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Barsu4ka, 21 y.o.
Location: Finland
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Gonna try to answer all of your questions.
Apart from the first two times we had sex. We have never had sex without a condom. Ever. But that is more of a me thing than a her thing because both of the first times we both got too carried away and I barely pulled out the first time and the second time she was on top and when I told her to get off she sat down so I had to like throw her off and barely made it again. So after that it was condoms all the way.
Idk how well educated she is on contraception honestly. I mean, I know about condoms but that is really it.
She has never taken birth control I know that. Her family is a “no sex until marriage so you don't need to worry about birth control” bunch and she has always said she would never take it because of the negative health effects. I know nothing about birth control. I have brothers and no sisters. My one girl cousin is like 34 so I have never been around that.
I am not sure what risk-averse means tbh.
She didn't drink a lot but she is also super petite so it doesn't take much to get her buzzed… but the thing is she remembered everything in great detail when talking about the night on Saturday and she drove us home because I had drank more (even though I felt fine too)
To me, she was being flirty back to flirty guy but I didn't think much of it because… I don't want to sound like a piece of shit so I am not going to say it but… she has told me for like 3 years that she isn't attracted to guys that look like him because they are “not her type.”
We never had sex this weekend and haven't had sex since NYE. So, she wouldn't have needed it with me.
I explained in another response but what I walked in makes me think 100% if something happened it was consensual.
It’s very common for people in a relationship to breakup because of a transition, because not everyone’s sexuality is flexible. This is not transphobic, if anything it show that you’re able to see your partner as they are now rather than denying the changes. You do need to talk to them about it. Talking about it does not inherently pressure them to try to please you at the expense of their own identity.
I mean having abs at 37 probably means you have too low of body fat unless you are doing it for a short time. It's different if you are in your 20's.
His messages are all wiped out. His refusal to shiw you them should tell you everything you need to know. Yes he is again cheating on you, or at least in the preparation stage (which I would consider to be cheating already.
Fo not marry him, you will regret it.
You said yourself, you’re hurt by what he is asking. Does he know how you feel? If he does, and keeps asking, he isn’t worth it.
Looking at your post history, OP…
How does your wife feel about this? You know, the one you posted about having a kid with two years ago?
How could someone like him be in a relationship?
The age gap is literally the first thing I mentioned lol
This
I hate to say this but.. age gap. She's 10 years older than you. At 37 she totally knows better and is not dissuading him, and is also closer in age to him than you.
You will need to fess up to the snooping and state clearly that he's hit on your exes in the past & you are not okay with their texting like this. She'll either agree or not and you'll know.
This is where you give your husband an ultimatum and get your cat back.
Then divorce him anyway because you'd be foolish not to.
He’s a spiteful little child. Really immature and nasty.
Dump him. You can do better.
The last line was beautiful, kudos and stay strong
his baby mama is his age i believe. He pays the cable bill and utilities so when its time for his kids to come over money is usually tight so i dont mind helping. and he doesnt brush off my concerns but they seem to not be the highest priority 24/7
The thing is is that we have had a talk about what I would and won’t tolerate.
He is being insecure a tiny bit controlling.
Two months is nothing. You are still virtual strangers. It’s okay for him to feel a little weird about your relationship with your ex, but not okay to put that on you as something you must now “prove” is over by getting rid of your jewelry.
Honestly, the offer to buy you replacements makes this even more iffy to me. I would not accept expensive jewelry from someone after only two months.
He’s 40. He should have enough life experience and wisdom under his belt to recognize that your friendly feelings toward your ex are a green flag.
I’m not sure about the death grip syndrome but he constantly touches himself, plays a little but doesn’t come. He does that throughout the day. Could that be a factor?
Good luck to you
If she kept them in her phone (possinly without knowing it) and then that phone was compromised, that's another way an attacker could get them.
But that's pretty much it. Either the pics came from OP, or they came from OP's girlfriend. Given that the blackmailer chose to contact her and has her personal information, I'm guessing her phone probably got infected with malware.