Sounds like you shouldn't have been snooping? And certainly shouldn't have then taken photos of what you found?
It's porn – Silly, disgusting porn, full of kinks that you don't like – But I'll bet that the stuff you get off to in private would also seem silly and disgusting to someone else. Porn isn't real – Porn about *mind controlling people and making their boobs grow* is even more obviously not real. He shouldn't have lied about what it was for – But everyone has a right to privacy inside their own head, and again *you shouldn't have been snooping*.
It's fine to say that this is something that you're so not-into that you don't want to be with him, but being privately into weird kink doesn't say anything about what someone's moral values are, or what they want to do in real life. But also, you're both really young – If you've discovered that porn (or even just some genres, or writing smut, or whatever the problem is) is a dealbreaker for you, at least you know that for the next relationship and you can ask about it upfront?
Its a risk you have to be willing to take. I didnt get hit until a year in, some people don’t have the anger turn into abuse until a decade in, or it never happens. They’re right, anger doesn’t HAVE to mean abuse, but you have to be strong and if you see any signs of abuse start, you need to make your exit plan and make no excuses. I understand the lack of insurance issue, but as someone who’s been in the therapy world for a long time I do know that people use excuses as much as they can, even if it’s therapy once a month as self-pay ( which can be as low as $70) it could still be helpful.
Revenge is valid too ?
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May I ask where are you getting this idea that they are not appreciated?
I would go to a less biased platform for advice on this I guess. You definitely get one answer here.
Sounds like you shouldn't have been snooping? And certainly shouldn't have then taken photos of what you found?
It's porn – Silly, disgusting porn, full of kinks that you don't like – But I'll bet that the stuff you get off to in private would also seem silly and disgusting to someone else. Porn isn't real – Porn about *mind controlling people and making their boobs grow* is even more obviously not real. He shouldn't have lied about what it was for – But everyone has a right to privacy inside their own head, and again *you shouldn't have been snooping*.
It's fine to say that this is something that you're so not-into that you don't want to be with him, but being privately into weird kink doesn't say anything about what someone's moral values are, or what they want to do in real life. But also, you're both really young – If you've discovered that porn (or even just some genres, or writing smut, or whatever the problem is) is a dealbreaker for you, at least you know that for the next relationship and you can ask about it upfront?
Its a risk you have to be willing to take. I didnt get hit until a year in, some people don’t have the anger turn into abuse until a decade in, or it never happens. They’re right, anger doesn’t HAVE to mean abuse, but you have to be strong and if you see any signs of abuse start, you need to make your exit plan and make no excuses. I understand the lack of insurance issue, but as someone who’s been in the therapy world for a long time I do know that people use excuses as much as they can, even if it’s therapy once a month as self-pay ( which can be as low as $70) it could still be helpful.