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Very little is outlined in your above to indicate financial abuse, though that does not eliminate that this situation is financially abusive.
I would also not be weary of lending moneys to family (both own and in-laws). However this has been my experience.
Support him in his endeavours to join the workforce. Work out a budget which would include the cost of child care plus work out a chore list between the two of you. You will essentially be splitting your finances and child care roles.
It will be a big change to relationship but not the end. Perhaps more difficult for you as, you probably have to juggle more then you previously did but as this is a relationship it is one where you should support him as he has supported you.
She finds me very attractive and constantly wants sex
You should definitely stay with her. Pro cyclists are not conventionally thought of as attractive due to their extremely weak upper bodies. Given that she constantly wants to have sex with you, do it. All that cardio will help her shed weight and help you further increase your VO2 max, which will benefit your cycling.
Try approaching it as a problem the two of you can solve together. He doesn't want to overstimulate you, you want him to be happy, so what are things the two of you can do to make both of those things possible? Maybe coming up with a code word or having earplugs nearby could help
I feel like you can do both, divorce her and then live! as roommates. Not being married would put you in an equal footing. You both pay in to live! together and support your daughter, your wife is forced to support herself and you only have to pay for your daughter. You don't have to tell her family anything. I agree with the others that providing for her green card is a huge responsibility. But yes, do talk to a lawyer, not a legal advice, but lawyer.
I'll explain, men don't want gifts. Men take pride in being able to provide for their families and have the ability purchase what they need / want during the year. Stop confusing what would make you happy would make him happy. All you're doing is stressing him and you out.
tell her boyfriend. You have a moral obligation!
I was thinking the same thing. I feel like something else may be happening here
Time to cut losses and take the kids. She's going to cheat 110% her friends going to help her do so. Once she cheats w a woman itll make cheating w the next guy easier
Girl, leave and get child support. He has it great right now, you’re doing all the work AND paying for the privilege. Your family is you and your son. This guy has made it abundantly clear he is not and does not want to be your family. Your family will be fine without him. He will have to financially contribute to your child whether he wants to or not.
i understand, one asshole is bad to deal with but being vulnerable to every asshole on the street pls the asshole cops is even worse. its called survival sex and survival pregnancy for a reason.
try and find a womens shelter that might help, better yet try and find as much work as you can get and hide your money from him never tell how much money you really make and start formulating a safe escape plan at least you buy birth control with it.
is there a place in the area you can travel to by bus or walk to that has access to free birth control and medical care?
seek outside assistance that can provide help to you so that you are not so reliant on him for medical care or other needs, that is the first step and whatever you do dont tell him about it.
Totally – needs to be completely financially independent, including getting work elsewhere (which he could do very easily, he has an in demand qualification). I promised myself after my last relationship that I would never spend years begging a man to get therapy again, but I hope it’s something he decides he wants for himself
Yeah it was weird…I only raised the idea of booking a holiday together this year and that spiralled into this whole conversation about future. We already have tickets booked for a few things in March, which he planned earlier so I’m confused. I told him I’m not ready to be married either – I’d need years with someone – but I get excited thinking about future experiences with him like living or travelling together and think he’s worth the risk of failure. I didn’t understand why it’s either all or nothing within a week – was strange.
I feel a lot of concern for your coming child. To be this fatphobic is scary and cruel. You have to address this now. If your wife can deprive her child of a whole grandparent because of some extra pounds… Will she deprive her child of friends she seems as being overweight? What if you get an injury and gain some pounds? What happens if your child is “overweight”?
Your wifes mindset will cause so much hurt for a lifetime for the child if this isn't addressed.
Guys don’t care, she’s right. Knew a girl that tried wearing an engagement ring out to stop guys from hitting on her. It didn’t work.
An attractive girl by herself is going to get hit on, and many guys will ignore any things like her having a bf, fiancé, husband, that you think would stop them.
Give your gf a break, she’s just trying to get through her day without conflicts with gross guys.
fuck you you piece of shit.
Call the police. 1: He threatened you. 2: he’s a danger to himself. Make sure you warn the police he has a gun collection if they come to the house, just to be safe
You can say NO to any activity- regardless if you’ve said yes in the past. This man doesn’t respect you enough to allow that though. Although can’t say I’m surprised considering the age gap that he’s abusing you this way. Pretty common with the power dynamic established.
If we’re going on journeys to investigate fictional characters, why does it have to be god? Why not Dumbledore or SpongeBob?
If we’re going on journeys to investigate fictional characters, why does it have to be god? Why not Dumbledore or SpongeBob?
If we’re going on journeys to investigate fictional characters, why does it have to be god? Why not Dumbledore or SpongeBob?
It’s hysterical how you fuckwads come out of the woodworks to defend the girl that I have been dating, that you know nothing about, outside of the fact that it is indeed a female and I spoke poorly about her GASP
Reddit has gone so downhill. Replies on similar threads 10yrs ago are not filled with unnuanced, poorly thought out, dumbass takes such as your own moronic one.
Is this the same girlfriend from this post a year ago?
Best friend doesn't like my new girlfriend for a non issue. What do I do?
So, I've (M26) been seeing someone for a few months now and at first it was super casual. So casual that I was literally telling this someone that I want the freedom to sleep with other people and if she wants to sleep with other people, she is absolutely welcome to do so. Seems fair right?
Unsurprisingly, she did sleep with someone else and I was totally fine with it. She felt bad, but I kept reassuring her that there was no issue here, I practically told her to sleep with other people. I genuinely was and still am absolutely fine with this.
I shared this fact with my best friend that this had happened. I shared it with him because I was really happy that she had done it because it meant that she was totally fine with the idea of being that casual (yippee I now have absolutely no guilt when sleeping with other people!). Truth be told, I never did sleep with anyone else. Not out of choice, but purely because it's just harder for guys I guess? And we were still in a lockdown of sorts so meeting people was nude. However, this didn't bother me.
Anyway, about a month after this happened, my feelings for her changed and she confessed that she had quite strong feelings for me for some time now. As a result, we are now seeing each other exclusively and calling each other bf and gf.
My girlfriend had been staying over every now and then for a while now, because, sex and there was nothing else to do together….but here's the kicker. I started noticing that my bestfriend, who I live! with, was acting really cold and off towards my gf. I couldn't understand why but I just put it as him just not feeling sociable at the time. But it didn't stop. He wouldn't say hello to her, she always initiated. He would be so blunt with his replies whenever she spoke to him. If there was a group event that she was invited to, he would basically ignore her and pretend she wasn't there. He would speak to her friends, but not to her. This was really fucking me off and she was obviously noticing it too.
I finally confronted him and asked him what was going on and why he was being so off with her all of a sudden (he had interacted with her before and there were no issues). He told me that he just didn't like her because he didn't trust her because she slept with that other guy. When I shared with him that she had slept with someone else, I was very clear about how happy I was about it and how it was a positive thing and I was really glad she'd done it. Yet for some reason he said that he sees it as a betrayal.
My girlfriend is really being affected by this. I haven't told her that he doesn't like her, nor the reason why because I know it would break her heart to hear that my bestfriend doesn't like her and there is nothing she can do to resolve it.
Where do I go from here? How am I meant to resolve this? Does my bestfriend have a point? I can't carry on in a relationship where my bestfriend doesn't like my girlfriend. Like, he gets pissed when I go off and see her all the time. I'd bring her over but he's so cold towards her that it just ruins the mood. What do I do?!
Edit: if anyone wants even more detail about this, then I think you'll be able to see some of the failed posts that I made to before on my profile. They're very long and have a lot of detail.
The real question is what else is she lying about?
Um, no? He'll have me pay his medical bills for aggravated assault. Cuz he going down.
If you expect to have a healthy long term marriage you cannot have this thought process that when things get rough you run. Of course you’re allowed to set boundaries that are grounds for divorce.. but being told to shut up while actively insulting and disrespecting your fiancé is not or should not be one of them. Particularly because as you said this is out of character for him. If you two are lucky enough to live! a long life together there will be many moments where tension/stress/anger/frustration gets the better of you. You cannot run from these and have to learn how to work through them and forgive, use them as learning tools. Only you know if what he said was out of frustration from you being disrespectful or as a form of abuse meant to belittle you.. again, from what you said it seems like the first one. I hope it all works out for you.
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Me (F32) and friend (F31) known each other for 8 years. She’s not my best friend, but a close one of mine.
I’ve been asked to review a luxury resort for a week (I’m a journalist) and as I’ve only just moved into the travel area, this is the first one to come up. I’m allowed to bring a +1, and everything will be inclusive, covered by the hotel so it’ll be a great trip.
But one of my closest friends who I really enjoy spending time with had a family holiday home in a beautiful part of Spain, and despite her visiting it a few times a year, has never once invited me. She has taken various boyfriends and other friends of hers (ones I’ve never met) but given that nobody lives in it in-between holidays, and it’s just a cheap, quick flight from the UK to get there, I’ve always been surprised to have never got an invite even just for a long weekend getaway. They’ve now sold it, so it’s never going to happen.
We socialise a lot together, and she’s done some really thoughtful things for me over the years, but there’s always this part of her life I’m not privy too. She has a group of friends who I’ve never met – even when they’re all visiting and socialising in the village I live! in. She also gate keeps events, even the ones she’s organising or are an open invite. The big dates like Xmas eve, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve are always spent with her other friends. I didn’t even get an invite to her birthday last year as it was a cottage weekend away with her sister and this other group. As where I’ve introduced her to all of my friends, invited her to every big event and get together.
My other close friends are either mums with newborns and won’t be able to join, have started a new job and can’t take time off this short notice, or we’re not close enough to be spending a whole week sharing a room.
So I’m actually considering just going on my own (which I’ll still very much enjoy) but does that make me ridiculously petty? To be so put out by not getting an invite, that I’d rather not give a free holiday to one of my friends? I know in the grand scheme of friendships, it’s a small part of it, but I also feel like it’s important
TLDR: friend doesn’t invite me to various events and holidays and I don’t see why I should invite her to my work holiday.
I can't pretend that I understand your problem. I really don't mind which one of my names my girlfriend chooses to call me but hey I got my own things that other people don't understand.
So, the question is, is this a deal-breaker for you? If yes, then let him know that he might not be able to understand it but it's a big deal to you and you won't change your mind about it. Let him know that it may not be fun to call you the name you want but that's what you prefer to be called any way and there's just no other option. Just say this is one of the few things that will seem to not have much explanation but need to be understood by him.
Similar things happen in many relationships so if he likes you, he'll soon start calling you your preferred title.
Unfortunately, no. I considered it. Even tried a few times to genuinely want to be in a relationship with her in my head, but I just couldn't see myself being serious with her. In retrospect, it could have come across that I was leading her on, but that really wasn't my intent and I feel bad about that. I did make my intentions very clear to her, though, and reminded her from time to time, so I tried to stay as transparent with where I stood.
You are not crazy at all. Please please please save yourself and get out of there. He is going to hurt you! He already has! That is not normal, not okay, not acceptable, not human. Nobody you love should EVER threaten you with a knife!? I know it's so incredibly hard to get out, and pregnancy makes things so much harder. You and your baby deserve so much better than this. You and your child deserve a peaceful home full of love and growth and positivity.
Again, you are NOT crazy. You are NOT at fault. You haven't done ANYTHING wrong. He IS going to hurt you and your child. Nobody deserves to be treated that way AT ALL. He is a vile, manipulative abuser.
Doing the lord's work.
You’re not wrong. This woman isn’t your friend anymore. Unless there’s genuinely something wrong with your bf that justifies her negative comments, she simply can’t be happy for you & actively wants to ruin your happiness.
Me? I'm not a misogynist. I love women. I'm just aware of how the game is played and I play accordingly. I didn't make the rules of the game. I just follow them.
Everyone thinks that! It’s ok though. I imagine it’s your first real serious relationship.
You took an L but that’s ok because L is the first letter in Lesson.
Maybe you don’t have time for a serious relationship… but you’re in college! What abt something casual? It could help!
No no no no no. Trust yourself. This is classic love bombing and honestly I'd suspect that his REAL personality is not pleasant. All abusers start like that, it's how they hook people in. I'd run a MILE, quickly.
Also, second red flag is that you already told him it was too soon/too quick and he's ignored that completely.
Nope.
They're 20 years old. Stop calling it an affair, they aren't married. They can't even drink alcohol legally, I doubt commitment is something that was on his mind. He wants to be free and enjoy his youth like a lot of 20 years old want. It's nothing new.
Please go for it OP. You sound blessed to have found one another. She'd certainly benefit highly from you being in her life.
Her father sounds frankly awful from the short story you've shared. I trust from the fact you're considering leaving – that there is far more to this story too.
She lied and cheated (yes, it's cheating). Don't stay with her.
Do you know the symptoms of schizophrenia? I just watched a video yesterday of a schizophrenic who was trying to save a woman from being gang raped and how she spoke to him telepathically not to kick the door in because there was 10 of them, so he set the house on fire so he could rescue her as they fled the fire.
There was no gang rape, nor did this woman he witnessed get pulled into the home exist.