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Agree.
First, I am so sorry that happened to you. Second, I'm so glad you're with loved ones and away from him w/ a roof over your head. This will greatly enhance your odds of not having to go back (because it's very much a “have to” and not a “want to” go back) to your abusive spouse.
For your peace of mind, it's best to focus on your healing rather than trying to make sense of a deeply sick, extremely abusive partner. There really is no way to explain or rationalize that behavior. Easier said than done, but try not to find closure in understanding him.
And he faced the consequences.
Yeah I hope your wife gets rid of you for thinking talking about a niche information that her ex broke up with his gf is acceptable. I hope your wife finds better, she clearly deserves it!
Is rough times for everyone in your family. You all need some counselling focused in the lose of someone. About your boyfriend locked with another girl, I mean is his sister, you don't trust him even with his own blood? I think you need some counselling in that part.
Situation is difficult but the best way out is talk about and try to be in the position of the other.
He is glad you are happy. Your husband gave you wise advice.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Sure! Please feel free to message me about anything.
I'm going to preface this by saying that I am by no means suggesting you stay with this man, or defending him or people like him. If you are being abused, or are afraid for your safety, you should act to secure yourself. You seem to have applied a label to your husband based on something you've read on the internet rather than something you've experienced personally and I just want to explore that further.
So being diagnosed NPD isn't a death sentence. Considering that you are married and have three children, you didn't mention how long you have been with him. Most of the shit you read on the internet is just that, shit, shit written by narcs against narcs. Most people will sling around the term narcissist when what they are really describing is another condition like borderline, bipolar, or psychopathy (person without empathy), narcissists can be psychopaths and psychopaths can be narcissists, but they are separate disorders. There is another disorder called machiavellianism (excessively manipulative). Together these three represent what's called the dark triad of personality disorders and they frequently overlap. Every single person in the world exhibits some of these traits to be actually diagnosed takes time and generally the therapist would like to talk to parents, siblings, partners, coworkers, before making a diagnosis.
A narcissist is simply someone who has a fragile ego and inflated sense of self worth, they hide their emotional fragility behind a carefully manicured mask of perfection. They are incapable of self affirmation and constantly need affirmation of the people around them. Their feelings and emotions take priority over everyone around them, but they are capable of caring and feeling genuine empathy.
All of that being said. Narcs frequently do things to get attention, especially on the holidays when they aren't the center of attention. Admitting that he's a narc, on the holiday, is such a typical narc thing to do. You are happy, he's not, so he sabatoges your happiness and puts the focus back on himself. It doesn't sound like he's taken his therapy seriously, or is as self aware as he claims. But that doesn't instantly make him a monster.
All of that being said. If you see a monster, you see a monster. If you need to leave, leave. Only you truly know your situation, and your husband. Anyone on the internet can give you advice and say one way or another, defending him, defending you.
Disappear until she gets over herself, she has to learn that u won’t pander to her when she tries to manipulate u with silent treatment
I've been with my husband for 3 years. Is there some better looking man with more money who suits me better than my husband and just happen to love doing dishes? I bet there is. Would i somehow magically replace my husband with such man? No. Cause i cherish our shared experiences, how he stayed by me during the tough times and i sayed by him, how we have our internal jokes and funny words we invent together. And the only doubt i had about my wedding was related to choosing the right dress.
So I'd advise you not to hurry with your marriage and solve the existing problems you have, or break up with your guy and look for some greener grass. Do not marry him while you have so much doubt, it's not gonna end well.
How about some individual and couples therapy?
Your job and ADHD did not interfere with your ability to clean up your cooking mess over the weekend. That’s a cop out. It’s not fun to come home to a mess you didn’t make and feel like you have to clean the minute you walk in the door.
Her harping clearly doesn’t work either. It’s not affecting change on your part and if half the time it’s her mess then she’s fixating on you inappropriately.
You two both could do better. What you’ve got going now isn’t working. Investing in some therapy would likely be beneficial.
That is rough. I don't have any experiences like that being married. Just 1 month in and she cheats on you, so this is already an uphill battle resolving this (if it even can be) especially if you are already hating your partner.
The trust is broken already. Sure it's possible to recover, but unlikely.
i mean if he lies all the time there could definitely be a problem there. why about laundry detergent like wtf
I don’t care for Birthdays either, do what you want for yourself
Meh that's nothing. File for a restraining order, pack his stuff up in plastic bags, change the locks and put his stuff on the doorstep. If he tries the least little knocking on the door, call the cops immediately.
He is not a tenant, he's an unwanted guest who won't leave. He's only been there a few weeks, you've only been dating a short while, you've made a huge mistake and he's a violent alcoholic who frightens you. That's your story.
Did he started to turn when you were married? Like he slowly let his mask drop now that you are “save” and can't run away so easy. You wouldn't believe that this happens more often than you think.
Ask yourself how he can talk to someone he loves or respect like this. Yeah… He sees you as someone under him, who deserved no respect. A bangmaid. And let's say you get him to change (but can you say this just for fun?), could you ever forget all the things he said to you? That he treated you like a slave?
You know that it is over. And he decided it. You can find excuses like he just behaves like this because of friends, but to you want to share your future with someone who sacrifes you so easy for other people? This is who he is. Don't waste your time with him.
Saying he is not interested in her in that way is honest. Saying its specifically because of something she doesn't have control over is mean.
“Why don't you want to go out with me?”
-“I don't see you in a romantic way but I value our friendship” -“I'm not attracted to your body”
The transphobic, hateful answer.
The answer you'd choose if you're an asshole 13 year old.
I’m not saying it’s impossible. It’s just highly unlikely. My money is still on him doing it on purpose. The ? is give away. Pair that with him not immediately contacting his wife. If that was me? ???? I’d be FaceTiming my wife the MOMENT after I sent the “omfg I’m so sorry” text.
He sent it to her, waited, and hoped ?? that his 1 in a million Hail Mary paid off.
for some reason I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and accept that it was a mistake
And yet you said in another comment that it wasn't a mistake because for you, a 'mistake' would be a one-time, spur-of-the-moment lapse of judgement but what she did – signing up for dating sites, sexting multiple people repeatedly, etc while lying to you and hiding her behavior – is a long series of deliberate, thought-out-and-acted-upon conscious decisions. So, not a 'mistake'.
I think you need to characterize it as a 'mistake' so you can justify staying with someone who made multiple, planned, thought-out decisions to shit all over you.
You can start by talking to him about this. It’s amazing what happens when we do that instead of holding it in and seeking echo chamber responses on Reddit.
You basically said 'hey wanna fuck' to a girl who thought you were both there to learn/study/help each other. You started out as lab partners; not friends.
Now, they've decided you can no longer be trusted focus on the material as you're too busy thinking about trying to hook up. Any time you come into a study group, it will be assumed you're there to try to get your wick wet.
How do i explain to my current partner that i really have shit worth of feelings or no romantic feelings towards my ex. I've tried explaining it to her verbally for the last 7 months, hasn't worked
Bingo. Manipulating the situation.
Lol wow i thought i was wild. Maybe OP really just meant her bf cheated and she's numb to it but changed the ages because you know age gap relationships on reddit are always the first red ass flag we all throw up when we see it. Also the fact he maybe kept the relationship a secret.
Maybe she's just embarrassed on that. I'm just confused by the ages because of her history. It doesn't make any sense. But either way when someone cheats you walk away!
People shitting on the guy is nuts. Sometimes people just have shit days.
A good partner wouldn’t have gotten angry instead would’ve been concerned and checked in on the person who seem off.
She sucks
She tells me there's no harm in going on holiday with a friend.
Regardless of his gross past, you should have already discussed and agreed on a prenup just based on the income disparity.
Why being with a guy who is obsessed with his ex but not with you?
No, but the lie occurred during it's building and residency in the home.
And in this case it's not the action itself that is wrong. It's the lie of omission.
Let her go. She took her lifetime troll with her. She doesn’t realize she’s on single path as long as she listens to troll forever. Her loss.
Then Why are you listening to people not organizing the party,
I’m not trying to be mean, but either you left key information out or grow some balls.
Right like.. it’s a little silly