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I’m fairly certain a literal fedora wrote this. But Not true: as a guy I only look for someone whose interests align with myself. Not how many times they’ve had sex. But good try 🙂
He was always vicious, just not to your face. Luckily you were able to get out before he wore you down completely. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope you cut contact for good.
Then end the relationship
If you're usually the bad guy in your relationship, do you really want to be in it?
Go to a doctor and tell them it hurts. There may be something going on. He needs to stop assaulting you and you need to prioritize finding out why it hurts. If you don’t you will start to have negative associations with sex.
I think she texted you everyday and also didn’t want a relationship with you because she still cared for you and didn’t want to completely ghost you at the time. She probably valued you as a person and enjoyed your company. You seem like a very direct person so I suggest being with someone who is as well! And always trust someone’s words and actions
It was his mum that died not his dad.
I don’t see how it’s inappropriate for me to ask for him to keep the door open just in case anything happens.
I am am actual woman, and I disagree. Just because you wouldn't, doesn't mean other women don't. There are plenty of women here that are disagreeing with your perspective.
It snot wrong even before Instagram they had playboy My Mom knew my dad read them and it did not bother her. Yes he should have just admitted to looking at them but I see no reason why it is wrong. Just because you are married in no way means you can't appreciate a beautiful woman.
But if it only confirms her desire and makes it even stronger? Then I’m really sol.
I'm really not understanding your issue with her change in behavior. It sounds like she might feel a little insecure in the group, like she needs to “put on a performance,” but that's really not something to break up over.
If you're concerned about getting left by yourself, bring it up with her before the event, and again on the night itself, and see if that resolves the issue.
I wouldn't like the fact she went out with guy friends without telling you, although it sounds like she did tell you, since you say she told you she bumped into them?
Reality Check – it's absolutely insane that you needed to send your GF play-by-play picture and video updates of all the time you spent with a female friend. And it's also insane that you needed to ask your GF's permission everytime you were going to meet her.
I know it seems normal to you, because you were in the relationship and all that. But it's ridiculous. She had you on an extremely tight leash. Meanwhile, she got to be friends with whoever she wanted, no restrictions.
Not fair. Not healthy. Not normal.
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Don’t apologize, your advice is really helpful! I seriously appreciate it. Just an update: I just approached him about all these things (he asked me what was wrong after I’ve been avoiding him a bit), and he says that he “hasn’t even kissed anyone” during the time that we were talking this whole time. Then, he also said “look at all the things I’ve done for you, I spent hours on the phone helping you study, we talked 5 hours each day, etc” I don’t know what to believe, because now he’s making it seem like he was such an amazing partner and did nothing wrong, meanwhile I know he was still trying to date around ?
You literally didn’t do anything.
That’s the problem.
You should have told your friends straight off to not send things that include explicit photos of herself. She could easily have edited that part out if she wanted to show you the conversation for context.
Your friend did this on purpose and your wife is angry you accepted it as normal.
Do something dude.
Appreciate you man! ✌️
Yes, she's using you. Yes, you're enabling her.
Her trauma is not your responsibility. Have some self respect.
He's opened up the relationship so much that he just fell right out of it. Dump him. You could throw a rock and hit a better boyfriend any time of day.
That sounds like an ex husband to me. Seriously, I would absolutely not put up with anyone posting photos of me or information about me without my direct permission. He is being abusive by disregarding your boundaries.
You’re not compatible. If you didn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship, why did you accept it?
your wife sounds crazy tbh .
Damn , def no love for you here OP
I think in summary
No one here likes work surprises
No one here like having their boss spoken to when their other half is organising nice surprises for them
No here agrees that you are allowed to be upset when the other two rules have been broken
And now you have to go to counseling to make things right
I bet this didn't turn out as you would have liked ?
Also, now she’s gone through half a day of PTO. How much does she get a year?
What will make me actually leave?
At this point it just seems like this is going to go on until someone dies from all that sped up aging from emotional/mental stress. It is your life and your choice. Right now you have a choice to stay toxic and online miserably or get out and heal and build back some nontoxicity in your own life.
If you take a look at early American history you’ll find it was settled by a bunch of religious wackos who left their homes because their religion was not extreme enough in their home country. Their bigotry created a fertile environment for religious extremes to keep popping up down the line. These are all things that became movements in upstate New York. Things such as abolition, women's rights, utopian social experiments, anti-Masonry, Mormonism, prohibition, vegetarianism, Seventh Day Adventism, and socialist experiments. And also the more religiously average immigrants were sometimes more likely to attend church and raise a family in church because it have them some cultural heritage. Which feels good when you have uprooted and crossed an ocean and left all your friends and family behind. Churches where an instant community. I’m sure there’s other sociological reasons Americans have so many stubborn beliefs about bodies and sexuality, these are just some of them. It’s infuriating how people sexualize everything by making so many things taboo.
Yeah, I agree. I just don't know how therapy even gets approached. I had my mental illnesses addresses when I was a teen, and he didn't. He does that thing where he shuts down and just doesn't talk to anyone – I'm the first person he's confided in in 13 years. So for me, I have no idea how to even talk to him about therapy without it being an automatic no, because I Just…don't have that problem when it comes to talking to people. I don't know how people get their loved ones to do something like that.
I really do appreciate what you said though. I think people can enjoy the ending of relationships, and I'll address him working on himself and enjoy my time with him anyway. Hopefully we can continue to be friends after.
What the fuck? There’s no way you’re 33 years old
Yeah but how do you know him? He wanted to ask you out for two years?
Specifically when they lay out their problems online or have family and friends who they talk to about everything.
It's not bad to get outside input sometimes, but there are things that shouldn't leave the house or maybe not give up talking about it with your partner just because the first approach failed.
sometimes firm approach is required sometimes a soft approach is required and sometimes you just have to give in or retreat a bit. the thing is that we live in a time where everyone feels that they need to be right all the time as if being wrong makes you dumb or less than when that isn't the case.
Is it normal dynamic to have them both in the house ? I guess that’s different behavior that’s been modeled for me. You can talk about medication and medicine schedules outside but it seems confrontational if the ex wife to approach the current girlfriend. Maybe it was misguided concern for your past and she is raising her hackles. Sounds like a stressful day
I know how hard it is. Some people dont get that this shit comes in steps. When there are good times (and there more often than not is, abusers cant be awful 24/7) its confusing. You arent doing anything wrong by being confused but please, please dont let him convince you youre overreacting or being crazy. He will continue to cycle through “nice enough to lull her into a false sense of security, then the second I think shes done something wrong I will flip my lid”
I know you said your family arent fans of him. Maybe they have been waiting for this moment: for you to reach out and say “hey, Im in an abusive relationship and I need help getting out.” Ive been on the outside looking in at friends in abusive relationships, hoping one day they would see their SO for what they are.
Stay strong. Use any lifeline you have.
BTW, using selfharm & suicide is a classic abusive manipulation tactic. Youre well within your right to call the police and tell them hes suicidal. If he actually is he will get the help he needs (which you cant provide as his victim, Im sorry), if not youll have called his bluff.
His kids that didnt exist at that point. They werent born and for all he knew she was lying. She was already cheating so not a stretch to believe. But even taking her at face value its not acting in the best interest of the kids. Period. It was her responsibility because she was the only one that knew she had delivered his kids. He didnt which is my whole point. If he knew his kids were born and chose to walk away thats on him. But he didnt. He had no idea they existed until his mother told him.
It's quite possible for the court to order a gradual re-introduction (supervised visits) until the child is re-familiarized, then shared custody. It's been done for previously deadbeat dads, no reason a deadbeat mom would be treated differently.
If I finish in her mouth I don't prefer to kiss her after. If not I don't really care, it's just a boundary thing it's really not that big of a deal.
Pay him no mind if you see him.
I agree about the punishment thing. Unfortunately I can’t go stay with anyone at the moment, and his kids aren’t with us all the time to they are chillin I guess. I don’t want to leave I just want to make him see how bad this is.
This has come up a lot lately. My favorite solution is to line the floor with pee pads made for the bed. Seems like you could cut them into strips & surround the toilet with them so clean-up is easy.
Your dad’s obviously not going to do anything differently, so why confront him?
I’m sensitive to smell & would clean the toilet daily rather than smell piss. It would take less than a minute to spray the toilet with 409 & wipe it down with a paper towel.
Is this fair? No. Is it better than smelling pee? Yes.
How would your BF react if you went out and hired a personal trainer and you two would have similar text conversations back and fourth?
This is one of those posts where we can all see the worth of the person OP is talking about, but now we are all wondering about OP's character that she would be with someone like this.
OP, you knew he was a piece of shit as soon as you found out about his past. And you decided to spend 2+ years with him.
Have you ever thought about exercising some judgement?
Honestly it’s how a lot of affairs start now, so no it’s not that wild really. Is it wild they count each others followers? Yeah a little.