After my husband’s (54M) cancer scare I (51F) don’t want to stay with him

My husband doesn’t have cancer. He did have a lump that turned out to be a benign tumor.

The doctor told us that it was lucky. If it had been cancerous, he would’ve likely ended up bedridden and needing my care. However, it still could turn out cancerous in the end.

My husband thanked me for sticking by his side while going through this and it makes me sick with guilt because I don’t want to stay.

A few years ago, I had ovarian cancer. Instead of supporting me, I found out he was cheating on me. He cried and begged for forgiveness.

I HONESTLY thought that I could get over it. I thought that we would get over it stronger than the other side. There’s a joke where I’m from that men always have second families. Cheating husbands are very common and their wives stay with them. My mom stayed with my cheating dad and even took in my half sibling.

He’s been a great husband since. But I’m looking at taking care of someone who couldn’t take care of me. Who cheated on me instead of helping me. My mom had to help wipe my ass because I couldn’t do it. And he was out cheating.

I can’t, I can’t do it. I can and have done it for someone I love but I can’t do it for him.

I feel like an awful person and I don’t know why this is the trigger. Why do I feel betrayed now? Why do I want to leave when he potentially is the most vulnerable? And what do I do when I don’t want to stay with him when he potentially could be sick?