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“They” use trendy new term for infidelity.
I got drunk and fucked somebody. Guess I’m poly ??♂️
It should disgust you that he has slept with more people and still has the freaking balls to be so misogynistic. When you break up with this loser, please tell him something along the lines of “I thought about it and realized that you wasted your value by sleeping with your previous girlfriends and you wasted the girls' values as well as yours. I don't think this is going to work since you never asked my father for permission.”
6 months, no bills, house, pets, or children and he is already telling you why he is a walking red flag? Hell yeah, you can get out now!
Bing bong
Why the downvotes?
She's a weirdo
All I said before you got involved is that she’s already a nurse and my SO is healthy (as is his mom lol the lady is going skiing in Jan she’s a-okay) so I’d worry less about us and more about the dying hubby. FWIW what would’ve been uncalled for is going on the shaken baby post and saying shit there or the dying husband posts and making fun of her there. That would’ve been totally over the line. But she felt comfortable coming on my post – where I’m asking advice same as she did on her ones – and trying to be funny.
The truth of the matter, or should I say the very naked truth is that you both want very different things in the immediate term and in the future. You got married so young and had a child so young that you had not yet become young adults who were for lack of a better term adept at ‘adulting’.
I applaud your journey and how bravely you each stepped into this journey called life. I can see from your post that you turned lemons into lemonade. The reality is that you are on completely different pages and it is not fair for you to begin walking down a road that you do not want to be on. When someone forced your hand it opens the door to resentment.
Have you considered couples counseling? It may be a helpful tool to work through your feelings in a safe space. It may be a way to find a compromise that will make you both happy. I wish you well.
I've already tried to bow out of this conversation but you insist on following up. I'll just tie this all up and leave it at this, I'm not reading anything else you have to say. Thanks for helping pass the time during an otherwise quiet day in the office. Take care.
Follow your gut, you know that something was up that day. Maybe you should do some digging.
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There is no easy way to get over a betrayal like this. It's something that time will heal but support from your friends and family is what you really need now.
You could tell him you are still healing and would like to stay in the house for a while. If you have a mortgage in his name, he just can't stop payments without destroying his credit rating.
There are many good ideas here. If you are still worried that she is lying or something is up, you could hire a private detective. A good one can figure stuff like that our pretty quick. It might not be cheap but I bet it’s cheaper than raising a child.
I'm sure it did break your heart. She may eventually get over her ex. Unfortunately, and sadly, it's pretty clear that you won't be the guy to get her there. You're not going to get any hotter than you were the day you met her. She has opted to settle for you, probably because she has given up on ever finding everything she wants in one man again. But it isn't good to be settled for. You should call it a day.
Do you think they could be cheating together? They both don't seem to have an issue with hiding it. I would be pretty up set with his response and have to have a very serious conversation with posable ultimatum.
Because it’s a perfectly normal and viable option if she weren’t very far along?
Thank you everyone for your advice. I am a human being having a human experience. To everyone beating down on – I’m glad that you are perfect and beyond reproach in all you do. Personally, I know I am flawed, I make mistakes. If I didn’t care I would have just carried on without critically analysing my feelings. I came for advice not judgment. Thank you to everyone who has given helpful constructive advice. Everyone else – grow up. You don’t have to attack strangers on-line.
Very hurtful and disrespectful comments on his part. Talk with him and tell him that. If he thinks he is missing out by not having had sex with others, tell him to be clear about that.
It seems like your ex and yourself are still on respectable enough terms to functionally manage a business together. Therefore instead of letting her become shocked and have to manage her feelings the night of the party, I think the right thing to do would be let her know (kindly and respectfully) over text. Maybe something along the lines of “Hey there, just wanted to let you know that current partner and I are expecting. Just something I will need to be planning for in the near future.” Maybe make it look relevant to your responsibilities with the business.
???? basically this! Lol
Don’t push the issue. Give it time.
She’ll either get over it and act normal as long as you keep acting normal or she won’t.
It's so gross when people say that. You using it against him is even more gross. He can do better. Don't get it twisted.
Heroin addicts love heroin. Doesn’t mean it’s good for them.
I should probably also note that it's taken me years to be somewhat okay with expressing anger/upset towards him. That comes from a lovely mix of Christian upbringing, my conflict avoidance (also due to upbringing i guess) and the impression for the longest time that he was the only one “allowed” to be upset and confront. I finally said “f that” within the last year.
Financial counseling is a great idea I haven't thought of! It might help him come up with some strategies. We've already talked about it and he's curbed his spending and he's stopped increasing his debt but it's not going down.
nah he isn’t . good luck with this
I would suggest couples therapy
DO NOT GO TO THERAPY WITH AN ABUSER. Abusers weaponize therapy. Never go to therapy with an abuser. This is an absolute rule and does not have exceptions.
. It appears that if you want this to stop, you need to get your sex drive back. I’ll be honest. I’m sick to my stomach typing this.
Next time the thought of typing something makes you sick to your stomach, don't. This is actively harmful, god-awful advice.
Yeah you dodged a bullet
Is your boyfriend on Reddit? Why are you telling strangers about this very easy thing to talk about? If this is how you communicate you are doomed
I think you are just done with the relationship but haven’t quite admitted it to yourself yet. It’s a lot of work getting together and the sex isn’t good, also he’s emotionally immature and stunted tbh.
I wonder…if it turned out she actually was right a couple years down the road, would you look back at this and think what a big mistake it was to end things with her? Because it's funny over the last few years, how often so-called covid conspiracies end up becoming covid facts if you just wait long enough.
Whatever. Sounds like this is indeed for the best, frankly. You both clearly have polar opposite world views. You cannot build a lasting relationship with somebody who's worldview is this different from yours.
But don't try to put this all on her. You're the one dismissing her deeply held beliefs…beliefs shared by millions by the way…as if she's some sort of loony crackpot. That's pretty damn disrespectful toward someone you claim to have such strong feelings for.
You think she's a conspiracy nut. She thinks you are indoctrinated sheep. Regardless of who is proven right in the end, the one thing we can say with certainty is that you two do not belong together.
r/relationship_advice please approve. 🙂
One day you will look back on this situation and you won’t believe you had to ask Reddit for advice because the answer will be so glaringly obvious to you.
This whole situation is an absolute train wreck and the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to walk away. Or at the bare minimum tell him you aren’t interested in his suggested arrangement and let him figure out who he wants, but honestly if I were you I wouldn’t even want to be in the running for his attention because he clearly isn’t as into you as he should be!
For the record I think non-monogamy is a very valid life choice for many people, so this isn’t a down with poly response, just a down with this man response! If you’re truly interested in non-monogamy in the future, maybe do some research while single before embarking on it. The way he’s suggesting it is not the way to do it!!
So much yikes here. Very much hope you ditch his ass!
What are you hoping to achieve by asking about it here? Years ago your husband was keeping his options open and you broke up with him over it. You then decided to get back with him and you are now married. You can continue to argue about this but to what end? You made the decision to stay with him regardless.
I think your boundaries are fine. I can understand feeling uncomfortable when someone shows up naked unexpectedly, especially since y’all aren’t having much sex. It can feel like he’s trying to pressure you, which is kind of the vibe I get from your post. Him pushing his crotch in your face is a red flag to me.
To me the biggest turnoff is when you’re not in the mood and someone tries to push you to be. Sex should always be preceded by ENTHUSIASTIC consent. You shouldn’t feel pressured, coerced, or manipulated.
I don’t think the sex life y’all have sounds very healthy. Not because of the low amount, but because it sounds like it’s created a lot of resentment in your relationship. Which often makes it harder to connect sexually.
You don’t mention what you’re doing to address your depression or low libido. Like have you been tested for other possible causes to your decrease in libido? Do you know for sure it’s your depression? Are you seeking help for your depression? I know some SSRIs completely destroy some people’s libidos, is that a factor?
Aside from addressing your own issues, your partner’s unwillingness to see a couple’s therapist is going to make it difficult to rekindle your sex life especially with all of the existing resentment. Gonna be honest, your relationship sounds like it’s already over and y’all are just going through the motions.
They share similarities but we don't have 100% proof that that is her. But I read the original a while ago too. I just don't want OP to assume they aren't cheating because of a reddit post that's close when they are creeping around
Cuz if you do too good you'll realize you're better than he is. If he can keep you down he can keep you.
Thank you for your response. I feel like we definitely need to have a face to face conversation to discuss everything. I hate letting her down but my schedule is so unpredictable and it’s so so naked to make concrete plans because I could get called into work at any time.
He completely lacks empathy for you. Since everything in HIS world is fine, he is not bothered. Either he can’t fathom why you would be upset due to lack of empathy, or he is going to make it your problem (“you’re being too sensitive/controlling/demanding/whatever”), or he is enjoying making you feel less than in a sick way. He may very well come home and play stupid or like it was all just a miscommunication or innocent mistake. My husband used to say, “I’m learning!” And he did similar things. If he is actually so dense that he cannot understand why you would be upset, do you want to risk sharing your life with him?
If you feel obligated to give him head, you have officially become his sex toy. This isn't good. He is 34, not 17 or 18 anymore. Telling you previous girls have been doing it before you without issues is a lie. He wouldn't feel the need to tell you otherwise, this was something to make you fall in line with what he wants.
If he can't go down on you every day, then don't do it on him. If you aren't in the mood, don't do it.
You're allowed to feel bothered by it. It isn't cheating but it's still very morally gross. They're leading people on and playing with their emotions for lolz. Someone who found that funny wouldn't be someone I'd want to be with, personally, I'd be bothered too.
You seem to be ignoring the possibility that he is actually in a relationship with them both, when relationships like that absolutely do exist. I’m not saying he is necessarily, I’m saying I don’t see why you’re so against the concept of polyamory.
Stewing over a relationship that ended almost a decade ago.. when she is married now with kids and refers to her ex as the love of her life.
If I was the current husband and was made aware of this or saw this post, I would run.
Thanks, I've got a new job in a new career lined up – I was made redundant two weeks before she left and applied for my new job the morning she was planning to leave me. I have a mortgage and a kid so I didn't have the choice to wallow in pity ?
Honestly, you have a lot more money than I did when I had twins. $25k in the bank Is awesome! I had a great job but tons of school loans. My husband and I owed around 25kish at the time. As a couple, you two sound like you could absolutely handle having a kid financially.
However, your BF won’t be on board for this baby, but worse, he doesn’t sound like he ever wants kids. And that seems like a total 180 from what he originally wanted.
I think this sounds like a deal breaker. Personally, I’d keep the baby because if you terminate, you’ll just resent your BF for it.
If he thinks having a kid is expensive, wait until you file for custody and child support. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
This is the right answer, OP
OK, you need to find someone who does want to have kids. Forcing someone to have a child is a horrible thing to do. Tricking someone into doing so is even worse. It's time to cut your losses and find a guy who wants kids. If he's wishy washy don't stay.
Honestly, he told you he doesn't want them. Listen to him.
ARK PvE exists as well, used to play for a bit but never PvP. But your point stands, it's a time consuming game and you don't get anywhere (especially not near having a dragon territory) without spending much time on it, that's very true.
But regardless of time spent on the game, the pettiness was uncalled for.
That’s fucking adorable.