I (20F) am getting married next week and I feel like I’m throwing my life away for him (22M)

I feel like I am throwing away my life. I was abuse for most of my childhood so I can't remember most of it. I can remember most things after I turned 16. When I was 18 I met my fiance. We went on a couple dates then we officially started dating. We always took things sorta fast, we had "sex" after the 2nd date, I met his parents after the 4th, we went to prom together a month after starting dating, and we went on all sorts of trips together. He proposed this last December on my birthday, and we are getting married next week. I'm 20 now and I feel as if I'm throwing my life away. I want to become an art curator and travel the world and run museum to share my love of art and history. I want to experience all of the things other people have done. When I was younger I never would want to date or drink or have sex or anything like that, my fiance is my first official boyfriend for christ sakes. I don't know why I want to do everything now. We have always talked about marriage and having babies, but I know I am not ready for them. Everyone is asking me if I am nervous for the wedding, but I'm not. I'm nervous because I feel as if I am throwing everything that I want to be away. We argue a lot, which is to be expected, and he never apologizes and I am always getting mad at him for that. I pretty much isolated myself after I graduated high school last year, and since I work full time and do on-line classes, I don't have anyone to talk to for these things I'm experiencing. I just don't understand, what am I supposed to do? I am not afraid to marry him, I am afraid of giving up everything that I want in this life.

I don't even want to on-line this life anymore. We moved into an apartment last Summer, and I tried to get us a different one, closer to places that I can thrive in my career, but he said he was going to help but he never did so I was forced to sign the lease for another year. I was heart broken but he didn't understand why I was upset even though I tried to tell him why. He always gets mad over monly and, even though I told him not to complain to me about money because he always makes me feel super anxious to the point of being ill, he disregards my wishes. He never tells me I'm beautiful or smart or anything that other people are told, even though I asked him if he could say it once in a while since ive never really been told that, he tells me that he doesn't like it. When we first got together, he was always super touchy and always wanted sex (even though I was never super comfortable since I was sexually assaulted when I was younger), but now that I've slowly gotten comfortable with it, he now never wants to. It makes me feel really disgusting and used in a weird way. I feel as if I'm not attractive enough for him anymore. I can't tell if I'm throwing away my life or if I'm giving it up. I've tried to talk to him, but he never listens. Any advice would be nice.