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You can do so much better.
Never waste your time on someone tripping on the reflection of themselves.
My suggestion: say something like this “I have been thinking about the “research” you've done. According to that, we're in different places in regards to purity. You're in fact 200% less pure, so instead of lowering my standards to match your devaluation of purity due to double the amount of relationships you've had compared to me, I'll raise my standards and leave. “
You were blinded by love or naive to the signs. These people are master manipulators. Don't give up on yourself. The Brightside is you can recognize all these flags now for a future healthy relationship.
??
No offense but as a guy also in my late 20s, the last person I want to talk to is a 16yo girl. Even if there’s no creepy intentions from the guy, it’s still very weird.
yes, you are much more likely to meet decent people and make decent connections with people outside of bars/clubs; nothing wrong with that.
“I'm super insecure so I wrote these words.”
Given how you refuse a DNA test, I’m not sure he’s paranoid…
She may be lactose intolerant. My partner farted all.the.time and he went off dairy and boom – fixed!
I’m 32 and I have nieces and nephews that age, they look like 12 year olds to me, like there is no difference. This is so icky, I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
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He truly is wonderful in all other aspects. It’s just this one thing that is so upsetting and tbh I don’t think he fully understands (which is why I want to figure out how to make him understand). It makes me want to cry
Oh dear. She sounds like she's really struggling with self-image/esteem and maybe body dysmorphophobia. Is she still in therapy? She needs to be. Getting breast implants at 18 is pretty extreme in my opinion. I think it's best to keep doing what you're doing. Recognize and validate her feelings but don't hide your own hurt. Let her know what seeing her be married would mean to you, what you wished it could mean for her, your openness to accommodate her needs. Get your husband on the same page with these tactics but ultimately if she says don't be there–as heartbreaking as I know this is for you– respecting her wishes for her wedding day is the most loving thing you can do. Recognizing your adult child's choices and autonomy is one of the toughest things parents have to do. If it helps I agree with folks that have said with time she may grow up a bit more and gain perspective. Especially if she has her own kids. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and live your best life. One thing that helps me is volunteering for causes I believe in. I work with a local Boys and Girls Club. Especially if you're in a place where you're financially secure and have free time. It does wonders for your perspective and mental state.
It sounds like you have a strong connection with this woman and that you both enjoy spending time together. It's understandable that you would want to explore a relationship with her. However, it's important to consider the fact that she is currently in a relationship with someone else and that she has mentioned missing him and that he is trying to take their relationship to the next level. It would be disrespectful to pursue a romantic or intimate relationship with her while she is in a committed relationship with someone else.
One option you could consider is having an honest and open conversation with her about your feelings. You could express your appreciation for the connection you both share and let her know that you have feelings for her. It's important to be respectful of her boundaries and to listen to her perspective. She may not have the same feelings for you, and it's important to be prepared for that possibility. Regardless of what she says, it's important to respect her decision and to support her in her current relationship.
It's also important to consider the potential consequences of acting on your feelings. If you pursue a relationship with her while she is in a committed relationship with someone else, it could cause hurt and damage to all parties involved. It may be difficult, but it's important to be honest and considerate of everyone's feelings and well-being in this situation.
Sounds like you are conflicted because she isn’t hotter.
I didn’t read past the title. You’ve change and he hasn’t. Life changes aside, if everyone thinks this and his mother is the only one to tolerate it, why did you marry him? Sounds like you’re a already separated, the reasons you like this won’t change. So plan, try And part ways, 2 decades already are you ready for 16 more years with him ? Life is too short to be with someone that you’ve outgrown.
I mean he’s getting upset over something like a sex toy.
So she says she’s feeling overwhelmed. And you respond by getting annoyed and angry and battering her with questions. And then after 15-20 minutes of antagonizing an overwhelmed person you decide to lose your temper.
Yeah no clue why she didn’t just relax and enjoy the afternoon.
Yes, some can do it.
I genuinely didn’t intend it as false concern, more like situational concern. Basically, “if you’re letting him win, that’s great. But if you’re not (because that’s what you’re saying) then that is very concerning” etc. because to me, that would genuinely be concerning.
It’s situational to me because I don’t know this person and I have no idea if they’re lying or not and the speech and possible outcomes is tailored to allow for either outcome to be the truth.
If she’s not lying then I’d genuinely be concerned for her and some sort of medical intervention might be necessary. If she is lying then gaslighting someone into worrying about her health (mental or physical) is kind of fucked, and showing that you’re genuinely worried about her will hopefully allow her to realize that she needs to tell the truth.
Obviously if OP is not at all concerned about her health and is 100% sure that she’s lying and there’s no other explanation, then don’t use this speech because that would actually be weaponizing false concern.
Lol whoever hurt you sorry about that, don’t take i out on me though.
She wants to cheat on you guilt-free especially since she doesn't want you to enjoy the same benefits. Dump her and find someone that actually loves you and respects you. You GF doesn't put you first you are an afterthought because this isn't any different than her wanting to sleep with a man you know why? She had this girl already picked out and if it was a man you would have flipped out on her but there is no difference in this situation. She wants a free pass to cheat. If you don't give her the free pass she will cheat or she already has and feels the guilt is too much. Either way dump her.
As you proceed on this journey I suspect you will discover that what you thought was romantic love for your husband is really a different kind of love.
In the long run, setting yourself free will also set him free.
Lol.
Shes using you as a source of entertainment when shes bored m8
Op, just go and be beautiful. Get a spa day. Hair, makeup and nails. Wear a stunning outfit. Show up. Be gracious. Have a fun time with your plus 1.
You know, the old fat gal I am. I was asked to be in weddings to make the bride look skinnier and more petite.
Whoooa that's a big red flag. You do NOT ask your partner to not be involved in ANY part of their kid's life. You cannot get engaged without knowing the reasons for this and finding an actually reasonable compromise.
Your bf sounds traumatized. As a physicist he would have gone through a lot of schooling – was it a good time for him? We're his parents academics? Were they controlling? Too uncaring or neglectful? Does he have any kind of potential school trauma?
I cannot stress enough how much this will backfire of you let this go. This sounds like HE has a problem – and good lord, if anything the parent with the problem should NOT be involved! In example, a parent that had an eating disorder or bad relationship with food should not be in sole unmonitored control of a new kid's food. The chances of them having issues return, or slowly foist those issues on the kid are very high.
What the hell would he expect when the kid asks you to help with homework? What if you're a stay at home mom, are you allowed to pick them up from school? Meet the teachers? What if the school calls you? Does he need to pick the school? By make decisions about the kids school, does that mean… Choose their highschool classes too, and other things that your KID should be deciding?
Next time he says this is non negotiable, you let him know that he's right, this IS non negotiable. You're not moving forward with a relationship until you know exactly what the fuck is going on. He is trying to force you into a very, very serious restriction on your future life.
The only thing that should be restricted to one parent is like, sex ed talks or explaining periods. But even then, it's better when both parents are involved and approachable to the kids.
I didn’t bash you at all. Good luck to you
And you've literally just taken the problem of women being harrassed by men and made it about you.
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so i got my first Brazilian wax today. I was really excited to do this for my bf (not that he asked or cares about the hair i just felt like it would make me feel sexier and i wanted to surprise him) I took a pic and sent it to him to which he proceeded to say “that’s not yours, that thing looks like it went through world war 3. WTF” I cried. a lot. That hurt my feelings. Like I really went through that HORRIBLE PAIN to do something sexy for him and that’s how he responds. He did apologize alot and I do forgive him. I am not mad just hurt. Now, i’m scared to even show him in person or have sex with him again until the hair grows back… P.S I thought it looked really good… he also doesn’t understand why i cried for this. I really don’t want our sex life to be affected considering we have amazing sex but at the back of my mind i’ll always fear he hates how it looks.
EDIT : would appreciate it if men stop messaging me asking me to see.
Tell mom to cut that crap out, as he's no longer in your life.
I would recommend seeing a couples' counselor. It sounds like you both do love each other, but that there is a disconnect due to changes. Those can be worked through but it would be helpful to have a professional help you guys through it. Both sides need to feel listened to and understood and it sounds like you both feel like the other isn't hearing them.
Since you can afford it, move out. When your sister is the only target, she may find mom's nagging insufferable too, and maybe she can live with you then?
He is already telling you that this is “his house”. Get out of this relationship. He is starting to let that mask fall it seems to me.
I would say I expect more from my partner, the maturity, strenght, compassion and love to protect me when I'm being hurt instead of telling me to hush and turn the other cheek. His sister is an adult. He chooses to let her insult you because your feelings don't matter. It's his family, he can talk to her in a way you can never. He would not choose you over her no matter what he says. Now do you want to be with someone that won't stand up for you? Will you turn the other cheek everytime? Imagine the family gatherings. Your wedding. Her feeling free to say what she wants infront of your kids. That's what he's giving her permission to do.
Thats so gross. I'm so sorry.
Wow. You're getting a lot of hate for the age gap. While it is a significant difference, usually, in terms of “stage of life”, it sounds like you're actually compatible. Considering that you've recently finished college and are just starting a career, and taking into account your neurodivergence and the “delays” that sometimes come with that, i see that there is likely no power dynamics at play here. You also are doing the opposite of isolating her from her friends, but rather encouraging her to continue pursuing those friendships, even without you– if that makes things easier and more comfortable for her and her friends. You seem to genuinely care about her feelings and her quality of life. I don't think you should break up with her, based on her friends' reactions and attitudes. I don't think you should ever give other people that much power over your life or what you want. If you really like her, and she really likes you, that's all that matters. If she doesn't care what her friends think, and still says she wants to be with you, i don't see much of a problem. It can be nude, being judged or disliked by your SO's friends, but not a deal breaker, and it's usually something that works itself out, in time. I also don't think that you should completely disappear from the outings with her and her friends. But just use discretion about which ones you do go to. Sit down dinner at so and so's house, only 6 people? Skip it. Birthday party for her best friend, and everyone is coming? Go. Or vice versa. You feel the vibe, you'll know what feels like it might go OK, and what feels like it will be a bad night. Good luck!
There's literally women in this thread saying they've gone back with friends in this kind of situation. Why do you think they're doing that? It's not a difficult one to figure out
Yep, tell him to kick rocks. My chest is also my biggest insecurity. I’m very flat… add in breast feeding and lots of fluctuation with that, they’re just… pitiful + loaded with stretch marks. But they did they’re job and I have a newfound respect of them. I would be absolutely crushed if someone I loved said anything disparaging about them, ESPECIALLY if they knew about my insecurities. That’s just callous. You will find a man who will make you feel like they’re the most beautiful things on earth, I promise you.
That's… Not right