My wife [38f] found my [43m] porn videos and is now threatening divorce.

Edit : I will address some queries that keep getting asked.

1. This is fake. – I WISH. I know there are a lot of troll posts and given how my life is going right now, I wish this was fake and I was a troll. If you think this is fake, please scroll away.

2. Why didn't you tell your wife specifically about your scat porn videos? – I had an open conversation with her about it, about which I have written more in comments. I told her I was willing to discuss and answer any questions she might have. She only asked for some time and then she said she was fine with it.

3. Why does your wife's family know about it? – My wife confided in her sister, who threatened to tell her entire family. They don't know the exact type of porn I've done, but they're very conservative Christian so the fact I'm a pornstar was a huge thing for them, and we have been LC with them for years.

4. What kind of scat porn was it? Is it available on-line? – I was not eating it, firstly. I was mostly the one excreting, and there were others rubbing and fondling each other with it. I did a bit of rubbing and fondling with them. It is available live, but you need to find very specific keywords for them. It's not in the mainstream sites.

5. How did your wife find it? – Till now, I do not know. My wife is back home now and I would hopefully have a conversation with her tonight.

In my younger days, I used to be a pornstar. I will not go into details for the sake of my privacy but I was a gay for pay dude and did a lot of niche fetish video which included, well, scat. Let's just say if you watch gay porn from a while ago, you've seen me.

I am now retired. I have a regular job, I have been married to my wife for 7 years and together for 11 years, have two children together, and have adopted three of my stepchildren, and thankfully have an amazing relationship with them. I am more of a friend to my step children and it rocks. My wife knows about my past, in fact, I met her because she is a nurse and I once suffered an anal injury after a pretty intense scene and she was one of the people at the hospital who didn't judge me.

She knows about everything except the scat porn. And as my luck would have it, she found them and won't tell me how. Those videos are not on most websites and i completely understand the taboo and stigma so at that point it felt like a good thing to skip it. It was strictly professional for me but I understand not everyone might think the same way. But now that she has found out she has been freaking out, is mostly giving me the silent treatment except for the necessary communication, and worst of all, has told my (adult) step children. Now they won't talk to me either. Wife says I'm a perv and I'm gross and that she should have listened to her family (i did not want to keep my past a secret – i am not ashamed of it, but they disowned her when she married me) and is threatening divorce.

I have never cheated on her. I would not dream of it. She's the love of my life and I don't know what to do anymore, because I can't change the past. Any advice is appreciated.