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So so so many people are lactose intolerant and don't realize. Taking Lactaid pills can be life changing. Talk to her before breaking up. You have nothing to lose.
Tell him it's not happening until you've had time to think it through first. He should never have asked his buddy until he got the okay from you
Nope, too old for that shit.
And LDR too? Why bother with this woman?
Yeah, I guess that's true, but he wasn't ready for them to know. I just feel so bad
This is a phenomenal response I probably shouldn't even try to add to. But I'll say this:
If her bf is truly in love with her, she clearly doesn't understand what makes him tick and Vice versa.
He should definitely have tried harder if he did. But op has to understand that a guy who doesn't care at all about these dates, no matter how much he loves her, she will ALWAYS be let down or need to temper her expectations.
Likewise, she should probably figure out what makes him happy instead of planning things for herself when the anniversary is about both of them.
Hm. i'm not sure I can relate with what your reservations say about your values. Looking funny? Being judged? If those are your big concerns? Why do anything?
My perspective is influenced by the fact that I came out as a queer person in the late 1980s in a red state. So your lack of fortitude regarding this relationship speaks volumes to me.
I eventually married someone who is 11 years younger than me. And so maybe the concerns you should actually be thinking about are more like: are your goals and life paths aligned? Will one of you lead the other into a situation that would be uncomfortable, such as a commitment before one is ready. (maybe he will be admitted to grad school next year and you'll have to decide whether you want to move 3000 miles away and on-line with him for five years while he makes $1000 a month. I don't know. It depends on the two of you. Or maybe yr like hey, my biological clock is tickingā¦ And you're 24!)
Are you equally settled in the world or both still looking for adventure end a niche into which you might one day settle down? Or not! what will it feel like to you when he's 39 and you are pushing 50?
It all can be worked out if you're compatible in fundamental ways.
She is trying to put the blame on him for it not being strong instead of addressing the obvious problem with her behavior.
Sounds similar to a guy I know. Within 6 months he had 3 accidents. Each time his dream car got repaired, then a few days later BOOM! another accident. His insurance jacked his rates up and is parents made him walk or take the bus everywhere.
Good riddance to bad rubbish
She's not gaining anything off of the duplex other than having a place to on-line. Which she could find anywhere, so what part would be profitable for her? She's not making any additional money off this situation. You would be getting the money from your other tenants plus her money.
It's not like any other situation where in the event of a breakup you guys would take equal-ish L's and walk away she would be leaving with nothing and you would have gained quite a bit. Seems a little predatory as this is all ultimately to benefit you.
I mean his obvious explanation was her cheating, but as we can see it wasnt the right one, but imo it isnt that farfetched to jump to that conclusion.
Weāre having two different conversations here. Iām not saying whether or not I think the conclusion he jumped to is farfetched. (I think it absolutely was, but thatās not the point.) The question at hand is ādoes he trust his wife.ā He says he does, his actions say otherwise. Even if we assume that assuming an affair is reasonable it still indicates a lack of trust.
the wife is also overeacting to what seems like a stupid miscommunication.
The āstupid miscommunicationā was him accusing her of cheating on him. Of course sheās angry, it would be weird if she wasnāt.
I'm so happy for you! This is wonderful to read, and thank you so much for sharing it- I hope this helps OP see that these conversations can be hugely important and don't have to be scary.
Intense emotional responses can be good, and healing, and important to share with your partner what's actually going on with you.
Gotta ask: are you a petulant pre-teen?
This is what Iām thinking, thanks for your input
OP, you need to recognize that your husband has chosen not to participate in your family. His/her selfishness will continue to hurt you and your kids. Don't burn your family to the ground for him.
Mothers that are this codependent to their sons will do some crazy and remarkable sneaky things to keep “their baby boys close.” I really think his mom set this whole thing in motion and she was smug because you took the bait and reacted the way she wanted you to react.
Fixed
Pack your shit and leave. He's been cheating on you your entire relationship.
How do you ask nicely? Easy – just ask nicely.
I don't think there's a legal basis you can rely on.
Itās sounds like heās right, he does love his best friend moreā¦ if he only āloves youā because your attractive and sexy, thatās not love and never was.
Or he's just your garden-variety, shitbag, emotional infant of a dude.
Nah do it. Regardless of if itās a month into the relationship or years into, he should take it as nothing but a kind gesture. I certainly would!
This is over. A tale as old as Reddit itself!
This has got absolutely nothing to do with your mother. Youāre projecting onto this relationship based on little information and your own issues. This isnāt a cry for help from the OP about an abusive violent fiancĆ©.
OP i dont have much advice because i agree with exactly what most are saying here.
As a married woman i could never ever invalidate my husband the way your wife does. I love and respect him. Because he deserves that! You deserve better and don't just stay for the kids.
Unhappy marriages just teach us as kids it's okay to treat your SO like crap. My parents are an example of that.
They deserve a dad that's happy! She doesn't want to do therapy she doesnt want to work on the marriage, she doesn't care about how you feel or your needs.
Please leave this is a fucked up relationship to hve kids around.
That might be his legit preference. But, there's also a possibility that he's afraid you'll see him as “less of a man” if he admits to wanting that.
If he's said no though, you should respect that.
Idk if I would call it a fetish but a small thing that really gets me and amplifies a girl's beauty in my eyes, is like either large hoop earrings or large earrings in general And like a lot of bracelets is also another thing that damn
It's funny to me finding out about other people's small but interesting things they find attractive
Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Law School, too?
Why are you blaming OP for being insecure but giving the GF a free pass for clearly not having boundaries while in a relationship?
At least you found out who she was before you got married or had kids. Your situation could be way worse than what it is.
Like some others have said. Focus on having a good life. Focus on hobbies, family, friends, the gym, self improvement, your career. You have to build up some self worth and realize she isnāt worth you being miserable. Iād never give her a moment of my time going forward. Donāt ever take her back either. There are over 3 billion women out there, she isnāt worth your time.
It will take time, but hopefully youāll realize it one day.
Can you find validation in doing the right thing for your kids, at least?
You arenāt finding anyone attractive because you havenāt split up, disengaged and healed. You are worrying over nothing.
Dump the boyfriend. And dump the guy friend.
Look there is no benefit for you to stay in this destructive relationship this will lead hatred and resentment of him. Also if he calls you this to your face what is he saying about you to others? This shows how little regard he has for you. I would have a very serious conversation with him and explain that if this juvenile behavior continues the relationship is over.
100% correct
And “throat fucking” is just so much more violent than deep throating. Deep throating at least shows enthusiasm on the part of the giver. I've never seen the term “throat fuck” used to describe anything apart from a very violent, degrading act wherein someone uses another person's throat without any regard for them or their enjoyment of the act.
It makes me so sad that she says that she “just isn't there yet.” Even if we were just talking about deep throating, not everyone can do it, even with practice. Personally, I have never been able to disengage my gag reflex. I know some people can but I'm not one of them, lol.
And “throat fucking” is just so much more violent than deep throating. Deep throating at least shows enthusiasm on the part of the giver. I've never seen the term “throat fuck” used to describe anything apart from a very violent, degrading act wherein someone uses another person's throat without any regard for them or their enjoyment of the act.
It makes me so sad that she says that she “just isn't there yet.” Even if we were just talking about deep throating, not everyone can do it, even with practice. Personally, I have never been able to disengage my gag reflex. I know some people can but I'm not one of them, lol.
Why don't u just talk to them and clear things out, tell them that they are abusive towards you and ask them to go with u to a therapist
I think there are 2 sides to this and that maybe u are too sensitive.
And the flirting part ?
Iām actually speechlessā¦this is so horrendous. Iāve been in sexually abusive relationships and also experienced a lot of loss / griefā¦but honestly this is such an extreme form of gaslighting in such a short amount of timeā¦ itās shocked me. Imagine if the tables were turned, would you ever treat him this way? No! Because thatās not love. Run, donāt walk. Seriously.
Itās easy for redditors to make jokes and yell āno sex!ā when they read something different from their experience. As his spouse, though, Iād imagine that disgust is mixed with concern, worry and fear for your partnerās wellbeing. Itās only natural.
You mentioned that your husbandās mother used to be in charge of maintaining his hygiene routine. That would lead me to believe this is a life-long issue.
If your husband has not been assessed for ADD / ADHD, depression, anxiety disorders or sensory processing disorders, he should. Getting a better understanding of how brain chemistry may be effecting his actions could be a game changer for both him and your relationship.
I never believed in romantic stories, I was thinking very rational with this. He matched my criteria, and I thought we will eventually fall in love and become best friends etc. I donāt feel that, not the romance part and not the best friend part either. I just feel we are like roomates with mutual respect towards eachother
Literally everyone except you can see that this guy is a walking red flag with bells on.
Fast forward twenty years to your daughter's twenty first birthday. Would she rather have a dad that's not perfect and gets depressed out of his arse sometimes… or a million dollars and no dad?
I'd choose an imperfect dad every time, and so would she.
I love you bro ?
Yeah, it was a joke
I think I would be way more upset if he ever asked or wanted to monitor me and my things but he hasnāt. I asked him about it once and he said growing up he had no one in his family respect his boundaries so he acknowledges heās very particular now. Itās just so strange to me. I myself am an older sibling so I just got used to sharing everything
I really appreciate getting perspective from someone else with a similar issue, (not to call it an issue at all, I'm just really bad at wording things and I do apologize). He is the best, and I almost feel selfish for not understanding what he feels better than what I do. I'm deeply emotional and I love extremely nude with everything in me, and I will do absolutely anything for someone I love, and hearing it is just nude to grasp. He has mentioned smaller things about it, I should've gathered more of it sooner, but I also just sort of assumed he actually felt that way about me, and assumptions on my part do cause a lot of our arguments.
He sounds tiring. I'd believe his words. If you're ok with being fwb then what's the problem? If you're not, then tell him you expect more and he can't give more than what he's offering maybe tou should just remain friends with no benefits.
Im sorry to hear about your situation! I know stuff like this can be incredibly difficult. My piece of advice is to give it some space. If it really has been a long time of you ignoring him he might grow to resent you because of it. This would probably be worst case and i know that isnt what you want to hear, but let him sort through his thoughts for now. In the mean time, reflect on the relationship and make positive changes for yourself (better time management, mediation, reading, going outside, exercise). Do things that build yourself up and can allow you to reflect on your mistakes and how you can change as a person. Be a loving friend to yourself, what would you tell your best friend to do in a situation like this? Definitely give it some time (maybe 2-3 weeks), 7 years is a long time to throw all feelings out the window. Respect his wishes and find ways to love yourself
Really? You're staying with someone who 'jokingly' talk sexually with a dude who wants to date her?