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Marriage counselling / couples therapy….It may help to hear from an impartial 3rd party to make her understand her role in this. She obviously has some mental barriers that are keeping her from having open dialogue between the two of you. Talking about this stuff in front of a professional could help break them down. They also may recommend possible treatment options if there is some underlying mental health problems she’s experiencing.
I think you may be a little too passive in this as well. It’s understandable considering it seems you are walking on eggshells to not set her off. Try just laying out your feeling, thoughts and emotions. Tell her bluntly the pain she is putting you through even though all you want in the world is for her to be happy. It’s your turn to be angry/upset. Bring up marriage counselling and stress how important it is that she goes with you. Take control for a change because what you have been doing isn’t working.
Hope things improve for you two.