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Not addressing anything but the first sentences: your girlfriend hanging out with her friend who's a guy is not a red flag unless you're incredibly insecure and don't think men and women can actually be friends. I'm guessing that's going to be the rest of your situation but oh my god. Not a red flag to have friends of a different gender.
You're not in the right place to argue on what her husband genuinely feels about this. So you can fuck off with your useless advice.
Besides grappling with the opposite is way too inappropriate for someone that is married to a partner that doesn't feel comfortable with it. In many cultures it's even frowned upon to engage in such acts.
There is a fucking reason why there are women's section and men's section in such sports lol.
OP can either utilize that or do her husband a favor by leaving him if she can't even do such a sacrifice out of respect for his feelings.
@op – I had a similar situation: 3 years affair. I know a lot of what's running through your head.
If you want to chat, hit me up.