How do I (31 F) get my wife (30 F) to understand that I don’t want to have a kid?

My wife and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. We’ve discussed having kids together before and I’ve told her on multiple occasions, even before we got married that I’m just not interested in having kids. I’ve known this since I was a kid myself. She has a 9 year old son with low functioning autism and to be completely honest, he’s more than enough to me. I have never felt like I’ve had a motherly bone in my body. My wife has made the comeback when I say this that I’m good at taking care of my niece and nephew and good with her son. But in my opinion, those things don’t make a good parent.

I’m a little selfish with my own time. I like having my alone time on occasion and being able to do whatever I want to do. Having a step son has hindered me from that a little bit and I think having another kid will ruin any chance of what little self freedom I have left. That sounds bad, but it’s the only way I can describe it. I don’t mind having kids around. But the thought of having a baby and raising one forever scares the crap out of me and it’s nothing I’m interested in.

I have voiced this to my wife. I’ve told her how I felt and what bothered me the most is her saying “so I just can’t have a baby then because you don’t want one.” And I said “am I supposed to be miserable and let us have a baby when I don’t want one? Then that makes for a miserable kid and wife.” I’m just not sure how we compromise here.

We had this conversation again yesterday and I’ve just had mixed emotions toward her since. I still love her, obviously. But I’m starting to second guess our marriage. I don’t want to hold her back from having another child if that’s something she really wants in life. Part of me thinks she wants a redo because she had a kid young and with someone she now hates and she’s told me she wants the experience of having a baby with someone she loves. But I know in my whole heart that I just can’t give her that. I also feel like she’s being extremely selfish with the comment she made. And I also feel like I’m being the selfish one by holding her back. It’s just all very confusing.

I’m sure couples deal with this all the time, so I know I’m not alone in this situation. It’s just hard when you don’t want to give your spouse everything they want and desire when that’s what you said in your vows. I want more than anything for her to be happy and fulfilled in this life. But I know a baby is something I just don’t want.