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she kept telling me that the girl i was talking to was ugly and that i would never find anyone better than her
Red flag.
i’m ngl we probably seem toxic haha
And you're aware this is toxic. So, why do you do this?
i couldn’t help but think that maybe we are, we have this thing that we call a cycle where we’d stop talking then end up back together again
This “cycle” is because this is a toxic relationship. Once you realize that, you'll realize how one-sided and ridiculous this relationship is. I'd quit pursuing her and find someone worth it.
Nothing to do with ADHD. We're not all self absorbed jerks, thank you.
Stop comparing your relationship to other relationships. That’s not fair to anyone.
Stop expecting a man to pay for your lifestyle. It’s 2023. You sound intelligent and have a caterer plan. Expecting him to carry you is both old-fashioned and unfair. Be a partner.
Regarding your bf’s future, does he talk about what he wants to do? Is he happy as things are? If he’s happy, is there a reason to try to make him change?
If you have mismatched goals then that’s a real incompatibility but if you’re just basing your dissatisfaction on your expectations of how things SHOUKD go then that feels like a you-problem and you’re the one who should work on changing.
Are you really willing to settle with “maybe it'll get better/he's nice sometimes?”
If you have to keep asking, you simply are not a priority to him.
Happy to answer any questions on anything I may not have covered here.