as a member of the family, your just a walking talking ATM to them. They want you to put them on a pedistal well they ALL treat you like crap, tell your wife your starting the divorce process and they need to find somewhere to online because your done with their disrespectful bullshit.
It’s not uncommon for women to do this if they feel like saying no either won’t get the guy to leave them alone or if they’re worried saying no could lead to a confrontation, verbal abuse, or violence towards them. So many times I’ve tried to politely say no to men and they just keep trying to find a new angle or call me a bitch/insult me. Men have followed me to locations where I feel vulnerable (like a dark parking lot) in order to ask me out and that can be scary. Like I’d rather act interested than get stuffed in someone’s trunk.
My thought is that if she was interested in pursuing it, she would not have told you about it. Unless you think she was trying to start a conflict with you.
He took advantage of you. You are likely not the first one.
You could make sure you’re the last. Take all your evidence and immediately report him.
A 50 year old has had decades of experience, and this one has power over you to boot. Manipulation is a learned skill and he’s had plenty of time.
Why does he ask TODAY then?
He STILL doesn't KNOW any better now then he knew back then!
He ASSUMES, because of “his mom saw ressemblances”.
“Ex” might be interested in knowing that “she is suicidal”.
She might not have known it otherwise.
Tell….. her.
And then block at least him. If not both.
Ugh idk. The consensus based on everyone who commented and messaged is that he is indeed the one who is cheating. Realistically, I have no proof. The only argument is that he is cheating because he is accusing me of cheating. Which seems circular…
Was she showing revealing photos of herself before you met her, in the early stages and every other time? if so, you might want to dial back your little issue….does it bother you when she walks around in revealing clothing in real life, like say a crop top, mini skirt, bikini and any number of other things? do you online in say Afghanistan or iran(helpful to know which repressed society you are in)?
What if you don’t find a reliable babysitter in this new place?
Right, but it's not just “nobody could be this oblivious” that makes it seem fake.
The answer is no.
He can go and see the cat if he wants, but sleeping at his exes place is a solid NO.
It has nothing to do with cheating, it is disrespectful to your relationship.
Get her outta there. I can’t believe people let themselves get walked on like this.
Interesting how you only addressed that baby daddy part lol
He's wrong for doing it after he said he wouldn't there's no question.
Having the no porn boundary is just going to bring unnecessary conflict into your relationships. If the sole reason is your low self esteem. Sexual liberation until your BF wants to wank it to porn.
Yea, this is a lot.
My long-term partner and I are pretty open. We will openly state if someone is “hot” or good looking etc etc. casually here and there. We have eyes, and we have trust.
But a long rant about someone else’s hotness??? That’s just rude. And her fake backtracking? Not believable. Does she lack common sense in general? Adding him on insta just feels fishy in this case. Seems like she is fantasizing about this guy and it’s fair for you to feel uncomfortable.
I’d let her know it’s making you feel weird.