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While you may not resent the kid and you may really love them, thats not the main issue here. You know what you want. If it wasn’t for your wife pressuring you, you wouldn’t even be considering having another child.
Your wife’s happiness matters, but YOUR happiness matters just as much as hers does. You are right, you can’t compromise having children. You either want them 100%, or you don’t. I can absolutely promise you that if you give in without being 100% enthusiastically on board, that its not the right decision.
You are in your 40’s now. You have spent most of your life working nude and struggling to make ends meet and make things better for your family. You finally managed to do that, and thats amazing! You deserve a break. You deserve those vacations you talked about in your post. You deserve rest and adult time.
If you have another baby now and they don’t move out until they are 20 for example, that means you don’t get that full adulting time or vacationing time you truly want until you are in your 60’s, which will make things a touch more difficult.
I want to tell you that you are NOT selfish for not wanting another child. There are people out there who don’t want any children at all, and that doesn’t make them selfish or mean they dislike kids. Everyone is different and everyone should have a say in how they want to live their life and I don’t believe that is selfish. You only get to live! this life once, so online it however you wish to!
Talk to your wife again and tell her that you are adamant on not having another baby. Tell her your reasoning again and let her know that her pushing you away and treating you this way is not going to help the situation at hand and is harming your relationship. Tell her that you can see where shes coming from and that her happiness is important to you, but that you really don’t wish to have another baby.
I have to agree with other commenters here that the way your wife is treating you is unhealthy. Never let someone pressure you into something you don’t want to do. You deserve the experiences you want to have. If she continues to treat you this way even after you talk to her again, then my best advice is to re-evaluate this relationship. I know you love your wife and care about her happiness and that is wonderful, but its not a reason to have her treat you this way. Best of luck, OP!