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I (28F) have been dating my BF (28M) for about 6 months. We are both lawyers (at different big firms) in a major US city, meaning we both have relatively high incomes for our age, but also high-stress lives with long working hours, as well as high expenses between debt and cost of living. There is a lot of pressure and mental health is a big concern in our field, so stress management is very important. Most of us have a guilty pleasure or two to help manage that stress, and there is a pretty high rate of substance abuse/addiction – I definitely see it among my colleagues. I don't want to go that route, so have chosen relatively harmless indulgences – working out as much as my schedule permits (I can usually manage an hour, 5-6 days a week, usually 6 or 7 am workout classes before I get busy with work that day), and…lighthearted reading (about an hour a day to wind down, mostly popular fiction and romances, nothing serious).
When I first met my BF I told him about the workouts and the reading…but I probably downplayed that it was “fluffy” reading, I just said I read a variety of genres and try to read a book or two a week. I justified this lie of omission by telling myself it didn't matter that much, and that I didn't expect the relationship to be serious/committed anyway because my life doesn't leave much time for dating. Anyway, the spark caught more than I expected, and here we are, 6 months later. I started to feel very guilty about not being forthcoming about my reading habits, and decided to come clean. I was hoping we would just have a good laugh about it. However, when I told him, he was just…beside himself. Angry, and sad too, that I wasn't who I represented myself to be.
Over the My BF is extremely intellectual and the kind of person who will read Plato in ancient Greek, or quantum physics textbooks, just for fun. On the other hand, I have tried reading more intellectual books, but after practicing law for 12-14 hours a day I really just want to unwind with something mindless.
I know this maybe means we aren't compatible, but I'm feeling horrible and also embarrassed. People in my field are generally supposed to have “sophisticated” hobbies, like going to the theater and opera or playing golf, and I feel like an imposter. I am not sure if I should grovel and beg for his forgiveness, or just move on.
TL;DR: After dating for 6 months, I disclosed to my BF that I like breezy popular books and romances instead of intellectual books, and he feels betrayed. I don't know if I should fight for the relationship or just let it go.
well the commenter asked why i haven’t broke up with him yet and i said why i haven’t and then proceeded to say i need to and i am going to-so i think the downvotes are uncalled for!! thank you for your comment i appreciate it!
thank you!
Ultimately you can’t be sure you’ll change her perspective. Focus on applying for the job and putting your best foot forward there. If possible, minimize whatever your overlap is if you’re in a bad spot (keeping personal separate from work is generally a good habit anyway).
You probably already should have left.
At minimum you should get yourself to therapy, and your kids too. To prepare for all of you being away from him.