Why would my (28M) mother (52F) have such a vendetta against my wife (27F)?

From the beginning my mom and my wife had a rocky relationship. We were caught having sex in my house by my mom at the age of 16 and she didn’t like my wife since then, even though my wife apologized at the time. Throughout the years, my mom would bad mouth my wife calling her names n try to get me to cheat on her. She pretty much treated my wife like crap up until my wife got pregnant with our daughter in 2020.

When my mom found out my wife was pregnant she was excited. She wanted to set up a lunch date with my wife except my wife wasn’t ready to play nice with my mom after years of mistreatment. She wasn’t comfortable with the sudden change of heart and treatment towards her simply because my mom found out she was pregnant. My mom took this pretty nude and started telling my family that my wife was planning on keeping her out of the entire pregnancy and baby’s life.

My wife made it known that it would be great if my mom would just apologize for how she’s treated her all these years instead of just expecting her to jump for joy that she was actually being nice all of a sudden. My mother refused to apologize and this went on the entire pregnancy. She’d bad mouth my wife to the entire family and my dad was enabling the behavior. My mom would cry to him about it and he’d tell me how wrong I was for allowing my wife to treat my mother this way. My mother even went as far to call herself a Matriarch and said that was the reason she didn’t have to apologize. My mom and wife went NC during her pregnancy and when our daughter was born all hell broke loose at the hospital too. My wife had preeclampsia and because we didn’t give my mom a call when we got to the hospital she called my whole family crying and saying that we were keeping her out of the loop. My dad called me screaming about how upset my mother was and that I needed to call her. This was as we were in the hospital about to bring my daughter into the world.

Wife felt as if her entire pregnancy had been made about how mom felt and now so was the birth of our daughter. Fast forward, a few weeks later my wife allows my mother to meet our daughter and things went well. Until my mother gave our 3 month old baby Covid. Now I admit, this wasn’t done purposely at all. But my wife was pissed at the fact that my moms initial reaction to being told to be more careful was to tell me to lose her number and that I was a horrible son for not checking on her first since she had Covid too. She then texted my wife a fauxpology. Something a long the lines of “So sorry she’s sick. I do every thing I can to stay safe. OBVIOUSLY I didn’t mean to get her sick.”

We went very low contact. All of us.

A year later, my mother reached out to me and apologized. We later set up a night where my wife, our daughter and I would all hang out at her place to which my wife agreed. She said she’d be cordial and that she was sick of the drama and that above all she just wanted me and our daughter to have our family. When we got there things went well except my mom failed to give my wife the same apology she gave to me.

I told my mom the next day if she couldn’t apologize to my wife, we’d go NC completely this time and that included the baby. She said she apologized to me because I’m her son and she didn’t want to go without speaking to me. I let her know that I’m not just a son anymore but a father and a husband. I didn’t come as just a son anymore, and that I come with my family. She chose NC with me and our daughter if that meant she had to apologize to my wife. Even after finding out we’re expecting again, she chose NC. shortly after, my own father told me he didn’t consider my daughter to be his grand daughter because he hardly sees her. His words verbatim were “That’s not my granddaughter. I don’t know that baby. If your mom can’t be involved, I don’t want to be involved. Stop calling me.”

I stopped talking to my 17 yo sister as well. My sister would have kept them involved like she always did during NC. She would FT my parents with our child behind our backs, or send pictures and updates on our daughter without our permission. As much as it hurts, I want to protect my baby and my wife from the toxicity of my family. My grand father, who I was very close to, took my moms side too. The whole family is against us. I ran into my aunt and she told me I was a disappointment for treating my mother that way and that no chick should come before my mother.

I’m constantly receiving negative feedback on the matter (ofcourse from my family) and I’d like input on the matter.I can’t for the life of me figure out why my mother hates my wife so much that she’d rather not have anything to do with me or her grandchildren.