By getting as much space as possible from the person you don’t want to love any more, and giving yourself as much time as you need.
The reasons people cheat are individual, but yes, it is possible for someone to cheat on someone they love. You can feel in love with someone and still not respect them.
I did. My boobs are/were huge. The bra felt tight around my middle and I didn't want anything to touch me that wasn't needed. Plus it was a LOT easier to just lift up my shirt and pop baby on the boob.
He can’t provide you with something basic such as respect and understanding that you were sexually assaulted. Find someone better because there ARE men who will wait until you’re ready. You will probably never be comfortable sexually with this man because of making jokes about something so sensitive to you and being generally disrespectful about it
Sounds pretty narcissistic to me as well… borderline psychopathic. Don't hesitate to file a report if you feel you're in danger leaving, seriously. Truly, I am very sorry you're going through this, I have no words ? ?
Thank you for the advice, I think that's definitely a possible and maybe necessary route that I didn't think of myself. Sending her back into an ED spiral is indeed the last thing I want to do. And I'd much rather have my own mind to deal with than to open those scars after she's come such a long way. I think I'll try to see a therapist, it would probably help me too. I've been putting of therapy for myself for a while and it's probably time I do something about that.
It's rather rough to see people jump to conclusions judging me this fast, thank you for being a voice of reason.
Most people who shop at TJ Maxx will know what I said in my comment, but worth a try I guess. TJ Maxx shoppers understand the yellow tag season ? I used to work at Marshall’s which is the same company as TJ Maxx. Shoppers know these things
He is obviously lying. He most likely cheated on you. You definitely shouldn’t marry him if you describe him as sketchy and lies a lot. You should leave his ass but if you want further proof then you should go to the address he was at and see who lives there. Also remember that just because it’s a guy doesn’t mean he isn’t still cheating on you with a guy.
Does he masturbate? If he does ask him why he feels the need to replace you when you’re not around.
Also I don’t really get why guys get so weirded out when people want to bring toys into their sex lives. My guy will make jokes about how they do a better job than he does but he’s secure enough in our sex that he knows there’s no real competition with a toy.
One more also. It seems like you do a lot to upkeep your sex life. I hope that’s a two way street because right now it sounds like he’s just holding you back. You two are still young so this hardly applies but I often use toys when I know all we’ll have time for is a quicky. It’s like mini foreplay when kids start to get in the way of everything.
There’s no need to fix anything. You are agreeing to marry him and now have lots of other things to discuss and plan. May I suggest having a gathering of the most important people to inform and have a list of suggestions as to how when and where the nuptials will take place. Destination wedding on a beach somewhere warm and romantic and double as honeymoon destination? This
I don’t want him to feel pressured at all! I love being with him, he’s wonderful. I just want to make sure he’s enjoying himself too. He said he hated having sex in his last relationship. My ex husband cheated on me. We both have our baggage. As to the porn, we had a very open conversation about it. I don’t believe it’s an addiction issue.
That hole is the need to be loved and to love, you fill that hole with a romantic relationship but also with close friends and family. If you only truly feel close to or loved by your bf, you’ll continue to have this problem. Every time a romantic partner struggles, can’t be there for you, needs space, you’ll feel this way, and that happens, life isn’t always smooth. So to weather that storm you have two choices, continue as is knowing this will happen repeatedly and you’ll struggle this bad each time, or build more close relationships so that even when one relationship has a problem, you still have enough other people in your life that you’ll still be able to get through.
I did the same with my partner after we were dating for 5 months. I am 32 and he is 29, I did this because he was a very 'itll happen when it happens person'.
The thing is, women have a clock. If children do not happen within a certain timeframe, they will never happen. The older you get as well, the likely hood of a harder, complications, difficult recovery time increase, permanent issues as a result of the pregnancy. Even getting pregnant in the first place could become harder. I wish I had of met my partner in my 20's so I would not have to face these things (yes, it can happen at any age, but it's a higher chance now), I think it's understandable at 25 she is thinking about these things and setting the expectations.
I did it so if my partner wasn't down for this timeframe, we could both move on. That's the choice you have now. If you do not want these things, tell her and give her the option to decide what is best for her.
I would obviously have her consent I’m not just going to show up with another man. We have discussed letting each other have a threesome in the past and she was comfortable with it. I’m proposing giving her a free pass to see if she would like it. If she does and wants to continue doing it in the future she would have to let me try it as well. If she takes her free pass and chooses to never do it again then that is that and we had a fun night. Maybe I didn’t clearly state that in the post. This isn’t blackmail it’s a trial run.
You know what you're feeling is irrational, but the feeling is there anyway. That's how feelings are. The best you can do is to keep on making new memories and feelings with her, enough of them to swamp the ones you wish would go away.
You feel violated because you were! She didn’t simply disrespect your boundaries, she sexual assaulted you.
Just because you had an erection and initially consented doesn’t mean she gets to hop on and keep riding you when you’re visibly distressed, try to push her off, and ask her to stop.
She put you at risk of pregnancy and STI’s without your consent.
Stop hooking up with her and make it very clear that you never want to see her again because she sexually assaulted you.
When you meet the next person, make sure you set a boundary upfront that you refuse to have sex without a condom, if they disagree or try to convince you otherwise don’t bother moving forward with them.
Is your husband an idiot? Because he sounds like an idiot. Tell him to.plunge his own shit, and you really need to address him about how he completely disrespected you. He doesn't get to scream at you, when he's the disgusting, lazy one.
Dating is about getting to know someone. It is perfectly normal to come to know a lot more at 12 months than you did at 2 months. So now you know some stuff and you know what the relationship is like.
I wouldn't stay.
If you like it, stay. If you don't, leave. If you've decided to stay despite the boatload of red flags you really need to be honest with yourself and stop complaining about the things you've decied to accept.
I honestly hate saying casual shit on here while giving genuine advice, but in this situation, I have to really say, dude, are you fucking serious right now?
Even if we ignored the second half (we won’t), from the title I was expecting that you just found out after a year that you contracted the STI. I was happy to see that this wasn’t the case, so I wanted to remove cheating as an issue.
You started dating a year ago. You got this a year ago. You haven’t been sexually active with anyone else. You logically know she gave it to you. On its own, that’d be fine (for lack of a better term). It sucks but it happens and I’d have assumed she didn’t realize it.
But then she just denies it. Unless you’re lying to us, she gave it to you. That’s the end of it. You’re here talking about how she’s calling your bluff. There’s no fucking bluff. You don’t need her to admit it. That she’s lying to you is a huge problem.
Are there logical fallacies or frameworks to prove it to her? The proof is that you literally know. You don’t need some sort of smoking gun. She’ll continue to deny it. It’s honestly crazy, because I wouldn’t be assuming cheating.
Despite that, I have to tell you that I have absolutely no clue why you need to know who she got it from. That’s weird, unnecessary, and tells you nothing of value. Oddly enough, at the end you sneak in that she gave you an answer. Why do you believe it’s “too long.” If she had it, she had it.
After that, maybe she’s cheating on you. Or maybe you’re crazy because you’re losing your shit over looks.
You're getting down voted because this is pearl clutching bullshit lmao. “He doesn't like seeing cheating and thinks it's awful, what the fuck he has convictions??? That's a red flag and he's insecure ewwww.”
You questions aren't fair. You're assu.ing OP is just a bitter jealous ex. You're insinuating that he only wants to hurt her, rather than accepting that he wants to do the right thing.
There’s no argument to be had. Your parents are charging her rent. If she thinks that’s mean & unfair, she can move. Why is she complaining to you? YOU’RE not her landlord.
As for her parents? Unless they actually own a rental unit, she has no idea what they would do.
I don’t know why she expects to be treated the same as (or better than) their own children.
I'd never try to hurt her feelings. It's just I thought it was only a porn thing, like a force fetish. I didn't know it was a cultural thing to show enjoyment as pain?
It's only in bed as well. When I massage her I hear the normal moans of enjoyment I'm used to. When I've seen her in pain, it's literally the same as the sex noises and faces.
So it's almost like she's only switched up those two reactions for sexy time.
Oh ok so she definitely knows about you is the thing. Otherwise I would assume he was cheating ?
Idk he seems really wishy washy with what he wants. And like he still has one foot in this past relationship, considering he still lives there and it was when you asked him to move out that he started getting strange.
It's awful you have feelings for him, but it seems like he may need some space to figure out his life and what he really wants before he can be in a relationship.
I wouldn't try to stay friends- it's just going to keep your feelings alive and hurt you
We ask because we are worried about you, not judging you.
Then you'd all accept the answer she's given 10+ times… yet people are telling her she's wrong and that he cheated. So no, none of you are worried about the OP at all. You just want to tell her she's wrong and make some man out to be way worse of a person than he actually is.
The first step here is to determine what you need to move forward with your life.
The relationship is over. You two are officially broken up, and as harsh as it sounds, it's time for both you and her to think about yourselves as separate instead of a combined couple. That means that, in this case, it's okay to be selfish.
Consider what it is she might say. Will it upset you, or try to convince you to take her back? You mention that the relationship was toxic and that she was emotionally manipulative. Could this be another one of her tactics to maintain control of the relationship?
Finally, what are you hoping to get out of this? I'd be concerned that you'd be setting yourself on fire to keep her warm; that is to say that you'd be agreeing to this when in the end it would be emotionally damaging to you despite doing what she asks.
To be anecdotal, this occurred to me several years ago, and my ex asked the same thing with almost the exact same timeline. When I didn't agree to meet, she immediately reverted to emotional abuse and manipulation again because she realized she no longer had control over the relationship. It also justified that her seeking closure was a selfish act designed to try and manipulate me into remaining with her. If she truly respected me, she would have respected my wishes to not be together or remain in contact.
If your ex really respected you, she would do the same.
It’s honestly incredibly odd as well as unprofessional that this happened. It’s further weird given the fact that he rejected her. It’s like they’re obsessed with getting them together.
Yeah, he may have eventually even become abusive with OP. Something else would have set him off eventually. As OP said, their relationship was very different, one of equals. He never had the power or control with OP.
But something would have changed. Maybe she would have gotten sick or depressed. No relationship is without troubles. And this is just how he handles his troubles. With his fists.
You answered your own question in the very first sentence. What's with his anger towards you? You're in a controlling abusive relationship. Taking that control away will enrage a person like that. Period.
Maybe this is a bad take but many adults aren’t even fit to handle these situations. I don’t think adding a few more years is going to make that much of a difference. Go to financial advise subreddit and you’ll sometimes see very trash advice heavily upvoted, I feel bad for anyone making these bad decisions but it’s more complex than age.
People need to spend time and work at trying to understand finances and risk. Should people be allowed to take on risk they don’t understand? It’s kind of another question.
Honestly, it really only says something about you. If you fell out of love with your BF, that would say something about the relationship.
The fact that you’re emotionally cheating on him and only staying together because he’s your meal ticket and you can’t support yourself only speaks to you, not your relationship.
Trust and respect go hand in hand, she's not jealous or concerned about it in her marriage, what business is it of yours to say their relationship isn't respectful?
My only problem then, is that I either try texting her and tell her which locker I'm putting it in or I drive over to her house unannounced and put it in her mailbox/ding-dong-ditch it
I see 295 comments of people telling you to leave him. I understand if you don’t want to leave it might be nude to accept the truth, but you need to open your mind. If you want advice, it’s here.
The question is why. Why is he going to his parents/why are you a secret? Why are you sharing rent with him if he’s apparently not contributing? Why are you with someone who doesn’t seem to be interested in growing up?
Don’t be with someone for their potential, be with them for who they actually are.
How in the hell did you get so entitled. This is not your baby it’s never going to be your baby. If I were in her position, I would want you to have a little to do with it as possible. Eventually, yes when the child comes to stay with you. You will have to have some sort of pseudo-relationship. But you’re never going to be the mother she doesn’t want you to be and she is the child’s mother. You are the girlfriend fiancé of her ex. Her ex will be the father, but she will not be the mother. How do you not see this and why do you think you deserve that kind of position that you haven’t even earned. She’s giving birth she carried the baby it’s her baby.
“More recently he moved to the house next to mine, tried to transfer to my school, and moved to my city.”
So you said this? In which bit of this doesn't he sound like a stalker? Because it does sound a wee bit like he's a stalker. Just saying that his behaviour doesn't appear to be particularly innocent and you may find that he won't comprehend that you aren't interested in him. Be aware.
You and her are fucking snakes and cheaters. Are you so dumb to not see the manipulation on her end? Come clean and divorce your wife so you can dip your wick and act happy family or cut the bitch, Kate, off.
I think right now you shouldn't be in a relationship. Simply, she wants more than you're able to give.
Break off the relationship and focus on your career. You can have her still as a girlfriend as long as she accepts the level of attention you're able to offer. If she doesn't then cut her loose.
At the end of the day, she will either overcome her insecurity or not (and 8 months is not that long tbh), but while she works through it she needs you to be reassuring, not signal that her feelings don't matter. And you need to get the same support from her.
Just an outsider, but the fact that you use the term “honey” in every single response is increasingly infantilizing and strange every new time it pops up.
First and foremost, the parents acted abominably. They couldn’t try to mask their shock? The homophobia was real and it would take some time to for SIL to ever feel safe around them.
Yes it may have turned out better if she’d prepared them beforehand (but I doubt it!) but she was probably afraid to face them alone with this news. That said, SIL was not in any way wrong here.
As for your husband, their homophobic rant was appropriate? Your gay brother is not “blood”? I guess they don’t care if he burns in hell.
That was a pretty ugly scene and I hope your children are too young to understand what was being said.
You do seem to be dragging your feet a bit on the legal side of things. Just to warn you, that could seriously hurt you in the long run. Just be careful.
Yes, please let him go. It's a gut-punch for sure but the most important thing is to maintain a respectful, civil relationship with him for the sake of your kids. This is also an opportunity for you to get back out there and potentially meet someone who is head of heels for you for the long haul (I met mine as a 39 year old single mom!). And even if you don't, you can use the extra free time you'll have co-parenting to further your personal and professional goals. This is your phoenix moment! Just make sure you hire a good lawyer.
I will and I appreciate you, I will try not to thing about it because at the end we weren’t dating when that happened and she had the right to do whatever she wanted
I had the gestational diabetes really bad (it’s diabetes you get during pregnancy – so not in any way as a result of diet). I had blurry vision sometimes. I had to manage my diet and test my blood sugars.
Noone needed to care for me during this time. It was my responsibility.
It’s possible to reverse the type 2 diabetes through diet and exercise.
If your girlfriend won’t manage her diet and exercise and she’s developed the beehive as a result – then that isn’t going to be her only problem in the future. In which case you absolutely need to leave.
There popular drugs on the market that help people lose weight are actually intended for people with diabetes – but people are taking them to lose weight.
Your girlfriend should not be needing you to care for her with a type 2 beeties diagnosis.
Tom Hanks has the type 1 diabetes. He has been working at an extremely high level for decades.
Your husband is stonewalling you because you refused a blowjob 9 days after a miscarriage? What a callous self centered asshole !!!! Op, you said he hadn't showed traits like this before, but I think he did. If he was a decent human being there is no way he would go and do a 180 on you like that. Think long and nude about whether this is someone you want to have children with. He wouldn't have a problem with demanding sex from you when you are postpartum or get sick, or become in some other way uninterested in sex for health reasons.
Well I guess you should dump him and go marry the troll who lives under the bridge. Or you can find some self esteem and stop comparing yourself. There will always be people who are better than you and worse. He likes you he has decided you are someone he wants to be with for a year and a half so there must be something about you he seems to feel is worth it. Now take off the pitty party hat wash your face and be a big girl.
Cut the bullshit, you hypocrite. You were pulling some shitty behavior yourself, according to your post history, but of course, you're gonna conveniently leave that out
Ha. No argument of your own so you resort to insulting my intelligence. Good try though.
Yea it wasn’t bad for her to mention it to me?
She wasn’t being controlling — OP was the one who was telling her how to cork wine that she was using to cook.
She ignored OP and did it how SHE wanted to, as is her right. The fact that OP was perseverating on the cork is a problem they should work on.
If you really like it you will miss it so it may be a dealbreaker
No.
No, I don’t think so.
Yes, I think so.
By getting as much space as possible from the person you don’t want to love any more, and giving yourself as much time as you need.
The reasons people cheat are individual, but yes, it is possible for someone to cheat on someone they love. You can feel in love with someone and still not respect them.
I did. My boobs are/were huge. The bra felt tight around my middle and I didn't want anything to touch me that wasn't needed. Plus it was a LOT easier to just lift up my shirt and pop baby on the boob.
He can’t provide you with something basic such as respect and understanding that you were sexually assaulted. Find someone better because there ARE men who will wait until you’re ready. You will probably never be comfortable sexually with this man because of making jokes about something so sensitive to you and being generally disrespectful about it
This. I wouldn't even be going and I can't get why you would put your niece in that position.
Sounds pretty narcissistic to me as well… borderline psychopathic. Don't hesitate to file a report if you feel you're in danger leaving, seriously. Truly, I am very sorry you're going through this, I have no words ? ?
Thank you for the advice, I think that's definitely a possible and maybe necessary route that I didn't think of myself. Sending her back into an ED spiral is indeed the last thing I want to do. And I'd much rather have my own mind to deal with than to open those scars after she's come such a long way. I think I'll try to see a therapist, it would probably help me too. I've been putting of therapy for myself for a while and it's probably time I do something about that.
It's rather rough to see people jump to conclusions judging me this fast, thank you for being a voice of reason.
Most people who shop at TJ Maxx will know what I said in my comment, but worth a try I guess. TJ Maxx shoppers understand the yellow tag season ? I used to work at Marshall’s which is the same company as TJ Maxx. Shoppers know these things
Nope the fuck out. This is intolerable behavior. He's got issues that you don't need.
I saw your edit…and I believe you have now edited again?
I was under the assumption from the first post you went there, talked briefly, then had sex. Kind of the ole wham-bam, then left.
Then i saw earlier that didn't you say you talked awhile, she spoke of her family and everything, seemed sincere?
Now it just says you got her name but forgot since you were drunk.
I'm confused.
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Remind him about the importance of birth control and let it run its course. He might learn a thing or two if he doesn’t ruin his life.
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Research how to construct a proper apology. If done right, an apology can repair the damage.
He did say he'd pay for his family's food, as a caterer myself that is one of the bigger bills if you have a lot of people attending.
Your FOMO is going to kill this relationship if you let it spread any further.
He is obviously lying. He most likely cheated on you. You definitely shouldn’t marry him if you describe him as sketchy and lies a lot. You should leave his ass but if you want further proof then you should go to the address he was at and see who lives there. Also remember that just because it’s a guy doesn’t mean he isn’t still cheating on you with a guy.
Does he masturbate? If he does ask him why he feels the need to replace you when you’re not around.
Also I don’t really get why guys get so weirded out when people want to bring toys into their sex lives. My guy will make jokes about how they do a better job than he does but he’s secure enough in our sex that he knows there’s no real competition with a toy.
One more also. It seems like you do a lot to upkeep your sex life. I hope that’s a two way street because right now it sounds like he’s just holding you back. You two are still young so this hardly applies but I often use toys when I know all we’ll have time for is a quicky. It’s like mini foreplay when kids start to get in the way of everything.
Definitely considering that route. Funny enough I left a nicotine patch overnight so the dream was incredibly vivid.
What did you not comprehend about the word hearsay unconfirmable
There’s no need to fix anything. You are agreeing to marry him and now have lots of other things to discuss and plan. May I suggest having a gathering of the most important people to inform and have a list of suggestions as to how when and where the nuptials will take place. Destination wedding on a beach somewhere warm and romantic and double as honeymoon destination? This
I don’t want him to feel pressured at all! I love being with him, he’s wonderful. I just want to make sure he’s enjoying himself too. He said he hated having sex in his last relationship. My ex husband cheated on me. We both have our baggage. As to the porn, we had a very open conversation about it. I don’t believe it’s an addiction issue.
Have the awkward discussion.
Then she should pay less in rent so she can afford hotel rooms
That hole is the need to be loved and to love, you fill that hole with a romantic relationship but also with close friends and family. If you only truly feel close to or loved by your bf, you’ll continue to have this problem. Every time a romantic partner struggles, can’t be there for you, needs space, you’ll feel this way, and that happens, life isn’t always smooth. So to weather that storm you have two choices, continue as is knowing this will happen repeatedly and you’ll struggle this bad each time, or build more close relationships so that even when one relationship has a problem, you still have enough other people in your life that you’ll still be able to get through.
I did the same with my partner after we were dating for 5 months. I am 32 and he is 29, I did this because he was a very 'itll happen when it happens person'.
The thing is, women have a clock. If children do not happen within a certain timeframe, they will never happen. The older you get as well, the likely hood of a harder, complications, difficult recovery time increase, permanent issues as a result of the pregnancy. Even getting pregnant in the first place could become harder. I wish I had of met my partner in my 20's so I would not have to face these things (yes, it can happen at any age, but it's a higher chance now), I think it's understandable at 25 she is thinking about these things and setting the expectations.
I did it so if my partner wasn't down for this timeframe, we could both move on. That's the choice you have now. If you do not want these things, tell her and give her the option to decide what is best for her.
I would obviously have her consent I’m not just going to show up with another man. We have discussed letting each other have a threesome in the past and she was comfortable with it. I’m proposing giving her a free pass to see if she would like it. If she does and wants to continue doing it in the future she would have to let me try it as well. If she takes her free pass and chooses to never do it again then that is that and we had a fun night. Maybe I didn’t clearly state that in the post. This isn’t blackmail it’s a trial run.
You know what you're feeling is irrational, but the feeling is there anyway. That's how feelings are. The best you can do is to keep on making new memories and feelings with her, enough of them to swamp the ones you wish would go away.
You feel violated because you were! She didn’t simply disrespect your boundaries, she sexual assaulted you.
Just because you had an erection and initially consented doesn’t mean she gets to hop on and keep riding you when you’re visibly distressed, try to push her off, and ask her to stop.
She put you at risk of pregnancy and STI’s without your consent.
Stop hooking up with her and make it very clear that you never want to see her again because she sexually assaulted you.
When you meet the next person, make sure you set a boundary upfront that you refuse to have sex without a condom, if they disagree or try to convince you otherwise don’t bother moving forward with them.
Is your husband an idiot? Because he sounds like an idiot. Tell him to.plunge his own shit, and you really need to address him about how he completely disrespected you. He doesn't get to scream at you, when he's the disgusting, lazy one.
Get him an outhouse.
oh god its going to be a learning curve hahaha
Yeah, I bet the conversation about the invite between them and the other person is probably not talking about how nice or giving OP is
Just sit him down and say “I know about [name]”. Wait for him to respond. Either it's something relatively innocent, or he'll start damage control
No it's not okay! Weed makes it worse omg!!
Then he probably won't ever be ready
Thank you, I have a strong gut feeling that I did too. It’s just nude to let go and trust myself for sure
Let's cut to the chase: It is not working out.
So what are you going to do about that?
Dating is about getting to know someone. It is perfectly normal to come to know a lot more at 12 months than you did at 2 months. So now you know some stuff and you know what the relationship is like.
I wouldn't stay.
If you like it, stay. If you don't, leave. If you've decided to stay despite the boatload of red flags you really need to be honest with yourself and stop complaining about the things you've decied to accept.
Family is supposed to be trustful between each other too right ?
I honestly hate saying casual shit on here while giving genuine advice, but in this situation, I have to really say, dude, are you fucking serious right now?
Even if we ignored the second half (we won’t), from the title I was expecting that you just found out after a year that you contracted the STI. I was happy to see that this wasn’t the case, so I wanted to remove cheating as an issue.
You started dating a year ago. You got this a year ago. You haven’t been sexually active with anyone else. You logically know she gave it to you. On its own, that’d be fine (for lack of a better term). It sucks but it happens and I’d have assumed she didn’t realize it.
But then she just denies it. Unless you’re lying to us, she gave it to you. That’s the end of it. You’re here talking about how she’s calling your bluff. There’s no fucking bluff. You don’t need her to admit it. That she’s lying to you is a huge problem.
Are there logical fallacies or frameworks to prove it to her? The proof is that you literally know. You don’t need some sort of smoking gun. She’ll continue to deny it. It’s honestly crazy, because I wouldn’t be assuming cheating.
Despite that, I have to tell you that I have absolutely no clue why you need to know who she got it from. That’s weird, unnecessary, and tells you nothing of value. Oddly enough, at the end you sneak in that she gave you an answer. Why do you believe it’s “too long.” If she had it, she had it.
After that, maybe she’s cheating on you. Or maybe you’re crazy because you’re losing your shit over looks.
Girls like this are the worst.
Your bf has to clearly and firmly cut all contact with her, then both ghost her. It’s the only way.
You're getting down voted because this is pearl clutching bullshit lmao. “He doesn't like seeing cheating and thinks it's awful, what the fuck he has convictions??? That's a red flag and he's insecure ewwww.”
Get over yourselves.
You questions aren't fair. You're assu.ing OP is just a bitter jealous ex. You're insinuating that he only wants to hurt her, rather than accepting that he wants to do the right thing.
More like “lol look at this”
I mean…facts are facts. They contribute a fee thrusts and a teaspoon of sauce and think they’ve done 50/50.
You dont need to read anything other then this answer. Your BF is a PoS, you should move on.
But when they don't show any interest/ initiative what should I do
Bruh tell the mf to kick sand and pound rocks. The audacity to be mad…jfc
There’s no argument to be had. Your parents are charging her rent. If she thinks that’s mean & unfair, she can move. Why is she complaining to you? YOU’RE not her landlord.
As for her parents? Unless they actually own a rental unit, she has no idea what they would do.
I don’t know why she expects to be treated the same as (or better than) their own children.
Thank you.
I'd never try to hurt her feelings. It's just I thought it was only a porn thing, like a force fetish. I didn't know it was a cultural thing to show enjoyment as pain?
It's only in bed as well. When I massage her I hear the normal moans of enjoyment I'm used to. When I've seen her in pain, it's literally the same as the sex noises and faces.
So it's almost like she's only switched up those two reactions for sexy time.
Oh ok so she definitely knows about you is the thing. Otherwise I would assume he was cheating ?
Idk he seems really wishy washy with what he wants. And like he still has one foot in this past relationship, considering he still lives there and it was when you asked him to move out that he started getting strange.
It's awful you have feelings for him, but it seems like he may need some space to figure out his life and what he really wants before he can be in a relationship.
I wouldn't try to stay friends- it's just going to keep your feelings alive and hurt you
You are the “back-up friend” when all the others are too busy. Basically a 2nd choice friend. I don't think she would miss you.
It's time to make new friends. It's obvious your friendship with her means more, than her friendship with you.
Go enjoy yourself alone. I wouldn't waste anymore time on that fake friendship.
We ask because we are worried about you, not judging you.
Then you'd all accept the answer she's given 10+ times… yet people are telling her she's wrong and that he cheated. So no, none of you are worried about the OP at all. You just want to tell her she's wrong and make some man out to be way worse of a person than he actually is.
The first step here is to determine what you need to move forward with your life.
The relationship is over. You two are officially broken up, and as harsh as it sounds, it's time for both you and her to think about yourselves as separate instead of a combined couple. That means that, in this case, it's okay to be selfish.
Consider what it is she might say. Will it upset you, or try to convince you to take her back? You mention that the relationship was toxic and that she was emotionally manipulative. Could this be another one of her tactics to maintain control of the relationship?
Finally, what are you hoping to get out of this? I'd be concerned that you'd be setting yourself on fire to keep her warm; that is to say that you'd be agreeing to this when in the end it would be emotionally damaging to you despite doing what she asks.
To be anecdotal, this occurred to me several years ago, and my ex asked the same thing with almost the exact same timeline. When I didn't agree to meet, she immediately reverted to emotional abuse and manipulation again because she realized she no longer had control over the relationship. It also justified that her seeking closure was a selfish act designed to try and manipulate me into remaining with her. If she truly respected me, she would have respected my wishes to not be together or remain in contact.
If your ex really respected you, she would do the same.
That is a level of crazy that nobody needs
It’s honestly incredibly odd as well as unprofessional that this happened. It’s further weird given the fact that he rejected her. It’s like they’re obsessed with getting them together.
Cheer up OP. You have another child.
No they don't
Yeah, he may have eventually even become abusive with OP. Something else would have set him off eventually. As OP said, their relationship was very different, one of equals. He never had the power or control with OP.
But something would have changed. Maybe she would have gotten sick or depressed. No relationship is without troubles. And this is just how he handles his troubles. With his fists.
You answered your own question in the very first sentence. What's with his anger towards you? You're in a controlling abusive relationship. Taking that control away will enrage a person like that. Period.
It is an example of you not getting the message over and over and over again.
I would never marry somebody like that or have children or something like that. You have a fair warning, so if you do that after this, it’s on you.
Maybe this is a bad take but many adults aren’t even fit to handle these situations. I don’t think adding a few more years is going to make that much of a difference. Go to financial advise subreddit and you’ll sometimes see very trash advice heavily upvoted, I feel bad for anyone making these bad decisions but it’s more complex than age.
People need to spend time and work at trying to understand finances and risk. Should people be allowed to take on risk they don’t understand? It’s kind of another question.
That is deeply untrue and sexist.
Honestly, it really only says something about you. If you fell out of love with your BF, that would say something about the relationship.
The fact that you’re emotionally cheating on him and only staying together because he’s your meal ticket and you can’t support yourself only speaks to you, not your relationship.
Trust and respect go hand in hand, she's not jealous or concerned about it in her marriage, what business is it of yours to say their relationship isn't respectful?
That's way too often.
My only problem then, is that I either try texting her and tell her which locker I'm putting it in or I drive over to her house unannounced and put it in her mailbox/ding-dong-ditch it
This request is not respectful to you
OR THE CHILDREN
I see 295 comments of people telling you to leave him. I understand if you don’t want to leave it might be nude to accept the truth, but you need to open your mind. If you want advice, it’s here.
The question is why. Why is he going to his parents/why are you a secret? Why are you sharing rent with him if he’s apparently not contributing? Why are you with someone who doesn’t seem to be interested in growing up?
Don’t be with someone for their potential, be with them for who they actually are.
How in the hell did you get so entitled. This is not your baby it’s never going to be your baby. If I were in her position, I would want you to have a little to do with it as possible. Eventually, yes when the child comes to stay with you. You will have to have some sort of pseudo-relationship. But you’re never going to be the mother she doesn’t want you to be and she is the child’s mother. You are the girlfriend fiancé of her ex. Her ex will be the father, but she will not be the mother. How do you not see this and why do you think you deserve that kind of position that you haven’t even earned. She’s giving birth she carried the baby it’s her baby.
“More recently he moved to the house next to mine, tried to transfer to my school, and moved to my city.”
So you said this? In which bit of this doesn't he sound like a stalker? Because it does sound a wee bit like he's a stalker. Just saying that his behaviour doesn't appear to be particularly innocent and you may find that he won't comprehend that you aren't interested in him. Be aware.
You and her are fucking snakes and cheaters. Are you so dumb to not see the manipulation on her end? Come clean and divorce your wife so you can dip your wick and act happy family or cut the bitch, Kate, off.
I think she posted this yesterday too
I think she posted this yesterday too
I think right now you shouldn't be in a relationship. Simply, she wants more than you're able to give.
Break off the relationship and focus on your career. You can have her still as a girlfriend as long as she accepts the level of attention you're able to offer. If she doesn't then cut her loose.
At the end of the day, she will either overcome her insecurity or not (and 8 months is not that long tbh), but while she works through it she needs you to be reassuring, not signal that her feelings don't matter. And you need to get the same support from her.
Just an outsider, but the fact that you use the term “honey” in every single response is increasingly infantilizing and strange every new time it pops up.
First and foremost, the parents acted abominably. They couldn’t try to mask their shock? The homophobia was real and it would take some time to for SIL to ever feel safe around them.
Yes it may have turned out better if she’d prepared them beforehand (but I doubt it!) but she was probably afraid to face them alone with this news. That said, SIL was not in any way wrong here.
As for your husband, their homophobic rant was appropriate? Your gay brother is not “blood”? I guess they don’t care if he burns in hell.
That was a pretty ugly scene and I hope your children are too young to understand what was being said.
I’m very sorry for your SIL & her SO.
Seems like it could be a fun opportunity for cosplay and toys action.
You do seem to be dragging your feet a bit on the legal side of things. Just to warn you, that could seriously hurt you in the long run. Just be careful.
Yes, please let him go. It's a gut-punch for sure but the most important thing is to maintain a respectful, civil relationship with him for the sake of your kids. This is also an opportunity for you to get back out there and potentially meet someone who is head of heels for you for the long haul (I met mine as a 39 year old single mom!). And even if you don't, you can use the extra free time you'll have co-parenting to further your personal and professional goals. This is your phoenix moment! Just make sure you hire a good lawyer.
~reads title~ “this another one where OP was raped?”
~straight to comments~ “yup”
I will and I appreciate you, I will try not to thing about it because at the end we weren’t dating when that happened and she had the right to do whatever she wanted
People are crazy… Like my boyfriend cheats on me constantly but I stay with him because I love him. What should I do???
What’s the name of this place? If it’s in Cali, share! I wanna go too for a solo trip.
Is your girlfriend overweight?
I had the gestational diabetes really bad (it’s diabetes you get during pregnancy – so not in any way as a result of diet). I had blurry vision sometimes. I had to manage my diet and test my blood sugars.
Noone needed to care for me during this time. It was my responsibility.
It’s possible to reverse the type 2 diabetes through diet and exercise.
If your girlfriend won’t manage her diet and exercise and she’s developed the beehive as a result – then that isn’t going to be her only problem in the future. In which case you absolutely need to leave.
There popular drugs on the market that help people lose weight are actually intended for people with diabetes – but people are taking them to lose weight.
Your girlfriend should not be needing you to care for her with a type 2 beeties diagnosis.
Tom Hanks has the type 1 diabetes. He has been working at an extremely high level for decades.
Actually it is, specifically wanting an inexperienced partnership is wrong. Just like wanting a much younger partner, not all preferences are valid
Your husband is stonewalling you because you refused a blowjob 9 days after a miscarriage? What a callous self centered asshole !!!! Op, you said he hadn't showed traits like this before, but I think he did. If he was a decent human being there is no way he would go and do a 180 on you like that. Think long and nude about whether this is someone you want to have children with. He wouldn't have a problem with demanding sex from you when you are postpartum or get sick, or become in some other way uninterested in sex for health reasons.
And by weird we mean that guy has a drinking problem.
Well I guess you should dump him and go marry the troll who lives under the bridge. Or you can find some self esteem and stop comparing yourself. There will always be people who are better than you and worse. He likes you he has decided you are someone he wants to be with for a year and a half so there must be something about you he seems to feel is worth it. Now take off the pitty party hat wash your face and be a big girl.
Cut the bullshit, you hypocrite. You were pulling some shitty behavior yourself, according to your post history, but of course, you're gonna conveniently leave that out