I (F19) caught my boyfriend (M20) cheating on me and I’m actually glad

For context, we have been together for 6 years, so we got together at a really young age. I feel like many people romanticize the idea of “high school sweethearts” or in my case “middle school sweethearts”, because the idea of being with someone since you were young is something to be proud of (to some). I can personally say I regret it because I feel like I became too codependent on him in my teenage years and it affected my grades and choice of university, but that’s another story.

This isn’t the first time I’ve caught him cheating; I caught him exchanging pictures with a girl about 1-2 years into the relationship, and because I was young and naive, I forgave him and thought we could move forward. I kept telling myself that if he did it again I would leave with no hesitation, but to my surprise he cheated again about a year and a half later, this time with random girls on one of those “friend matchup” apps. I forgave him again and I believed that we could move forward.

Although it’s been around 2-3 years since he last cheated, it’s constantly been on my mind. I constantly get mad at myself for forgiving him and now I’ve ALWAYS kept the expectation that he’s cheating on me, mostly because my mindset has transformed into an “expect the worse so you don’t get disappointed” type of mindset. For the past few years, I’ve never let my guard down. Sometimes we’d be on the phone or on a date and I’d look at him while thinking to myself that I deserve better. I kept thinking to myself that I could never marry him because I would never marry a man I can’t trust or a man who has broken my trust repeatedly.

Flash forward to today, I was on his phone while he was in the bathroom because we were watching Criminal Minds and I paused it while he left. Suddenly, he gets an email notification that his card has been charged for an OnlyFans renewal, so I click on it and his account was right there, under a fake name but addressed to his email and with the last four numbers of his card.

Instead of treating the situation like I have in the past (resorting to crying, pleading, making a scene, asking how he could do this to me, etc.), I simply handed him his phone, and said he should go home. He looked really shocked and confused and could tell something was off automatically. He asked me what was wrong and I said nothing; and that he should go home because it was getting late (it was only 2pm lol). He says he’s not leaving until we talk, I open the door for him, motion for him to get out but he doesn’t leave. I asked him “Do you think you’re a good liar?” to which he replied “No” with a stupid look on his face before I told him we were over and kicked him out.

Honestly, I’m impressed with myself for handing it so calmly in comparison to the past, but I feel like at a certain point you get tired of peoples bullshit, especially when they make no attempt to change. I can admit that I had been wanting to leave for a while, I even had a pro’s and con’s list in my notes app lol. But him doing this was the final straw.

I guess this isn’t really asking for relationship advice, but more so how to deal with the effects of it. I have so many trust issues because of what he did to me, I honestly don’t want to date anymore because I could never see myself putting so much trust into someone else ever again. I haven’t cried at all, I honestly feel like of numb and normal, I guess I just got tired but I don’t know. How do people move on from something like this?